The Cursed Tyrant and His Reluctant Queen
Ignis doesn't seem convinced of my sincerity, but he accepts to sleep in my bed. He's absent-minded and pale, but he does his best to hide his worries.
He's still thinking that our son doesn't like him, which can't be other than false. However, how could Lars start loving him if he's not around at any time?
«I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life because of miscommunication,» I say. «Tell me what the matter is, and I'll do my best to atone. What have I done to make you doubt me so much? To make you dislike our son, Ignis! Are you perhaps doubting he's yours, now? Is that the matter? All these intrigues are making you dumb!»
I haven't ever looked longer than appropriate at any man other than him. Why is he like this?
«It's not about you. It's about me...»
He lies down and settles under the blanket with the same expression of a man who's doing it out of duty.
«After coming back from the war, I've started having nightmares,» he tells me. «They left when we got married, so I thought I wouldn't ever have one again. Until a few days ago. They returned, and I can't sleep well anymore. I turn in bed, and sometimes I even cry... I'm sorry, Veronica. I'm sorry you'll see me like this.»
«You went to war at fifteen and came back as a victor. You have won many battles since then... You have all the rights to nightmares, in my opinion.»
«I am not a strong man, after all. Something like this is enough to destabilise me. I can't think about it anymore! Every time I want to come here and see you, I remember how I couldn't do anything while our son was being born. And how I can't even touch you if you're not expecting it because I'll be struck by lightning. I wanted to marry and protect you forever, but I am not enough for you.»
«Why not? You are more than enough, Ignis. And I love you.»
«Do you?»
I snuggle by his side and place my head on his chest. I've missed sleeping like this, but he didn't want to touch me no matter what, during the last weeks of pregnancy.
«I love you, Ignatius Nerva. And I married you, promising I would take care of you for the rest of my life. Something like a baby isn't enough to get rid of me, is it? You'll have to deal with me for the rest of your life...»
I snuggle by his side and wait for a long time before he accepts to hug me.
«I really am a bother during my sleep, Ronnie. My comrades would say I'm scary, but I think I was just pitiful. At least, from afar. I will stay here until you fall asleep and go back to my bed, all right?»
«No, not all right.»
«Veronica, don't make it more difficult.»
«Fine, then. But don't avoid me during the day as well! And don't hate our son.»
«I don't hate him. I'm just afraid he'll hate me like I hate my father.»
«It's a different situation, and we are different people.»
«But... Maybe, even the late King wanted the best for his family. What if I become like him? I don't want to ruin your life or our son's. If we have another son, they might compete for the throne... I'm scared.»
«No. They won't compete. We will teach them to love and protect each other, won't we?»
Just the thought is scary. I can't allow my children to suffer like that, and it'll be hard to convince them we love them all with the same intensity with one of them becoming both King of Alba and of Mages. I don't think our next child could have more magic than Lars.
«I'm sure you will see how lovely our son is,» I say. «Just give him the chance to conquer your heart, won't you?»
«It's playing foul,» he complains, turning on the side and surrounding me with his arms. «Good night, Veronica. You can sleep soundly.»
«Sure,» I whisper, but I do not close my eyes.
He won't leave me alone just because of fear, and I'll protect him from bad dreams with all I've got. Which isn't much; but I can give him my warmth and every trace of love in my heart.
«I also am so useless to you,» I murmur while closing my eyes to rest. «Yet you don't make it weigh on me. You're all I need to be happy right now. My everything: you and our Lars.»
I haven't heard our son's given name yet, and I don't think I'll change the way I call him just because of that. Either way, the announcement will come tomorrow. Even though this moron could simply tell me instead of complicating things!
Was he sulking or what?
I need to make Ignis fall in love, and the only way is to make him meet Lars more often, play with him, and smile together.
I close my eyes and fall into slumber, light like a feather and feeling more tranquil than this morning.
All until I'm woken up because of nightmares. Not mine.
Ignis is sweating and turning in bed. Somehow, he had pushed me away in his sleep without hurting me, maybe to avoid kicking me. Even conscienceless, he's so thoughtful of me.
