Chapter 38: ~Chapter 12~ Part 3

I felt unusually tired as I left the classroom a good five minutes after the long bells signaling the end of the day sounded. Mentally, not physically. It might have had something to do with my assistant being more troublesome than usual, or Snowy showing up... Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I had to spend all the breaks between the afternoon classes restraining the princess so that she wouldn't try to drown the newest addition to the entourage in a spoonful of water while we weren't looking. The rest of the girls also took the news with minor reservations, but they at least attempted to feign disinterest.

I let out a weary sigh as I finally arrived at the main hall and trailed behind the rest of the group. We dispersed near the entrance to get our shoes. I headed for mine, only to stop in front of the locker and blink a few times in disbelief.

"Oh for the love of..." I griped under my breath as I noticed the piece of white paper sticking out from under its door, an exclamation I soon learned to regret.

"What is it? What is it?" Angie rushed up to me with the well-trained nose (or in this case, nosiness) of a blood hound, her eyes sparkling with equal amounts of curiosity and mischief.

"Nothing," I grumbled while trying to hide the incriminating evidence.

"Oooooooh..." She suddenly grinned like a well-fed cat and began waving down the aisle. "Judy, come quick! Leo got another love letter!"

I sighed and began to very, very delicately grind her temples between my knuckles.

"O-ow-ow! Not fair! Violence is bad!"

"So is spreading lies."

She broke out of my hold and glared at me in a fashion that I was pretty sure had to be a secret technique shared only between teenage girls. Meanwhile, Judy also arrived at the scene and looked over us with her subdued brand of reserved interest.

"Sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear it properly."

Angie looked over at my assistant and was about to open her mouth, so I quickly gained her attention by clearing my throat and making a few covert grinding motions with my fists. She audibly gulped. After a moment of hesitation, she looked at me, then glanced at Judy, and at last she took a deep breath and exclaimed, "Leo just got another love letter! Bye!"

I reached after her but she slipped under my arms and immediately dashed away.

"I will get you for that!" I yelled while theatrically shaking my fist at her. She only grinned back at me from the entrance, as if saying ‘You have to catch me first!', and left with a small wave. I let my fist down and sighed in exasperation, which was followed by another as I noted the piece of paper again.

"So, is that the love letter?" Judy asked with subdued curiosity as she stood right next to me.

Against my best efforts, my face twisted in exasperation. I had a very good idea about the sender of that letter, and I had a feeling reading it was going to be awkward enough without Judy looking over my shoulder. I could honestly do without all the hassle, especially considering the afternoon I had.

Anyways, there was no point in avoiding it. I reached out towards the locker and opened its door. The simple white envelope inside all but flew out of it as I did so, but I was prepared and caught it mid-flight. I glanced left and right before I broke it open and took out the letter.

"What does it say?" My assistant inquired quite insistently, rising to her tip-toes to get a better look. A quick glance showed that the contents weren't particularly embarrassing after all, so I lowered it to her eye level.

"Meet me at the roof. We need to talk," My assistant read the words aloud. She paused for a moment before she glanced up at my face. "Not very romantic."

"No, not really." I pocketed the letter and closed the locker's door again. "I guess I should go and see what this is about."

I headed for the stairwell but stopped after a few steps as I noticed that Judy was following after me in my shadow. I looked at her and she gave me a ‘Why did you stop?' look.

"Why did you stop?"

"That was redundant," I told her, much to her apparent puzzlement. She even raised an eyebrow. A little. Anyways, I told her, "You really don't have to come along for this." She only stared at me as if she was trying to bore a hole into my head with pure force of will, so I decided to change approaches. "Why don't you wait for me here? I should be done in a minute."

She honest-to-goodness huffed (though, as usual, her expression remained the same) and turned on her heel. "You don't have to rush things. I'll go ahead."

Before I could get a word in she walked off, leaving me alone in front of the stairs with a mounting sense of exasperation. I watched her leave without her looking back even once. I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and headed for the roof again, but this time a bit more sourly than I originally planned.

I was still quite morose by the time I finished climbing the stairs, and to my surprise I found the door leading to the roof slightly ajar. That fact alone almost piqued my interest enough to shake me out of my surly mood. I carefully moved up to the exit and pushed it open with one hand.

