Chapter 183: 173. Home At Long Last

Jay, Mike, and Mike’s familiars followed the trail left by the vessels and stopped at the edge of Cape Coral. The trail wasn’t complicated. Fuzzy had found the monsters slain by the vessels during their hike. The damage the vessels had inflicted left holy effects, an elementary type that left a quasi-imprint of someone’s Conviction and could weaken or ward away evil. It had an effect on Jay, making him feel irritated. Fuzzy’s high Perception and Bug Cherub race made her an expert in this field since she was still a fairy while partially angelic.

Late evening drew out the sunset with the nearness of summer. Getting closer to the gulf gave Jay a view of the sky becoming the color of bruises and dark alcohol and a warm campfire. For some reason, he was in the mood for a night in a cabin or pitching tents in the wild with friends. He would have both of his wives with him, each at his side, one feeding him smores while the other shared her hot cocoa with him. The imaginations were nice. They didn’t last for long since he was still on duty. And YoAnna was home waiting for him.

“Having nice thoughts?” Mike asked, his hyper-blue and portal-like eyes turning to Jay.

“I was. But now I’m bothered. Do you think it’s the narrative that has me feeling cursed?” Jay asked.

“Could be. What’s the Luckrun issue now?”

Jay chuckled at the thought. His name could mean prominence or calamity at this point. “I have the hottest wives on Earth. And possibly across the Multiverse.”

“If they ever ask me what I think of the Commander after his eventual death,” Cutie said, catching a bloodthirsty Rank 2 Gatorman by the throat, “I’ll let them know he was the most humble man I’ve ever met.”

With her new amazonian bulk and monstrous Strength, Cutie lifted the Gatorman off its feet easily and pulped its throat until the neck broke. Her green, flame-like eyes watched with little emotion as the monster went limp in her grasp. She brought it close, bit into its skull, and ate its brains. She was the most unfriendly familiar anyone could ever meet, which was perfectly fine because of her circumstances, but it was rare for any threatening creature to get close to Mike or Fuzzy when Cutie was on guard.

“Don’t mind, Cutie, she was in the middle of watching a rom-com when this started!” Fuzzy fluttered about with her feathery wings.

She was taller than Jay now. But she was still a cute puff ball of feathers, feathery antennae, and an attitude that Fuzzy could weaponize as a poker if she wanted to get her way. She’d been more assertive lately with both Cutie and Mike, but mostly out of necessity. Cutie could get into her dark moods. And Mike could get caught up with so much work he’d go on marathons without food, a drink, or even a shower. It didn’t help that Macy could act the same way when she was deep in the middle of a project. Lilith was the same. Those three could become addicts to their vocations, and with Brit busy with her Holy War, the familiars had to step up in ensuring the personal care of their owners.

“So, you have the romantic equivalent of the anime Holy Grail. What could you complain about?” Mike asked while an angry Cutie chased Fuzzy around.

“I can’t push it with YoAnna,” Jay said, downcast. “Maybe it wouldn’t have been a problem if I remained a virgin. But Brit… before I evolved… she really left an impression, and you know the rest. It’s been a long time since.”

“Ah, yes, that would be a grating issue. Like having a taste of ambrosia and never getting it again.” Mike nodded.

A guard force from the walls of Cape Coral came out to talk to them. Some guards addressed them casually. Others were more standoffish and untrusting. Once the guard force verified the boys and familiars were indeed four of the seventeen rulers of Florida– Fuzzy, Cutie, and Gatanna counted as rulers, too– the guard force moved with a little more urgency while also fearing for their lives.

Jay sniffed the air, drawing in many scents and filtering through them. He’d grown accustomed to the smell of frightened men. Word would spread that the Gravity Devil and the Light Bringer were here at Cape Coral, and the people would fear something horrible would happen.

Jay didn’t bother to deny them their fear right now. Sometimes it was better for them to be afraid. But not everyone was going to share his opinion.

Fuzzy hopped to action and chatted with the guard force. They were mid Rank 3s and far beneath her in power, but Fuzzy had this knack for getting anyone to relax around her and treat her like a playful and cute girl. By the time they entered the walled city, Fuzzy was riding on the shoulders of a guard as they laughed together.

