Chapter 1: Prologue

To the loving memories of Ramonie San Juan. A good daughter, a better sibling and the best person.

This is going to sound really dumb but isn't this my funeral?

There's a framed picture of me on top of a table, with an urn in the middle. I'm guessing they cremated my body? There's not much people; a few friends of mine I made during high school that I was still in contact with, classmates I met during college, and some professors that knew me.

And of course, my family.

We were normal, our family that is. My father smoked a lot of cigarettes but learned that I can't take the smell so he usually does that outside and he does it, very rarely. My mother who nagged too much but managed to raise her three children with respect, my older brother who had too much on his plate because he is the next man of the house and my youngest sister who was pressured to do better because her siblings had done so much.

And there's me, the middle child. I had to understand there are just some things I cannot have because it wasn't a priority.

It's quite funny, watching them cry over me. Because I am right here, and yet I'm dead.

Oh, no! A voice suddenly exclaims. Oh, no! You did die!

I turn around to find the most beautiful person? Entity? Deity? I have seen in my life. I can't tell if they're a woman or a man, it could be anything. They're wearing a white cloth with golden seams.

The deity kneels down in front of me. I'm sorry. This is my fault. I accidentally — it was an accident. I'm sorry.

"You killed me?" I ask, shocked.

Accidentally! The deity counters, looking up at me. And still, we're the same height. It wasn't on purpose!

"What are you? What am I?"

I'm an Archangel. My name is Evie, I was just looking around, I swear, I didn't realize I — it was an accident. Please don't get mad!

"You didn't answer my other question. What am I?"

...a soul.

Ah, I really am dead.

The confirmation feels a lot like a truck hitting me. I knew but it wasn't like — just knowing and someone confirming are two different sets of understanding, alright?

"I passed away?" I murmur. "I really am gone."

The deity — apparently named Evie — flinches. I'm so sorry. It wasn't my intention to do this.

"And you can't do anything for me to come back?"

It is next to impossible to do that. Evie says, as a matter of fact. I also can't let you in the process of Reincarnation, that would be bad for me.

"I don't care what is bad for you." My voice is the most deadpan it has ever been.

But it will be bad for you, too! Evie insists. I don't know what I look like but it probably isn't good on how Evie starts clamoring. I can explain it! Will you let me explain? I swear there's an explanation!

"The gist," I trail off, as I look at my family mourning for me. "The gist is that I… I can't live with them anymore, right?"

Evie answers sadly. Yes. Bringing a soul back to life would complicate a few things.

I glare at Evie.

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Complicate more things outside of what I did. Like I said, there is an explanation. I promise.

"What's the explanation?" I ask.

I can't do it here. Evie mutters, apologetically. Souls aren't supposed to stay too long in the Human Realm.

"Oh, I see." I say sadly. "You want me to leave them."

Evie flinches. I really am sorry…

I take a glance at my parents. This is the first time I've seen my father cry. He never cried. Not even when he accidentally got stabbed and almost died himself. He never complained. But he's not just crying right now, he's sobbing and doing it angrily too.

It seems like a bad joke.

I knew my father loved me but I never felt it.

My mother is trying to calm my father down. But she's sobbing, as well. As bad as my father.

My siblings are the one greeting and making people feel welcome at my funeral. Their eyes are red, but they still look decent.

They all look terrible.

Will they be alright? I ask myself. They probably will. We — as a family — have managed to survive something even worse than death. And even before my parents got married, they individually experienced a different kind of hell I never saw.

They will get through this. They have each other.

They'll probably even be better at this family thing without me.

It still hurts to leave but I really had no other choice. It's not like I wanted to get killed by some Archangel or whatever.

"Okay." I tell Evie.

Okay? Evie blinks. Are you not… going to say goodbye to your family?

I smile. "No, it's fine. They won't hear it, anyway."

They won't. Evie confirms. You can't hug them either. You have no physical body.

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

No, of course not. I was just info — nevermind. Evie stands up, and oh boy, are they that tall.

I nervously chuckle when my eyes follow them. This deity is way too tall.

I will grab you with me, okay? Evie tells me. Are you sure you're not going to say goodbye?

"It's useless." I reply.

That's right. It's useless. All of it.

Evie starts walking towards me. When they reach me, they put their hand on top of my head and a bright light surrounds us. My eyes glance at my family again and I smile as I do.

They won't see me but hopefully, they know I was smiling when I left this world.

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