Chapter 6: The Hare show – Eddy’s Fairies

*Fairly odd parents style music*

 

Eddy is a fucking bitch who everybody hates, his mom and dad like to use him as fucking shark bait *Demented laugh*, until one day he was just moping in his room when two fairies popped out of the blue. One was Pink and One was green and he was sipping lean They are his godparents, fairly godparents “Fuck you Eddy”, “Suck my dick” Odd parents fairly odd parents “Faggot”, “Retard”, “Nigger”, “Cracker”, “Kike”, “Redskin”, “I’m depressed”, “Why this ugly looking kid”, it's fairly odd parents. “Yeah right”

 

—---

 

“Sigh” Eddy sighs underneath his breath “Why do I get fairies?”, “Well there are a lot of miserable children, you are one of them, Eddy, our job, reluctantly, is to give you any wish you want within reason of course” A pink haired fairy says.

 

“As long as you don’t reveal us to the public” Cosmic explains

 

“Oh ok” Eddy responds “what are you two’s name?”, “I’m Wendyl and this is Cosmic,” Wendyl says. “Wait I’m cosmic” Cosmic says, “yes you are dumbass” Wendyl says, scolding him. “Ok, that’s cool and all I wish my mom loved me” Eddy says, “Hah within reason” Wendyl says. 

 

“Fine I wish, to make an A on my next test” Eddy says, “Nope that would be cheating” Wendyl responds, “Can I do fucking anything?” Eddy asks, in frustration. “You can do the chicken dance” Cosmic says, dancing.

 

“I wish you would stop dancing” Eddy says, Cosmic stops and then Eddy snaps his fingers. “I wish that I had Spiderman Powers” Eddy says, “Ugh whatever” Wendyl says. “YES” Eddy shouts, jumping out his window and falling flat on his face.”, “HAHA you fell fucking retard did you forget you can’t  die” Joskin says. Laughing as he walks away.

 

“Wendyl I asked for spiderman powers” Eddy shouts, “You did so I gave you spiderman power didn’t you know you have to be specific” Wendyl replies. “Which one?” Eddy says, “Did you know there is a spiderman that shoots twinkies I know , pretty cool right?” Wendyl says laughing. “Wendyl that shit is more useless than a pre cracked egg” Eddy responds, “Twinkies I love twinkies” Cosmic says.

 

Eddy shoots out a twinkie, “Eww nevermind that came from Eddy” Cosmic says. “That doesn’t even make any fucking sense” Eddy shouts “Were am i getting the shell and the cream for the twinkies”, “I know where you get the cream from” Wendyl says, “Where?” Cosmic asks.

 

“This is some bullshit” Eddy shouts “I want the most iconic spiderman”, “that's no fun” Wendyl says. “When will I get my powers” Eddy asks, “i don’t know” Wendyl responds “What's the magic word?”

 

“Oh I know now” Eddy shouts, “No it's silly please” Cosmic responds. “Give me spiderman powers please” Eddy shouts in a fit of rage, “you have yet to say i wish” Wendyl responds. “How about fuck you asshole and I wish to sleep” Eddy demands, “You can’t sleep you are immortal” Wendyl says.

 

“I’m sorry i meant sleep like a normal person not as in dead” Eddy shouts, “Always be specific” Wendyl replies.

 

[The next day]

“Ok can i wish for money?” Eddy asks wendyl, Wendyl stays asleep. “Wake UP” Eddy shouts, punching Wendyl, “yes you can wish for money” Wendyl responds. “Alright I wish for one trillion dollars” Eddy shouts, “Alright if you say so” Wendyl gives him one billion dollars. Eddy checks his bank account and notices he only got one billion “hey I asked for one trillion dollars” Eddy shouts.

 

“Yeah in spanish a trillion is a billion” Wendyl responds, “How about I kick you in the ass for that bullshit” Eddy shouts. “Bullshit what Bullshit I don’t see any bullshit” Cosmic responds, “You know what one Billion isn’t too bad” Eddy walks down the stairs.

