Chapter 23: Chapter 23. The Big Bad

“This is, acceptable,” Mae said, thoughtfully taking small bites of her roll and chewing it slowly.

I sighed and leaned back, slowly eating my own. I wanted to gobble the damned thing down almost instantly, but I also wanted to slowly savor it. I could feel it in my toes. “Only acceptable?” I said. “Should I throw this recipe away then?”

Mae shook her head. “No. It is imperfect, and obviously, there are some minor changes to the ingredients as well as obvious preparation stages you could add to make it perfect, but I am not going to call it ideal when you know as well as I do that you can improve it, and even how to do so.”

I nodded, “Yes, I already have several ideas that could make it much better.”

Cassie turned her head to look at me, and then Mae, her mouth open, I guess in shock.

Mae smiled a little, “In that case you are well aware as to why I cannot call it ideal. If you like I can state absolutely that it is by far the best thing I have eaten in these lands, and even one of the better ones I have eaten among the illusionists, who make a study of non-magical cooking techniques. I can call it very enjoyable, but I can see your potential and this does not meet it,” she paused for a moment. “Kobold,” she said meaningfully.

I nodded, “Very well, I can live with acceptable for the time being.” I chuckled, looked carefully around her back, and noted the two spiraling energy constructs that started flicking faster as I looked at them. “Fox,” I said, in a similarly meaningful tone.

She smiled a little and lifted one arm, the one with the faux band, “As one energy manipulator to another, I see we have an understanding.”

I nodded and glanced at Shiana. I was pretty sure that her type of ‘fox’ was not a change child, or, as I understood it, an animal kin, but there was another type of fox that often appeared human, the kind that often had up to nine tails. So far, this world seemed to possess many creatures that were only myths in my own, which meant that whatever Mae was, she was considerably more than she appeared. She also clearly knew that I was much more than I appeared as well. At some point, we were going to have to have a discussion, in as private a setting as possible.

“Shiana, would you care for one of these mushu chimichangas? I asked her curiously.

“Yes please, I am quite hungry, but please be aware that poor, poisoned, or badly-prepared food could lower my affection towards you and your party, and that food that has damaging effects might flag a fellow traveler for PVP for 24 hours,” she said. She smiled as she stated the words, and I shrugged and offered one to her anyway. Weirdly, each roll was extremely filling, so I tucked the rest into my newly-formed extradimensional space, hoping it would keep them fresh.

She took a modest bite, and then stopped, motionless, for several seconds, just working her jaw as she chewed. After a moment, she took another bite and chewed more quickly, and then finally finished the roll, turning and smiling at me. Maybe she was an animated sex doll, but she definitely had the 100-watt smile down pat. “Thank you very much, that was amazing food. My affection towards you has increased to friendly.”

Huh. For a second there, I actually thought she enjoyed the food. I was also a little surprised that a construct could be hungry, but I guess, considering what she was designed for, simulated preferences and emotions would make her more effective, as well as a need and desire for basic comforts. A sex doll that acted turned on when dropped on a bed of nails would be… well, I guess some of the weirdos that played that game might think it perfect.

A gasp came from behind me. “One hundred and seventy-three? You just fed me food worth a gold and a half? What in the nine hells?”

I smiled and turned, looking at Cassie, “not particularly. The rat steaks only have a value of one each, a lot of the mushrooms were literally zero value, or only had value if prepared properly, and the other ingredients… well, Mae’s delicious sauces might be very valuable, but I used very little of them. I also only used three steaks to make a dozen rolls. Was the sauce expensive?” I asked Mae.

She shook her head, “Here, with transportation values, a bottle might cost as much as a gold, but only because of the dangerous lands you have to travel through and the distance. If it was transferred via a portal or in bulk, at best they would cost a silver, and that’s what I can get them for. The tiny amount he used would have been far less than a copper.”

