The Cursed Tyrant and His Reluctant Queen
My plan works. Ignis comes looking for Lars in my room, and I can finally see him. I keep the candles on because I might not have any chance to stare at him for days again.
I want to imprint his image in my mind before wishing goodnight.
«Veronica,» he says while stepping in. Somehow, he doesn't seem surprised. As if he was expecting such a reaction from me.
«Hello.»
«How are you?»
«Now? Not bad. The first days were a little difficult, but nothing I couldn't survive... Sure, it would have been easier with a husband by my side. But I managed.»
He walks to the cradle and observes our baby from afar.
«I found a name,» he says. «I mean... I found it long ago, but I needed some time to push it through. I'll make someone deliver the official statement to you tomorrow.»
«Sure,» I say.
That's a relief. My Lars will finally have a real name, and people will be able to refer to him without using odd ways.
«I don't know how it is possible, but the Temple hasn't sent anyone for an investigation. Also, they don't seem to want to bring you to their side yet.»
«What if they want to burn me at the stake?» I wonder. That's still a possibility, and I would prefer to be the one suffering in this case. As long as Ignis can hide Lars, we can come up with a way to distract the Church...
«They can't just execute you, Veronica. You are the Queen, and our son is the Prince. Moreover, the King has the right to keep Mages at court for his own purposes. Just like my father did. That's the reason why he was at odds with the Church. And that's what they've been trying to change for a long time. They want us to give up the right to put Mages under protection, even if that right has never been fully exploited.»
«Now that there's some calm, will you spend some time with us?» I ask him.
When he sits next to me, I can finally see his face. His eyes are circled by dark shadows, and his irises are reddened. Oh, goodness!
His face is pale, his shoulders droopy.
He's a beaten man right now... How long hasn't he slept? How many nights without closing his eyes? Without resting his mind and body?
«Oh, Ignis,» I comment, reaching out to him.
He moves away before I can touch him, and I feel as dirty as I did the first time he did this. Even though, back then, it was just a misunderstanding between us.
Now, however, he seems serious.
«Hey, Ignis...» I murmur, getting up and picking our son from the cradle.
Lars grimaces but doesn't wake up. He's behaving today.
His reddish hair is so cute and attracts the eye, and his face is getting rounder by the day. Also, Aida said he will soon start gaining weight and growing up!
I feel like my son is lighter now than when he came to light. But everything seems fine both for my handmaid and the doctor who examined Lars three times already.
«Ignis, do you want to carry our son a little?»
He shakes his head, and I just sit by his side, waiting for the charms of this little thing to do their job.
We sit in silence, my husband observing from a step afar and sitting on the sofa next to us. He could just raise his arm and reach to us, but it takes him a lot to do so. Unfortunately, when I'm distracted by Lars's yawn.
My baby opens his mouth and stretches his thin lips until closing them back again and returning to sleep. It's just so adorable, even though I was expecting something more from all this movement. Yet, once yawned and clenched his fists, he doesn't do anything else... How dramatic for a yawn!
When Ignis's fingers land on my shoulder, the automatic jolt travels through his arm. Oh, no, I forgot about it again!
«Sorry,» I sigh. «He uses my body as a catalyst for magic, and I didn't have time to stop it right now.»
«Hmm,» Ignis moans, the only reply.
«Even during childbirth, I couldn't control the magic because I was in pain... This son of ours will think he can do just anything at this rate.»
«You couldn't, or you just didn't want to?» Ignis spits out.
His tone is accusing, his face unhappy. He's blaming me for something I couldn't control, and he's feeling hurt because of that.
How can I even reason with him?
«Now you can touch us; I'm keeping the magic under control,» I try, but it's not very effective.
«I can just wait for you to be done. I've heard that when your skin is not in contact, it's safe to approach you.»
He shrugs, getting up and taking nervous steps into the room.
«I shouldn't have come here. I knew it...» he murmurs.
«Ignis?»
«Nothing! I'll go.»
«No, wait. It's early,» I point out. «You just came here, for goodness's sake! Stay a little more?»
«What for? You are watching him, and he is just sleeping. I'll come another day instead of disrupting your peace.»
«Ignis, that's not how things are. Just come here, and we'll watch our son together.»
«But you don't want me. Neither of you!»
«Ah?»
I was going to get up and start crying relentlessly; after putting Lars back to sleep, of course. I was going to sob in front of Ignis and ask for forgiveness, even though I'm not guilty of anything.
Yet, it seems that things are way more complicated.
«Even my son prefers that man to me!» he continues. «And you don't feel afraid that he found out about your secret.»
