Chapter 210: Update – 31 August 2021 – Major Sneak Peek at a New Story?

Hello! Let's just jump right into this update since it's gonna be a long one! (Right now, it's over 51k words!) (Most of it is in spoiler tags to make it easier to read and digest.)

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Thoughts About the Book!

Initially, Book Three was supposed to be the shortest one thus far. It was supposed to have Momo kidnapped by the Mafia, then Servi going on a rampage to get her back. And yes, while that did happen, a lot of other things were added during the various stages of planning and writing. Let's go over them!

• The prologue wasn't planned. It was something I added to introduce the Mafia after writing chapters 1 through 3.
• Sakdu, the leader of the Mafia, wasn't always planned to be the Mafia's leader.
  • Originally, he was just supposed to be a high-ranking officer. 
  • When he learned of Fisher Jin's location, Sakdu wanted revenge so much that he would have betrayed the Mafia, taking away a portion of their army by using Monotonia, which had been developed in secret.
  • That means that Roger was always planned to have been the creator of it, and he was always planned to be the second in command.
•  Old Man was meant to be there from the beginning, but his role was slightly different. 
  • He was still doing it all for his granddaughter, but she would have been living with him. Old Man would've snuck out at night to do the Mafia's work, and then come back in the morning as if nothing happened.
  • In one of the original ideas for his ending, he would died by exhaustion because he couldn't keep up with the dual life style.
    • Servi would've still healed his granddaughter.
  • The letter he wrote to his granddaughter was mostly the same, except it detailed what he had done and hoped she could forgive him. Then he was to confess to killing her father to save her life.
    • He also mentioned that he didn't regret not turning his son all those years ago because it meant he go to meet his beautiful granddaughter, and it ends with him wanting her to experience the world and all of the beautiful things it has to offer.
• Carrie was someone that was added in to be kind of like the Mafia's Momo.
  • Servi would've met her around town, and that was to be her way into the Mafia. That didn't pan out because she found her invitation and the letter from someone else.
    • It was the same with Old Man. Carrie had recruited him because she saw how he had a way with threats, and she liked that. The two of them were to join at the same time, and they were to be partners. That kind of stayed the same.
  • Then I realized I wanted her to have more backstory, so I made that interlude.
    • Fun fact: That interlude was one of the last things I wrote for this book.
• Carmelo, Clarence, and the assassination chapter wasn't planned.
  • I realized that Spirits were something that hadn't been at the fore front that much, so I wanted to remedy that and have a Superior Spirit show up. Thus, Clarence was born. She needed a summoner, so Carmelo was born. 
  • I wanted to show off his personality in a unique way, so I came up with the assassination contracts. I'm not sure if I made it clear, but the targets Servi killed, after the first one, were not the targets she was supposed to kill. He was using her to kill off his competition.
• During the part where Servi finally rescues her Momo, there wasn't going to be any singing.
  • I wrote and rewrote it many times, trying to see if having it happen in complete silence would've been better, but I'm happy I went with them singing. I think it adds a good bit, and the song, which was just something of an afterthought, now really means something to the two of them. I think it's kinda cute they have a song.
• Sakdu's and Roger's torture
  • I played around with their torture many, many, times, but I always wanted one of them to die via Monotonia. I eventually settled on having Sakdu overdose on Pink Monotonia. Servi forcing Roger to witness just how destructive it can be to his closest ally is probably the best revenge. That, and when Sakdu gives permission for Servi to torture Roger just so she can hurt him some more was deviously devilish.
  • I also played around with having or not having that last dream sequence where Sakdu choses Servi and her punishments over his own family. I thought that was a fitting, horrible end for someone like Sakdu.
  • Conversely, Roger died something tamely. I figured I could go somewhat simple for her.
• And this brings us to Carrie!
  • I played around a ton in between letting her live or die. If she died, it'd just be the end of it, but if she lived, then I had another character to play around with. But what exactly could I do with her character? She's completely mentally broken, and she's having identity problems between being Carrie and Vali. She's just a whole can of mess.
  • But I did make the choice to keep her alive, so that should tell you I have some plans involving her.

And now, I want to talk about the elephant in the room.

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Chapters 8(?) 9, And 10.

Okay, I've gotten a lot of feedback about these chapters. Some feel they don't provide anything worthwhile, some say that they're showing what we already know about Servi, and some say it's all senseless violence and torture porn.

I want to talk about what I was trying to do. It probably just felt like one long block of sadness, and that was on purpose. It is supposed to mimic Servi's journey through the Mafia. She has nothing around her to give her joy and happiness except killing her enemies, and the book reflected that by not breaking up the depression. Well, it did so one time near the end of chapter 8, and that was something I added in after finishing everything. I thought that little daydream-like sequence was fitting for the story. It reinforced what Servi was fighting for, but at the same time, it was just that: a dream.

