Chapter 14: Roomier Than it Looks

Tucker and Bell come out of the teleporter with black armor on.

"Are you two okay?" Church asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Tucker claims.

"It's gonna suck to take this stuff off." Bell whines.

Tucker runs to the top of a nearby hill, with Bell and Church following him. "Come on, Caboose!"

Caboose is still on top of Blue Base. "Does it hurt?" 

"No, not at all!" Tucker yells.

"Actually-" Bell starts.

"Shhhhhhh." Tucker shushes her.

"Sorry."

"Okay!" Caboose yells. "Here I come!" He runs to the teleporter.

"Does it hurt for real?" Church asks Tucker and Bell.

"Oh, yeah." Tucker says and Bell nods with him. "Big time."

Caboose comes out the other side of the teleporter, with black armor on.

"Owwwwwchie!" Caboose cries in pain and he turns to Tucker. "You lied to me."

Cut to Sarge on top of Red Base.

Sarge: Ah, dammit. Lopez, c'mere. Do you see something out there?

Lopez looks through a sniper rifle, then turns to Sarge and lowers his head. Camera pans down to Grif and Simmons inside the base.

Simmons: There's no L in it, it's pronounced both.

Grif: That's what I'm saying. Bolth.

Simmons: Both.

Grif: You sound like such an ass the way you say it.

Sarge: Grif! Quit your yammering and get your keister up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base.

Grif: As in... more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir.

Simmons: BOTH.

Grif: Seriously, man, like an ass.

Sarge: Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the think tank. Why don't you both come up? Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system - have her guard herself.

Grif: Good point, sir.

Sarge: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here. We got just enough time for me to spraypaint the bull's-eye on your back... Ah, by bull's-eye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake.

Grif: Yeah... (sighs) I'll be right up.

Cut to Church looking through a sniper rifle.

Church: Hey, Tucker. Come in, man. You there? This is Church. It's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base.

Cut to Caboose, Bell, and Tucker hiding behind a rock, listening over the radio.

Bell is muttering to herself. "Be like Ambré. Be like Ambré."

"Roger that." Tucker says to Church.

"Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker!" Caboose calls out. Is that- is that Church?" Caboose starts talking over Church, so they can't hear him. "Tell him, that I- that I said- for me to say hi...?"

"Whoa, wait, wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio."

Cut to Church.

Church: I said, just keep movin-

Tucker: (over radio) I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said "hi" later. No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?

Church: (severs the connection) Oh my god. I can't believe I actually died for this war.

Cut to Grif looking through a sniper rifle. Church can be seen running through the background towards Red Base.

Grif: I don't see any- (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh oh. Yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) ...Why is he just standing there?

Cut to Tucker and Bell are crouching behind another rock.

"Caboose!" Tucker yells. "Get behind the rock."

"They can still probably see you!" Bell yells.

"They can't see me." Caboose says in confidence. "I can't see them!"

"That's because you're facing the rock." Tucker states.

"And that really only works on babies." Bell claims.

Caboose looks at the base. "Oh. Right." He ducks behind the rock.

"Real smooth, dipshit." Tucker says.

Cut to Sarge on Red Base.

Sarge: They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidew- (Church enters Sarge's body) Wa-kika-herger!

Grif: Sir, are you okay?

Church as Sarge: Uh, who you talking to, Red? Me?

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Grif: (sarcastically) No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding.

Lopez takes a swing at Grif who steps back.

Grif: Hey, what'd I tell you about that?

Church: Oh, uh I-I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, god damn Blues out here. They got me so god damn mad, I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)

Grif: ...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?

Church: Uh, yeah. I guess I did.

Grif: Permission to speak freely, sir?

Church: Go ahead.

Grif: That's really fucking gross.

Cut to Caboose crouching down.

"Hey, Tucker? Bell?" Caboose calls them out.

"What?" Tucker asks.

"Yes, Caboose?" Bell asks.

"I'm having a really good time... with... you." Caboose says.

Tucker becomes annoyed. "That's great, Caboose."

"Aww, Caboose, I'm having a good time too." Bell says. "It would be better if I wasn't so scared."

"It's like we're real soldiers." Caboose comments.

"Would you please go hide behind another rock?" Tucker asks.

Cut to Church as Sarge running down to where Tex and Simmons are.

Church: Hey, man. What's up, yo?

Simmons: Uh... hey...? What's going on out there, sir?

Church: What's, uh.. why nothin'. Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?

Simmons: I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war.

Church: Yeah, well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there ..other Red guy. So I'ma keep my eye on you.

Simmons: (turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-

Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down.

Simmons: Ow, geez, the back of my head!

Tex: What the hell are you doing!?

Church: Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you.

Tex: You're kind of short to be Church.

Church: What? Oh yeah, right. The armor.

Church leaves Sarge.

Sarge: Hurk! What in Sam Hell? Where the- Who spit on my visor?

Church: Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter.

Tex: ...Okay.

Church: What? That's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?

Tex: No. It pretty much all makes sense.

Church: Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for ya?

Tex: I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious...

Church: Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy, and we'll get outta here.

Sarge: (as Church re-enters him) Huuurk!

Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle, with Tucker and Bell near him.

"What are you doing?" Tucker asks.

"Be safe up there, Caboose." Bell calls out.

"One of the Reds has Tex." Caboose observes. 

Caboose continues. "I'm going to shoot him... and kill him... and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends."

"Oh, come on." Tucker says. "You don't actually believe any of that, do you?"

"Oh, let him dream, Tucker." Bell says.

Caboose takes aim at Sarge's head. "ooh, we're gonna be best friends."

Cut to Church as Sarge, and Tex, outside the Red Base.

Church: Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter and escape. Ready? One... Two... Thre-!

Caboose shoots Sarge in the head, and his body falls down.

Church: What the? Where did my body go!? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!

Caboose: Tucker did it!

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01-24-2023

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