Sarge and Grif are standing next to the Warthog which is now on its side behind Red Base. Lopez is crouched over it, repairing it. A socket wrench is heard in the background.
Grif: And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and.. shit just started blowin' up. I don't know. (sighs)
Sarge: (exhales in exasperation) Grif, do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?
Grif: I-I don't know, uh, like, uh, what.. ten, ten.. twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, you-you're gonna kill me now, aren't you?
Sarge: Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten-second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya.
Lopez stops working and stands up to face Grif.
Grif: Guys, I just want you to know, I'm really, really sorry here, and-
Lopez puts down his tool for a gun.
Sarge: Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.
Grif: (backing away) Okay, uh, I guess I better get going then.
Lopez and Sarge look at each other then turn and start firing at Grif off screen.
Grif: Hey guys, that's not funny! Somebody could get hurt here.
Cut to the top of Blue Base where Tucker and Bell are standing next to Tex, who is firing at something.
"That's basically it, sir." Tucker says to Tex. "They have five guys over there and a big jeep."
"And your flag." Tex speaks in a deep voice as they reload their pistol.
"I-I guess so." Bell says.
Tex then throws a grenade.
"Uh, hey, Tex?" Tucker calls out. "I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here."
"I'm scared." Caboose says.
"Please stop shooting at my friend." Bell says.
Tex starts looking over various weapons as Caboose runs over to the three.
"So, you've got Special Forces black armor, I see." Tucker observes. "Were you in the Special Forces at some point?" Tex just stares at Tucker as she reloads her gun. "Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th-" Tex runs off. "O-Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later."
Caboose then whispers loudly to Tucker. "I don't think he likes you."
"Thanks." Tucker says sarcastically.
The three blues walk over to the edge of the base.
"Um... Mr. Tex, wh-where are you going?" Bell asks.
"Red Base." Tex states. "Kill everybody. Get the flag back."
"Oh... Okay!" Caboose yells. "We'll just stay here and guard the trans.. porter..."
Cut to Grif on top of Red Base.
Grif: So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because SOMEBODY didn't believe in it.
Simmons: Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges.
Donut: Hey, since I captured the flag, d'ya think they'll give me my own color armor now?
Simmons: What do you mean "captured"? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot.
Donut: Still, you think there's a shot?
Simmons: Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog.
Grif: Hyeah, heh-wait... You don't.. You don't think they'd do that, do you?
Cut to Sarge watching Lopez fix the Warthog. A socket wrench is heard in the background.
Sarge: Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingy there.
Lopez stands up.
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Sarge: I think that's what's makin' that rattle.
Lopez turns and faces Sarge.
Sarge: I think I'll let you do it.
Lopez returns to work. Invisible Tex runs behind Sarge.
Sarge: What the...? What was that?
Cut to Grif.
Grif: Simmons, what's going on? What's over there?
Simmons: (looking over the edge of the base) I thought I saw something for a second.
Camera pans down to reveal invisible Tex, then cuts back to Grif.
Grif: Hey rookie, tuck the flag some place safe until we can figure out what's goin' on.
Donut: Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway. (drops the flag into the middle of the base)
Cut to Tex, then to Grif and Simmons looking off the edge of the base.
Simmons: Did you hear that?
Grif: Yeah.
Donut: (whispering) Hey! What's going on?
Cut to Tex who throws a plasma grenade, then cut to Grif and Simmons from behind. Grif turns around.
Grif: What the fuck?
Cut to Donut who has the plasma grenade stuck to his helmet.
Donut: What?
Simmons: (turns around) What is that thing?
Donut: (concerned) What thing?
Grif: There's somethin' on your head.
Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off!
Simmons: No, it's not a spider, it's, like a.. blue thing.
Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!
Grif: It's not a spider! Calm down. It's some kinda.. fuzzy, pulsating thing.
Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider.
Simmons: Does it hurt?
Donut: No.
Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.
Grif: Good idea. Go for it.
Simmons: Me? By "we" I meant "you". Asshole.
Donut: Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous.
The grenade explodes.
Grif and Simmons: Son of a bitch!
Fade to black with sounds of people being hit.
Grif: Sim- Where'd he go?
More sounds of people being hit.
Grif: Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!
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01-24-2023
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