 

His mom, mayor Miller throws an alcohol bottle at him. Eddy does a backflip and dodges “Good Going Dumbass” Eddy responds, grabbing a piece of toast and leaving. Eddy gets to the bus stop, only for the bus driver to run him over, Eddy jumps out the way and grabs his grappling hook and attaches it to the back of the bus. 

 

“HAHA look who’s in the back of the bus” Joskin shouts, laughing. “Hey Rosa Parks get up” Hare taunts. Eddy grabs Hare’s leg and pulls himself up, Reggie pushes him, Eddy kicks him in the balls and tries to sit on a bus seat. They all pull the bus seat from under his ass, then he falls.

 

“Ugh how come we never manage to get him down” Hare shouts, “maybe it's because we do the same shit everyday” Fairy responds. 

 

[Class]

 

“HELLO MAGGOTS AND FAGGOTS” Mr. Major shouts, All the student's lineup. “Today you will all do Push Ups for half the whole except for Eddy he will do them for two whole periods” MR. Major shouts “NOW PUSHUPS NOW”

 

[20 minutes later]

 

“MAGGOTS STOP” Mr. Major shouts “We will now play dodgeball”, “Yes I love dodgeball!” Joskin shouts. “Yeah it would be great if we didn’t play it everyday” Hare responds, “How come we do play football like last year?” Penny asks.

“Because Mr.Major tackled a student so hard that it gave him a concussion” Hare answers Penny, “pretty funny at the time and in hindsight” Joskin replies. “He dies in the hospital” Wendy says, “No shit, you think I forgot” Joskin says.

 

[Dodgeball]

“110” Eddy whispers, A dodgeball goes flying and pegs Eddy in the face. “Sup faggot” Joskin responds sitting next to him. Joskin punches Eddy, “Dude stop touching me gay-boy” Eddy says. Yunda throws a dodgeball at Eddy, Fairy dumps a bottle of water onto him.

 

[math Class]

“Everybody will get to do a Cut&Paste assignment except for Eddy he gets to type a college Essay” Crazy Teacher says, “In math class?” Eddy responds confused. “Talking back takes your ass to the office,” Crazy Teacher continues.

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“Old Fucking Faggot” Eddy mumbles to himself “Cosmic, Wendyl” Eddy says. “Forgot about us?” Wendyl asks, “I wish dodgeball would no longer exist, I wish there was no such thing as a college essay, I wish push ups were abolished, and I wish everyone had to walk to school” Eddy wishes.

 

“That was some crazy wish” Cosmic says “Not as crazy as my ex-girlfriend”, “Sure thing Kike” Wendyl says. “Oh, and I also don’t want to go to the office. It is so cold there” Eddy says, “Alright” Wendyl says, with a smirk.

 

AHHHH” A kid shouts “There is a school shooter”, “how is this any different from a  normal american day, and why can’t I just go near the school shooter?” Eddy asks. “Because your legs are moving on their own” Wendyl says, “then why did there need to be a school shooter” Eddy asks.

 

“Well, it’s funny,” Wendyl responds.

 

[outside]

 

“Whoops false alarm it's just a kid, playing with his gun trying to get the golden skin for his pistol” A boy says, “Oh my god” Eddy pants “Welp nothing else bad can happen.

 

“It is us, the police, and did you happen to rob a bank” An officer asks, “What no” Eddy shouts. “Then explain why you have one billion dollars in your bank account?” Police officer asks. “Uhhh Internet” Eddy responds, “Wow that is … the worst excuse I have ever heard” An officer responds. They grab Eddy and throw him in the police car, “Guys, GUYS” Eddy shouts “I am innocent.”

 

“Shut the fuck up I don’t care I didn’t have my donut today and i am cranky and grumpy” One of the officers explains, “Bubby officer is a bit cranky maybe a blowjob will calm you down” the other officer responds.

“Not while we are driving please” Eddy says, “The kid is right” The cranky officer responds.

