Chapter 68: Probably-Poisoned Pie

Hermes, Leader of the Order of the Golden Dawn, Patron Saint of Paradox and Contradiction, and God of all things cool, sniffed the air, smelling something delicious. Someone has been cooking! Logically that meant they needed someone to eat their cooking. This was a major responsibility that could not be delegated to lesser beings. He must take the burden upon himself!

Following his nose, he came to a large kitchen. Had this been a library last week? Hard to say; things moved around so much. He was surprised and delighted to see one of his priestesses hard at work chopping up bits of meat and vegetables. On a small table off to the side was a large, steaming-hot pie, and a large glass of wine.

"Why, do I smell a trap?"

Suzette looked up from chopping rabbit and thyme and smiled innocently. "I only smell pie, but I'm sure that the great Hermes has keener senses than I do. But supposing that your nose is correct, and there is a trap, I have to wonder at what you will do next? Usually, one avoids a trap. It would be contradictory to good sense to simply spring it to see what happened." She dumped the mixed rabbit and spices into a pie shell, and began chopping beef and onions to add to it.

Hermes debated a second. "Well, I can only hope you are trying to regain your lost class as a baker and are not testing out new pie-based poisons. But I can't be sure, so it's better if you poison me than someone else." Seating himself, Hermes began to devour the pie. "Nice, rabbit, beef, pork and I think chicken? a good number of spices and just enough vegetables for flavor and color."

Suzette pulled a second pie out and put it in front of Hermes. After putting in one more to cook, she poured herself a glass of wine, sat on a small stool and regarded the hungry god. "I have some questions about classes and moving to the second tier."

"Ah, and thus the trap is sprung. I can't walk away from another probably-poisoned pie, but also feel indebted to you, and owe you some advice. I wouldn't mind this sort of trap a couple of times a week. Ask, young priestess, and I will pass to you my wisdom." Hermes began to get rid of the second probably-poisoned pie.

"Ok, well, I've finally hit level five, and I’ve had messages saying I can advance to the second tier, and been given a choice of classes. But I want to understand things so I can advise the other workers. Why are the points we earn getting fewer?"

"If the EP and core skill points you are getting start to decrease, then it means you need to find more difficult foes and take on bigger challenges. It needs to be that way otherwise the...less driven...people would simply take the easy and safe route of hunting lower-level foes. New players and people coming of age would have a hard time finding any foes of their level, when much more powerful people are constantly roaming the low-level areas."

"The higher-level areas of the world would become harder and harder, while only a few low-level areas would be safe. Society would stagnate, and eventually, probably about next Thursday, some ambitious orc warlord would decide it was his turn to be in charge. It’s the same result for people, empires and gods. Either grow, or stagnate and someone else takes your spot."

"You are of course familiar with the halfling god, Lumpy Baconbreath, Keeper of the Path of Least Resistance?

"No, can't say I've ever heard of him."

"And neither has hardly anyone else. He's a level 3 cabbage farmer."

Moral of the story: Don't be like Lumpy. Suzette nodded; this was making sense. "And I take it the costs for core skills will change? Otherwise, why the warning about spending them?"

Hermes smiled. "See? You can just answer your own questions. But I'll confirm that. Spend all your points now. You'll earn more and more as you progress, with higher rewards, but also higher costs. Again, for some balance. Some people would simply spend all their points on the cheap skills as they earned more, and max out their stats for tier 1. There would be no hard choices to make, and too many people would be subpar for their tier."

"Hmmm, will you confirm rewards for getting to 10 in certain stats?"

"Certainly," Hermes finished the second pie. "Heroes are rewarded for pushing their stats as high as they can go. You do know this, but I can understand the uncertainty since the powers that be have so crippled your skills. Is that next pie done? Talking makes me hungry. I believe you know that a hero with ten in their STR and CON is given the benefit of Toughness. This increases their ability to shrug off damage. As you would logically guess, there is a reward for most combinations of two tier 1 stats raised to ten. And no, i cannot list them for you, but I'm sure that the strange library you call Forums can help you out some."

"It does take quite a bit of work though, and is obviously helped by heritage. Most players won't want to sit at level 5 and grind away to raise more of their main stats to 10. The EP will be only a trickle of what they used to earn. The benefits aren't worth delaying their advancement to tier 2. Being level 5 with three or four small upgrades from high stats is not equivalent to being level 6 or 7, and gaining far better abilities. And the EP and CSP will drop off more and more as they stay at tier one."

"Wait, so players get the benefits when they get the stats? Why haven't we gotten them?"

Hermes grimaced. "Part of that horrible contract you agreed to. There are two rules here, the first for players, the second for contract workers."

"Upon reaching ten in two stats, and before they achieve tier two, players will receive a benefit. This benefit is different for each combination of stats. These abilities are also available to players in tier 2, but at a much higher cost. A player who does not earn the benefit in tier 1 will be forever behind those who did."

