Chapter 77: -12- Mayuri’s Irresponsibility

~~** Tachibana Mayuri’s Point of View **~~

“Mayuri.”

I could feel him sitting next to me on our bed, his arms reaching around me while he did his best to comfort me and tell me it would be okay. While I appreciated the comfort, what my daughter said had left me quite upset with myself.

While I wouldn’t say I’m a violent person, it’s not like I haven’t swatted her on the ass a few times when she was younger. I wouldn’t consider it abuse, just a touch of physical discipline. Certainly I’d never done anything like slapping her across the face during her youth. The only reason I’d ever done any of that, twice by my recollection, was because she was both an adult now and causing severe relationship problems for me and my new husband.

The fact remains though, that I have hit her, twice no less under this roof as his wife, and he has every right now to consider that I may accidentally do such a thing to Nene, even though I’m fairly certain that it would never happen. But nothing is impossible. Being married to Shota-kun… is proof of that.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I know I’ve already asked too much with Nene-san… if… if that’s too much as well, I… will also rescind asking you to continue…”

“Is it because I hit Chigusa that you’re saying that?”

“No. I was paying attention to the conversation, even if I didn’t contribute in defending your position. I believe you wouldn’t hurt Nene-san in that way.”

“Is that what you really think?”

“I do. But, I… do have something to say about it… I just don’t know if I should say it now or not.”

“I’m a big girl, Shota-kun. You can say it.”

He took a deep breath before saying to me now, what he didn’t then.

“While I said you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and please understand you mean everything to me… is there no room for compromise when it comes to engaging with Chigusa in our bed?”

Is Shota-kun asking me to have sex with my daughter? He can’t be…

“You want me to participate with Chigusa herself?”

“No, and yes. No, because I’ve never wanted this marriage of ours to be anything other than you and I. Yes, because… this is her input in our relationship that we opened. I won’t shift any blame onto you, instead I’ll accept responsibility alongside you. But, this is the responsibility she’s asking for us to accept.”

“…”

Shota-kun, if nothing else, was damning me with what he was saying. Taking responsibility. If he’s shown there is only a single thing he’s got me beat at, it’s that. He knows how to take responsibility for his actions… and I… don’t.

Though he remained next to me, the warmth of his hug surrounding me, my thoughts weren’t of him, or even Chigusa… they were of Daigo. I wondered exactly how much responsibility either one of us had ever truly taken in our long time relationship.

Was I… the cause of him cheating on me in the first place?

I hadn’t taken the best care of myself since Chigusa was born, and I used to be such a beautiful girl… like my daughter. Maybe I was a bit bitchy and aggressive, it’s possible that was what Daigo loved about me so much back then. After our daughter was born… I behaved better. We had a child, I had to!

“…”

“I… don’t know if I can… with Chigusa. Or with any woman… for that matter.”

The truth of the matter is, since being kissed and groped by Kanna-chan, I’ve done next to nothing with Nene. I mean, I’ve shared a bath with her, and played a little with her body, sure, but it was always playful and not sexual, and as far as us exploring each other a bit more fully, there was no such thing.

This is why it’s difficult… doubly difficult to consider doing this with my own daughter of all people. I’m scared… and bothered. She’s someone I’ve tried to protect her whole life… how, as her mother, could I possibly do that with her?

Wrong things are wrong!

…it’s… wrong.

Right?

“I’ll take that as your answer for now, then. I can imagine you aren’t in the mood, so would you like to lie down? I won’t leave your side.”

His answer came in the form of me doing exactly that. Shota-kun continued to embrace me from behind, since I didn’t have the strength to face him at this time. Instead, I thought about the matter. I even tried to close my eyes and visualize it… but it was difficult.

It was difficult for so many reasons, but the primary one above all others was the future. Shota-kun… might not always be my husband, but Chigusa would always be my daughter. If… we were to do that… What would our relationship become?

I did not sleep well.

So, in the morning, I slipped out of our bed and went downstairs. Nene had already started the coffee and seemed to be waiting for me.

“Good morning, Mayuri.”

“Good morning, Nene.”

Nene would understand, wouldn’t she? How impossible a thing as doing that with your own daughter would be, wouldn’t she?

She served me a cup and we sat down to a quiet chat.

“Want to talk about it?” She said, in almost a knowing way.

“…not really.”

“I would. For Shota, I would without a question, if he asked me to.”

“Nene?”

“That’s all I’ll say. Because that’s what… he means to me.”

I wasn’t sure if I felt betrayed by what she said, or if it was something else. Nene knew clearly what Shota-kun meant to her, but at this stage, could I say that for myself? Nene has known him for a great deal of his life… for me, it’s only approaching half a year.

I’ve… never even read a chapter of his book. Shota-kun has never even pressed a question about my past, or about my relationship with Daigo. We… only know about each other from the time we met, really. I mean, we know about some of each other’s life events, but… we don’t know each other deeply yet. I know I’m comfortable around him, and the sex is great… I enjoy taking care of him and he is always grateful for me doing so. I feel respected by him, but I’m also unreasonable, and he… lets me be that way.

