Chapter 237: Day 236

Day 236,

Accompanied Iole out to the Overlook today.  Made myself stay longer than I should have.  Been shaking and dry heaving since.  Finally subsided enough to write a bit.  Tired though.  Keeping it short.

Debated as a group away from Iole about if Lin and Cass should come with.  Worried about Tristan’s story about song nearly making him want to not leave.  Maiko and I probably safe with our previous adverse reactions (due to outsider status?) but concerned about the other two.  They insisted on coming anyway.  Skeptical of Tristan’s story - at least regarding strength of effect - and in worst case Maiko could just physically drag them onto the floating island to go back home.

Took half the day to get out there.  Pretty as I remember with all the flowers.  Could just barely make out main island on horizon.  Probably main island.

Song was stronger without floating island suppressing it.  Clear as Siren Overlook.  Our Siren Overlook.

Iole went straight for standing directly under the arch.  Like Maiko said before, started kneeling and moving her lips with the song.  Couldn’t tell if she was making noise to sing along or not.  Could barely stand to be that close to the epicenter myself.  Hard to concentrate on much.

Rapidly filled with the sense of being watched over by some greater being or power.  Protective and loving.  Peaceful assurance that there’s nothing to fear or worry about.  Not in the whole world.  The blanket turned up a hundredfold.

I loved it back.  Wanted to.  Felt like I should.

Filled with disgust in equal measure.  Greater.

Don’t know why.  Just a wrongness.

In you me or it?

Internally split reaction bad enough, but made worse by others.  Just seemed calmed at first like at our Overlook.  By time I staggered back from arch Lin and Cass had gone from active examination of terrain to sitting down and dreamily staring and Maiko was shifting around, visibly uncomfortable.

Two of us roused Lin and Cass.  They wrote it off as drifting off like what happens with the other song.  Nothing wrong.  

Forced down own feelings.  Back to examining and note taking.

Started growing nauseous.

Noticed Lin and Cass drifting off again.

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Panic at edges of mind but too crowded out to take hold.

Maiko already grabbing Lin and taking her by the hand downhill.

Moved to do the same with Cass.  Spat up my breakfast in front of her.

That snapped her awake.

She wound up leading me down.  Shouted to Iole we were heading back early.  Don’t know if she responded or even heard.

Lin and Cass back to normal pretty fast once we were far enough not to hear the song.  Maiko more at ease too.  Me, not so much.

Long walk back.  Shakes and heaving the whole way.

Like an allergic reaction to a favorite food.  Or maybe just finding out it’s poison.  Couldn’t make up my mind if I wanted to go back or get far away as I could.

Is this what withdrawal’s like?  Theoretically familiar with the idea, but don’t think past self ever experienced it personally.

Sense of disgust has lingered longer than the love and peace.  

Do I hate the song or does the song hate me?

Is it hate?  Or just incompatibility?

Heard Maiko talking to Lin and Cass about their reactions to the song.  Not sure exactly what they said.  Wasn’t totally lucid until a little bit before I started writing.

“Totally lucid” might still be an exaggeration.

 

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