"Contract workers will not earn the benefits from raising stats to 10 until the end of the advancement process for tier 2."

"Interesting wording, don't you think? I'm sure we don't need to officially discuss this further. Moving on. More pie?"

Suzette was happy she had made quite a few pies. Anything to keep him talking. "Ok, so let’s talk about classes. You gave me the Priestess of Hermes class, I guess you want me to take that?"

Hermes shook his head. "Nope. It's just an option. You're one my priestesses already. Keep asking questions, keep teaching, keep finding paradoxes and exploiting flaws and you make me proud. I didn't know what classes you would be offered, so I tossed that in. It would mostly let you keep doing what you like to do since alchemy, poison and some magic are in my domain. Take it if it's what you want to do. What else were you offered?"

Suzette brought up the notification and shared it with him, and moved another pie from oven to table.

Hermes studied them and whistled slowly. "WOW! Succubus of Gadobhra?!! I really need to hear about some of the things you've done in other lives, obviously. But there has to be something going on here that I'm not seeing. That job involves seducing anyone with a soul, stripping it out, and handing it over to a greater power who offers you protection. The Succubus gets an army of soulless minions and can party all night long. If she gets in trouble, she has a strong protector to step in and club people to death. Generally, a CorruptedPaladin, PitBoss, DemonicGeneral, or SoulDefiler."

"I don't recommend it, if only because we'd be parting ways. You'd trade your light affinity for dark, and Radiance for Corruption. And your pies would probably be stuffed with tortured screams of the dying instead of meat."

Suzette was a bit stunned by that revelation. "Let's just say I have a friend who fits the 'strong protector' description and leave it at that. Shit, I need to talk to him. What about the rest?"

"Yes, have a long talk. But as to the rest: Sorceress of Light would keep you busy doing missions for various powers on the good side. Lots of traveling, joining holy wars, etc. - good access to magic spells. The flying bit is bullshit since they ran out of wings. One poor girl got magic sandals that only work when the sun is out. One cloud and you hit the ground hard. If that interests you, at least hold out for a flying horse or something."

"Apprentice Barmaid is pretty straight forward. Boring.

Apprentice alchemist is better, but it's not Battle Alchemy. A lot of time in the lab, not a lot of boom. But you'd still be able to keep up with both types of brewing.

Obviously, Priestess of Hermes is the cool class. You get a free aspect of magic, and some very versatile points. I will point out though that any class you take, you will not lose Hermetics, or your status as my priestess. Well, unless it's Succubus. But with any of your other classes, you still have access to Alchemy, Runes, and Poisons - just a lot easier and faster with my class."

"That only leaves the boring Tavern Keeper, which frankly isn't much better than barmaid. Boring. Now, as filling and tasty as that was, I'm late for some fun down south. Have to handle some "message from the gods" stuff.

Suzette was confused, surely he saw it? "Wait, so, Tavern Keeper?"

Hermes had exchanged his usual attire for a roman toga, winged helm, and a bouquet of flowers. "Like I said. Boring. Got to run." He rushed off faster than she could see. She heard a sonic boom a few seconds later. She still had one pie left, might as well have some herself. She pulled it from the oven, and saw that the table was now occupied by someone else.

"You really should have poisoned the pies. All the spices would be perfect for hiding any flavor or smell." Nicolo was sitting in the chair vacated by Hermes.

Suzette took a slice of the pie for herself, and put the rest in front of Nicolo. "Interesting that you should show up. Did Hermes really not see the real name for the Tavern Keeper class? Or was it more of the 'officially not noticing'.

"A bit of both probably. He still refers to me as his librarian to other people. I doubt that he couldn't see what that class really was, but he could have just chosen not to look. My hanging around in the next room may have given him a small clue as well."

"So what is a Charming Assassin?" Do I have to give people a last kiss as I kill them, or make jokes?"

Nicolo chuckled. "Hope not, that would be awful. My first class was Silent Killer of the Stacks. Took years to get it changed to just Silent Killer and get rid of some of the library based killing methods. I think what we have here is a similar type of class that comes with camouflage. What good is having a class like Thief or Assassin if everyone knows what you are?"

"The name comes from your high CHR and your Barmaid class. To outward appearances, nothing would change. You'd still be a beautiful barmaid or tavern keeper. The same skills that allow you this disguise can also be used to move unseen through society, striking where you need to and then fading back into your life in Sedgewick."

"Let's take a look at what you might get."

Charming Assassin Tavern Keeper

Bake Muffin becomes Probably-Poisoned Pie: The art of probably-poisoning friends and enemies with baked goods.

DEX Tertiary Skill

Pub Games becomes Tools of the Trade: Darts, Shuriken, Garrote, punch dagger, and other fun ways to kill.

DEX Tertiary Skill

Flirt becomes Enchantment: They see you as you want to be seen. Emotions become your tools.