I reach out and grab his shoulder, but he doesn't wake up. He moves more than ever before, and he grabs my wrist with his strength and presses me on the mattress. His other hand doesn't clench my neck, but he's as forceful as to immobilise me with his weight. Then, as if killed, he stops moving. His weight falls on me, and I can't move for a different reason.
Yet, his hands are not strong anymore. It's as if he lost all his energy in a split second. He's still sweating and moaning in his sleep, complaining about the things he sees, but it's more desperate than angry.
«Ignis,» I say, hugging him as I can in this position. «Don't worry... You're not alone.»
His head slips down to my neck, and he inhales my scent and calms down. His arms turn gentle in a split second, and he hugs me tight but not forceful.
His muscles release some tension, and his body adapts to mine. He falls back into his dreams, but this time he's not scared. He clings to me as if I was his lifeline, and we don't split again for the whole night.
He's not faking it or making up reasons to avoid me. He really doesn't feel well, and I don't know how to help him. Is showing him the truth enough? Will he believe if I repeat it often enough? Many, many times?
I'll visit his office tomorrow, no matter what people say afterwards. I want to see how the environment is lately and whether someone is pressing Ignis too much.
«You're working so hard for your people,» I say, keeping my tone low so as not to disturb Lars.
At the sound of my voice, however, Ignis seems more relaxed. He sighs, moving his head or caressing me lightly with his fingers. It makes me want to talk more, and so I do.
I spend hours trying to convince him that everything will turn right and that our son will grow up so well with us.
«Lars will resemble you a lot when he grows up, and I will be a proud mother. I'll show him off to the other ladies and chuckle when he steals their hearts as well. Isn't it awesome that he has your hair? My prayers have been listened to...»
No one will hear us during this moment, and it's better like this. I'm behaving like a madwoman, but Ignis's reaction makes me feel sane, healthy, and full of hope.
He's still leaning on me, but his weight isn't pressing me down. It's more like he was relying on me than trapping me with his muscles. I caress his head, entwining my fingers in his hair, as soon as I can move my arms again. I find a comfortable position and decide to sleep just like him.
This time, it's not Ignis who interrupts our rest but someone else a few steps from us.
I sigh, remembering the reasons why I kept Lars in a room nearby and not close to my bed. His cry is so powerful, and he opens his mouth wide when he cries.
And, right now, he's so, so angry.. Or hungry, I'm not yet sure.
Chapter 174: Nightmares
He's still thinking that our son doesn't like him, which can't be other than false. However, how could Lars start loving him if he's not around at any time?
«I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life because of miscommunication,» I say. «Tell me what the matter is, and I'll do my best to atone. What have I done to make you doubt me so much? To make you dislike our son, Ignis! Are you perhaps doubting he's yours, now? Is that the matter? All these intrigues are making you dumb!»
I haven't ever looked longer than appropriate at any man other than him. Why is he like this?
«It's not about you. It's about me...»
He lies down and settles under the blanket with the same expression of a man who's doing it out of duty.
«After coming back from the war, I've started having nightmares,» he tells me. «They left when we got married, so I thought I wouldn't ever have one again. Until a few days ago. They returned, and I can't sleep well anymore. I turn in bed, and sometimes I even cry... I'm sorry, Veronica. I'm sorry you'll see me like this.»
«You went to war at fifteen and came back as a victor. You have won many battles since then... You have all the rights to nightmares, in my opinion.»
«I am not a strong man, after all. Something like this is enough to destabilise me. I can't think about it anymore! Every time I want to come here and see you, I remember how I couldn't do anything while our son was being born. And how I can't even touch you if you're not expecting it because I'll be struck by lightning. I wanted to marry and protect you forever, but I am not enough for you.»
«Why not? You are more than enough, Ignis. And I love you.»
«Do you?»
I snuggle by his side and place my head on his chest. I've missed sleeping like this, but he didn't want to touch me no matter what, during the last weeks of pregnancy.
«I love you, Ignatius Nerva. And I married you, promising I would take care of you for the rest of my life. Something like a baby isn't enough to get rid of me, is it? You'll have to deal with me for the rest of your life...»
I snuggle by his side and wait for a long time before he accepts to hug me.
«I really am a bother during my sleep, Ronnie. My comrades would say I'm scary, but I think I was just pitiful. At least, from afar. I will stay here until you fall asleep and go back to my bed, all right?»
