The Spirit In Me

Chapter 49: Chapter 12. What do I want to believe in? (V)


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Loy wiped away his tears as he looked at the floor.

It didn't happen to him so often. To be in tears.

But, it also never happen that another person shared his most painful memory with him.

"A day after, the horrors that took place were revealed. Almost all the people left to fight, were murdered.

The few who escaped and survived told horror stories that had never been heard before.

A person who can make people disappear with a flick of a finger.

Blow people to pieces with a touch.

Invulnerable.

No matter how much he got hurt, he continued to move as if nothing had happened.

A man so terrifying and powerful that some wondered if he was even human.

A monster.” Lin said with a dim look.

"As I laid below him, I could clearly see the purple diamond on his chest and the cold look in his eyes.

The same look he had on his face when he murdered my mother.

There was madness in his eyes, but not madness that seemed temporary.

It was a frenzy of satisfaction from an act he had planned his whole life in his head over and over again.

It was euphoria.

I saw how much he hated me... I could feel it just from his look.

Pure hatred, such as I have never felt before.

He murdered... and he enjoyed every moment of it..." Lin said as tears went down from her eyes.

"Yesterday, when I saw the diamond in your chest, it reminded me of the exact same memory." she recalled.

Loy's heart clenched at the sound of the words as he narrowed his eyes in pain.

"But it didn't feel the same." Lin added quickly looking at him.

"That night when I was lying on the floor and he was looking at me, I felt a hostile feeling.

Pure hatred.

I felt like he was looking at me and despising my very existence.

And on the same day with you? Even while I was freaking out, what I mostly felt was sadness…” she said, to Loy's surprised.

"I couldn't explain it... but more than fear, more than anger, more than frustration, I felt a deep sadness.

A sadness as deep as I have never felt before, permeates every cell in my body. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I felt nothing but sadness.".

"I'm sorry for what happened Loy...

On the one hand my mind told me to run away but my emotions told me to come back. I felt like I was losing my mind... I didn't know what to do. But…” she said as she remembered her mother's picture through the window, looking at her with teary eyes.

There was a reason she made her promise her that she won't leave her alone as a little child. She always had a feeling, that when fear takes over her, everything else goes out of the window, and it was true. Her biggest denial was true.

"Life has taught me to follow my feelings.

In the past, I always felt this feeling from my mother. I knew she loved me. I knew I was important to her. But I felt that feeling every time she would go into her panic attacks.

But I didn't want to deal with this feeling back then. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to give it any place in my world because it tried to make me doubt my mother, who was my whole world. So I ignored it. So I could believe my life was perfect.

But that feeling never went away. Whenever something happened, it would emerge from the back of my mind and remind me that it was still there. Until the day everything crashed in front of my face.

Feelings do not appear without a reason. They are sometimes a truth that we see but are afraid to think or believe in, and by ignoring it I had to learn my lesson too late.

After that day, I vowed to myself. I will always follow my feelings. I will follow what I think. I will follow what I decide is right. I don't want to feel again the same regret I felt in that moment, when the truth in front of me was so cold and tangible that I couldn't do anything in front of it except pray for my own death." Lin explained with a look of completion.

"That's why I decided to follow my feelings, which led me here. More than anybody else before, I had a different feeling from you. A feeling that tells me that I know you are not like the monster I met." she said looking at Loy with a hopeful look.

"I'm not like that. I'm not like him." Loy said to Lin with determined eyes as he looked to the horizon.

"I know..." she said as she placed her hand on Loy's palm.

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He looked into her eyes as they smiled with slight sadness and joy at each other.

"It's a lie." said the inner voice at Loy's mind.

Loy was surprised. In his head, he saw them sitting on the floor facing each other in the black and endless space, looking furiously into each other's eyes.

While her hand was touching Loy, Lin suddenly saw in her head a black silhouette sitting on the floor in a black and endless space.

"Again!" She jumped up in a panic.

"I'm sure of it this time! I could see someone!" she said passionately.

Loy opened his eyes even more panicked but quickly hid it.

"What are you talking about...?" he asked with surprised apprehension.

"I do not know?" Lin said confused.

"I don't know." she repeated quickly.

"But, I saw someone!" she asserted firmly.

"You… saw someone?" Loy asked confused.

"Yes..! I saw a figure.." she replied.

"A figure?" Loy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah… yeah..." Lin answered confused herself.

"Don't look at me like a crazy lady! Give me your hand!" she called out firmly as she quickly reached out to take Loy's hand.

"Ah! Wow! Wait! Wait a minute!" Loy exclaimed as he dodged Lin with every move.

"Come here for a second! I want to check it out!" she asked as she's chasing after him in the rooftop.

"No!" Loy shouted worried as he ran around and she's after him.

Lin was confused, she stopped in place and put her hands on her hips. "Why?!" she asked unsatisfactorily.

"Ah... because... maybe it's not good?" Loy asked not knowing how to justify his actions. "Maybe we should wait a minute? Maybe what we're doing is dangerous!" he claimed with a finger raised.

"Dangerous?" she asked. "Don't be ridiculous! It's just to touch your palm! Come here!" she called out.

"Wait!" Loy squealed, trying to change the subject as he went back to running around.

"I have to concentrate every time we come into direct contact. I'm not sure what's going on here, but it's better to take as many safety precautions as possible." Thought Loy as he tried to avoid Lin chasing him.

"It happened when we touched each other. Head-to-head. Hand-to-hand.

I don't know what's going on here but I need to be more careful with her.

There is something else about her. This has never happened to me with anyone else.

That electricity, the moment she touched me.

In my entire life, this has never happened.

Therefore, for now, I must not touch her. Until I figure out what's going on." he concluded to himself as he continued to run around the front door to the roof in circles.

"Loy! Stop! It'll only be for a second!" Lin called out running after him.

"I have to change the subject... but how?! She'll notice what I'm doing in an instant!" he thought desperately.

"Unless…” he wondered.

"Lin! Wait! Wait! Wait a minute!" he exclaimed with a demonstrative wave of his hands when he stopped in his place.

"What?!" Lin asked angrily and impatiently.

"You don't want me to tell you why I have this diamond?" Loy asked pointing to his chest in a more serious tone.

"Of course." she replied in a serious tone as she politely stood in front of him.

"I'll tell you. But before that... I think you should know why everyone calls me a monster.".

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