Chapter 3: Iced White Mocha

I checked my phone’s clock again.

7:45

I had fifteen minutes to change out of my work clothes and fix my makeup. I had a gut feeling that my mom wouldn’t accept just cleaning it off, and my gut had been pretty accurate lately. I stood up from my bed and strode purposefully to the closet. First, I needed to get dressed. I started grabbing clothes, trusting the muscle memory of my new body to pick something that would work. I ended up holding some plain black pants, a purple shirt, and a black cardigan with spider web patterns on it. I was detecting a theme with Brie’s preferences. 

Now I just had to put it on. Which meant I had to take my current clothes off. 

Fuck.

Ok. This was fine. It was literally my own body. As far as I could tell, Brie was just me if I’d been born a girl, so it was fine. It’s not like I liked my old body anyway, how bad could this one be. I took several deep, calming breaths before I yanked my shirt off over my head, my pants coming off soon after. I was scared to see how I looked down there, but I made myself look anyway, an action that sent dozens of confusing emotions through my already exhausted brain. I threw on my new pants and top before I could process how I felt. I'd always felt awkward about my body before, but this felt different. I had some stuff I had to unpack later. Shit.

Alright, I was dressed. Now makeup. This was completely uncharted territory, so my only choice  was to trust that this body knew what it was doing. I tried to dig into whatever instinctive knowledge I’d been relying on thus far, forcing it to the surface. It took a couple seconds, but there it was! I grabbed onto those memories, that knowledge and I pulled hard. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. Quickly, I strode over to the vanity in the corner of my room (I guess I had one of those now), sat down in front of the mirror, and got to work.

I didn’t have long, there’s no way I could wipe off and reapply a full face of makeup. I’d wasted too much time already. Instead, I grabbed some concealer and decided I’d just get rough with it. I applied a thick layer of it over my smeared mascara before blending the darker parts closer to my eye with eyeshadow. I pulled out the lipstick I still had in my purse and touched that up too. With all that done, I took one last look in the mirror.

The woman from my lock screen stared back at me. I guess that made sense, didn’t it. She looked a bit more emo than in the picture, but nobody could say she wasn’t put together. Rather than joy and excitement, right now her eyes shone with determination. I could do this.

In my last couple minutes, I grabbed a small duffel bag from my closet, throwing in my pajamas, whatever clothes I could think of, and my old stuffed bear, Ms. Grizzle. I set the bag next to my door and walked out of my room. I just had to last 20 minutes, I had to pretend I was ok for just 20 minutes, then Alex would be here, she’d get me out, and I’d be ok. 

My mother’s voice rang out from down the hall.

“Brie! Dinner’s almost ready! Would you please set the table for me?”

I plastered a smile to my face and set my voice to customer service mode as I walked down the hall. Don’t worry Brie, they’re just angry customers. That’s all. That they’re your parents is entirely irrelevant. As I walked past the living room and saw my dad and Father Jeffreys speaking in low tones, I almost had myself convinced. Almost.

“On it! The food smells great Mom!”

As I entered the dining room, she popped in from the kitchen carrying a serving platter with a massive hunk of roast beef on it.

“Doesn’t it? Father Jeffreys has some great news for you sweetie, I thought I’d make us all something special to celebrate!”

I let out a nervous laugh, playing it off as a giggle. I had a feeling such great news wouldn’t be so great for me after all. I started grabbing plates and silverware and placing them in front of each seat, nearly jumping out of my skin when I heard the two men laugh in the other room.

“O-oh yeah? What’s the occasion?”

My mom gave me another one of those cold smiles.

“I think it’d be best if he told you himself. Thank you for the help Brie, why don’t you go let those two know dinner is ready.”

She nodded in the direction of the living room. I gave her a fake smile of my own.

“Alright, I’ll go do that then.”

I walked calmly out of the dining room, only dropping my smile once I’d rounded the corner. I had a few seconds at least. A few brief moments where I could breathe. This was painful. Mom knew I wasn’t ok, she knew I was faking it, and I knew she was doing the same. We were all just pretending to have what I used to have for real, a loving, caring family. My customer service grin returned to my face as I rounded the corner to the living room.

“Hey Dad. Hi Father Jeffreys. Dinner is ready.”

My father stood up, looking down at me. He was bigger than me before this happened, just a hair over 6’2, but now he towered over me, leaving me feeling more nervous than ever. If he wanted to stop me from leaving, I didn’t feel like there was much Alex or I could do about it. Even so, I had to try. 

Unlike my mother, Dad didn’t even try to smile at me. Instead he just nodded and walked to the dining room. Father Jeffreys followed suit. Grabbing me in a rough hug before he spoke.

“It’s good to see you Ms. Brie. Your parents and I have big plans for you this summer… I’m here to help.”

Father Jeffreys, of all people, seemed to be the most genuine one here, but regardless of his intent or his honesty, in my eyes, he was still a threat. I doubted I’d appreciate his idea of ‘help’.

