Chapter 7: Check out the Treads on That Tank

Church, Bell, and Tucker are behind a rock with bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them.

"My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?" Church asks.

"You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank." Tucker states.

"Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?"

"Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is much better strategy."

"Well, yeah, but... Aw man. I guess I gotta give you that one to you."

"I hate this." Bell cries. "I wanna go home."

"OH, grow a pair, Bell." Church says.

"But I'm a girl." Bell whines.

Cut to Caboose hopping in the tank. As the canopy closes, the tank turns on.

Tank: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila.

Caboose: Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.

Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?

Caboose: Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.

Sheila: Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving.

Caboose: Okay.

Cut to Simmons firing the Warthog's gun with Grif on the ground behind him.

Grif: Simmons. SIMMONS!

Simmons stops firing, and steps down.

Grif: Man, that thing is loud.

Sheila drives by in the background.

Simmons: ...WHAT?

Grif: Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.

Simmons: OKAY.

Grif: Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.

Cut to Caboose having Sheila stranded on a tall rock and turning to try to get off.

Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features.

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Caboose: No, no, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions? 

Back with Church peeking out from the side of the rock. Tucker and Bell are still standing behind it.

Church turns to the other two blue soldiers and whispers. "Pst, hey! They stopped firing."

"Why are you whispering?" Tucker asks in a normal volume.

"It's kinda weird." Bell says with a sniff.

"Um... I don't know." Church says, still whispering. 

Cut to Simmons and Grif standing at the foot of a cliff.

Grif: Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way.

Simmons: Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?

Sheila rolls up right behind them.

Grif: Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long.

Sheila's turret looks at Grif, then at Simmons as they speak.

Simmons: Well, at least that was fun.

Grif and Simmons turn simultaneously to see the tank.

Grif: Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?

Back with Church, Bell, and Tucker looking at the vacant Warthog.

"Tucker, don't be stupid." Church says. "They're just trying to draw us out."

"No, they're not." Tucker claims. "Look, they left the jeep. They're gone."

"I don't like this." Bell says.

"You don't like anything that tries to kill you." Tucker says as he turns to Bell.

"For good reason!"

"Well..." Church starts and the other two turn to him. "I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... Alright, screw it. Let's go get it."

Cut to Sheila's HUD. Her cross hair slowly homes in on Grif's head.

Grif: Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us.

A tone goes off indicating target lock.

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01-22-2023

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