Chapter 5: The Hare Show – A Mime, A magazine, and a baseball

[Baseball Game]

Craig Anderson drinks alcohol, and throws the bottle down. Craig Anderson throws a baseball, a tall kid with yellow teeth hits the baseball with his bat. The ball goes flying through the air, “Wait Wait” Hare shouts “Mime got it.”

 

The ball falls, as Mime stands there looking at the pictures of his magazine. The ball falls right by him, and starts to roll. The buzzer rings and The Town without a T loses their baseball game, Everybody turns to Mime he is too busy reading Playboy Magazine to notice.

 

[ten Minutes later]

Mime sets the magazine down, and goes to leave. Joskin punches Mime in the face, Mime grabs Joskins head and slams him down. Mime gets visibly upset and raises his fist to fight, Then Hare grabs the collar of the Mime. “Fucking asshole, We lost the game cause of you” Hare shouts, Mime is confused.

 

“YOU ARE KICKED OFF THE BASEBALL TEAM” Mr. Major shouts, Mime stands there pissed and confused. “Maybe this’ll teach you to not read A porn magazine. Do you know how many women are harmed” Wendy shouts, kicking Mime in the nuts. “Yeah, if you caught that ball instead of reading Playboy Magazine, we would’ve won,” Fairy says, highly disappointed.

 

Mime widens his eyes and realizes that he failed to catch the ball. Everybody drops kicks on him in one swift motion then they leave. “We should replace him with Eddy” Hare remarks, it starts to slowly rain as Mime sits there sad as the rain slowly drips down his face.

 

[two days later]

Mime still sits in the same spot, moping. “Oh boy hey mime, I noticed you were still here and you are still the town pariah almost everyone hates you, as much as they hate me” Eddy says “I’m just kidding, but you are the second most hated kid in town and now I must say.”

 

Eddy stops, and then shouts “BOOM how does it feel motherfucka to have every kid in town hate you must not feel good huh, yeah Faggot” Eddy shouts, he gets in Mime’s face. Mime Pimp Slaps the shit out of Eddy “Understood” Eddy replies. 

 

“Why are you so dramatic?” Eddy asks, Mime does sign language, but Eddy doesn’t understand. Mime gets up to leave, but Eddy grabs his hand “You probably will never but if you need help call on me” Eddy says. Mime shakes him off and goes to the school.

 

[two hours later]

Mime shows up to the school, panting. “Look who decided to show his fucking face around town ever since he costed us the game” Joskin says, grabbing Mimes shirt. “We bout to shoot dis Nigga’s ass” Jamal says. “Guys a faggot like him isn’t worth it” Fairy respond “just set him down.”

 

They set Mime down as Mime punches Joskin, Jamal pulls the Uzi out from under his shirt and shoots him in the arm.

 

[office]

“Jamal stop bringing your Uzi to school” The principal says, “Stop bringing your fatass to school you raggedy ass bitch” Jamal shouts. “But ma’am this is mime he is the one who costed us the whole fucking game” Joskin reponds, “yes I know which is why Mime is expelled we do not bring playboy magazine to school” Principal says.

 

Mime grabs Jamal and pulls out his uzi, “oh my god he is a school shooter” the Principal shouts she pulls out a shotgun and shoots him. “Can we stop with the fucking gun nonsense” Joskin shouts grabbing his SMG. Jamal pulls out his Second Uzi.

 

They all have guns pointed at each other, “Miss Principal my teacher touched me in a place and I think it's hot but it's illegal what do i d-” Craig stops “Nice shootout” Craig activates his robot arm.

 

Mime points to Jamal, “Nigga why you pointing at me” Jamal shouts. Mime slams the gun down, and leaves he grabs a magazine under his hat and starts reading. “Hey Mime, I heard there was a shootout in the office. Wanna come?” Hare says “Oh wait sorry you’d be the first one to get shot, you playboy magazine reading pervert, spawn of satan”

 

Hare leaves Mime, and Yunda follows. Then she turns to Mime and says “I never liked you.”