I momentarily had to shield my eyes, but even through my fingers, I could make out the figure of a girl standing in the middle of the roof. The only problem was that... well, it wasn't the girl I was expecting.

"So you've come," the princess stated in a voice that might have been ominous if she could have stopped herself from fidgeting for a second. I blinked a few times as my eyes got used to the glare and took a step forwards. I honestly wasn't expecting her. I figured this would turn into one of those wacky scenes where Snowy would take my advice about writing a letter for Josh, but accidentally put it into the wrong shoe locker. I was expecting a lot of hijinks, maybe something of a heart-to-heart discussion, possibly an opportunity to ask Snowy about her vamp act... But to be perfectly honest, I was actually okay with this situation as well. I wanted to have a private talk with the princess anyways, so her letter only switched up the order of events a little.

I gave her a small smile and closed the door behind me. "You got the key this time? Good. That means you are learning."

"Of course," she snapped at me. "Like I would make a fool of myself in front of you again!" For a moment it seemed like she said more than she actually wanted to and she bit her lips in frustration.

In the meantime, I was slowly making my way over to her, and to my surprise, I found her constantly shifting her posture to face my direction. In fact, her stance kind of reminded me of a fencer's, just without the sword; trying to provide as small a profile as possible while ready to jump at a moment's notice. Hell, maybe it was a fencing stance. She was a noble archetype after all; they usually did fashionably anachronistic things like fencing and riding and speaking with ‘thous' a lot... But back to her posture: did that mean she was on guard? Against me? The idea somehow made me strangely frustrated, so I made an effort to move as carefully and non-threateningly as possible.

"So," I stopped at a few paces away from her and flashed my winning smile. "You wanted to discuss something, right?"

"R-Right!" As if just remembering why we were on the roof in the first place, the princess took a huge breath, paused, and then directed one of her patented soul-piercing glares at me and began to speak in a soft voice. "I wanted to talk to you one last time before..." She paused again, and I noticed some uncertainty in her expression, but then she steeled herself and began again. "No, I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself."

"About what?"

"About her," the princess spat the words out with such venomous intensity that it actually caught me off guard.

"You mean Snowy?"

"Of course I mean her!"

"Okay then. What about her?"

At this point the princess began walking, though it could have been better described as slowly circling at a fixed distance around me without breaking her guarded posture.

"I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to believe you. To hell with it, I actually did believe you!" She paused, her face twisting into a pained grimace. "Only to see you stab me in the back! I saw you revealing your true colors, and I would—!"

"Okay, stop," I stated as forcefully as I possibly could without actually shouting as I raised an open palm in her direction. The princess shuddered and did just that, staring at me with giant doe eyes for a moment before she remembered the situation and doubled down on the glare. I sighed and continued, "You are blowing this waaaaaaay out of proportion."

"Am I? Am I really?"

"Yes. Yes, you do. Also, please stop strafing around me. It's distracting."

"S-Shut up! Don't try to change the subject!"

"I'm not changing the subject, I'm changing the context." Saying so, I took a step forward and began walking toward her at an even, leisurely pace. For a moment I could see her panic, raising her hands in front of her in what I presumed was some kind of fancy self-defense style, but she hesitated just long enough for me to reach her. I reached out with my right arm and clasped my fingers around her extended hand. The moment our fingers made contact she let out one of her customary strings of allegedly cutesy sounds (well, okay, in this case they really were kinda cute) and tried to pull back, but by then it was too late. I had a firm grip on her.

Without further ado, I picked the closest bench and began dragging her behind me. She only offered token resistance, but the entire affair was a little embarrassing, so I began to talk to her with a level, serious voice.

"Listen, princess. Under normal circumstances, I would let you do as you please and listen to your woes in whatever fashion you wanted. However, as it happens, you just managed to catch me in a pretty rainy mood, and I really don't have the patience for all the bells and whistles at the moment. So, this is what we are going to do." By pure coincidence, this was the exact moment we reached the bench. Never one to let dramatic convenience give me a pause, I used my free hand to point at said bench and continued, "We are going to sit down, face each other, and talk like reasonable people. No tantrums, no circling, no vague accusations. You say what's on your mind and I will try and relate to and answer anything and everything you throw at me. Deal?"