Cassie nodded, “Yes, okay, fine, the materials were cheap. A decent broadsword is worth a gold piece, even if its materials are slightly more than a silver. But you fed me a roll worth as much as one and a quarter standard broadswords. For a single meal. For the four of us, our meal was worth as much as a full suit of basic Dwarven bronze plate. A Full suit!”

I sighed, “Cassie, in a temple, how much does a priest expect to be donated for a single heal?”

She looked thoughtful, “Umm, for the lowest level heal? It’s customary to give a silver piece, or two if you can afford it. Higher-level spells are more expensive, of course, like a cure disease can cost 5 silvers easily, and a lot of temples won’t even touch you if you cannot afford to donate, at least the ones in Sindaneaway.”

“How long would it take to recharge the mana for a 5 silver heal?” I asked curiously.

“About ten to fifteen minutes maybe? You are not getting charged for the mana, you are getting charged for all the work the priest had to go to to get powerful enough to cast it. Sunk cost.”

I nodded, “Your Earth healing is powerful, how much could you expect to receive if you sold it?”

Cassie shook her head, “I wouldn’t sell it. Brogan doesn’t mind getting donations, but he gifted me that spell. If you want to donate to him, fine, but I don’t get paid for it. But if you got the same effect from a priest of Brac, you’d probably pay about four or five silver. Wait, are you saying you were trying to pay me back for the heal?” she scowled.

I shook my head, “Not in the slightest. But if a priest of Brac joined this party, in this dungeon, how much would he charge you for each heal?”

She growled, “You don’t charge for party heals, although Brac would probably soil himself if you could get away with it.”

I nodded, “That’s it exactly. The value of that food comes from my skills, not the ingredients, which I am freely using to help my party. Plus, what buffs did that food give you?”

Cassie looked thoughtful again, “Self-control, mana recovery, and healing speed for the next twenty-four hours. Plus a boost to detection radius and penetration on magical senses like identify.”

I nodded and tapped my head, “Who do those abilities help the most?”

Cassie glared a little, “Me obviously. I am very grateful.”

I sighed. “Are all dwarves as dense as you?”

Cassie nodded, “Yes, our density and durability are almost legendary. Even the elves used to have a saying, even when they were warring with us, that respected our prowess. The hardest objects in the universe are mountains, diamonds, and a dwarf’s head.”

I facepalmed. “Cassie, You are a bastion. You are going to be using those boosts to protect us, your party. You are going to be using your energy to use your affinities to protect us and defeat our party’s enemies, which earns us advancement. So in a very real way, I am throwing away profits in order to help you, help me, and help the rest of the party, just like a healer.”

Cassie opened her mouth a little, “Oh! I get it! That makes sense.” She looked at me oddly, “You kept flirting, so I thought you were trying to buy your way under my armor.”

I laughed! “No, umm… no, we are not even the same species, and right now I don’t even want to think about that sort of thing. I was just trying to be friendly, and I am not very good at it. Please forgive me if I made you uncomfortable.”

Cassie shrugged, “Yeah, I need to remember you are not a male dwarf. Or a male human. So, you are willing to pay the big bucks for me to do my job in the party well.” she looked crafty for a moment, “Does that mean that if I need a better shield or better armor, You will donate your share towards getting me equipped?”

I grinned at her, “Sweety if I thought it would help us survive, I’d run around naked throwing Mushu Chimichangas at the bad guys endlessly.”

Cassie smiled sweetly, “Well if that’s the case, I heard you talking about enchanting to Mae… would you like to talk about my armor?”

If what she said about the elven saying were true, I just got played by a Dwarf. Who was the dense one now? There was a reason I was so bad with women.

---

Where are we getting the value on the information screens?

That was one of the first functions of the game, its origins as an economic trend predictor. Numerical data is getting fed directly from that program, but it was built solidly, and from what I can tell, used for over twelve thousand years. Remember that a lot of the resources that both the Game and AO use are simple values. Without hijacking the data from those programs, neither the worm nor the game would have been possible.