I followed the two men into the dining room, checking my phone one last time before I sat down.

8:10

10 more minutes. I just had to last 10 more minutes. Fuck, please get here soon Allie.

Dinner was a quiet affair. The table was tense, or at least I was. The food was probably good, but I hardly noticed. I was just waiting for whatever news they had to break. Eventually, Father Jeffreys spoke up.

“So Ms. Brie. I understand you’ve been facing some difficulties with… let’s call it temptation, lately.”

I took a bite of my food, I wanted to drag this out as long as I could. I had to stall any conflict until Alex was here.

“Temptation? I’m not sure what you mean.”

He frowned at that.

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“Your parents tell me that you’ve expressed certain… desires towards other women, is this true?”

I took a sip of my water while I considered my options. If I lied, my parents would definitely call me on it, that’d go downhill fast, if I told the truth, it’d probably go downhill too, but maybe not as fast?

“I- uh… I like women, yes. I’m-” This one felt hard to say, “I’m a lesbian.”

To my left, I saw my father tense up. He knew already, but it seems like he really didn’t like to hear me say it. My mother just stared at me, it felt like she’d bore a hole through my skull with her gaze. Father Jeffreys just nodded.

“I see. I’d like to help you with that, Ms. Brie. Your parents have already agreed.”

“You want to ‘help’ me? How?”

“Well Ms. Brie, I happen to know a man who runs a very special summer camp that specializes in rehabilitating girls like yourself. Your parents have asked that I sign you up, you leave in three weeks.”

With each word he spoke, it felt like ice was settling in my stomach. I felt betrayed, deeply and completely betrayed. When I’d been Isaac, my parents had loved me, they’d cared for me, and when I’d told them about the crush I had on Alex last month, they’d been ecstatic. Now though, just because I was a woman, just because I was Brie instead, suddenly those feelings had to be cured? Suddenly I was a sinner?

Just like that, the ice was gone, replaced by fire and fury.  This wasn’t a family! This wasn’t love! Fuck it! Alex was on her way, and I was going to tell these bastards exactly what I thought of them! I let out a hysterical laugh.

“I’m sorry what? You want to rehabilitate me? Rehab from what? Fucking loving someone?!? I’ve had enough of all the goddamn pretense and pretending! You’re all fucking bastards! You’re monsters! I thought you loved me! I thought you loved me, and now you’re doing this?!? And all because I happen to be attracted to a fucking woman! You can’t sign me up for shit, anyway. I’m an adult, and I’m my own person! You can’t do this!”

My father slammed his hands down on the table before standing up out of his seat.

“Oh yes we can, young lady! You live under our roof, you go to school on our money, you eat your dinner at our fucking table! You are going to that camp or you are going to live on the street! Those are your options!”

Just then, there was a knock at the door, and just like that, I sprang to my feet and ran to my room, slinging my duffel bag over my shoulder, and clutching my purse tightly as I sprinted towards the door. The whole time, I heard my mother shrieking.

“Who is that?!? Did you do this Brie? Is it that fucking whore?!? Who the hell is it?!?”

I reached the door as my father started stomping towards it. I swung it open wide, and there she was. Still in her green apron and baseball cap, Alex was here, and she had murder in her eyes. She glanced down at me, and her eyes softened for just a moment.

“You hurt?”

I shook my head.

“You have your stuff?”

I nodded.

“Then get to the car, we’re leaving.”

I started to rush towards the car, but stopped when I glanced behind me. My father had caught up to Alex, and he was screaming down at her. He looked like he might pop a blood vessel.

“You damn freak! Who the hell do you think you are, taking my daughter from me?!?” He looked over at me, “Get back here right now Brie! Or I’ll-”

Alex interrupted him.

“Fuck me you’re loud. I could hear you from outside, you know. You said your daughter had two options, well sorry bud, but I’m option three.”

My father shoved her hard, and she stumbled back a few feet. I took a few steps towards her, but she looked at me and shouted.

“Car! Now Brie!”

I ran to the car and opened the passenger door. I wouldn’t get in though, not without Alex. My dad was yelling again, this time directed at me.

“Step away from the fucking car Brie! If you leave with this fucking freak I never want to see you again! Get back in the house you stupid fucking dy-”

Alex interrupted him again, with her fist this time, smashing his nose with a punch. He staggered backwards, clutching his face with his hands.

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare call her that! She’s your daughter! Your own daughter, and you’d treat her like that? You’d call her that?!? You’re scum! The lowest of the fucking low.”

She turned and started walking to the car.

“Get in Brie, we’re leaving. They never get to hurt you again.”

I sat down, and closed the door. Alex sat next to me, gently running her hand up and down my back. She took a few moments to gather herself, letting the adrenaline of the situation work its way out before she finally, finally drove away.

“You’re ok Brie, it’s all gonna be ok. I promise.”

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