At first, the princess was pointedly avoiding my eyes and was stiff as a plank, but she eventually glanced over in my direction. For a blink of an eye, I could see her hesitate, but then she suddenly averted her face (probably to unsuccessfully hide her embarrassment) and then abruptly dropped her pretty backside onto the bench while still holding my hand.

"I hate you," she muttered, and I could only smile at the amount of sulkiness on display.

"Yes, you sure do." I sat down as well and tried to let go of her hand, but to my surprise I found her fingers holding onto mine like a vice. For a moment I thought about whether I should ask her to let go, but after a bit of brain-wracking, I decided against it. She was obviously still a bundle of nerves, and I didn't want to set her off with something like this.

"So, you wanted to talk about Snowy, right?" The question seemingly took her aback, but then she gave me a tentative nod. "So? What's the problem?"

"The problem..." She began with a level voice, though at the same time her hand proceeded to squeeze mine angrily. "The problem is that you are supporting her."

"I am?"

She stammered for a moment, but then she glared at me all the fiercer.

"Yes, you are! You stopped me from chasing her away!"

"We are in school. Of course I stopped you from starting a fight."

"But she is seducing Joshua!"

I gave her a wry look.

"You know, I can distinctly remember a transfer student who came here with the express purpose of seducing a certain friend of mine not too long ago. Can you guess who I'm thinking about?"

She immediately averted her eyes and flushed crimson.

"S-Shut up! That was completely different! I had legitimate reasons for that!"

"Really? Maybe she does as well. Have you tried talking to her?"

"No, she doesn't! It's just in her nature to seduce men, that dirty..." I was afraid she would get into an angry diatribe, but instead her voice slowly trailed off into a quiet mumble as her eyes opened wide as saucers before she abruptly yelled out, "That's it!"

"That's what? Also, careful with the volume settings there."

Suddenly excited, the princess clasped her hands together, seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that she was tugging my arm in the process.

"I figured it all out! I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner! I was such a fool!"

I sighed and gave her a look that roughly translated to ‘Enough buildup, please give me the punchline.' She gave me a knowing smile and tried to point at me, but then she paused and raised her other hand instead. So she was aware of holding onto me! She had to be!

"Listen, Leo!" She leaned closer to look into my eyes before she continued, "Whatever she might have promised you, whatever feminine charms she might have shown you, you have to understand that she is only using you. You have to--"

I raised an open palm to make her stop and then used the same palm to bury my face in. "stop. Please stop. I just realized what you were getting at," I grumbled while massaging my temples with one hand, "You think I was seduced by her, didn't you?"

"Erm... You... You weren't?" I gave her a flat look and she blinked in surprise before she exclaimed in a weird mix of worry and relief. "You weren't!"

I shook my head and let my hand down. "Seriously now, you must have a really weird idea about how seduction works."

"But... Why didn't she try to seduce you?"

"Well, technically she tried..." I admitted a touch ruefully, if only to ruffle her feathers, "I just told her to cut it out."

"You did? Why?"

"Because it was really awkward? I don't even know why she puts up the vamp act, to be honest, because she is embarrassingly bad at it. It might have something to do with her family; or at least the last time I talked with her brother it, seemed like she was doubling down on the charade in front of him. I didn't want to pry then, but I guess I will have to the next time I speak with her, especially so that she would stop doing that in front of Josh at the very least. They got along better once I stopped her from doing it anyway and... why are you looking at me like that?"

The princess twitched and immediately proceeded to try (and fail) to casually close her still hanging jaw.

"You told her to stop seducing Joshua?"

"Yeah."

"And she stopped?"

"Mostly. She still relapses into it from time to time, but she is making progress."

"I see... And when... did you talk to her brother?"

"Friday. On the phone."

"Do you... talk to him often?"

"Nah, it was a one-off thing. It's a long story, but suffice to say, I don't plan on talking to him any time soon. He sounded like a dick."

The princess only nodded and it was around this time I noticed how sweaty her palm was getting. I tried to loosen my grip on her, but instead she just squeezed even harder as she spoke in a low, melancholic voice.