The Floridian city known for its many canals and waterways had seen better days. Since sea monsters were the biggest threats, huge metal grates covered the canals within the inner city. Metal dividers in the water on the coast reduced opportunities for big sea monsters to swim casually into the middle of town, leaving only the smaller and less threatening sea monsters.

The walkways had blood and scorch marks from previous fights. But that didn’t stop people from going out and enjoying a Floridian evening and a trip to the local bars. As much as things had changed, plenty had stayed the same. People adapted. They’d turned from using mundane materials to innovating and using magical materials. Beer and liquor and monster food were hot commodities.

Jay stopped to get fried monster tentacles from a street vendor on the corner. Mike studied a hydro-generator someone had made using practical technology and a touch of magic. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that humans were naturally innovative when Jay’s personal circle had some of the smartest people around.

Though, Jay supposed the kiddies would put humans to shame with their innovation once they hatch. He was going to ask Fuzzy about how the egg was doing, but they were here to ensure the USA hadn’t left any more nasty surprises.

He could barely enjoy the zesty and well-seasoned monster tentacle after noticing how the Agents of Change in this area had reiterated the same actions for the past half hour. They hadn’t left their work and living space to meet their superiors or smooth things out with the guard force prior. Jay, Mike, and Mike’s familiars could’ve flown in, but Jay wanted to see if anything shifted suspiciously if they walked into Cape Coral by foot. It turned out the most suspicious thing was the lack of a reaction and the Agents of Change redoing the same thing like they were on a video loop.

“Are you looking at what I’m looking at, Fuzzy?” Jay asked.

“I am. It’s holy magic. I don’t know the exact effect.”

“Let’s go study it then.” Mike urged for Fuzzy to lead the way. They entered a series of alleys and crossed over a bridge. Cutie lumbered at the back, scaring off most people with a look.

Jay kept a metaphysical finger on [Horizondancer] in case of something exploding. There was bound to be a bomb waiting for them. He felt a little hesitant the closer they got to their destination.

“Stop, please,” Fuzzy said, raising a hand.

They stopped in a residential community. All homes and canals. Thanks to the exodus of half of Florida’s populations and the fall of order, half the homes were empty. Those who stayed took full advantage, expanding their territories, or turning empty homes into businesses where they didn’t have to pay taxes. A local man sat on a lawn chair with his family and their Giant Iguana-dog Guardian, the family familiar eying the Protectorates warily. One look from Cutie cowed the creature.

Fuzzy pointed at the mansion-like home where the Agents of Change were replaying the same actions. One man flipped through records in the filing cabinets. One woman walked into a room to talk with a colleague, then she walked out into the hallway, stared at a wall, and returned to the same room to have a similar-looking conversation with her colleague. This was all displayed through his spatial gravity sense, but now that Jay was closer, he could hear all the actions happening in sync with his spatial gravity.

“Hm. I think they’re using an illusion.” Fuzzy twirled to face the others, her wings fanning out. “That’s what my intuition is telling me.”

“Mike?” Jay looked to his best friend. Jay didn’t doubt Fuzzy. He wanted to see if Mike had something to add to the table.

“It’s sophisticated. More miraculous than spellcraft, but still masterful work of both.” Mike’s blue portal irises thrummed. The mana particles inside of his eyes accelerated as Mike’s mind sped up to work through his ideas and calculations. “I pose this as a hypothesis. The Agents of Change are dead. The vessels breached Cape Coral by water, located the agents by word of mouth, and took them by surprise earlier today. But not too early or they wouldn’t have sent in their updates.”

Communication technology collapsed after the Protectorates took Florida as their nation. When YoAnna led the implementation of a scrying network, they ran into jamming issues that could only be the work of the angels. The best way to punch through was to force feed a crystal ball some precious monster cores. Once every couple of days, Agents of Change gave updates through the Protectorates scrying network. Cape Coral had given theirs this morning as scheduled, not knowing they would face a hostile force right after. And in a manner of hours, that force crossed over a hundred miles on its way toward Protectorate City.

“I can’t get close,” Jay said. “I might trigger a bomb.”

“This is true,” Fuzzy said.

“Come with me, my dear. Let’s disable the defenses so we can get a closer look,” Mike said. After Fuzzy chirped her ascent, Mike turned to Cutie. Their relationship remained as complex as ever, but they were accustomed to it by now. “Can you wait here with Jay, please?”

