Chapter 42: Chapter 42 – What Does That Mean?

Chapter 42 - What Does That Mean?

After we had escaped to the tunnels, we found ourselves in the awkward position of being trapped between ravenous Zombies on one side and a still raging fire on the other. Even with an oncoming rain storm, it was going to take a while for things to calm down, so we settled in for the wait.

The fountain room was not the most comfortable place to bed down, and it only received the barest amount of light from the old Tongue-Flower den. However, the actual safe-room was located in the town somewhere. And it was on fire, so…

In the meantime, Hess had suggested that we go ahead and fill up our Cores.

The prospect of doing so with her around was a little bit daunting. We had certainly done this before and more besides, but Jax and I were in a different place now than we had been then. And when she had been having ‘breakfast’ earlier today… well, that was part of why I was still a bit gun shy about the whole thing. Plus, I knew that Jax had begun enjoying these sessions immensely, so I was half-afraid that she was going to want to make a big production out of it. However, to my relief, she was still hesitant about tempting Hess. So, I had switched off the sharing feature and we quietly began eating Minor Rank Ones. They were the least valuable, after all.

During the process, I began feeling… hollow somehow. Like it was a rote and tedious thing. Melancholy. For some reason, the lack of that little leak that bled off to my companion was making me feel rather oddly alone, despite the fact that she was sitting right beside me.

And very quietly, I began to hear the faint sounds of Jax sniffling in the dim light.

Gently, I rested my palm against the small of her back and began to rub small circles there, “Are you alright?”

She did not reply. Instead, wiping at her eyes, she climbed up and straddled my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Kiss me?” she whispered.

“What about Hess?” I whispered back nervously, trying to ignore her bare chest pressed against mine. And totally unable to do so.

“Just a kiss…” she pleaded, “only that.”

Despite myself, I was overtaken by a faint smile as she began to nudge at me, gently rubbing her nose and still slightly damp cheek against my face until I gave her what she wanted. As our lips joined, she breathed a blissful sigh into my mouth, and very quietly, we began to tenderly enjoy one another.

And though our Cores were not connected at the moment, we still had Gems in our mouths. Very subtly, I could feel a trace of commingling there. Or perhaps it was just my imagination.

It did not last long though. As the final pieces of it dwindled, Jax pulled away sadly.

“Last ones,” I said shakily, holding the pair up between us. Despite the gentle mood, that kiss had begun to do things to me.

Jax stared into the dim glow emanating from between my pinched fingers for a long while before finally looking back to me, “Connect with me again? Please?”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “It’s only the one more to go, and we’ll be done.”

Clutching me to herself tightly, she whispered, “I can nay do even the one any more. Being cut off from ye like this… even in just this one way. It be a torment for me.”

I frowned slightly. Surely, she was exaggerating. True, the lack of connection was a little lonely, but a torment?

I was about to argue, but Hess chimed in from where she was sitting across the room, “Just do it, Donum, whatever it is. I don’t know why you two even bothered if it was going to be such a hassle.”

Clearing my throat, I apologized, saying, “We didn’t mean to disturb you, Hess. I guess we’ve become used to sharing our Cores, but there is an intimacy to it. I had turned it off for your benefit, but…” I let the sentence trail off.

“You mean what you did before? That made Jax jizz all over the place?” Hess asked with her typical bluntness, coming to sit next to us.

Jax’s grip tightened for a moment at the nearness of her, “Aye. Though, I can nay do such anymore. Thankfully.” Sighing, she turned to me once again, “Connect it back, Donum. I do nay care anymore, just… please.”

Nodding, I re-toggled the feature, and Jax almost sobbed with happiness before I had even said anything.

“Can you really feel it?” Hess asked. “When you’re connected like that?”

“Nay,” Jax explained. “But I can feel when it ain’t there. Like a great hole cut out o’ me.”

“Will I feel like that, too?” she asked. “When I’m bound?”

“Not at first,” Jax smiled, but then reconsidering, she added, “I don’t think.”

Grunting in affirmation, I explained, “Like I’ve said, we’re learning as we go. I think once you join, it’ll help. It’s hard to see a pattern without repetition.”

“What’s the clog, then?” she asked, clapping her hands together. “Eat your Gems, and be on with it! I want in!”

Jax stared hard at her, still clutching me, “Ye ain’t allowed to do aught before me.”

Very faintly, I could feel her claws begin to dimple the skin at my back. I do not know why — maybe it was the nearness of her, or perhaps I saw something in her expression — but I realized then that Jax was terrified of the prospect of Hess deciding to act on her desires. She had made her claim on me, rather emphatically at that, but she did not have the means of enforcing it.