«No, not all right.»
«Veronica, don't make it more difficult.»
«Fine, then. But don't avoid me during the day as well! And don't hate our son.»
«I don't hate him. I'm just afraid he'll hate me like I hate my father.»
«It's a different situation, and we are different people.»
«No. They won't compete. We will teach them to love and protect each other, won't we?»
Just the thought is scary. I can't allow my children to suffer like that, and it'll be hard to convince them we love them all with the same intensity with one of them becoming both King of Alba and of Mages. I don't think our next child could have more magic than Lars.
«I'm sure you will see how lovely our son is,» I say. «Just give him the chance to conquer your heart, won't you?»
«It's playing foul,» he complains, turning on the side and surrounding me with his arms. «Good night, Veronica. You can sleep soundly.»
«Sure,» I whisper, but I do not close my eyes.
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Instead, I crawl upwards, towards the headrest, until I can feel Ignis's head close to my chest. I sink my fingers in his hair and play with his silky locks, giving him a peck when I feel the need. He soon relaxes under my touch, and I hear his light snoring sooner than planned.He won't leave me alone just because of fear, and I'll protect him from bad dreams with all I've got. Which isn't much; but I can give him my warmth and every trace of love in my heart.
«I also am so useless to you,» I murmur while closing my eyes to rest. «Yet you don't make it weigh on me. You're all I need to be happy right now. My everything: you and our Lars.»
I haven't heard our son's given name yet, and I don't think I'll change the way I call him just because of that. Either way, the announcement will come tomorrow. Even though this moron could simply tell me instead of complicating things!
Was he sulking or what?
I need to make Ignis fall in love, and the only way is to make him meet Lars more often, play with him, and smile together.
I close my eyes and fall into slumber, light like a feather and feeling more tranquil than this morning.
All until I'm woken up because of nightmares. Not mine.
Ignis is sweating and turning in bed. Somehow, he had pushed me away in his sleep without hurting me, maybe to avoid kicking me. Even conscienceless, he's so thoughtful of me.
I reach out and grab his shoulder, but he doesn't wake up. He moves more than ever before, and he grabs my wrist with his strength and presses me on the mattress. His other hand doesn't clench my neck, but he's as forceful as to immobilise me with his weight. Then, as if killed, he stops moving. His weight falls on me, and I can't move for a different reason.
Yet, his hands are not strong anymore. It's as if he lost all his energy in a split second. He's still sweating and moaning in his sleep, complaining about the things he sees, but it's more desperate than angry.
«Ignis,» I say, hugging him as I can in this position. «Don't worry... You're not alone.»
His head slips down to my neck, and he inhales my scent and calms down. His arms turn gentle in a split second, and he hugs me tight but not forceful.
His muscles release some tension, and his body adapts to mine. He falls back into his dreams, but this time he's not scared. He clings to me as if I was his lifeline, and we don't split again for the whole night.
I'll visit his office tomorrow, no matter what people say afterwards. I want to see how the environment is lately and whether someone is pressing Ignis too much.
«You're working so hard for your people,» I say, keeping my tone low so as not to disturb Lars.
At the sound of my voice, however, Ignis seems more relaxed. He sighs, moving his head or caressing me lightly with his fingers. It makes me want to talk more, and so I do.
I spend hours trying to convince him that everything will turn right and that our son will grow up so well with us.
«Lars will resemble you a lot when he grows up, and I will be a proud mother. I'll show him off to the other ladies and chuckle when he steals their hearts as well. Isn't it awesome that he has your hair? My prayers have been listened to...»
No one will hear us during this moment, and it's better like this. I'm behaving like a madwoman, but Ignis's reaction makes me feel sane, healthy, and full of hope.
He's still leaning on me, but his weight isn't pressing me down. It's more like he was relying on me than trapping me with his muscles. I caress his head, entwining my fingers in his hair, as soon as I can move my arms again. I find a comfortable position and decide to sleep just like him.
This time, it's not Ignis who interrupts our rest but someone else a few steps from us.
I sigh, remembering the reasons why I kept Lars in a room nearby and not close to my bed. His cry is so powerful, and he opens his mouth wide when he cries.
And, right now, he's so, so angry.. Or hungry, I'm not yet sure.
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