Chapter 15: Chapter 14 – A Painful Memory

Raviel slid his toga to the ground and let himself fall heavily on his bed, dressed in a simple tunic. He felt exhausted. Fortunately, his father was absent for the evening. He wouldn't have had the courage to face him.

"You're tense," Aster observed, who had accompanied him.

Raviel mechanically brought his hand to his shoulder. The pain had subsided, but his muscles still felt uncomfortably tense from all the tension that had built up over the past few days.

"It's nothing," he replied.

Aster sighed and approached.

“Mel warned me that you rarely recognized when things aren’t fine.”

Raviel was about to protest strongly, but Aster gently put a hand on his arm. Raviel suddenly stiffened and looked up at him, looking surprised.

“May I?” Aster asked.

Raviel hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Aster then moved his hand up to shoulder level. He gently parted the fabric of the tunic. The scars left by the whipping were still visible. The golden shine of a chain partly concealed by the tunic caught his eye. He had never noticed it before. Slowly, he began to loosen the muscles, one by one. After several minutes, he felt Raviel relax more.

"It's nice," he murmured.

“When I was a gladiator, I was often tense. I had to manage to limit muscle injury.”

Silence floated for a moment before Raviel resumed in a low voice:

"Why are you doing this?"

Aster seemed to understand the deeper meaning of the question, as his hands froze briefly before resuming their task.

"It's not much," he replied calmly. “And… To be completely honest, you probably saved my life by getting me out of the gladiator school.”

He paused slightly, before adding, looking less sure of himself:

“In return, I just ran away. Despite this, you defended me, knowing full well what the price to pay would be.”

His thumb lingered on one of the scars, and Raviel shuddered.

“When you came to see me, I was convinced that you were like all the other patricians. And no offense, I hate your people, and the patricians even more.”

"You don't offend me," Raviel replied bitterly. “I think I hate them as much as you do.”

Aster had a sad smile.

“I know. I’ve come to understand that.”

He and Raviel looked alike. They had the same shadow in the back of their eyes, the same pain entrenched in the bottom of their heart. And Aster wanted to trust him.

“If one day you can no longer bear this situation, tell me, and I'll set you free,” Raviel whispered.

Aster froze.

“You didn't listen to me,” he growled. “I’m staying, and I will watch over you.”

Raviel turned his head slightly to the side to be able to look at him, but Aster didn't give him time to react and took a few steps away.

“You should feel more relaxed now,” he told the young patrician.

A smile appeared on Raviel's lips.

“Thank you, Aster.”

A door slammed in the distance, and Raviel stopped himself from jumping. A few moments later, Mel showed up at the entrance to his room, out of breath and worried.

“Raviel…”

He straightened up immediately, and his smile vanished.

"Your father isn't here, and I…”

She seemed to struggle for words before finally blurting out anxiously:

“Your mother is having one of her episodes.”

Raviel grew pale.

"I'm coming," he replied in a slightly trembling voice.

He joined Mel in a few strides, and Aster followed him without thinking.

***

Raviel closed the door behind him without a sound. He had asked Mel and Aster to wait for him outside. Too many people would agitate his mother unnecessarily.

He took several steps toward the pool in the center of the atrium and stopped when Cecilia appeared. Her long, wavy hair looked completely tangled, and her tunic had slipped slightly, revealing one of her shoulders. His bare feet echoed strangely on the floor. She glared at him, and he held back.

“What are you doing here? She spat.”

“I just came to see how you were doing.”

His voice was as neutral as possible. Letting emotions leak out would only make things worse. Starting the discussion with banalities allowed him to fathom how violent the crisis was. That's why he didn't move when she angrily approached him.

"You're always trying to ruin my life!"

Raviel gritted his teeth but didn't reply.

“I can assure you that all this will stop, Raviel!”

He froze abruptly. This feeling… This strange feeling that oppressed him and haunted him for days…

Cecilia pushed him hard, and he stumbled backward, almost falling to the ground.

“That's enough!” Raviel yelled.

His voice echoed through the atrium, as he glared at his mother.

“I've had enough of you using me to vent your negative feelings.”

He knew it wouldn't change anything. His words did not reach his mother. Unexpectedly, she burst out laughing. A laugh so contemptuous that it hit Raviel as surely as a blow.

"Are you challenging me, Raviel?"

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He didn't reply right away, just stared angrily at her.

"There's no need for me to linger here," he finally said. “I'll tell father to come when he gets home.”

He didn't wait for Cecilia's answer and turned towards the exit.

"Don't turn your back on me!"

