Chapter 292: ~Chapter 92~ Part 1

"We're home!"

I turned an unsurprised look at the trio entering the living room, and uttered a flat, "It's half-past five."

"I ask for forgiveness, Leonard-dono," Mountain Girl apologized with a bow that incidentally made the half a dozen paper bags in her hands drop to the floor. I also had no idea why she did that, as I sincerely doubted being this late was her fault.

"We know it's late, but teacher was showing us around town, and we lost track of time in the restaurant. Sorry," Penny chimed in with a not-at-all-remorseful voice.

Huh. So it really was Mountain Girl's fault. Who would've thought, especially with my knightlier sister around? That said, they were only thirty minutes late, and at least Snowy was looking suitably guilty, so I decided to drop the issue.

As for what these three were doing outside? It was around noon, just round the time we had a short lunch break with my girlfriends, when my sisters called me, asking if they could leave the base to buy a few things in town. I had no reason to say no to them, and somewhere along the way, Rinne joined the group, ostensibly serving as their bodyguard on their shopping spree.

We agreed that they would come home by five sharp, on the insistence of Judy, probably so that they wouldn't interrupt us while we were still busy doing the ol' horizontal tango. She overshot the time frame a bit though, as by three in the afternoon, both she and Elly were completely tuckered out. Even I was feeling just a tad drained after all that physical activity, though it was nothing a hot shower and a cup of strong tea couldn't fix. I sent the girls home not long after that, so I'd been waiting for almost two hours for the trio in front of me to arrive, if only so that I could move on with my own business in peace.

Not that I was bored, considering I had quite a bit of cleaning up to do. Despite this being our first time, my girlfriends were unexpectedly… let's call it 'adventurous', and leave it at that.

"So? What did you guys buy?" I asked, mostly out of courtesy.

"It's mostly clothes," Snowy answered and placed one of the paper bags next to the couch.

"And daily necessities," my knightly sister noted on the side and fished out a big yellow mug, a set of toothbrushes, and something that at a glance looked like koala-print bed sheets.

She acted like she was moving in, and as far as I knew, that might've been precisely her plan. Before I could call her out on it though, I noticed Rinne inspecting me from up close. We locked eyes for a while, then I blurted out an uncertain, "What is it?"

After a beat of silence, she let out a satisfied hum and put her hands on her hips.

"Rinne is pheasantly surprised."

"Pleasantly," I corrected her on autopilot, but she continued without acknowledging it.

"Leonard-dono's yang energy is finally in balance. Good."

"Now that you mention it, brother's complexion definitely looks much better than usual," Penny noted as she joined the peanut gallery, and even Snowy agreed with a small nod. "It's almost like you're glowing!"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," I denied flatly, but none of them looked convinced.

To be honest though, I did feel unusually relaxed at the moment. Contrary to my worries, our first, second, third, and fifth times with the girls proceeded incredibly smoothly, and despite my fears, the act not only didn't lead to friction in our relationship, if anything, it brought us closer than ever. Both literally and figuratively. I'd call that a complete success, and it took a huge weight off my shoulders.

That said, I also couldn't help but feel just a touch underwhelmed. Wasn't upgrading a relationship from platonic to sexual supposed to be one of those huge, worldview-shattering, pivotal moments in someone's life? Not only that, but we all started out as virgins, so it should've been doubly impactful, yet it just… wasn't. It simply felt like a messier, more physically taxing cuddle.

I had to wonder; was I the problem? Or rather, was I the problem again, like when my expectations about love were so overblown I couldn't see the forest for the trees? Maybe sex was supposed to be simple like that, and I was just overthinking it? According to the girls, I was really prone to do that, and I had no choice but to believe them. I mean, by this point I had a feeling they knew me better than I did, so if they both agreed on it, there had to be at least a grain of truth there.

So, in conclusion, taking a roll in the hay was weirdly mundane, kind of messy, and quite pleasant all things considered. Well, except for the fourth time. We don't talk about the fourth time. Oh, and it also balanced my chi or something, if Mountain Girl was to be believed.

But putting all of that aside, I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under the crossfire of curious gazes, so I promptly shooed the trio away from me.

"How about you guys stop staring and start unpacking instead?"

"Brother's right. We have to figure out where to put my underwear so that we wouldn't mix them up," my redhead sister mused with a pensive expression.

"We can embroider our initials into them," Snowy proposed, but it only deepened the furrows on the other girl's brows.

"I have no idea how to do that."

