Chapter 147: Day 146

Day 146,

Too tired to write much right now.  Lost track of time and accidentally stayed up all night reading through the story section of the archive.  And by “lost track of time” I mean I meant to do a quick skim of a couple of titles I’d made note of earlier in the week before heading back to the house and when hunger got to me enough to make me put down the book I was reading at the time and go look outside it was dark out and most of the windows on this street were dark.

Haven’t done that since… have I done that before?  I’d need to flip back through old entries to check and I don’t have the energy for that.  Or was it a thing the old me used to do?

“The old me.”  That feels like a dangerous wording.  It’s one thing to talk about a past life, but that phrasing feels uncomfortably close to acting like it was a different person.  Like it happened to someone else.  And in some ways, that’s maybe not too far from the truth, but segmenting, partitioning, disassociating, cutting off part of my identity like that feels… wrong.  And frightening.  As fuzzy as the memories are, at one time they were all I had and were shaping the core of who I am for far longer than I’ve yet been in this new world.

Alright, it’s obviously late enough that I’m getting existential again.  Time for bed.  Funny thing is, I probably didn’t really even need to spend all that time reading today (tonight?).  If Pat’s going to request a specific story, it’s almost certainly going to be one that he has reason to believe I already know well enough to tell.

Hope Maiko isn’t too put off by me not showing up this evening.

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