On the other hand, by her own set of rules, Hess had the right to a certain amount of access. She was walking a fine tightrope, these made-up rights on the one side and her equally made-up position as ‘first lilim’ on the other. Either way, her emotions regarding the matter were quite real. It was all very strange to my sensibilities and unnecessary to boot. In my mind, it would be simple enough to either let Hess have what she wanted and then, when she was able, play catch-up, or simply not allow her any access at all.

Which was an odd thing to say. ‘Access’ here was referring to my manhood, after all. And what I thought about the matter did not seem to have been taken into consideration. Of course, I was pretty certain that I could put my foot down, but I was not even all that sure what it was that I wanted. Other than for everyone to be happy, anyway.

“Yes, yes,” Hess waved unconcerned, apparently not having picked up on any of that. From her perspective, this must have seemed like some great joke, and honestly, there was a certain degree of the ridiculous to it. “We’ve been over this. I don’t even have to participate! I’ll just sit and watch.”

“Yer not going to lose yer head?” Jax asked suspiciously. “How strong is it?”

“Less than you, I would think,” Hess replied, drawing her knee up so that she could rest her chin on it. “And you were just making out!”

Jax smirked at her, “I took a skill, I did. Just so as I don’t lose me head!”

“Wait, what?” I cut in. Having these two negotiating the details of my immediate sex life right in front of me was surreal to say the least, but I had not missed that last part. “What skill is this?”

Jax’s attention suddenly snapped to me, and her eyes widening in realization, she pulled her claws away. “Oh… uh… I…” she tittered nervously before getting a read on me. Relaxing, she sighed, “I were afraid ye’d be more upset at me fer takin’ such out o’ turn.”

I scoffed, “You have charge over what skills you pick. Why would I be upset?”

“We always discussed it, at least, afore,” she explained repentantly. “But the Lady suggested this. Said it’d help me down the way.”

“Is that so?” Hess asked keenly. “For the Lady to offer up two skills unprompted? Very curious. What is it?”

Jax hesitated just long enough for me to roll my eyes, “You don’t have to tell us the name.” Bline’s naming conventions for Jax’s skills must have been truly awful. To date, I only knew one of them.

Sighing in relief, she explained, “She says it be to expand me aptitude fer lust and desires, so as I don’t go weak or crazy from it. More as I get better at it. But… there be a drawback.”

Hess nodded, “Mmm… that happens a lot with strong skills. Did she say what it is?”

“Aye…” she confirmed slowly, “but I ain’t felt nothin’ of it yet.”

This was all sounding quite vague to me. What was gaining aptitude for lust supposed to accomplish, anyway? I knew that she fought better when she was feeling turned on, and it helped her make better shadow clones. Maybe there was some sort of skill tree involved? It was possible that either through her own actions or the skills that she had picked, she could have blundered into something like that. And if that was the case, then the ability to maintain some self-control while she was in the midst of it would be crucial.

But a side-effect?

“Well?” I prompted. “What are you supposed to feel?”

Shifting slightly in my lap, she buried her head in my chest, embarrassed, “I can nay believe I let Her talk me into such…”

Uh oh…

I took a breath. Best to rip off the Band-Aid.

“Just say it.”

Glancing up at me again briefly, she began lightly doodling on my chest with her claw, “Uh… She be sayin’… that from now on, I’ll always be… er… up for it. I guess, ye’d say. If only a little,” she admitted. But then in a rush, she added, “But I ain’t!”

I sighed. Honestly, at this point, I was not surprised. Maybe a day or two ago, I would have been. I might have even gotten upset about it, but now? If anything, Bline was right. It probably would help her, and if my suspicions were correct, then it would most likely be a cornerstone to her entire skill-set.

“I be sorry, Donum,” Jax said sadly.

“Why be sorry?” I smiled helplessly. “It’s your skill.”

She shook her head, “Ye ain’t happy, neither.”

I tutted at her, “I’m just thinking of what this’ll do to you in the long term. To be… aroused all the time sounds… painful to me.”

She nodded, “So did I argue when She suggested it. But She says it won’t be. Says I’ll get used to it.”

Jax’s relationship with the Lady of Power really was strange. For Her to offer up advice? Consolation? I had only ever heard Her voice the once, and half of that had been censored. Every other interaction I had ever had with the Goddess had been transactional at most.