You are reading story The Chronicles of Alandia, A Kobold’s Tale. at novel35.com

So whoever created the game used the same ‘Shoulders of Giants’ philosophy as Earth, eh?

Bear in mind, from what I can tell, they may have actually created Earth or seeded it with life, or something. There are too many similarities between the dimensional variants. The problem is that the whole thing was so soft-shoed and information-based that getting any real data on whoever made the original game is like figuring out who created the King Arthur legends.

However, whoever created the cheap knock-off, Antowyn Online, might be a lot easier. From what we can detect of their energy signature, they are arrogant enough to want to make sure everyone knows who hacked the code.

So we might be able to find the hackers?

Yes, your abilities might be up to the task, but remember, as all-encompassing as the Game is, even if we find the hackers, they might be so far above us on the power scale that we cannot do anything about it, like finding out that Bill Gates basically ripped off all of his Windows NT code from DEC. What can you do about it?

It might be easier to just find out why this world has almost no channels, and Earth apparently has, or had, several of them.

Point taken.

I started with Cassie’s shield. Mae told me that Cassie’s shield was designed to be a defensive armament, not to hold enchantments well. There were all sorts of things, from the way the crystalline metal interlaced to multilayered runes inside the metal itself that were simply not there.

Dwarven smiths are considered the best around, but with a few exceptions, they were not enchanters. They could magically reinforce their creations and were generally earth or metal affinities so they got amazing potential out of their stone and metal, but a shield that is designed to be enchanted was not as strong as one that was designed to be the best it could be without enchantment.

That was why elven crafters were also considered the best around, because they had some of the strongest enchanters, and were dedicated to creating works of art sustaining mighty enchantments that more than made up for their structural deficiencies.

Crafting guilds not only got into arguments, but wars, around which was the better philosophy for creating weapons and armor. Usually, guild wars included throwing around magic-nullifying spells or melting curses on either side and could get extremely nasty before local rulers intervened.

Of course, both the dwarves and the elves considered their own craft the ultimate. The dwarves under their mountains silently hate the elves in their flying cities and vice versa.

Meanwhile, according to Mae, the humans and their fey allies were doing their best to steal the fire of both groups. Creating equipment that was designed for both incredible durability and utility, as well as holding beautiful enchantment. The problem, of course, was that they were way, way behind, and neither the dwarves nor the elves were particularly willing to share their secrets.

“But that makes no sense.” I said, “Steel is just a chunk of carbon burnt into a chunk of iron. Yeah, there are a ton of variables, and I have zero idea of how they get all their different types, but why hasn’t someone just… made a really hot fire, lumped them together, and then used what comes out until they can make something better?”

Mae sighed. “Because melding metal takes skills, skills that have to be taught. Dwarves have steel, Elves have truesilver. If you know that it takes a powerful metal gift to create them, why would you ever try to create a fire that hot? Not to mention, Iron is poisonous to their fey allies, deadly poisonous. It would be like a human working with quicksilver. Why would anyone ever be that suicidal?”

If I wanted to preserve my mysteries, pointing out that humans were exactly that suicidal was a bit out of the question.

“If Humans started to work with iron like that, the fey would abandon them like they did the Onyxian Empire and the Orcs. The Onyxians have a god-queen on their throne, and the Orcs are individually incredibly powerful and just hard as hell to kill off. They use Iron like crazy, but no sane fey would get within a hundred miles of the far East.”

“So why hasn’t someone like the gnomes or kobolds done it? From what I understand, kobolds can dip deeply into metal for their evolutions, right?”

“Because most kobolds, present company excepted, are very keen on being followers. They are utterly stuck on their journey to becoming dragons, which I personally think is utter nonsense, and are fans of strong leadership, and not rocking the boat. They also tend to let their evolutions carry them toward strength and survivability instead of intelligence and creativity. Greater kobolds, the ones that live a lot longer? Most of them war constantly with the orcs in goblin valley because they are big, dumb boxes of muscles covered with heavy scales and sharp claws, and a kobold that dared head into a more intellectual evolutionary path is more likely to wind up as a Trog.” She replied.

