Chapter 19: Chapter 19 – Hugh’s main job

A long time passed before Natalie came out of the bathroom - I heard the hairdryer going - and that was a good thing. I needed a few minutes to get my thoughts together before facing her.

When she finally did come out, she looked very nice, hair done up, a tiny bit of makeup, and wearing a dress that reached almost her knees but with bare legs underneath. I watched as she walked to the bed and took a seat.

I could immediately tell that she was nervous, so I tried to keep my tone light. "I completely failed at explaining the whole slow down concept. Sorry."

Instead of laughing, she winced.

"No!" I said. "Don't feel bad. That was amazing. Thank you!"

God, I totally got what that old guy yesterday was saying. Having a girl show her body to you was like the best feeling ever. I just wish there wasn't so much guilt attached - for both of us.

"You liked?" she asked.

"Of course I did."

She put a hand over her face. "I honestly don't know what came over me. Why do I keep trying to push things so far? It's like every time you dare me to do something, a little voice inside me is like, 'I see your bet and raise you.' And the rational part of me that's screaming that I'm going too far never even starts being heard until after."

"You don't think you're behaving naturally?"

"No!"

"Even given the circumstances?" I asked. "I mean, even sending you that quest was an impulsive act for me that I had no intention of doing, but I didn't feel like it was outside my character. It's more like it sounded fun and I didn't think there'd be any harm in doing it and I thought you might even appreciate it. At my core, though, I like this kind of stuff, so it's not weird for me to want to do it. Are you sure you're not just kind of getting into things and getting carried away?"

She fixed me with a glare. "Believe it or not, I have considered that possibility. I am self aware. I realize that there's something interesting about having a guy pay attention to me and I'm finding that some of those things, while still mortifying, aren't nearly as bad as I feared they'd be. But it's one thing to have you talk me into reluctantly doing something for you or even me wanting to do something nice for you; it's something completely different to continually start escalating things like that. And I think it's getting worse. A little earlier, I had to fight against myself not to turn around!"

That revelation at the end made it difficult for me to focus on anything else, so it took me a moment to respond. "There is a troubling possible explanation."

"Go on."

"So, the system has obviously altered my body to make me more agile and it's altered your brain to make you more intelligent. Given that baseline, would it be crazy to think that it could be subtly changing our personalities? I mean, your class is Reluctant Exhibitionist. Isn't it possible that, as you level, you embody that concept more and more?"

“What does that term mean to you, exactly?” she asked. “I get the meaning of each of the words, but I don’t have a frame of reference for them being combined together.”

“Quick point of clarification, what do you think when you hear the term ‘exhibitionist’?”

“Someone who likes showing off their body?”

“Close. I think it’s more commonly used, in places on the web that I visit anyway, to describe girls who become aroused when they show off their bodies. So, that word combined with reluctant, describes someone who doesn’t necessarily want to show off her body, but, once she does, it makes her … you know.”

"That's ... that's more than a little terrifying that you think I might be turning into that. Or that I might already actually be that and it might get worse." She paused. "And a little bit of a relief."

"Relief?"

"I kind of felt like I was losing my mind, you know? Looking back at my actions and going, who the crap is that person who would do such a thing?"

My heart was racing. "Does that mean we should stop?"

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"I don't know. On one hand, having some unknown force manipulate my feelings is next level bad stuff. On the other, though, I mean, it's not all bad. I kind of like that I'm finding the courage to put myself out there, you know? Before, I barely left my apartment. I certainly never had a guy ask me out. The main thing, though, is that I think my emotions regarding you are solely mine. I've never looked back on that and thought that was something counter to what I would normally feel."

Well, that was good at least, a huge relief now that she said it out loud.

"So where do we go from here?" she asked.

"Take a break from the system stuff. Maybe today but maybe the entire weekend or even longer. Give us time to find out who we are together without external factors intruding."

She grinned. "So actually enforce the moratorium this time?"

"Scout's honor." I held up my hand in an approximation of what I thought their salute looked like.

"Were you ever a scout?"

I grinned. "No."

We both laughed.

"Hey," she said, "can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"I'm not complaining at all because it really feels to me that you're trying to put the long term over the short term, but most guys wouldn't have refused my invite to come inside last night. Why, exactly, do you feel so strongly that waiting is the right thing to do?"

"Honestly," I said, "part of it is pure abject cowardice. These are things I've never done and have no idea how to do well and need time to get in the right headspace."

God, that was hard to admit, but I wasn't the best when it came to new situations. Like even going into a new store or restaurant was sometimes difficult for me. Sex was a whole different ballgame altogether.

"The main thing, though," I said, "is advice my dad gave me. He and my mom have been married for decades, and, in contrast to a lot of my friends' parents, they actually seem pretty happy. They never fight or yell. At worst, they irritate each other a little and get snippy."

"That sounds nice. My parents are together but not always happy."

"Anyway, this past summer, Dad pulled me aside and was like, 'Son, are you gay or asexual?' And my jaw kind of dropped and I shook my head and he's all like, 'Good.' I was more than a little shocked because I'd never heard him utter anything homophobic or any kind of ist really. He must have seen my face because he told me that he would, 'of course accept me and love me regardless, but you have to understand what your main job is now that we've raised you to adulthood.' I responded with something like, 'Get a degree to secure my future,' and he was all like, 'No. I mean, that's a good short-term goal, but I was talking about with respect to your mom and me’."

I noticed that Natalie was looking at me like I'd lost my mind and realized that maybe my recounting of this conversation was a little weird, but I just shrugged and continued. "I answered, obviously, that I need to make lots of money to afford to put them in a nursing home because there was no way in the world I was changing their diapers. He laughed and told me, 'Son, your main job is to give your mom and me grandbabies.' And I'm pretty sure he wasn't entirely kidding. He assured me that he didn't want them right away or anything but..."

Nat laughed.

"Anyway," I said, "That led to a discussion about 'kids and their hookup culture.' I'm not even sure where he heard that term, but he's under the impression that all any of us young people do is meet one night, hop into bed with each other, and leave the next morning never to see each other again. He told me that, if I really wanted to jump from girl to girl to girl, it was my choice, but that he'd found that being with one woman was what really made him happy. Then he went on to tell me that, if I do want to build a relationship, sex was important. He was like, 'Remember, though, that sex enhances a relationship that already has a firm foundation. If you try to build a relationship on the foundation of sex, though, it's probably going to crumble pretty fast.' He told me that he doesn't expect me to wait until marriage or anything like that, but he really felt like I should wait at least to have at least a minimum of three dates first. I guess I just figure that he has a lot more experience than I do, so maybe I should listen to him?"

She nodded. "You know, that makes a lot of sense. Three dates, huh? Knowing that, I can wait that long."

Well, I'd apparently just put a clock on things, and, with our first one being tonight, that clock was ticking fast.

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