 

[Police station]

“Now we are going to use the bathroom” the two officers say in unison, after locking the cell door. “Ugh, Cosmic, and the smartass” Eddy demands, Cosmic appears. “Where the hell is Wendyl?” Eddy asks, “I thought you asked for smartass,” Cosmic says. “Smartass #2, WENDYL” Eddy shouts.

 

Wendyl appears “yeah?” She asks, “Did you have me rob a bank?” Eddy asks. “Well you asked for money didn’t you” Wendyl responds, “I wish, I wish, I wish I was out of prison” Eddy says. “Sure thing” Wendyl saves a kid from prison. 

 

“I wanted to be out of prison, who is this kid?” Eddy says, “I, his name is I” Wendyl responds. “Who the hell names their kid I” Eddy shouts “You know what I have had enough of you fucking up my life GUARDS”, two guards appear “yes one of them” says.

 

“I have fairy godparents” Eddy says, Wendyl and Cosmic disappear. “I don’t see any” One of the guards says, “You must be crazy” the other one says. “Put him in the mental hospital” The two guards pick him up, and then they go right next door and they throw him in the mental hospital.

 

[Mental Hospital]

“This town sucks ass” Eddy says “Cosmic, Wendyl”, Cosmic appears upside down “Woah you are you?” Cosmic asks. “Get me out of here” Eddy says, “Sure thing-'' Wendyl gets cut off. “Not you Cosmic” Eddy says. “I don’t think you want Cosmics help” Wendyl says.

 

“No I fuckin hate you Wendyl” Eddy says “Cosmic go ahead.”

 

“I wish you had a shotgun to break out of the mental hospital, I wish for Bowser, I wish you had a banana sword, how about a giant elephant, All criminals escaped, Sudden random unremovable fire, Everything that has ever happened in South Park, KKK members running around town, And a big chocolate shake I wish dinosaurs were extinct, I wish Wendyl’s Wand was on an island …” Cosmic says, in pure excitement.

 

“Why did you ask Cosmic” Wendyl says “He is kinda my Moronic friend”, “that is what you get” Eddy says “I wish I was out of bondage, Wendyl or Cosmic”, Wendyl takes him out of bondage.

 

Eddy notices Cosmic rambles on “Quickly put duct tape over his mouth” Eddy demands. Wendyl puts Duct tape over Cosmic’s mouth, “See we are a great team when you LISTEN TO ME” Eddy shouts “now I wish everything was back to normal.”

 

“Funny you say that, see magic is a very interesting thing and-” Wendyl gets cut off, “You can’t do it because of a rule?” Eddy remarks, “Yeah you see Da Rules state, that if a fairy god parent doesn’t have their wand they are not a fairy” Wendyl informs Eddy. “Alright, fine” Eddy says. 

 

Eddy runs outside and Wendyl follows,“Hey Joskin” Eddy says, but Joskin can’t hear him. Wendyl tries talking to Eddy, but Eddy can’t hear her. Eddy tries to understand, then the earth gets a crack in the middle, Eddy jumps over the crack and grabs Hare’s hand.

 

Hare tries to shake it off, but Eddy drags him to the mental hospital missing a wall. Hare looks at it, and then a portal opens, Jorgon Von strangle comes out “Dumbass why would you reveal your fairies, Eddy pulls out a camera and starts recording, Eddy’s and everyone's mind is wiped, the world returns to normal.

 

“Till next time fag” Wendyl says “I just wanna say even tho I fucking hate you, you got balls, real balls” Wendyl and Cosmic disappears.

 

[The next day]

“Welp I’ve finished watching the tape. I'm not going to show anyone else it after all they treat me like shit anyway, and like Kim kardashin’s tape I want it to be secret” Eddy tells the camera. The Camera pulls out a gun and shoots him, then it walks off.

 

“It's nice to know everyone hates me” Eddy says another gunshot goes flying at him “CAN YOU STOP SHOOTING ME?!” Eddy shouts.

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