"You know... Sometimes I wonder if I should be scared of you."

"Where did that come from?" She looked at me, ready to answer, but in the end she closed her mouth again and averted her eyes, earning her an amused chuckle at her unusually timid display. "If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer if you weren't."

She didn't react right away, but then she faced me with a determined look in her eyes.

"I would like to, but first you need to tell me whose side you're on."

"Do I really have to? Take a side, I mean?" She only continued to stare into my soul without even twitching a muscle, so I sighed in resignation. "Fine. If you really want to know, I'm on Josh's side."

"You mean... you are neutral?"

"Kind of, but not quite," I replied while thoughtfully scratching my chin. "I have my own situation here, but as far as your little thing over Josh is concerned, I just want to maintain a drama- and annoyance-free environment which, if I may add, is a lot harder than it sounds because of certain people refusing to get a clue."

"Is that so?" The princess mumbled to herself, apparently still not getting said clue. "So you supported her to avoid... um, drama?"

"Naturally," She still seemed skeptical, so I gave her a reassuring smile. "She is actually a really nice girl once you get to know her. You should give her a chance."

"Impossible."

"Are you sure?"

"Completely."

"Even if I ask really, really nicely? I can be really persuasive." After saying that I promptly proceeded to give her the puppy-eyes treatment. Her eyes opened wide for a second, but then she swiftly turned away from me.

"Awawa! Fine, fine, just stop doing that!"

"See, I told you," I chuckled heartily for a while. "Is there anything else?"

"Just..." She hesitated for a moment before she turned back to me, her eyes once again serious. "What if she still tries something?"

I sighed, partly to hide my mounting frustration, and answered, "I will do something about it."

"Do I have your word on it?"

"Yes."

"Pinky-swear."

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I awarded her a flat stare in place of a flat no and stood up, pulling her with me.

"You know what? We should get going. I'll take you home. I think we are done with the most pressing points; we should discuss the fine print on the way."

"Wait, you didn't promise! Also, don't I even have a say in this?"

I pointedly glanced at our still clasped hands and told her, "I figured you wanted to go home together."

Her eyes followed mine and then they opened wide as saucers in a show of slow-motion bewilderment. Or at the very least I really hoped it was just a show, otherwise I would've had to conclude that the princess really wasn't aware that she was gripping my hand for a good ten minutes by this point. I mean, she had to be... The alternative was just way too silly, even for her.

Anyways, she let out a string of cutesy yelps long enough to constitute its own language and let go of my hand like it was red-hot iron.

"I-I-It wasn't on purpose!"

"I figured."

"It was an accident!"

"I know."

"I was just caught up in the heat of the moment! It meant nothing."

"Obviously. You don't need to explain yourself." She finally fell silent, though if the way she was biting her lip was any indication, it took her a lot of effort. I picked up my bag from under the bench where I deposited it when we sat down, and seeing me doing that prompted the princess to scamper off and get her own bag from behind one of the trashcans in the corner of the roof. She returned just as I was reaching the door, and by then she even managed to get her complexion under control and returned to a less-crimson flesh tone.

We walked down the stairs, changed our shoes, and left the school building without sharing as much as a single word. In fact, if the princess weren't sticking to me almost uncomfortably closely we could have passed for complete strangers, and it didn't help that she refused to even look my way. We were already halfway to her mansion by the time I finally got fed up with the silence and decided to break the ice. All I needed was a nice topic.

"You know, I'm kind of under the weather." She finally looked at me, though her reaction was still a bit slow. I smiled at her and added, "Hey, is Sebastian around? I could use a good verbal sparring match to liven up my day."

"Don't do that!" she burst out so suddenly that I almost missed a step, going from meek to her usual tone in about one nanosecond. "Do you have any idea how long he lectured me about not associating with rude people like you the last time you spoke!?"

"Really? That's nice. It means I made an impression."

"A bad impression. Don't make it even worse."

"What about Josh?" She tilted her head questioningly, so I rushed to clarify. "Did he say anything about him? Especially in comparison to me?"

"No. Not particularly."

"Really?" I clicked my tongue. "Damn, I hoped it would help."