"I've... never tried it either, but it shouldn't be too hard..."

"Worry not!" Rinne exclaimed out of the blue and confidently thumped on her chest. "As Leonard-dono's retainer, Rinne will take care of it!"

"Can you?" I inquired just a touch skeptically, and she hit her chest again, probably for emphasis.

"Rinne was the leader of the handicrafts club in high school."

"I would say I'm surprised, but with your track record, I'd be lying." My comment received no reaction, so I breathed in and raised my voice a little. "You guys do that. I have some things to take care of at the base, so I'll be out until the evening. Don't make too big of a mess."

"Don't worry, Leonard-dono. Rinne is a responsible adult, and will oversee your home until your return."

I had a retort right on the tip of my tongue, but it wasn't worth it.

"... Sure. You do that."

I gestured for the three to head upstairs, then headed for the teleport closet. I still had to keep up appearances in front of Penny, though I already had a vague inkling of a plan that would let me resolve everything rather soon. I just had to figure out the extra details.

Anyhow, I soon arrived at the base and headed out. While we didn't agree on the hour, I didn't want to make Fred wait longer than necessary either. We had lots of stuff to do, so the sooner we could start, the better.

"Ah, ue-sama!" Ichiko perked up the moment she laid eyes on me, from across the entire main hall. She pattered over in a hurry and came to a screeching halt in front of me, holding out a certain glowing sword in front of her. "Welcome! Look, I'm done with the cleaning!"

I couldn't see much of a difference, since Cal was about as gilded and shiny as ever, but I rubbed her head anyway and took the blade from her.

"Good job."

The little miko let out a delighted 'Yip' sound and beamed at me. Meanwhile, I could also hear a familiar voice in my head.

"{Lady Ichiko is truly an expert of maintenance, young knight. You have done well to recruit her. Please convey my sincerest thanks to her.}"

"I'm glad to hear you're getting along."

"We sure do!" the little miko exclaimed between giggles.

"Cal also asked me to tell you he's appreciating how you take care of them."

"It's only natural! I know how icky it is to have dirt and grime stuck on you!"

"{It truly is,}" the sword in my hand agreed with the verbal equivalent of a big nod. "{I'm glad lady Ichiko understands me. I could only wish my wielder of this generation would pay half as much attention to me.}"

"I told you, I can't exactly wave you around in the open until this entire feud situation got resolved." Cal remained silent, but I could still pick up a sense of sulking emanating from the blade, so I added, "Don't be like that. You'll have your day in the sun too."

"{I exist to inspire and command. To think my wielder would try to console me instead... This is truly—}"

"The darkest of times. Yes, yes. Such terribleness, much horror, oh the humanity."

"{... Young knight. I can't help but feel that you're making fun of me.}"

"It's just your imagination."

Even though Ichiko could only hear one side of our conversation, she provided constant a background jingle with her amused giggles, only to stop with a face that said she just recalled something important and she tugged on my sleeve.

"Ue-sama? When are you going to make Cal-san a sheath?"

"One of these days," I responded offhandedly. "It's pretty low on the priority list right now, and it'll take some time to manufacture and enchant it."

The tiny miko was obviously dissatisfied with my answer, but it only lasted for a second before her eyes gleamed with excitement.

"Wait a moment, ue-sama! I have an idea!"

Before I could ask her what she meant, she turned on her heel and dashed away like a red and white comet with a black tail trailing behind her. I didn't have to wonder for long though, as she returned only a couple of seconds later, with a tentacled ball in her hand.

"Let's use Pudding-kun!" she exclaimed excitedly and presented the mini-shoggoth to me, making me raise a single baffled brow in return.

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"You mean, as Cal's scabbard?"

"Sure! Pudding-kun is amazing at transformation-jutsu! He can definitely do it!"

"I'm not doubting that, but..." As much as I wanted to just dismiss the idea, both the little girl and the miniature eldritch horror were giving me the puppy eyes, so I softened it into a much less definitive, "I'll think about it."

"Yay!" After exclaiming, Ichiko shifted the little creature to one hand and held out the other towards me. I reflexively handed Cal back to her, and she let out a determined noise that wasn't quite a chuckle. "Let's go, Pudding-kun! We'll practice, and show ue-sama how amazing you are!"

The tiny shoggoth seemed just as fired up, or at least that was the impression I got from the way it waved its stubby tentacles, and the odd trio scampered away towards the lounge area.

