Chapter 15: [Chapter fifteen] Selfishness

It's weird.

Like, I'm definitely still kind of pissed off about how the caravan head was acting towards us when we first got here. But at the same time, I also feel kind of bad for him too?

I mean, getting completely shown up like that...

...not to say that I didn't enjoy watching him get humiliated in the first place, though.

At least, I think I did?

Stupid emotions.

"Brigitte."

Loosening her grip on my once-free arm ever so slightly, Yahanaseara looks up at me with clear concern in her eyes.

"Is something the matter?"

"No, it's n-"

...oh yeah. She can read me like a book.

"It's nothing you need to worry about," I say in an attempt at something other than my usual reflexive denial.

"......"

A complicated expression flashes across her face for a split-second, and then she suddenly releases my arm and takes a couple of steps away from me.

"Uh-"

"I apologize for my presumptuousness."

And then she makes a bow so deep that her hair nearly reaches the ground.

"W- whoa, hold up!"

aaaaaagh stop that your pretty hair's gonna get filthy dirty dirt in it and also what the hell are you even apologizing for in the first plaaaaace

"I did not consider the possible consequences of my actions," she says, maintaining her bow despite my attempts to (gently) push her back upright. "I dared to act possessively of you, despite the fact that I have no right to do so."

"Wha?"

Wait, is this about-

"My brother is no longer of this world," she mumbles. "Nor are his children. And even in the unlikely event that his bloodline has somehow managed to survive to this day, there is little chance that any potential descendants of his are aware that I ever even existed."

A long pause.

"I may have regained my freedom, but other than that I have nothing. Noone. I am as alone as when I was first born."

The look on her face as she finally stands back upright... it feels like someone just drove a hand into my chest and crushed my heart.

"Which is why I selfishly latched onto you," she says. "I dared to consider you as 'mine.' My Savior. Even now, the mere thought of being separated from you in any way fills me with terror."

Oh.

Oh shit.

"So when he suggested that we sit on opposite ends of the caravan..."

"I lashed out," she nods. "And no thought of how this may have affected your standing in the Adventurer Guild thing ever even crossed my mind."

Yahanaseara then flashes a smile that just hurts to look at.

"I... I am in a constant state of worry," she confesses. "That I actually went mad while trapped in that ball, and all of this..." she holds her arms out to her sides, "is just a hallucination created by my fractured psyche to comfort me as my spark slowly fades into nothingness."

"H- hey, I'm not..."

"I know."

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Yahanaseara shakes her head.

"There is no way that one as selfish as I am could ever conceive of anyone as kind as you, my savior."

Another painful smile.

"........."

Covering my face with my free hand, I let out a long sigh.

"So once again, I apolo-"

"Stop," I cut her off. "I'm not mad at you."

"It may not have been anger, but you are still at least frustra-"

"Yeah, I'm frustrated," I say, heaving another sigh. "But it's like... neutral frustration."

"Eh?"

She's staring at me like she has no idea what the hell I'm even saying.

That makes two of us.

I mean... Yahanaseara is pretty. Distractingly so.

And her mannerisms are that particular type of adorable that only comes naturally.

Not to mention the way that she's been super compliant with everything and anything that I've suggested to do in the still-less-than-a-full-day that we've known each other.

To put it in a single word, having her around has been nice.

Very nice.

Now I'm certainly no stranger to having an adorable girl attached to me... but we're not talking about some regular old adorable girl here.

No, she's an entity of sentient lightning who only happens to be mimicking the form of one.

And while I admit to being somewhat worried about what might happen if something set her off, it looks like she was every bit as worried about what might happen if something she did set me off.

Because I'm all she has.

"Everything about this is kind of frustrating," I confess. "But it's not because your actions bother me."

Wait.

"I mean they do bother me," I hastily correct myself, "But not in a bad way."

"I... do not follow?"

She tilts her head in that cute way she does.

"It's complicated," I sigh.

Yes I could just tell her outright that I'm pretty sure I kind of really enjoy watching her be mean to people so long as she isn't zapping them to death, but I'd also die of fucking embarrassment the second those words passed through my lips.

Hell, even consciously piecing those thoughts together in my mind is making me feel lightheaded.

"Your face is flushed," Yahanaseara says, alerting me to the fact that my face feels about ten degrees hotter than the surrounding air. "Are you really certain that my actions are not a problem-"

"You're fine," I cut her off before this weirdness can get any worse. "You're great. Just keep on being yourself."

The look on her face is calling bullshit.

Because I'm full of it.