CHA Tertiary Skill

Barmaids Balance becomes Assassin's Avoidance: Combat Evasion Skill

AGI Tertiary Skill

Core Skill: Hit them in the knee is upgraded to Crippling Blow

Gain aspect Road of Shadows: The trick isn't to cast a shadow, but to hide in your own shadow.

Gain basic knowledge of running a Tavern. You've been polishing the glasses all wrong, and why aren't you serving cider in autumn?

All other skills remain unchanged.

Tertiary skills may be increased to primary with the expenditure of CSP.

A portion of the Tier 1 and 2 Assassin Core Skills will be made available.

Nicolo grinned, "Well, this looks promising. Lots to work with there, and even some Shadow Magic."

Suzette was surprised when the message appeared. "Wait, how did you bring that up? I couldn't get it to show me earlier?"

"I didn't just learn to shelve books as a librarian. Those skills come in handy for gathering information."

Suzette studied the class. "I guess I have to decide between this and priestess. Thanks, that answers a lot of questions. I'm guessing that with this class I'd have you still as a mentor?"

Nicolo bowed. "For either. I won't let you slack on your poisons. But we'd have a lot more fun with this class. Mixed with your brewing innovations? I can think of several new ways to have fun."

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Falconer had become curious when he saw the General leave the keep with Brandon in tow. He followed slowly, keeping to the forests. His bird kept watch from on high. That was the great thing about birds, no one noticed them in a woodland setting. When he saw a few people walking out from Sedgewick, he moved up to where he estimated they'd meet up and found a good spot to hide. Whatever the conversation was, he wanted to know. Employers didn't always tell you everything.

General Themis looked over the leaders sent by the two corporations for their little battle. Neither impressed her much. Throckmutton couldn't run a quarter mile if he had too, and Brandon was just a hired thug. The village they were fighting over was barely on the map. Still, she had a job to do.

"For the record, gentlemen, I will be judge and final arbiter of any disputes during this little tussle between the two of you. You understand that as of 8:00 a.m. tomorrow, all your combatants must be within 5 miles of the center of the tavern? Anyone not in the area at that point is removed from the rolls. You can recruit to replace any shortages, but any replacement added to the rolls must have been in the area the entire time period. You are limited to 250 combatants"

"Contract Workers and NPCs are non-combatants. Committing a crime against a non-combatant can lose you points. Please don't kill the workers or the townspeople. Non-combatants are allowed to fight back against anyone attacking or directly threatening them. This does not make them a combatant. Townspeople so attacked might declare themselves hostile. In that case you can freely kill them.

"Workers can also declare themselves hostile, in which case they are added to your rolls if there is room, or are treated as a hostile resident if not. I don't foresee much of that, since this would allow you to kill them over and over again, and they can't fight worth shit. A combatant worker will still resurrect. Of course, that means you get to kill them again, scoring points."

"Combatants can't leave the area for any reason. If they do, they count as dead for the purpose of points. If they choose to desert, that's between you and them at a later date. If a deserter attempts to walk back into the area of battle, they die.

Any combatant that dies will have an extended time waiting for resurrection. Since this is a ten day event, you may want to think about writing a novel or something."

"When a combatant dies, all belongs are removed with no headstone. The winning side gets their items back and a portion of the losers gear converted to gold."

"Extra points for the three valuable areas: These are the first floor of the tavern. The entrance to the dungeon below the tavern. And a point fifty feet from the entrance to Gadobhra. If there are multiple combatants in the area at the end of the combat period, we have a little fight just between them."

"That's the basics gentlemen. Any questions"

Vernon quickly asked something. "When do I get control of the mines? I'm eager to send a team over."

"Win your battle first, Throckmutton."

"Throckmorton, Vernon Throckmorton."

Ignoring Mr. Throckmutton, the General turned to Brandon from the MOMCO. corporation.

"You have any questions?"

"Yes. If we manage to eliminate all of the opposition, do we still have to go through the ten day period." Brandon was also anxious to take over and start making a profit, and to get into the dungeon unrestricted.

"If the enemy side has no combatants left, and one side has no opposition to holding the town, I will declare the other side a victor. Otherwise, I declare the winner on the morning of the 11th day at 8:00 a.m."

"Last words of advice gentlemen: Don't try to pull shit. I'll find out. And that might cost you points."

"The purpose of this little shitshow isn't to destroy the town, injure or kill townsfolk, or repeatedly kill workers on the other side. I could care less about chicken stealing; the locals should learn to be more careful around mercenaries. But burn a house? Kill the local innkeeper? That could hurt you. It all adds up."

"If you need me, I'll be at the keep. After that I'll be in the common room of the Inn, drinking beer and reading a book."

There were several other minor questions that they annoyed the general with, but Falconer had heard enough. He slowly moved away and then made his way back to his small camp by the keep. Not much to for a few days until Brandon decided to start paying him. He wandered over to the merchants, bought a large lunch, and then ate while watching the female mercenary company. They’d decided to ‘work on their tans’ and the view was spectacular.

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