I can be selfish and he allows it. He spoils me, and asks for so little in return. All he asked of me in earnest was to take some responsibility, and now I’m being cowardly about doing so. About cleaning up after this mess I made because…

Because I wanted more than I deserved.

I wanted a happy family. I wanted to see the smile on my daughter’s face which had disappeared after that scar carved a wound not only on her body, but on her heart. I wanted to be with Shota-kun because he treated me how I wanted Daigo to treat me. I wanted the respect I had been so freely given by him as his partner.

Instead, all I’ve done is cause him endless grief because of my own baggage.

If it comes down to asking if I love Daigo still, I don’t think I do. But if it comes down to asking if I’d sacrifice as much for Shota-kun now as I had for my ex… I don’t know if I could do that, either.

“Nene… if Ukemi-san brought another woman home while you were with her and wanted a threesome… what would you have done?”

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“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether or not that woman was you. I… was dishonest in love with Ukemi, but if it was you and I felt what I felt with you as the extra party… I couldn’t imagine the problems. To know I could feel that way about a woman that wasn’t the one caring for me, providing for me and my daughter… it would be a betrayal in more than one way.” She took a sip of her coffee and continued, “If it was the other way, and I was with you and you wanted to bring in Ukemi-san… and I knew I wouldn’t have any feelings for her… it would be much easier, in my opinion. I mean, I’d be hurt wondering why you felt the need to bring in a third party, but that at least could be overcome with enough understanding, I think.”

I also sipped my coffee while deep in my thoughts. The conversation ended there. Nene went out to tend to her garden, and I began making breakfast.

After seeing Shota-kun off at the door, I laid down on the couch in the living room and closed my eyes, buried further in useless thoughts.

Did… he want me to?

I think that was the most pressing question. Shota-kun is considerate, and surely he was thinking about Chigusa when he brought the matter up, but was it what Shota-kun himself wanted?

If it was…

Could I do it after all?

Maybe in my teens… I could have done it easier with another woman, but the fact is, the person in question is Chigusa. I have no experience with another woman in that regard. It’s one thing to share a hotel room and get fucked next to my best friend on the same bed, but we’ve never done anything experimental like that with each other.

I can’t even really remember clearly what kind of person I was in the day-to-day back then. It’s half a lifetime ago…

To find out if I even could, I could always approach Nene, but the problem there is the existence of feelings. If I opened that door with Nene, I wouldn’t know how to safely close it. Shota-kun might be okay with it, but I’m afraid it might hurt him, too.

And there’s a bigger problem.

I… brought Chigusa in. I have no intention of bringing Nene in. She and Shota-kun have a past, and she sees him as a man now. It would be a bad move to exacerbate it further. If her affections are fixed on me alone, it’s manageable.

I can share my husband with my daughter, because that’s how important they both are to me. After all, it’s all for the selfish happiness I desire.

My phone rang and answering it, a voice I didn’t want to hear was on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Mayuri. We’ve cleared up your old room for your visit over the holidays. It will be good to see you after so long. How is our granddaughter doing?”

“Chigusa’s fine, Mom. It’s her senior year of high school, and after this she’s considering going to college.”

“Oh, that’s lovely. I’m sure she’s grown up to be as beautiful as you were at that age. Does she have a boyfriend, yet?”

“Something like that.”

“And how about you? Manako said you finally got married.”

“Yeah. It happened over the summer.”

“Well, better late than never, I suppose.”

“…”

“We’ll have a nice get-together, all of us, so look forward to it.”

“Yeah...”

“You sound a little depressed, honey. Do you not want to come?”

“It’s not like that. I’ve been wanting to come home for a while to show off my husband, after all.”

There was a bit of forced laughter on the other end.

“Then, we’ll be waiting for you. Is there anything he enjoys eating?”

“He’s not too picky. But you know if we’re going all the way up there, can you pick up a few good lobsters?”

“I think I can do that.”

“Alright, I’ll reimburse you when I get there.”

“Nonsense. If we can’t even treat our son-in-law well, what’s the point of being a family at this stage?”

“…yeah. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Okay, make sure to eat healthy so you don’t catch anything before coming. Manako said you looked a bit worn out when she saw you last time.”

“I’ll make sure to take care of myself.”

“Then…”

“See you soon.”

Beep.

Haah.

Why am I dreading going on this trip now?

I… still haven’t told them. I chickened out last time.

I mean, Manako knows, but I swore her to secrecy…

I’m sure they all think the person I’m bringing is Daigo.

What is going to happen when they find out my husband is half my age? Furthermore… when they meet Chigusa… there’s no way my mother won’t notice. When they ask her… I can imagine it will be the last time I see my mother and father.

I made my bed, so it’s time to lie in it, I suppose.

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