I followed them with my eyes, but ultimately left them to their own devices and headed for my original destination in the sub-basement. On the way, I greeted a group of Fauns carrying painting cans, one of the members of the research division on her way to the cafeteria, and then waved at Roland running circles around the main hall in the company of the squires. All in all, life was proceeding as usual in the secret base. To think that originally this was only supposed to be a rudimentary hiding place for Brang and his men... We've certainly come a long way, haven't we?

Musing so, I entered the workshop, and my nose was immediately assaulted by a heady mixture of machine oil, burnt rubber, and something that was kind of like lavender, but not quite. That's how the main workshop always smelled, but nobody knew why. It couldn't have been that hard to figure out though, as while we called it the main workshop, it was the second smallest one, so I had no idea why they never checked every nook and cranny. But then again, neither did I, and I was already kind of used to the odor anyway.

As for the other workshops, there were a couple separate workspaces for the rest of the Research Society recruits, but whether those were divisions, sub-workshops, or entirely separate laboratories, was still up in the air and the subject of debate. The kind that was fought with impeccable logic, rousing rhetoric, and only the occasional death threats. Fred reassured me that this was all completely normal and part of academic discourse, but just to be safe, I warned everyone that if they caused any damage in the process of their 'debate', I'll have them pay for it, and things have calmed down considerably since then. As they say, he who controls the budget controls the universe.

But back to the main workshop: it was the same as usual, filled with various mundane and mystical machinery, plus a lot of weird things, like plasma lamps, bubbling alembics, and those arc generators where electricity traveled up between two metal rods. They're called 'Jacob's Ladder', I think? Anyhow, they served no other purpose than to create 'the right ambiance for science to happen', and since they didn't cost too much, I let them have their fun.

"Oh, it's you. Welcome, boss!" my chief science officer greeted me the moment our eyes met. Also, for the record, I didn't give him that title.

Speaking of science, Fred was in the process of measuring some kind of oscillating light in a vacuum tube with a handheld tool that looked like it would be used to find ghosts, by people with unlicensed nuclear accelerators strapped to their backs. He put his task aside when he saw me, and it was only at this point that I noticed that he had a well-groomed pencil moustache sitting over his lips.

I was pretty sure that wasn't there just a day ago, but before I could make an inquiry, he walked over to me, rubbing his hands, and asked, "Are we going to finish it today?"

"Maybe, but there's no need to rush. We still have almost a week until the auction."

"Kihihi! I know, I know, but I'm still excited!"

He was beaming at me with the smile of a kid on Christmas morning, and we headed to the back of the room, where Galatea was busy working on a metal plate held in a vice. I already enchanted that one, but she insisted that it had to be more impressive, so she'd been decorating it with a complex circuitry-board pattern. By the looks of it, she was almost done, which made it the fourth one.

"Good evening, grandmaster," she greeted me and casually reached out to show me one of the completed pieces. "I request user input."

"She's asking for your opinion," Fred translated and... wait. Why did he also have a beard now?

"Request still pending," the androidess emphasized and pushed the object in front of my face, diverting my attention.

It was an oval, silver metal plaque the size of my palm, and after she finished with her handiwork, it was now covered with interlocking flowing patterns. "For this one, I used woad painting as a reference, with an extendable bronze stand on the back, so that the owner can easily show it off to guests."

"I see. Very fancy."

That was apparently enough for her, as she let out a content hum and put the plaque back onto the top of the pile. As for what they were, it would be best to describe them as 'bait'. Using my phantom limbs, I put a couple of streamlined enchantments onto them. Nothing fancy, just simple wards, mana accumulation arrays, and the like.

What made them special was the fact that I made them. After what happened at the Symposium, most of the Magi Schools around the globe became interested in my work, and just announcing that I would put some of my enchantments up for auction resulted in a bunch of them confirming their attendance on the same day. Since they were only interested in the internal workings of my the arrays, I only focused on those while not caring much about the appearance of the items that housed them, but when Elly caught wind of our plans, she insisted that I had to 'build my brand', and that I couldn't just put plain metal sheets up for sale. Hence, the current fancy state of said metal plaques.

"I request that grandmaster put his signatures on the items before they are handed over to the auction house," Galatea spoke with a serious voice. "Preliminary calculations predict doing so would result in an average of nine-point-eight percent increase in the final bids."

Before I could ask how he could predict something like that, my eyes met with Fred's, and my jaws slacked in utter bamboozlement. Right at this moment, the guy's chin was inflated to such a degree he looked like that muscular cartoon squid meme I never quite understood.