«Ignis, it's not like that,» I say. «It's not that I am not afraid... Rather, I can't do anything. Moreover, you said you're working on it. I believe in you and won't fret until things get totally out of control.»
«Veronica...»
«Our son needs you, Ignis. I want him to feel what it means to have a father. Yet, you're never nearby. And you don't sleep well, do you?»
«What does it matter now?»
«To me, it matters. Listen, I don't know why this is, but our son isn't controlling his magic because he wants to split us or something... He's just doing it out of instinct. Actually, it's the first time in history this has happened, meaning he will become more powerful than me one day. It's just a protection spell he uses on me when we touch each other, and it's nothing related to his feelings.»
He's just been born, after all. He didn't have time to develop feelings, right?
«And you? Are you tired of me?» he murmurs, sitting back and bending his shoulders while placing his elbows on his knees.
«Oh, Ignis,» I murmur.
I take a few fast steps to leave Lars in his place, and I walk back in a hurry. I sit down next to my husband and make him look me in the eye. I block his head with my hands and push his face in my direction.
«Sleep here with me,» I say.
I'm not asking for anything too much. Just to share the bed and hug each other before sleep. It might help him avoid nightmares, maybe.
But my presence wasn't enough these last few months to keep him in safe dreams.
«I miss you,» I add. «But I know you're busy with your duties, and I can't just come to look for you and interrupt your meetings or disrupt your schedule.»
«You can,» he whines.
«Oh, Ignis... If only you could understand! Giving birth was so painful, and I couldn't wait for it to be done. Even after, I could barely walk for minutes. All I could think of, during that time, was your face when you first saw our son. You were so happy, and I was proud of it. Yet, in the following period, you weren't here. You didn't come even once to check on me, and you didn't play with our baby. You would just look at him and leave.»
«He doesn't like me,» Ignis points out, with a straight face and a sincere expression. As if it made any sense.
«Who doesn't like you? Our son? I just told you it's something he does out of instinct.»
«I don't want to force my presence on him.»
«You're his father! You can dare force your presence, goodness me.»
«What about you, then? Would you really like me, now? I'm weak and couldn't come to you when you needed me.»
«Oh, Ignis... Please, don't make me feel like this anymore. I need you, and our son needs you.»
«You don't really need me, Veronica. There's very little I can do for you that you can't do on your own.»
«It doesn't matter. I need you because your presence makes everything tolerable.. Even the pain of breeding a child. I would even accept having another if you asked me, you know? How could I not want you next to me?»
Chapter 173: In Search Of A Name (2)
I want to imprint his image in my mind before wishing goodnight.
«Veronica,» he says while stepping in. Somehow, he doesn't seem surprised. As if he was expecting such a reaction from me.
«Hello.»
«How are you?»
«Now? Not bad. The first days were a little difficult, but nothing I couldn't survive... Sure, it would have been easier with a husband by my side. But I managed.»
He walks to the cradle and observes our baby from afar.
«I found a name,» he says. «I mean... I found it long ago, but I needed some time to push it through. I'll make someone deliver the official statement to you tomorrow.»
«Sure,» I say.
That's a relief. My Lars will finally have a real name, and people will be able to refer to him without using odd ways.
«I don't know how it is possible, but the Temple hasn't sent anyone for an investigation. Also, they don't seem to want to bring you to their side yet.»
«What if they want to burn me at the stake?» I wonder. That's still a possibility, and I would prefer to be the one suffering in this case. As long as Ignis can hide Lars, we can come up with a way to distract the Church...
«They can't just execute you, Veronica. You are the Queen, and our son is the Prince. Moreover, the King has the right to keep Mages at court for his own purposes. Just like my father did. That's the reason why he was at odds with the Church. And that's what they've been trying to change for a long time. They want us to give up the right to put Mages under protection, even if that right has never been fully exploited.»
«Now that there's some calm, will you spend some time with us?» I ask him.
When he sits next to me, I can finally see his face. His eyes are circled by dark shadows, and his irises are reddened. Oh, goodness!
His face is pale, his shoulders droopy.
He's a beaten man right now... How long hasn't he slept? How many nights without closing his eyes? Without resting his mind and body?
«Oh, Ignis,» I comment, reaching out to him.
He moves away before I can touch him, and I feel as dirty as I did the first time he did this. Even though, back then, it was just a misunderstanding between us.
Now, however, he seems serious.
Lars grimaces but doesn't wake up. He's behaving today.
His reddish hair is so cute and attracts the eye, and his face is getting rounder by the day. Also, Aida said he will soon start gaining weight and growing up!