“If that’s what the master wants, sure,” Cutie said, arms folded.

Mike nodded before striding forward with Fuzzy skipping and fluttering by his side. They stopped, turned, side-stepped, and maneuvered around magic triggers that might’ve set off something with the house. Then they took a position right across from it. Mike’s lab coat hummed and glowed blue before projecting a visual display of a magical interface filled with runes. Wherever Mike pressed a finger, he could control the interface and maneuver runes where he wanted them.

Meanwhile, Fuzzy hopped, bopped, and danced around. Her wings spanned to their farthest as she chanted an incantation. She ended the miracle with a Skill. “[Supreme Seelie Assistant: All The Success]!”

She used it on her master, raising his ability to succeed. He probably didn’t need it, but with their lowered Chance Status, they might need the extra help to keep something from exploding. Jay would appreciate that a lot.

“Your wife is annoying,” Cutie said.

Jay bit down on a sudden laugh. He looked up at Cutie. “Yeah?”

“She’s having me test her cooking. It nearly killed Mike once.”

Wait, what? When did YoAnna start cooking?

“I’m pretty sure she wanted to surprise you,” Cutie said. “I’m giving you a heads up as my petty revenge for her nearly killing me with her cooking, too.”

Jay looked up, expecting YoAnna’s impression to arrive. It didn’t. She could be busy. Or she was super embarrassed. How could you cook something that would nearly kill a [Hell Zombie II]? Jay felt a touch of fear that he would learn soon enough.

Cutie looked down into Jay’s eyes. “I guess this is my revenge toward you, too. For making me a part of your family madness. When you’re gone, she has rotations for visiting all of her Champions. She gets up in my business when she comes to see me.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, until she finds something for you to work on.”

Jay winced. There were different sides to YoAnna. The side of her that liked improvement and the erasure of weakness could get a little demanding.

Cutie leaned down from her great height. She packed on enough muscle where she seemed more androgynous now. But she still had that overbite that peeked out when she snarled, bit her lip nervously, or smiled. Jay’s regrets over Cutie’s death had settled down now, but seeing her like this reminded him of the girl from before.

She had changed drastically since then. They all had.

“She’s made me a more competent [Fighter] now. So keep me in mind for the next adventure when you’re done having your sausage-fest parties.”

Jay groaned. “Oh, come on, it’s been a while since the original Team FAAHI got together.”

“It still looked like a sausage-fest.”

Geez! Was it a crime for Jay to hangout with the boys?

Then again, he could imagine Cutie getting bored when the biggest issues got solved by Mike dominantly blasting things with spellcraft while getting super help from Fuzzy. Yeah, Jay could see how Mike and Fuzzy together would leave Cutie mopping up the trash.

“Fine, I’ll take you out with me so you can get more hits in,” Jay said, feeling a touch of fourth-dimensional meaning. Hm. Something about this made him think of the past. He imagined there would be another Team Noir adventure. But under a different name and context.

“We’re finished over here,” Mike said with little fanfare. “The level of incantation involved wasn’t too high. Perhaps Rank 3 at best. But using spellcraft against miracles requires high-level spellcraft.” Mike shook his head. “It feels unfair how [Mediums] can achieve so much with mere faith.”

“They can’t repeat or automate their magical processes as easily as [Mages] can, so that balances things out,” Jay said in defense of [Mediums].

“They’re the Class who could do the most healing.”

“And [Mages] are wizards when moving and transferring Mana.”

“Can you let me have my moment to complain?” Mike asked. “I used to do that a lot when Brit came around with food for Team Magic R&D.”

Everyone stopped at the front door, Jay and Mike feeling down. Jay had almost forgotten how much an effect Brit had on the others. He wasn’t the only one wishing for her return.

Jay patted Mike on the back. His friend gave Jay a smile in appreciation. They entered the base for their Agents of Change and found a predictable scene– death. Less blood and gore. More ash and holy eradication.

Mike and Fuzzy moved carefully to extract the bombs and store them away into Fuzzy’s [Magic Warehouse Domain]. Jay and Cutie only moved per Mike and Fuzzy’s instructions since they could trigger a holy trap with their mere presences.