She grabbed his arm violently to force him to face her, and her fingernails dug into the pale skin. Before Raviel could get out of her grip, Cecilia's hands were around his neck. He gasped, both in pain and amazement.

"Stop it," he gasped.

“Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth! I don't want to hear you anymore!”

Realizing that nothing he could say would bring his mother to her senses, he ignored the pain and grabbed Cecilia's wrists. Enough to make her loosen her grip, but not enough to hurt her.

"Stop it," he repeated breathlessly.

Cecilia struggled so furiously that her fingers left red marks on Raviel's throat. In desperation, he pushed her away abruptly. Cecilia staggered back, surprise reshaping the features of her face. It was the first time that Raviel had used his strength like this against her. They stared at each other for long seconds until Cecilia's dark gaze suddenly changed.

“Raviel…”

He flinched. His mother's voice no longer harbored any animosity. She held out a shaking hand towards him, and he couldn't help but take a step back. A pained glint crossed Cecilia's face.

“Raviel, my darling…”

He closed his eyes. Cecilia's flashes of tenderness were almost more painful than her insults and blows. Because he knew they were as artificial as they were ephemeral. So he did the only thing that came to his mind. He fled.

***

The rays of the sun shimmered on the surface of the water. Sitting at the edge of the atrium pool, Raviel ran a fascinated finger over the tablet he held in his hands. From the height of his six years, he now deciphered the writings to perfection, and never tired of discovering new things. It allowed him to forget everything else.

“Raviel!”

His gaze dulled, and his shoulders slumped slightly as he turned his head. His mother was walking toward him. Yet her fine features looked relaxed. Her many jewels clicked with each movement, and her hair rippled in her back to the rhythm of her steps.

“What are you doing?” She asked affectionately.

He froze, taken aback. It had been several weeks since he had seen her in such a good mood. However, a small voice in his mind was telling him to be careful, because for some time his mother's behavior had become more and more unstable. Sometimes, without anything suggesting it, she was seized with terrible fits of rage. Her tenderness then gave way to unparalleled violence that terrified Raviel.

“Come on ... You do not answer me?”

Her voice was soft, filled with amusement. This immediately calmed him down.

“I was reading.”

He handed her the tablet with a shy smile, but her mother didn't take it. He flinched when he met her gaze. It seemed suddenly invaded by emptiness.

The shadow devoured her eyes.

She roughly grabbed his arm to pull him up. The tablet fell to the ground with a thud, and Raviel shivered in fear.

"Why are you such a disappointment?" She exclaimed.

Raviel bit his lip. He was aware of it. He didn't have a Gift after all...

“I…”

She shook him abruptly.

“Express yourself properly for once!”

Tears welled up in his eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

Cecilia's grip tightened on Raviel's arm, and Raviel bit back a grimace, as he felt her fingernails dig into his skin.

“You are really unbearable!”

Raviel lowered his head. His mother hated him. Not so long ago, however, she showed tenderness towards him, and her love seemed sincere. This observation pierced his heart as surely as an arrow.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

She jerked his chin up sharply.

"When will you stop making my life so difficult?"

“I don’t…”

His sentence got stuck in his throat as his mother shoved him back with a jerk. His breath hitched in his chest. He was only a few centimeters from the edge.

“Mother,” he called her in a shaky voice.

But in Cecilia's smoky eyes, he could only make out this shadow, so intrusive. Was he so monstrous to provoke his mother's madness in this way?

"I would have preferred never to see you born," Cecilia whispered.

Raviel tipped over, and his body hit the surface of the water violently. Bubbles escaped his lips as he opened his mouth in shock. He kicked his legs to try to regain the surface, but it suddenly seemed very far away. Too far. His back touched the bottom of the pool, and in a desperate effort, his foot hit the ground with all his might. A dull ache shot up his leg, but it had the desired effect. When his head popped up, he took a deep breath. Immediately, he was seized with fierce coughs and spat out the water he had had the misfortune to swallow. He searched for the ledge and grabbed onto it.

He looked up, his vision blurred, but only to see his mother kneel beside him. Her hand pressed violently against his head to keep him under the water. A silent cry escaped him, and the tears overflowed from his eyes to join the water in the pool. He wanted to breathe but only managed to choke. His lungs were burning, and his strength was slowly leaving him.

"Mother… "

***

Raviel violently opened the door and slammed it behind him. He had tears in his eyes.

“Raviel!”

He crashed against Aster head-on. He wanted to escape, but his bodyguard caught up with him.

“Hey…”

Aster didn’t finish his sentence. Raviel was shaking with silent sobs.

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