I feel like my son is lighter now than when he came to light. But everything seems fine both for my handmaid and the doctor who examined Lars three times already.
«Ignis, do you want to carry our son a little?»
He shakes his head, and I just sit by his side, waiting for the charms of this little thing to do their job.
We sit in silence, my husband observing from a step afar and sitting on the sofa next to us. He could just raise his arm and reach to us, but it takes him a lot to do so. Unfortunately, when I'm distracted by Lars's yawn.
My baby opens his mouth and stretches his thin lips until closing them back again and returning to sleep. It's just so adorable, even though I was expecting something more from all this movement. Yet, once yawned and clenched his fists, he doesn't do anything else... How dramatic for a yawn!
When Ignis's fingers land on my shoulder, the automatic jolt travels through his arm. Oh, no, I forgot about it again!
«Sorry,» I sigh. «He uses my body as a catalyst for magic, and I didn't have time to stop it right now.»
«Hmm,» Ignis moans, the only reply.
«Even during childbirth, I couldn't control the magic because I was in pain... This son of ours will think he can do just anything at this rate.»
«You couldn't, or you just didn't want to?» Ignis spits out.
His tone is accusing, his face unhappy. He's blaming me for something I couldn't control, and he's feeling hurt because of that.
How can I even reason with him?
«Now you can touch us; I'm keeping the magic under control,» I try, but it's not very effective.
«I can just wait for you to be done. I've heard that when your skin is not in contact, it's safe to approach you.»
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«That's true.»He shrugs, getting up and taking nervous steps into the room.
«I shouldn't have come here. I knew it...» he murmurs.
«Nothing! I'll go.»
«No, wait. It's early,» I point out. «You just came here, for goodness's sake! Stay a little more?»
«What for? You are watching him, and he is just sleeping. I'll come another day instead of disrupting your peace.»
«Ignis, that's not how things are. Just come here, and we'll watch our son together.»
«But you don't want me. Neither of you!»
«Ah?»
I was going to get up and start crying relentlessly; after putting Lars back to sleep, of course. I was going to sob in front of Ignis and ask for forgiveness, even though I'm not guilty of anything.
Yet, it seems that things are way more complicated.
«Even my son prefers that man to me!» he continues. «And you don't feel afraid that he found out about your secret.»
«Ignis, it's not like that,» I say. «It's not that I am not afraid... Rather, I can't do anything. Moreover, you said you're working on it. I believe in you and won't fret until things get totally out of control.»
«Veronica...»
«Our son needs you, Ignis. I want him to feel what it means to have a father. Yet, you're never nearby. And you don't sleep well, do you?»
«What does it matter now?»
«To me, it matters. Listen, I don't know why this is, but our son isn't controlling his magic because he wants to split us or something... He's just doing it out of instinct. Actually, it's the first time in history this has happened, meaning he will become more powerful than me one day. It's just a protection spell he uses on me when we touch each other, and it's nothing related to his feelings.»
He's just been born, after all. He didn't have time to develop feelings, right?
«And you? Are you tired of me?» he murmurs, sitting back and bending his shoulders while placing his elbows on his knees.
«Oh, Ignis,» I murmur.
I take a few fast steps to leave Lars in his place, and I walk back in a hurry. I sit down next to my husband and make him look me in the eye. I block his head with my hands and push his face in my direction.
«Sleep here with me,» I say.
But my presence wasn't enough these last few months to keep him in safe dreams.
«I miss you,» I add. «But I know you're busy with your duties, and I can't just come to look for you and interrupt your meetings or disrupt your schedule.»
«You can,» he whines.
«Oh, Ignis... If only you could understand! Giving birth was so painful, and I couldn't wait for it to be done. Even after, I could barely walk for minutes. All I could think of, during that time, was your face when you first saw our son. You were so happy, and I was proud of it. Yet, in the following period, you weren't here. You didn't come even once to check on me, and you didn't play with our baby. You would just look at him and leave.»
«He doesn't like me,» Ignis points out, with a straight face and a sincere expression. As if it made any sense.
«Who doesn't like you? Our son? I just told you it's something he does out of instinct.»
«I don't want to force my presence on him.»
«You're his father! You can dare force your presence, goodness me.»
«What about you, then? Would you really like me, now? I'm weak and couldn't come to you when you needed me.»
«Oh, Ignis... Please, don't make me feel like this anymore. I need you, and our son needs you.»
«You don't really need me, Veronica. There's very little I can do for you that you can't do on your own.»
«It doesn't matter. I need you because your presence makes everything tolerable.. Even the pain of breeding a child. I would even accept having another if you asked me, you know? How could I not want you next to me?»
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