Chapter 139: (Hundred) Thirty Eight : Mother

An impervious lull enclaved them, thinning the air to the point of suffocation. Becca didn't know how she managed to fall asleep after the disturbing things Leo shared with her but somehow, she still did, the warmth he radiated quelling the unrest in her. Dawn unfurled. Thankfully the curtains were still shut, hindering the morning sun from unleashing its sinister quirks; waking her up.

Groaning, Becca stirred, her hand feeling Leo's side of the bed. Except for the soft sheet she was now sprawled on, she felt nothing. Her eyes squinted open, lethargically surveying the space and everything in it, wandering the walls until, miraculously, her gaze fell on the clock.

It was a quarter past nine. Becca would have gasped and jerked out of bed if it hadn't been a Saturday. She let out a yawn, stretching her limbs but those seconds of peace were short-lived as the memories of last night reverberated through her. Leo's words shook her more than anything had before. From the way he hesitated previously, from all the measures Leo took to cloak his pain, Becca already guessed that he had a rough past but never expected it to be this lurid. He barely gave her an explanation of what happened to him but the parts he did tell were… painful.

The stiffening of his body, the pain in his voice, the fear in his eyes. All because of one person. A monster.

Becca veered her gaze to the space beside her on the bed. It was empty, the cold too cumbersome to bear. She sat up and draped her arms around herself, still gazing at Leo's side of the bed.

How did it all happen? When did it happen? 

She sniffled. The wounds might have turned to scars but the pain inflicted remained whole. What if he never gets over it, never recovers from his trauma? God forbid that happens, Becca wouldn't be able to live with herself. Slowly, she lifted her arm and wiped off the escaping tears, getting herself back together. The stories of his past might be jarring to hear but she had to be strong, to conceal how desolate his ordeals had rendered her just as Leo concealed his broken bits with inks, his sexiness and his smile, so he would stop caching his pain.

Getting out of bed, Becca caught sight of her phone. She stared at it long and hard before picking it up. Her hands quivered, growing damp as she unlocked it and scrolled down her contact list, only stopping when she found the number she was in search of.

She gulped, riffling through the name.

Mother. Becca read it over and over and over again, body limp as guilt trilled through her, mangling her to shreds. She tapped on her phone, unblocking the number. Her heart rate sped up, coupled with the tumult of remorse and sadness writhing her innards. She never had the luxury of a clear conscience ever since she did something that awful, ignoring Regina so much, she denied her of calling her own daughter.

Becca tossed her phone on the bed, brought her knees to her chest and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. Becca didn't mean to ignore Regina to the point of blocking her number, there was just so much going on at once that she was so overwhelmed. There were things going on at Atlas, there was Leo getting shot and getting hospitalized, there was the anxiety that came from waiting for Leo to wake up from his coma. Everything was just too much for her to handle at the time and when Regina made repeated attempts to reach her, Becca opted for the cowardly way out instead of facing the issue head on. She chose to momentarily avoid and block out Regina, the woman who raised her. 

Becca hadn't known peace ever since.

Shoving the heartbreaking thoughts to a corner, Becca forced her body off the bed, traipsing down the staircase, navigating straight to the indoor pool. Hair like a bird's nest and still in her gray sleeping dress, Becca sat on the recliner chair, leaned her back on It, shut her eyes and allowed herself to dissolve in the silence— peaceful if not for all the emotions and thoughts surging through her. 

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Mother… Would Regina still want to see her after all that happened?

Becca took a deep breath to relax, chanting to herself; everything is going to be fine.

It didn't work though, she still felt tense. So very tense, it was slowly killing her. She took another deep breath, still chanting; it's okay, Becca. Mother won't hate you for this one mistake. You are not a bad daughter.

A light breeze caressed Becca's cheeks, bringing insufficient relief to the sea of anxiety she was being consumed in, drowning in. She took another deep breath, resuming her flimsy endeavors to calm her nerves.

The silent chants continued. Mother won't hate you for what you did to her. She has always understood you in the past, she will surely understand you now. Becca, you have erred but you are not a bad daughter. You are not a bad daughter.

Memories of Becca's childhood, memories she made with Regina, ones she made because of Regina, flashed sequentially through her mind. Memories like the time she attended her first piano recital with her family, she remembered how Regina held her hand with a smile splotched on her lips and accompanied her up the stage. 

The times she would fall sick and Regina would sleep next to her to look after her at night so she wouldn't feel lonely, so she would see someone with her whenever she woke up.

Becca recalled the first time she stepped foot on the high school grounds, lush grass shodding it. Parents were supposed to say goodbye to their children at the headmistress's office but Regina boycotted all the rules in the book and walked Becca into her dorm room herself. Becca still remembered the warm, fuzzy feeling she got from that moment. Regina's goodbye hugs and words of wisdom were even more wholesome.

Regina might not have been Becca's birth mother but she always did her best so Becca wouldn't feel the difference. Regina was always there, present at Becca's times of need to lend a hand and sometimes in sad instances, a shoulder to blubber on. And at the end of the day, the fact that she and Regina didn't share the same blood was truly insignificant in comparison to the genuine mother-daughter love they share.

Becca remained there, laying wilted by the pool in her nightgown, eyes still shut as sweet memories of the times she spent with Regina filled her thoughts before being dimmed and used by her mind to indict her. 

Regina left all the businesses she managed, came all the way from Massachusetts to New York to see Becca, to spend some time with her, only to get shunted after everything.

Becca's chest heaved with a sigh. She knew she couldn't keep lying to herself. She acted like a bad daughter to Amanda, now she was doing the same to Regina and would never be able to forgive herself for doing so.

Her eyelids fluttered open, lips parting.. " I am a bad daughter."

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