“Gnomes? Gnomes are just arrogant as hell. They don’t even use bronze, they use brass instead because they say they developed it. That’s why they call their city the City of Brass. If dwarves or elves figured it out first, they refuse to touch it, and even though most of their stuff is creepy and covered with gears and machines and clockwork devices, in a lot of ways it’s utterly primitive and backward.” Mae added.

I sighed and shook my head, “So it’s politics again, just inverted. Why does it always come down to politics?”

Mae shrugged, “For the same reason it always comes down to sex. People are people, and cling to their own superiority in the face of all opposition.”

I sighed. “Well, with all the new travelers, someone is going to create steel.”

Cassie had passed out on her bedroll. She had been using her energy more than any of us except perhaps me, and she didn’t have my rapid regeneration. Not to mention, she would be taking watches when Rik got back first so she was more than welcome to her rest. Shiana was scouting and keeping an eye on the barrier to where the shellcrawlers spawned. Maybe she didn’t actually need sleep? She seemed to need food, though.

“Someone like you?” she asked.

I lifted a feathered eyebrow, “I’m not a traveler or an immortal.”

She chuckled, “No, but you are certainly not a kobold either. Cassie missed it because she’s dense, Rik missed it because he’s a selfish idiot, and Shiana is… well, whatever she is, it’s not sentient even if it talks like it is. You may not be a traveler, but I can tell a human soul when I see one, and you are definitely not from Antowyn, not even from Pelee, although your attitude is very Pelee.”

She twirled her finger. “If I had to guess, I would say a druid reincarnated you. You might have come here in person instead of projecting here via a Control collar, maybe a god kidnapped you or something. So you show up here in your underwear, convinced you are in a story where you get to be some kind of foretold hero with a prophecy who uses your world’s special technology to change the world.”

She shrugged, “Five minutes later you get to find out what the inside of a Dire Boar feels like. A druid of some sort comes along, casts their reincarnation, and now you are stuck in the body of a Kobold. Am I getting close?”

I shrugged, “Sort of? But I wasn’t sent here by a god, I woke up in a pile of dead bodies, and I think I was dragged here by some kind of wizard. I have never met a druid, I was like this when I got here. I am pretty sure there are no prophecies that mention me or some kind of stranger saving the world, and I am not some kind of genius engineer or coder that can unravel the mysteries of magic using his super duper skills.”

“Me? I was a Sailor who liked to camp and cook. I am not good with women. I don’t know the first thing about magical coding or AO. All I have is a weird brain that lets me stop and think about stuff before I do it, while simultaneously alienating everyone that has the slightest interest in me because I run my mouth nonstop when I open it at all.” I chuckled, “Which I am doing right now.”

She shrugged, “Then why were you brought here?”

I shook my head, “Honestly, I have no idea. Apparently, I have been dead or asleep or traveling or elsewhere or something for like a thousand years, so I don’t even understand anything about these travelers, so me being some kind of counterbalance to them is right out. All I know is that everyone either wants to kill me, enslave me, or lock me in somehow. Hell, the only way I joined the party was by copying your band.” I pointed at her wrist.

Her eyes opened wide. “Shut up!” she said.

“Seriously, everything I can figure…” and she interrupted me, “No, I mean, really, shut up.”

Oh, she hadn’t been using it as a figure of speech.

“I don’t know if you were going to tell me something or not, Probably not, but if you can do that too, and you see what I did, you have to never, ever talk about it.”

Her eyes were almost panicked. “I just realized why you are here. And there are LOTS of prophecies, every one of them tied to a quest for the travelers and other adventurers. You aren’t the hero of the story. You are the antithesis, the big bad, the destroyer of balance. The one that all of the heroes and the gods themselves, both good and bad, join together to help destroy in the end. I think you might be the end game.”

Shit.

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