“But, Jax,” Hess said, “When your vagina is done… you do realize what being horny will be like, right?”

“No,” Jax said simply. “I ain’t never had one, have I?”

That was fair. Mechanically, I had an inkling as to what Hess was referring to, but trying to imagine it was a totally foreign concept.

“Well, it’s too late now, either way,” I said, effectively ending the conversation. “Let’s finish this and get to sleep, alright?”

Jax took a breath, glancing between Hess and the Gems I was holding. She had relaxed a bit through the conversation, but she still very much did not want to do this with Hess around. “Ye do it, Donum,” she said finally, her expression firming. “I ain’t tried this yet with me new skill. And this way be the least of it.”

“Aww, come on!” Hess scowled. “I want to see some action!”

Jax jeered at her, and snatching the Gems from my grasp, she cooed, “Open wide, mate…”

I hesitated. What was she about? Somewhat bemused at this apparent shift in her attitude and wanting to see where this was going, I went ahead and let her feed them to me. Their sweetness hit me immediately, as usual, and I worked them over into my cheek so that the flavor was muted a bit. Feeling more comfortable now that the Power was flowing over to Jax like it should be, I relaxed, content to wait for whatever this was to play out.

“Well?” Hess prompted. “Anything different?”

Jax turned to look at her again, and apparently deciding that she was tired of twisting around unnaturally, she repositioned herself so that she was now lying back on my chest. Leaning into me and draping her arms behind my neck, she considered the question. “Not… really?” she announced after a moment, her fingers idly working through my hair. Slowly, and giving no outward sign that this was happening, her hips shifted back, and she began to grind lazy circles into my crotch. “It still be there… the pleasure. Maybe… more relaxed?”

I tensed. So that was her game. Sneaky little…

“Relaxed?” Hess frowned, oblivious, “You mean dulled?”

But Jax shook her head, “Maybe that ain’t the right word.” Her undulations were starting to do things to my anatomy over which I had no governance, and I was all too keenly aware that Hess had a front row seat. Of course, Jax knew that, too. And though she did not stop what she was doing, she also did not acknowledge what was starting to press against her. “More like… I feel less overwhelmed? Like I got more control now.”

“More control?” I asked, very much in the midst of not having a great deal of it at the moment.

She sighed. Leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, and consequently pressing just a tad harder against me, she reconsidered, “Maybe that ain’t the right word neither…”

Just then, the final bits of Gem dissolved in my mouth, and as the flow stopped, I got the usual message about my Core being ready for condensing. Of course, my erection had nothing to do with that. And the cause of it was still pressed quite firmly against me.

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Smiling regretfully, Jax leaned back to cup my cheek in her hand and drew me toward her for a soft kiss, “I guess that be that.”

The look she gave me then spoke volumes. Her front of being unconcerned and unaware of my situation was exactly that. A front. A facade. She wanted desperately to rip my loincloth away and begin a journey into depravity right then and there. But she did not. Instead, adding a subtle wink just for me, she suggested, “Shall we sleep? I be anxious to see what be what on the morrow.”

Her voice was deep and laden with hopeful promise.

 

As Jax curled up to sleep, her primed Core pulled her into torpor the moment her eyes closed, and she went limp. Though I had seen it before, it was still a bit disconcerting to witness.

“What are you waiting on?” Hess asked curiously. She was still watching me, her figure only faintly illuminated from the light below. Her posture was relaxed, sitting an easy pose, with hands laced over her knee and her chin resting on them.

“Oh, uh…” I cleared my throat, not knowing quite how to phrase this, “I guess, I’m just… It’s nothing.”

Hess grinned at me. Apparently, she had not been as fooled as I had thought. “She got you all worked up, huh?” she tutted, “How inconsiderate.”

I rubbed my hands over my face. I had been hoping that if I sat there for a moment that I would settle down enough for her not to notice. Maybe then I could splash some cold water over myself and call it a day.

But the look that Hess was giving me was not helping matters in the slightest.

“I’m surprised that she didn’t take the opportunity,” she spoke softly.

I looked at the ceiling, trying to think of anything else, “Look, no offense, Hess. But she’s not a complete lilim yet. She doesn’t have what you have, and she’s afraid that you will… want to use it. If you’re tempted.”

“Something she doesn’t…” Hess mused. Slowly reaching down, she slipped her hand beneath the waistband of the underwear she had taken from me. “You mean this. Don’t you?”

I swallowed, “Yes. That is exactly what I mean.”