Once the house was all clear, they gathered in the living room. There was a half-full cup of coffee on a dining table stacked messily with reports.

“I don’t like it when people kill our adults,” Jay said. “Every time they kill one of ours, something goes wrong in the back end. It’s a pain finding adults who are willing to take the risks and help us. Kids, sure, most of us want to be a part of something big and awesome. But competent adults? They’re not as easy. And it’s hard finding good ones.”

“I’ve had some thoughtful conversations with Frank about this,” Mike said. “The USA is well practiced in winning a war by any means necessary. In Frank’s opinion, he doesn’t think they’ll put their eggs all into brute force even though they could. They’ll keep cutting us. Little by little. Maybe they’ll keep attacking our remaining support structures to trigger our downfall.”

Mike strode across the room where an Agent of Change had left a framed picture of their family. He picked it up. Jay kept his feet planted at the other side of the room beside Cutie. She didn’t seem to care. Her feelings had been hollowed out by all that she’d suffered.

“The reports of how the standing USA government is leaning more toward dogma and militarism is worrying. All the parameters that were supposed to stop them from crossing certain lines have perished. They’ve sent fifty men and women on a suicide mission to serve as a probing attack. This is a drop in the bucket for them. How long until they have angel-blessed drones that could send pinpoint magic missile strikes at key targets?”

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“Those damn blessings can hide from YoAnna’s sight,” Jay said. Though, it might depend on the size of the threat. Jay doubted angel blessings could hide a full army attack or a big bomb. Maybe only the small stuff for now. But that could still hurt.

Jay sighed. “I can only push fifty miles as my upper limit. Maybe sixty with Kleo beside me and we’re under duress. But that’s for short periods.”

“We can’t rely on you for everything,” Mike said.

“No,” Jay said. “But maybe we have to rely on me for the idea I’ve proposed.”

Mike readjusted his glasses nervously. “I’m in agreement with YoAnna and Kleo. Having you slaughter the entire government is crossing a line you can’t return from, Jay.”

“I wouldn’t be able to consider myself a hero of comedy if I do that,” Jay said. “Not now, I imagine. I’ll have to wait until they push us against the wall and give us no way out.”

“Maybe we can avoid all of this with the Summer Solstice Ball? Maybe we can talk this out and avoid total war.”

Cutie snorted.

Fuzzy said nothing as she looked down at half a corpse lying in its ashes. She crouched beside it, her wings folded, a sad look on her face.

“They want the System Guide power,” Jay said.

Mike sighed. “And we aren’t willing to give that up. We won’t ever give that away.”

“Exactly.”

Mike shook his head. “Motivated USA and Multiverse angels. That is an apocalyptic combination to fight.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is. But think about it, dude. That has nothing on us if we go all out.”

***

It was dark by the time Jay, Mike, and Mike’s familiars returned to the Pantheon Estate at Protectorate City. Jay and Mike reconfirmed to meet again for brunch at the Strongholds tomorrow.

Much changed since he left on a global voyage with Company Graven Divinity months ago, but Jay’s attention span was elsewhere, so he would have to take a gander later. YoAnna was at the Luckrun household, but Jay didn’t go there right away. He checked in with Rowa to let the [Lesser Fomorian] servant know he was here. Then he flew over to the Malcolm Campbell Memorial Park.

The kiddies had built the park in honor of Malcolm. It served as the grave site for all Protectorates who’d fallen while under the service of their [Godling] and Champions. Tomorrow would see some new sections overturned with soil and an addition of headstones.

Nobody had anything fancy other than a piece of white stone that even Jay couldn’t [Analyze]. YoAnna carved each headstone out of the sparkling white mystery stone, something she pulled out of her special vault reserved for her. She hadn’t invited Jay to look, and he hadn’t bothered to dig.

Jay stopped at a specific headstone. Two football fields away, the egg of the kiddies loomed in the darkness. It was a perfect oval with a glossy dark purple and brown shell. A slow and heavy thump resonated from within like a sluggish heartbeat.

The kiddies’ existence and their rebirth was one of those paradoxical things that the Protectorates dealt with more often than not. This was all because of Jay being Jay, and the kiddies seemed to have fallen in love with that vibe.

