Chapter 6: 1.21 Giga-Whats??

Cut to Church running up to Donut with his gun pointed at him.

Church: Freeze!

Donut: Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me?! You coulda hit me, dick!

Church: Can it. Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge. I know who ya are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now.

Donut: I just got here two hours ago. And I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private.

Church: Wait a minute, you're not the Sergeant!

Donut: Yeah, that's what I just said.

Church: Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?

Donut: Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!

Tucker and Bell come out of the teleporter between them and they both now have black armor.

"Three!" Tucker yells.

"JESUS!" Church yells.

"HOLY SHIT!" Donut yells.

"Why are people yelling." Bell says in a loud voice.

"Who are these two?" Donut asks.

"What in the hell?" Church questions as Bell and Tucker turn to him. "Tucker? Bell? Is that you?"

"H-How did you get up here ahead of us?" Tucker asks.

"And what's with that black shit on your armor?" Donut asks.

"Hey!" Tucker yells and aims his gun at Donut. "Freeze, Sarge!"

"Sorry!" Bell aims her gun at Donut.

"Would you stop calling me a sergeant?" Donut asks. "I'm still just a private."

"The sarge is still a private?" Tucker questions. "Oh. My. God. Bell!"

"W-What?" Bell responds.

"The teleporter sent us back in time!"

Cut to Grif and Simmons getting in the Warthog which has Tejano music playing.

Grif: Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep.

Simmons: I'll take gunner. (takes gunner position) Let's roll.

Grif: How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?

Simmons: (calls out as they drive off) Don't worry Lopez, I'll bring her back in one piece.

Cut back to Church, Bell, Tucker, and Donut.

Tucker is talking to Church. "Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Sometime in your future, Bell and I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this guy here,-" He motions to Donut. "He gets promoted to sergeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep, and I'm all like, 'There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!'"

"Huh?" Bell is confused.

"Tucker, what the fuck are you babbling about?" Church asks.

"I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a sergeant, and one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals our flag while we're distracted!" Tucker explains. 

"Is this guy a retard?" Donut asks Church.

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"It's not nice to call people, Retards." Bell says.

"Red, Bell, shut up." Church says and he turns back to Tucker and the Warthog music gets progressively louder as he speaks. "Tucker, listen to me. You haven't gone back in time, okay? This IS the guy that stole the flag, he's just not the sergeant. Turns out he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow, just- FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC?!"

Warthog jumps over the hill right by Church.

Grif: Woohoo!

Tucker: Holy shit!

Church: Son of a bitch! Run! Jesus! Run!

Tucker: The jeep followed me back in time!

Grif hops out of the Warthog as Simmons yells and fires at Church, Bell, and Tucker as they run away.

Church: Ow! Git! Ow! Git! Ow, ow!

Bell cries as she runs away.

Simmons: (in background) That's right! That's right, I got your ass! Get off your ass and run, you cock bites! Right now! Yeah, not so pretty when you gotta run are you! Yeah, that's right! Stay there! You know where your flag is? We're gonna get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, Blue! Come on, get out there! I've got a whole barrel of love to shoot you with! Come on! Get out now! Yeah, come on out! I know you like this! Come out where I can get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, Blue! Be tough, get out there!

Grif: What the hell is going on here?

Donut: You know what? I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane.

Grif: How did you get the flag?

Donut: I don't know, I just asked for it.

Grif: Wait, that worked?

Donut: I guess. Is it not supposed to?

Grif: I don't know, we.. never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there.

Donut: Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go-

Grif: There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base! I'll explain everything there.

Donut: Fine!

Donut starts running through the Gulch.

Grif: (scoffs) Back to our base, dumbass!

Donut: Uh, I know. I just got turned around, that's all.

Cut to Caboose looking at Church, Bell, and Tucker through the sniper rifle.

Caboose: Oh man, that's not good. (looks from Church and Tucker to the Warthog) Oh my god, that jeep has a really big gun. (puts down the sniper rifle and looks back and forth) Stay here... Tank... Stay here... Tank... ..Ah, screw it. (runs off to the tank)

Cut to Church, Bell, and Tucker behind a rock with Simmons firing and yelling at them.

Simmons: (in background) Yeah, get going! Take that! I know you like that there! Come out! Come here! Poke your head up! Come on, Blue! Get your head out there!

Church: Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run outta bullets some time.

"I hope so." Bell cries. "It's so loud!"

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01-21-2023

 

 

 

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