She silently stared at me for several seconds, the gears so obviously turning in her head that I could hear their creaking in my mind's ear until she suddenly pointed at me with a drawn-out "Ah!"

"Hm?"

"You made him angry so Joshua would look better in comparison!"

"Well, no. I pissed him off because I found it hilarious, but it was a side-benefit, yes. Too bad it didn't work."

Her fingertip suddenly closed the distance and poked me in the chest. "Don't ever do that again!"

"Which part?"

"All of it! It's unfair!"

"The magic word?"

She gave me a truly blank look, almost as if I just spoke in a completely different language.

"What do you mean?"

"Please?"

"Please what?"

It took all my willpower not to bury my face in my hands. "The magic word is ‘please'. It's a common idiom, Don't tell me you never heard it."

She started shaking her head, but halfway through she stopped, took a deep breath, and said, "Please don't do that again."

"Oh fine. But only because you asked so nicely." I paused for a moment. "Still, can I annoy the old guy if we meet anyway? Just a little? For old times' sake?"

"Absolutely not."

I would have probably kept teasing her about the topic until we arrived at her home, if not for our conversation being suddenly (and rudely) interrupted by a deep and altogether all too familiar voice.

"Now look at that, boys! It seems like it's our lucky day!"

"Right boss, very lucky!"

I didn't even need to turn around to recognize the three delinquents sauntering out of a nearby alley, hands in pockets and stepping at a rhythm like they were extras in a particularly low-budget Broadway rendition of Grease.

"Well, if it isn't our resident goldfish-poop gang," I exclaimed with fake joviality flavored by a spoonful of sarcasm and about a metric ton of ‘shit-I-am-too-tired-for-this-itude'. Sadly, our language has no adequate word to properly describe the exact emotion, but I was working on it.

"Fancy meeting you here," the behemoth with the pompadour to end all pompadours exclaimed as he walked up to us, his two flunkies right on his heels like loyal hunting dogs. "And look at that! He has a new girlfriend this time!"

"Yah, another pretty one too."

"Friends of yours?" the princess inquired at my side. Her posture straightened the moment she heard the guy's voice and now every pore of her being was emanating the same regal superiority she had when she first showed up at the school. It actually made me realize just how used I got to her dropping her guard around me as of late, but I didn't have time to ponder on the issue at this moment.

"Acquaintances. Long story. Let me do the talking."

Once I finished whispering to her I straightened myself, forced a neighborly smile onto my lips, and took a long step forwards.

"Wow, what a coincidence. I haven't seen you guys in a while." I rubbed my hands together and let my smile gain a bit of a wolfish edge. "Let me guess: after your last humiliation you spent all your time preparing for our next encounter, and now you are here to show me what you've got."

"Not all our time..." the short flunky protested, albeit weakly.

The big guy, Tony if I remembered correctly, flared his nostrils and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he thunderously replied, "We are!"

"Though it's not like we were looking for you in particular or anything..." the tall guy with the nasal voice added in a quiet voice, eliciting a snapping glare from his boss.

"Shut up Jones, you are ruining the moment!"

"Sorry boss."

"So, what is it this time? Are we still going with literature?"

The big guy let out a short but resounding belly laugh and grinned at me provocatively.

"Nah, we are not doing that anymore!"

"I still think we should have gone with the Potter books..." the tall one mumbled, but not quietly enough to escape the notice of mister pompadour

"I told you Jones, we are not theme-naming ourselves after children's books characters, and that's final!"

"Actually, technically the books were written to grow up with the audience, so the last few books are considered young adult fiction," came the counter-point from the short guy, his high-pitched voice sounding unusually dignified for a moment.

"Nuh-uh-uh! I don't give a flying crap about your literary theory Honey-Badger! We are not doing it, and that's final!"

"What was that?" I interrupted, "Honey-Badger?"

"Yah!" the small guy flashed a shit-eating grin that revealed a chipped incisor. "Because they are small but tough and mean."

"I see... So you are going for an animal motif. What about you?"

"Me?" The tall guy twitched as he noticed I was looking at him and instinctively straightened his back. "I'm Giraffe Jones."

"Hm... There is a bit of alliteration there. That's good. But, why ‘giraffe' in particular? They aren't particularly fierce."