The egg had a hunger for more sources of power, too. It had consumed immortal heads, obsolete gear they could give away, and even portions of another person’s affinity. Feeding the egg a portion of someone’s affinity left that person tired for the day before they were back to normal. For months, Champions took turns feeding the egg their affinity and taking a day off. They had rotated Agents, Soldiers, and familiars with interesting affinities to add to the egg. The egg remained the same and unhatched.

Jay wondered what more could the kiddies want before they hatched? And what would they become once they hatched?

“You okay, Jay?” Amanda asked.

“I’m perfectly fine,” Jay said with a lopsided grin, facing away from the egg.

He looked directly at Amanda’s spirit.

She sat cross-legged on her headstone, her body semi-transparent while giving off a ghostly pale glow. It was hard for Jay not to feel sad, because Amanda’s existence was a conundrum. She was narratively dead, and attempts to place her soul in a magitek construct or a homunculus failed. But her passion for her work, and her loyalty to Jay and the pantheon, kept her from moving on. She would only appear fully when Jay was nearby, or she would simply nap and dream of happy stuff. Jay didn’t know what to make of that. It sounded like purgatory.

“How are you?” Jay sat against the headstone of Amanda’s grave.

“I dreamed about getting on a yacht. My parents had a small one they would sail. I always loved being on the bow. The ocean breeze. The seagulls crying in the air. It was a good time. But in this dream, you and Jhara were there. And Kleo was in my hair. I saw other faces, too. Derek. Senior Agent Cabana. A lot of us.”

“It sounds like fun.”

“It was a mess. Gosh, my parents are such dull people. They would be scared out of their wits with these big personalities taking over the yacht.” Amanda’s face lit up. “Which would be so fun, honestly. I wished that happened for real.”

Jay smiled as he wondered if he should take Emily’s offer. If the Death [Medium] drained away some of Amanda’s spirit juice, it could dislodge her hold on this world and have her sent to the beyond. But Jay imagined that spirit juice helped them while crossing through the great beyond. YoAnna confirmed it later, which frustrated Emily a little since Amanda’s situation made the Death [Medium] feel incompetent. Jay doubted this had anything to do with competency. This was Chance at work. Which begged the question: was the narrative setting this up as another knife to Jay’s heart?

Amanda wrapped her ghost arms around Jay. It was cool and a little wet. She was made of ectoplasm, a ghostly substance that could phase through materials. She could hug him since he had a high enough Perception. And he was sensitive to spiritual matters like a [Medium].

Jay leaned into the hug. He wished his mom could be here to make sense of all of this. Maybe she could see something nobody else couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Amanda,” Jay said. “I don’t have a way to make this better.”

“I’m okay,” she replied. “I don’t feel pain. And I’m not sad or hungry or scared. I’m more concerned, if anything.”

“You shouldn’t have to be concerned. I’m not your problem anymore.” Jay laughed. “I should’ve just let you go when you wanted to quit. But I have this thing where I want to keep the people and things I care for close.”

“Too late for me to quit now, troublemaker. You’re my assignment. And I’m going to keep working on this case until it’s done. Which reminds me. Have you gone and seen a psychiatrist?”

“Whelp, I better go see what my wife is cooking that’ll kill me,” Jay said, getting to his feet. He lingered a bit to see Amanda puff up her ghost cheeks in irritation. She was so cute when she did that. “One of these days, I will. I promise.”

Amanda let out a breath she couldn’t breathe. “Fine. Well. I’m feeling sleepy now, anyway. I wonder what I’ll dream about next.”

“Goodnight,” Jay said.

“Good– yawn– night.” Amanda sank through the headstone and into the ground.

Jay lingered in the area. His feet took him where they wanted to go. His tail hung low as he passed through row after row of headstones, acknowledging every soul that passed on while serving the Protectorates. Most of these deaths came from the Strike of the Benefactors, a series of terrorism and assassination attacks that predated the Battle for Paris and Jay’s beheading of 72 immortals. Most of the dead were adults from when YoAnna had built up her spying efforts to help support the Champions without the worlds’ governments knowing. But so much had fallen to ruin because of their actions and mistakes.

