Chapter 197: 197

Alexcent caught a very high fever that night. Amethyst felt anxious because his skin was burning and there was no indication of it cooling down. She refused to leave his side and took care of him as best as she could. She was still afraid something might happen to him. She blamed herself as she stayed by his side.

She soaked a towel in cool water and wiped him in an effort to bring down his temperature. She changed the sheet when it was soaked with his sweat. She fed him warm soup and refused to sleep.

Pon was worried she might also fall ill if she kept this up but no matter what he did, Amethyst adamantly refused. He couldn’t stop her either. Alexcent would occasionally open his fever-laden eyes as he felt her touch on his skin. He couldn’t make out much of anything but wished that the one by his side was Amethyst. He closed his eyes again.

Don’t leave me alone, Ash. Alexcent had never had anyone by his side for long. It wasn’t like he never felt sick, he did. But often he just kept it to himself and showed it to no one. His younger self had always thought that was better. That he would be stronger if he refused to depend on anyone else. If he showed his weakness, then everyone would pounce on him. He had grown up like that.

But today, it was okay. It felt safe for her to be by his side. It felt warm that she cared for him. He disliked making her worry about him, but he somehow felt touched that she did. Just stay with me, Ash.

As the fever spread, Alexcent fell asleep again. He was thinner than before. Amethyst worried about his state. She couldn’t get rid of the feeling that it was all her fault. I insisted and that’s why this happened to you. I was selfish… I am sorry. You were in danger and I couldn’t do anything.

It was strange to think of someone, who bested elite knights without breaking a sweat in the arena, being in danger. He had almost died swept away by that torrent. The fever wouldn’t go down at all. Everything felt like a warning to Amethyst. If she didn’t do her duty, it would be his life at stake.

Maybe this world was being torn down because the story wasn’t proceeding as planned. His lover shouldn’t be me. Not me. It seemed that this world was sending her a warning. Amethyst frowned and closed her eyes. What should I do? I don’t want him to be with someone else…

She wasn’t sure that she could accept that fate. She didn’t want to. She wanted to ignore the original story and stay by his side, always. That’s why I asked you. Begged you to let me do whatever I want for the duration of the contract.

Everything felt cruel. She was in pain. Her heart ached. She was feeling guilty, but she didn’t want to let him go ever. She couldn’t bear seeing him with someone else. She couldn’t just disappear like nothing happened. She loved him. This was crueler than her previous life.

***

Belice was worried. She had received a message that the Duke had been in bed with the fever for the past few days. She decided to pay a surprise visit to his mansion. Belice was worried as she received a message that Alexcent was in bed for past few days, so she unofficially secretly visited the Duke house. She was worried because she had never seen Alexcent sick before.

Pon wasn’t even surprised by the Empress’s visit. “Welcome, Your Majesty,” he declared.

“You are always the same, Pon,” she said, “I am not the Empress, at least not here. You can skip the formality.”

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“Of course, Your Majesty,” said Pon.

Belice smiled. It was good to be home. “How is Alexcent?” she asked.

“His fever is down but he is still not very conscious.”

“Maybe I should go back if he is in no state to meet me.”

“How about meeting the duchess?” suggested Pon.

“Of course, but why?”

“That is because…. You will see,” said Pon as he led Belice to the drawing room. Pon let her know that he was more worried about the Duchess and her health.

Roman notified Amethyst of Belice’s visit. Amethyst looked at Alexcent once and quietly went to the drawing room to meet her.

As Amethyst walked in, Belice was shocked. Just as Pon had said, Amethyst seemed to be in a worser state than anyone else.

“You don’t look so well. I know you have been worried about the duke’s state for the past few days…”

Amethyst opened her mouth to respond but then burst into tears. Belice sympathized with her state. Amethyst thought she would feel better if she shared this with someone. So, she rambled on. “I don’t know… I don’t know how I became like this. I don’t know what I should do. It hurts me so much when I think about Alec and the state, he is in. If I want the best for him, I should… but I can’t… I don’t want to. I feel like I am being selfish and greedy ad endangering him. He was hurt! He is still suffering.”

Belice listened to her intently. She was attentive to her every word. If this was what it took to make her feel better, then she wanted to listen to her.

“Your Majesty…. I dream… I dreamt that…. It wasn’t a dream, but I don’t know what to call it. If I don’t call it a dream, then I wouldn’t know how to explain everything. In the dream, I was raised as someone else’s daughter. I became someone else’s wife. And a mother. I wasn’t all unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I was happy sometimes when my children called me ‘mom’, when they smiled at me. I felt such affection and happiness. But then at some point in time, I started feeling trapped. I felt that living became harder every day. I wished I could disappear like I didn’t exist in the first place… and then… I did.”

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