It didn't take him a long time to notice the look I was giving him, and he uttered a baffled "What?"

"That's what I want to know!" I burst out and pointed at him. "What the heck is wrong with your face?"

"My face?" he repeated after me, and let out a panicked yelp when his fingers brushed against his enormous chin. "W-Whaaat?"

In his panic, Fred grabbed onto his face, only to flinch and yelp again when it let out a loud 'Nyuuu!' sound and turned into a familiar, flesh-colored ball.

"What is this!?"

With a motion that was half panicked and half outraged, the guy flung the tiny shoggoth away, but before it would land, Galatea leaped forward like she was released from a bow and caught the creature mid-air. She landed with the grace of an Olympic gymnast and lightly petted the one-eyed menace.

"Master, you scared Pudding-kun. I request that you act more delicately in the future."

By the sound of it, the name Ichiko gave to the mini-shoggoth collective stuck, but I didn't expect that the honorific would become part of it too. As for the local mad scientist, he rubbed his face and exclaimed, "Who cares if it's scared! Since when was this thing on my face?"

"According to sensory data records, since six."

"In the morning? Why didn't you tell me!?"

"After analyzing all the available data, my logic circuits came to the conclusion that master was attempting to change his appearance to become more attractive to the opposite sex."

"What kind of explanation is that!? When did I ever care about something like that?"

The androidess let out a thoughtful hum and stated, "Searching long-term memory databanks. Error. No such records found." She paused here and raised the little creature to her eye level and told it, "I believe we have discovered the root cause behind the observed fact that master still lacks a wife at his age."

The ball of tentacles played along by nodding, at least as much as it could. It was a bizarre sight, but by my standards, it didn't even break the top twenty weirdest things I've seen.

"What does having a wife have to do with—?" Fred objected, but considering this whole scene was steadily heading nowhere fast, I cut him off by pointedly clearing my throat.

"Does it really matter?"

"It does," Galatea doubled down at once, completely ignoring my attempt to move things along. "According to my prediction algorithms, there is already a twenty-seven-point-two percent chance that master would grow old all alone and would end up buried with only his favorite body pillow."

"I have no such thing!"

"Understood. I will add this information to my database. Issuing correction: master will be buried with all of his body pillows, as he loves all of them equally."

"I don't have any!" Fred yelled out, followed by a groan of pure exasperation.

"Galatea." The fembot flinched and glanced over at me. When our eyes met, I let out a pointed sigh and asked, "Isn't it about time you looked after your aquarium?"

We maintained eye contact for a few seconds, and at last she glanced aside and replied, "Grandmaster's ears are truly remarkable. After reviewing my recent full-spectrum audio recordings, there really seems to be a marked increase in the hungry fish noise sub-category. To avoid it causing any distractions, I will now activate my feeding subroutines."

Saying so, she turned to our left and walked away without another word. Fred followed her with his eyes and let out another sigh before asking, "Where did I go wrong raising her?"

"How should I know?"

"Eh, it was a rhetorical question," he muttered and straightened his back. "Should we get started?"

"Yeah, let's."

"Kihihi! On it!"

He quickly moved to the back, but before following him, I took one last glance at Galatea, and noticed her handing a candy bar over to the mini-shoggoth. Well. At least that explained one mystery…

"Are you coming, boss?"

"Yeah, yeah, coming," I responded a tad wearily as I moved on as well, and we soon stood in front of a large machine tucked away in the corner and mostly hidden behind a couple of strategically placed curtains hanging from a circular fixture overhead.

At first glance, it looked kind of like an oversized 3D printer, with a large mechanical arm hovering over a blank flat surface. It didn't remain empty for long though, as after making sure there was no one else around, Fred closed the curtains and took out a long box hidden behind the machine. I helped him open it up, and we placed the two items inside, a pair of identical spears, onto the flat area of the device.

Once everything was in position, Fred moved behind a nearby control panel and pressed a couple of buttons. In a few short seconds, the machine in front of us came to life with a quiet buzzing sound, and the area under the spears lit up with a dim green light.

"Kihihi! Everything is in perfect working order! Go ahead boss, do your thing!"

He didn't have to say twice. Before anything else, I gently put a hand on the spear closer to me, and the small jolt running up my fingers told me it was definitely the original. As for the other spear…

Let's put it this way: when you are fishing, for carps, you need a small bait. I was fishing for sharks, so I'd naturally have to prepare a big bait to get them to show interest, wouldn't I?

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