Jay combed his hand through his dreadlocks. It had been a while since his hair had been washed. He didn’t really need to wash as much nowadays. He was getting close to a state of becoming purely a magical creature without the trappings of mortal men. All the Champions were moving in that direction.

Brit’s race had changed from Human to Ultra Human at Rank 5. YoAnna had explained the Ultra Human race was an extremely rare case born from Brit’s Holy War and other changes. The other Champions were more likely to shift into Superhuman. Jay might see another racial evolution for his Eldritch Monkey Scion at Rank 5. He could feel it. He was excited to see what would change. But he was also apprehensive, too.

It was feeling like everyone around YoAnna and the Champions had to suffer for them to rise further and further. Maybe that was the wrong line of thinking, but Jay couldn’t help but make the correlation.

He stroked his thumb over the handle of his sword, wondering if he was worthy to wield it. He glanced over at the kiddies’ egg with his eyes, wondering what would come out. There were so many mysteries in the air. He still didn’t know what Kleo was doing inside of him. He had no idea what would happen if the 13th Freak of Freaks was fully realized. What was his mom up to? Would Jay ever get to see his ancestor again if they continued to delay signing the agreement with the 6th Hell Circle or signed with a different Hell Circle? Would YoAnna or Brit or both end up killing their husband?

“So this is what happens when you let a Luckrun have power?” Jay said. “Things get weird and messy and wild.” 

He released his sword and looked down at his hands. Then a small smile crossed his face.

“If I were to go back in time knowing what I know but I only had the options to either say no to this and perhaps disappear in obscurity or go through all of this again, I would probably go through all of this again.”

Jay clenched his hands into fists and looked up into the starry universe.

“I’m a Luckrun. We won’t quit.”

Jay went home by foot. It was a nice walk. It helped clear his head. He passed by the towering and spacious villas belonging to various Champion families. They had a huge section to themselves and away from the apartment complexes and miniature town area made for subordinate Protectorates.

This was the heart of Protectorate City– the Pantheon Estate. The rest of the city was formerly Uptown and Junkside. One half was for people. And the other half was for monsters. Lots had changed. And more was in the progress of changing.

But as Jay walked up to the front porch of his lakeside house, he was glad to see it hadn’t changed too much. He took off his shoes on the Cheshire Cat doormat with the words, ‘We’re All Mad Here,’ before he stepped inside.

The doormat was an addition from when YoAnna started staying over, a quirky choice that Jay approved of.

Inside the hallway, he saw more old school fantasy cartoons and Disney references lining the walls with his anime stuff. It was a riot of childish themes, smacking back anything grim or serious from his home. YoAnna’s divine voice resonated down the hall as she sang a 2000s pop song.

The smell of something monstrous lingered in that direction, too.

“The pasta’s almost done, honey,” YoAnna said softly, sounding more welcoming and warm than the last time he’d seen her. She was dealing with her love for him better, or she was finding ways to combat the curse so she didn’t have to act coldly toward him. “I just need to add a little more spice to give it an extra kick.”

“Mm-mm, sounds delicious,” Jay said. “Where’s Elada?”

“Oh, he’s off early since I’m taking over cooking for the evening,” YoAnna said. “He says it is best he removes himself so our experience tonight would be intimate and experimental, whatever that last part means.”

Jay remained near the front door. He wondered if he would get a new power from eating YoAnna’s cooking. This might be a challenge even his Eldritch Monkey Scion race might find troublesome.

“Jay, why are you waiting by the door? Come to me, husband. It’s been so long.”

Jay agreed. It had been too long. He stepped forward bravely, eagerly even. He entered the kitchen.

A Rank 3 spaghetti monster smacked him in the face. For some reason, it had an extremely high Chance Status and a touch of divinity. Jay’s Chance Status fell to x1 CM.

For however long it took, Jay and the spaghetti monster wrestled on the floor between the kitchen and the dining room. It tried to strangle Jay with its powerful noodle limbs.

Jay growled and showed off his fangs by biting into the meaty flesh of the divine spaghetti monster. He bit and bit and gobbled and feasted to kill his foe. Then the monster was nothing more than a meal digesting in Jay’s stomach.

“Mm, tasty and thrilling,” Jay said.

The combat gave the meal added flavor. Not as good as Brit’s cooking, but Jay would give YoAnna high marks for the novelty.