She stared at me for a moment and her hand began to move, “And what about you? Do you want to… use it?” Her voice had become a sigh, getting carried away by her own antics.

I rolled my upper lip down under my teeth for a moment. I needed to very carefully compose my answer here. Particularly, because my other brain was fully awake and planning an elaborate escape from its confines. “Yes,” I said finally. “But I also don’t want to hurt Jax.”

“As it happens,” she breathed, “I don’t want to hurt her, either. But she said I could do whatever I wanted, as long as she had done it first, right?”

“Um…” I winced. It was getting difficult not to move. Every little twitch was sending little jolts of stimulation through me. “What did you have in mind?” Shit! No! You shouldn’t have said that!

A quick breathy sigh escaped her, and she licked her lips. She knew she had her hooks in me now, and her self ministrations intensified. “Mmm… I know she’s sucked you. We could do that,” she suggested.

“Yes…” I admitted, trying to avert my gaze but failing, “But she hasn’t let me return the favor.”

She paused then, pouting slightly, “You’re saying you aren’t allowed to touch me?!”

“Well,” I hedged, “Technically, I could… touch you. But I wouldn’t be able to do much else. She would be furious if I were to…” What am I saying!? I should just dunk my head in the fountain and escape into torpor.

“Slip inside, you mean?” she smiled. “And you would want to, wouldn’t you?”

I cleared my throat, but I did not reply. My silence was answer enough.

Heaving a sigh, she pulled her hand away, and laid back to stare at the ceiling, “A pity. Do you know, this is kind of like the dream I was having last night. The first part of it, anyway.”

“Your dream?” I asked. Good. Great! Change the subject! “How so?”

She was quiet for a few moments, composing her thoughts. Then, she spoke:

 

I was in a place. All dark. It was like the between place when you leave the Dungeon, just before you get your Word? But… I could see myself, so maybe not. I don’t know.

Anyway, I was fairly disoriented and feeling kind of panicky. Usually, dreams aren’t so ungrounded, so I didn’t know what to do. Everywhere looked the same, you know?

But then I hear this voice from behind me. It’s a woman’s voice. Very… resonant. Powerful. But all she said was, “Hello.” Like it was the most casual thing in the world.

So, I spin around to look at this new person. She’s dressed in this great black cloak. Head to toe, and pulled closed in the front with a hood over her head. I couldn’t see her features at all, but for some reason, I get this impression that whoever this is, she’s extremely dangerous.

But you know, I’m not the kind of gal to back down, and she seems like she wants to be friendly, right? So I say, “Hi.” Wave back.

And we just stare at each other for a while. Which is weird, because usually, I don’t like to just let things get awkward like that. But I couldn’t think of anything to say. It was like my head was empty.

Anyway, eventually, she walks up and gets real close to me, but I don’t move back, even though I wanted to. And she says, “Forgive the intrusion. But I wanted to get a look at you beforehand.”

Which is weird, right? I mean, you agree it’s weird?

Right. So, naturally, I ask, “Before what?”

But she doesn’t answer. Instead, she points off to the side and says, “Who is this man?”

And I look. And there’s this huge statue of you standing there, all of a sudden. Like you’re chiseled out of marble. Very nice. I’d like to have something like that one day…

Anyway, you have this regal pose, and you’re dressed all nice with fancy tailored clothes on. Probably how you’re used to being dressed, I’d imagine. And you have your hand outstretched, palm up, like you want something. And for some reason, I have this urge to take your hand in mine. But I can’t. You’re too big. Your hand is way too high up, and I can’t reach it.

I guess I took too long to answer, so she asks again, “Well? What is his name?”

And, I don’t know why… it was really hard to pull my attention away from your hand, but she really wants to know. So, I say, “It’s Donum, of course.” But distracted, you know?

And then she sighs, of all things. Like I had fulfilled some kind of… deep-seated need of hers. And I look over at her, finally, and she has her hand touching her lips, like she’s thinking of something.

And that hand… ‘Snails, that hand… it was…

But then she realizes that I’m looking at it, and she jerks it away. Says, “Forget that.” And I do. Even now, I couldn’t tell you what it looked like.

We both go quiet for a while, just staring at each other. But that statue keeps drawing at me, and eventually, I started to walk toward it. I just… really want to touch that hand. It was like a compulsion. So, I figure, I’ll climb up, right? No reason to just stand there.

And she moves to walk beside me, like she wants to talk still, but she doesn’t know what to say. Eventually, she asks, “You like this man? You crave his touch?”