 

[Math Class]

“Everyone passes but Eddy and Mime” The crazy teacher says “HAHA” he laughs crazily. 

 

[Lunch]

Mime goes to sit at his normal lunch table when Xavier stops him. “Woah” Xavier says “You can’t sit here nobody wants to sit with you not even the corpse of Anne Frank we have lying around, well except for maybe Eddy”

 

Mime stomps his foot, and then Edna meows. “Dude Fuck off” Craig anderson says, taking a swig of alcohol. Mime leaves to go sit with Eddy, “Oh golly gee willikers kids only sit with me if they are in a bad spot” Eddy says, laughing. 

 

“Well I’m bored so I’ll explain my life story, so I came out of my moms womb and then she threw me onto the ground and the doctors grabbed their flamethrowers then-” Eddy notices, Mime has fallen asleep. “Asshole” Eddy mumbles “Well happens all the time”, Eddy throws away his food.

 

[Ten Minutes Later]

 

“We need a brand new person to replace Mime, so maggots show me what you got” Mr. Major shouts, Cacrizarp steps up “I am great at Baseball look” Cacrizarp sets his arm on fire.

 

“How is this proving to me you are good at baseball” Mr Major asks, “Simple where I’m from baseball is the ritual of setting your arm on fire and praying to our god cthulhu” Cacrizarp says. “That pretty metal” Tom says, “That pretty retarded” Fairy replies “Look I am going to throw this ball and you hit” 

 

“Oh no that is blasphemy to the ball” Cacrizarp says, “How the hell is that blasphemy?” Fairy asks. “We worship the Baseball” Cacrizarp answers, “never before have I ever thought I would said this, but nigga, don’t you worship Cthulhu” Hare says.

 

“We have 100 million gods” Cacrizarp responds, “So it's just Hinduism” Hare says. “Hinduism is the act of farting on a cake,” Cacrizarp explains.

 

“NEXT” Hare shouts, “I WANTED TO SAY NEXT MAGGOT” Mr. Major shouts. “Suck my dick you little fag” Hare responds “I don’t give a shit”, Major punches him, hare ends up comatosed.

 

[Ten Minutes Later]

 

“Ok Hare are you mok how many fingers do you see?” Fairy asks, holding up one finger, “69?” Hare responds. “Yep he is ok” Fairy says

 

“Hey Idiots” Victor shouts, “Why do you want to be on the baseball team?” Fairy asks. “Cause I fucking hate the other team” Victor says, “Do you know how to play baseball?” Fairy asks, “No I fuckin hate baseball” Victor says.

 

“Why are you here then?” Tom says, “Cause I fucking hate the other team” Victor responds. “Are you willing to learn how to play baseball?” Fairy asks, “No I FUCKIN HATE LEARNING” Victor shouts. “If this nigga says one more word im setting my balls on fire” Hare states, “leave” Fairy says.

 

“I hate leaving” Victor shouts, “And I fucking hate you” Fairy responds.

 

“Ugh” Tom responds “When will we find a non-poser to actually help us with this shit?”, “Probably never because these faggots are so shitty” Hare shouts.

 

“Hey boys” Sugondese says, “Oh shit it is a Fag” Hare jumps up from his seat. “If I hit the ball I can give you boys a blowjob” Sugondese Winks, Mr Major falls backwards, Hare stomps on his face “Payback bitch”

 

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“Umm did you guys forget about me?” Sugondese remarks, Fairy throws a ball, Sugondese spins the bat around and hits the Ball, the ball goes flying and hits Hare in the eye.

 

“We will give you a call if you join our team” Fairy says “But that is probably gonna happen since everyone else is garbage”, “Ugh watching this baseball game really makes me depressed ugh” Tom responds.

 

“Weren’t you already Depressed?” Fairy asks, “I’m Goth, big difference” Tom remarks. “Ok Emo” Fairy says, “I’M GOTH” Tom responds.

 

Mime walks in the room, “Oh hey traitor” Tom remarks.