"Oh, but they do have a mean kick! And they can run surprisingly fast. Plus they have no natural predators that regularly hunt them because they are so imposing... and I think they are cool."

"I see, fair enough. And you, big guy?"

Tony in the middle puffed his chest, though I was pretty sure it was just for show. As far as his eyes were concerned, they were about one-third as self-assured as the rest of his body language was insisting on. He forcefully cleared his throat like he was preparing for a big speech in front of an audience before he, at last, spoke with a voice that suggested he had little confidence in our hearing.

"I am Tony the Elephant!"

"I see," I nodded thoughtfully and raised my arms, crossing one in front of my chest and using the other to prop up my chin in my best impression of a stereotypical art-house critic. "African elephant or Indian elephant?"

"I... what?"

"I said," I repeated with a raised voice, "African elephant or Indian elephant?"

"I... Idunno. African, I guess? Does it make a difference?"

"Oh, I see..." I nodded twice for emphasis. So it's an elephant because you are big, your hairdo is the trunk and it's African because of your ears. Clever."

"What? What is your problem with my ears?! There is nothing weird about my ears, right, Honey-Badger?"

"No boss, yer ears are perfectly fine!" the little guy whined like a battered housewife which was actually a little disturbing, but not enough to break my act.

Tony turned back to me and gave me a hurt glare. "You see, there is nothing wrong with my ears!"

"Hmmm..." I leaned closer as if I was examining an art piece and periodically nodded to myself like I was making profound discoveries. At last, I straightened up and nodded. "Right, on closer look your ears seem to fall into the range of the national average. I suppose your new name just predisposed me to associate big ears with you."

"Well, you were wrong! My ears are perfectly fine, right, Jones?"

"Yeah, boss. Maybe they are a bit on the meaty side, but they are nice ears. Really nice ears. No one would think they are too big."

"Unless you bring attention to them," I quipped with a smirk. The culturally ambiguous pachyderm gave me a piercing look before he threw his hands into the air with a loud "Bah!"

"Fine, then I am an Indian elephant! Are you happy now?"

"I don't know," I raised my hand to my chin again and began to scratch it. "Wouldn't that throw off your theme? The rest are African animals, so if you are Indian then it will look like you are separate from the rest."

"He is right, boss," the tall guy agreed with me, quite unexpectedly. "Indian elephants are also domesticated."

"Not all of them! And they are still big and mean!"

"The name doesn't fit either," I proceeded with the coup de grace in a purposefully absent-minded voice. "If you just call yourself elephant, people will still think of African ones, and if you qualify it by saying you are an Indian one it'll just sound too long and convoluted. I think it would be best if you scrapped the whole elephant idea and picked something else."

"Like what, genius?" he sneered at me, and I shrugged my shoulders in return.

"Don't ask me, it's your nickname."

"How ‘bout a hippo?" the short guy proposed with a smile. "They are big and mean and they live in Africa."

"I won't be no stinking hippo!" Tony bellowed. "They are fat and they slap their crap all over the place with their tails. It's disgusting!"

"You know what?" I gave the guys a broad smile and took a step to the side. "It was nice talking to you, but we are in a bit of a hurry. How about you get back to me once you finalized your nicknames?"

"Yeah, whatever, move along," the boss grunted at me and then returned to the discussion. "How about a rhino?"

"I don't know boss... Won't that draw attention to your nose?"

"What's your problem with my nose?!"

"Nothing boss, it's a perfectly serviceable nose boss, but what if other people..."

That was the last sliver of the discussion I caught before we rounded a corner and the trio was out of earshot, at which point I relaxed my posture and limbered up my shoulders with a small sigh.

"Well, that filled my people-annoying quota for the day. Now I won't even have to bother your butler. A win for everyone, I say."

The princess glanced over her shoulder with an uncertain expression.

"Does this happen often?"

"At this point it's pretty regular, yes."

"You need to find better friends."

"I have. I'm taking one of them home as we speak."

I punctuated the statement in a no way cocky smile, and she predictably averted her eyes and, less predictably, punched me in the shoulder. Unlike Judy's love-taps, this one actually stung a little.

"Stop teasing me. I hate you."

"Yeah, you sure do..."

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