So, I say… I’m sorry, Donum. I know you get embarrassed by all this stuff, but you asked. I say, “More than anything.” Oh… look at you…

Right… where was I? Uh…

I can tell that this makes her happy, for some reason. And she says, “You crave his attention, as well? You wish for his eyes upon you?”

Which, I don’t know. I thought it was kind of a weird thing to say. You already look at me plenty. You know, when you think I’m not looking. Heh… Sorry, sorry…

But then I look up at you, and you’re not. You’re looking off in the distance somewhere, and… I hate it. All of a sudden, I hate it that you aren’t paying attention to me. So, I say, “Yes. Make him look at me!” I… don’t know why. But for some reason, I thought she could do that?

And she says, “Pick one.” And suddenly behind her, there’s all these women. Rows and rows of women. All kinds of sizes and shapes. And all of them are beautiful. Terribly beautiful. Intimidating, even.

So I look at the woman, and I say, “What do you mean? What good will that do?”

And again, she just says, “Pick one.”

And I just shrug, because, you know, they’re all so beautiful. It’s silly to try to choose. And then I look up at you again, and your eyes are still off in the distance. And then I get this idea that maybe you’re staring at one of these women. So, I set off. Wading my way through them. Walking and walking. And every now and then, I’ll look back, tracking your eyes.

It takes a long time, but I finally find her. The one you’re looking at. And it’s funny. For some reason, I can’t remember what she looked like. Isn’t that weird?

So, then I don’t know what to do. I’m pretty sure this is the one, but now that I’ve picked, what happens next? But then, suddenly, it doesn’t matter anymore, because all of the women are gone. All of a sudden, you’re looking at me! Only I am there, and you’re looking at me.

Then you step forward and… well, anyway, there’s… a lot of sex after that. With you. And the woman. And then some of the other women show up again, and… yeah… just a whole lot of sex.

 

“…and I mean, I was into it at the time, but I’m not usually prone to going for the ladies, you know? The weird thing, though, was that through it all, you kept holding your hand away from me. No matter what else happened, you wouldn’t let me have it.” She stopped finally, her story at a close. For a while, she was silent, just staring up at the ceiling with the back of her hand on her forehead, but then she turned to look at me.

I was absolutely crimson, from head to toe. Watcher’s Black Eye… how could I not be? Who tells a person a dream so explicitly about them? Freud would have had a field day with a dream like that. I mean sure, it was just a dream, and I probably should not read too much into it, but still…

On the upside, through the meandering and unstructured telling of that little insight into her subconscious, I had managed to calm down. My libido, at least. Clearing my throat, I stood and padded my way over to her, “Well, Hess, I may not be able to do much of that last part with you yet, but…” Apprehensively, I stretched my hand out to her, “I can at least do this.”

It was… a cheesy thing to do. I knew that. And I felt like a damned fool.

But when she saw it…

Slowly, her expression started to bunch up, and she burst into tears. Bringing her hands up to cover her face, she turned from me, trembling in an effort to control her sudden onset of weeping, and she began to curl into a ball.

I was stricken. I had not expected this at all, and I was clueless as to what I had done, what I could do about it, or if I even should. “Uh… Hess? I’m… sorry? I… I’ll leave you alone.”

Quickly, I pulled away, but her hand shot out, catching mine in her own. I froze. And for a while, we remained like that, her sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, and me standing over her, feeling like a guy who had crapped his pants in the middle of the classroom.

I was so lost. I felt an incredible urge to fix… whatever it was I had done. I certainly had not meant for this to happen. Taking a breath, I knelt beside her and cautiously, like I was trying to pet a feral kitten, I began to stroke her hair. But I did not say anything. I did not want to make it worse, after all.

After a while, her crying became less wretched and finally to subside. And once she had calmed sufficiently to sit up, she threw her arms around me, “I’m sorry, Donum. I… That was so sweet.”

What?

“Sweet?” I repeated. Somewhere along the way, my flight had landed in Tibet. And I had not updated my passport in ages.

“Yes,” she sighed. Pulling away so that her face was inches from mine, she said, “You’re so much better at being romantic than flirting.” Her eyes were still red from crying, but I suddenly realized that it was not from sadness. She was happy. Ecstatic even.

“Oh… uh… good?” I said nervously. This had been a happy cry. But what was I supposed to do now? I mean… happy was good. But… crying was not. Or… Was this a net positive?

Hess smiled at me, “You poor boy. You poor clueless boy.”

Then, taking my face in hand, she pulled me to her, and for a long while, we kissed.

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