 

Mime shakes his head in sadness, grabs a sign and writes Sorry. “Oh wow look at who is so sorry huh?” Fairy asks, Mime mopes around, “Stop being so damn dramatic, you caused us to lose and now you want to apologize” Tom shouts in anger.

 

“Woah Tom you showed actual emotion” Fairy says “outside of depression”, “I am Goth” Tom responds, Mime starts to do a dance.

 

“What is this a game of charades?” Fairy asks, Mime continues dancing and starts to cry, “if you really are sorry I will write your name on Mr. Major’s board and he probably won’t notice you being on there, but you will have to promise to not get distracted”

 

Mime does a thumbs up.

 

“Mime when you are on a team, the team comes first not what you want” Fairy says, “Wow that was deep” Tom says, “No it wasn’t deep it’s just basic bullshit” Fairy responds.

 

Mime looks down, and rips up a playboy magazine copy from his hat.

 

“That is what I am talkin bout honkey” Fairy remarks, Mr. Major wakes up and looks at Mime “Kid if you can prove to me that you can get your head in the game you are back in” Mr Major shouts.

 

Mime gets a smug grin on his face.

 

[The next Baseball game]

 

“Ok Everyone is here” Mr. Major shouts “Now lets go fuckin play”, Craig slams his alcohal bottle down, and grabs the bat “I see colors” Craig says.

 

“Shit we were obsessed about Mime’s porn addiction” Fairy shouts, “We forgot about craig’s alcohol addiction” Hare shouts, Craig hits the baseball and falls over.

 

Some snot-nosed kid catches it, Fairy goes up to homebase.

 

[later]

“The scores are tied fifty to fifty” The announcer shouts, A tall and buff man walks to homeplate.

 

“That is a grown ass man” Hare shouts, “No he is also a highschooler” Someone from the enmy team shouts.

 

“I am The Big Fat T” The man introduces himself “I failed highschool 18 times, so I can keep playing baseball and win for my team”, “This man is a pedophile” Hare shouts.

“Stop being a bitch and throw the ball” Fairy shouts, “Don’t tell me what to do bitchfag” Hare responds, throwing the ball.

 

The Big Fat T hits it, it goes flying directly toward Mime, Someone from the enemy team throws a copy of Playboy magazine down, Mime sees it and starts to sweet, but calms himself.

 

Mime grabs the magazine and catches the ball, Mime goes flying in the air, “Check the camera on Mime’s collar” Mr. Major shouts “Now Maggots”

 

Everyone runs to the camera room.

 

[Mime]

 

Mime is flying over buildings, skyscrapers, even the great wall of china, he flys over the pacific ocean, Mime starts to breathe heavily.

 

The ball suddenly stops, Mime sighs and looks down, it stops over a Hawaiian volcano, Mime falls in and burns, the volcano erupts and he gets sent out. 

 

Half of Mime’s shirt is burned, Mime gets up and starts walking, then falls in the ocean, a shark eats Mime, then spits him out in disgust.

 

Mime goes flying, “Eww that human tasted like cum” The shark says.

 

Mime lands in someone's catapult they have in their backyard, an acorn lands on the other end and goes flying, Mime flies above the baseball stadium and lands.

 

“Is he dead?” Fairy shouts, “What the fuck did you think he got burned, eaten, and launched.” Hare says, “What i would give to be him” Tom says “I want to die”

 

“Though you weren’t depressed?” Fairy remarks, “Suicidal and Depressed are two completely different things” Tom says, Mime raises his hand with the baseball in it.

 

The crowd goes fucking wild, there is cheering everywear, Mime stands up and the crowd gets disgusted.

 

“Dude your pants” Hare says, Mime looks down, “What pants” Fairy says.

 

“Bro you are naked,'' Hare says, laughing. “Small pee pee” Fairy says, Mime stomps on her foot and leaves the stadium in anger.

 

Eddy grins “Welp, that is kinda funny”, Joskin punches Eddy. “Why did you do that?” Eddy asks, “because I had no lines this episode and I want something to do” Joskin shouts.

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