But the crux of the story is that it was each of the character's darkest and lowest points. Servi shrugged of Momo to fulfil her desire for murder and chaos, Itarr was forced to watch what her tampering accelerated in bringing about, and Momo, the victim of it all, was mentally tortured and threatened for days on end. There just wasn't any spot for me to put any humorous or funny side stories without disrupting the flow I was going for.

That's also why I didn't do anything to shorten or summarize it, which was what a few readers would have preferred. 

In short, I wanted the readers to suffer along with these characters. I wanted the readers to get upset with Servi, I wanted them to feel for Momo. I kind of wanted them to be a bit hesitant to cheer for Servi because she started killing innocents, but at the same time, only Servi could save Momo, who was completely innocent.

For the record, I do fully understand everyone's complaints with these chapters. I just wanted to throw this out there so it doesn't seem like I'm ignoring my readers.

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New Characters! 

How did you like them?

Was Sakdu worthy of being a villain?

What about Roger?

Carrie was a pseudo-replacement for Momo for part of the book, so I wonder how many people thought she might have been promoted to a main character?

Old Man did a lot of horrible things to provide his granddaughter the medicine she needed. Did he go to far? He even had to resort to killing to pay for her medicine. He showed up near the end as a ghost, but do you think he should have made himself known when he was alive?

What about Emi, Lori, and Leigh? Those three were the unfortunate victims of Servi's and Old Man's first assignment, but as we learned a few parts ago, those three have used Servi's gift to buy a horse, wagon, and protection as they head for greener pastures.  Who knows? They might show up again somewhere down the line...

His granddaughter only showed up at the very end, so there wasn't much to time to get acquainted with her. And it was the same with the woman looking after her. Any brief thoughts about Moko and Angie?

How did you all feel about Carmelo and Clarence? Carmelo had a reason for trying to usurp the Mafia because he needed its power and resources to save his home forest. He even managed to recreate Red Monotonia and enhance it. 

Speaking of Monotonia, I suppose that pill could be considered a character as well since it was the whole reason the Mafia became as strong as it was. It's certainly an ugly thing.

And now that I think about it, the Mafia itself was its own character. Its reaches can't be understated because it has pawns and plots in Westera, Keywater, and Lando, and Servi still believes that what was at Arcton was all the Mafia had to offer. And now with a few officers / leaders, the Mafia has set its eyes on another continent.

And then we have the bodyguard. He was, by far, the toughest foe Servi has had to fight. And she came out victoriously, but only because it turned into a battle of attrition. Her immortality really saved her because she just getting walloped back and forth, dying tens of times. I have some notes about his past I have written down, so I might do a bit involving him. Maybe even a few short interludes where we follow his rise to power?

(HINT: Yeah, the bodyguard may or may not be pretty important... He was absolutely incredibly strong with hundreds of years of experience under his belt. In a sense, he was a 'Hero' in regards to how he saved entire countries and continents, and he was felled by a pissed-off girl with the soul of a Goddess who can't die. That has to have drastic consequences, right? Right?)

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Old Characters!

I'd like to get to know your feelings on Servi, Itarr, and Momo, now that Book Three is over. Do you still feel the same way about them as you did when the Book started? Do we have any Servi fans that switched over to Team Momo? Or did Servi's sheer ruthlessness manage to win anyone over?

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Other Stories?

A while back, I mentioned I had a few plans for other stories I wanted to write in addition to this one. I still kind of plan to do that, but I have hit a snag. You see, I was working on a revenge-isekai called True Demon Lord Training System.

• A class is 'isekaied' (is that a word?) when they are on a plane waiting for it to take them to Greece for a school trip.
• The class is summoned by the Goddess of Light as Heroes to defend the country of Cridia. Since they are valuable and powerful assets, they basically join the military and go on expeditions to become stronger through grinding dungeons or joining the guild.
  • But there are multiple Goddesses of Light that have their own countries.
  • There are also Demon Lords can summon heroes, but they are called Demonic Champions.
    • Heroes and Demonic Champions are just terms that refer to summoned beings.
  • The twist is that Goddesses of Light and Demon Lords are terms used by those who can use Holy Divine Energy and Dark Divine Energy, so a Demon Lord isn't necessarily someone evil. Conversely, a Goddess of Light isn't necessarily someone who is on the side of justice. It's just a title.
  • It also means that there are multiple countries in the world the story takes place in, so there are quite a few summoned beings walking around. Some have been there longer than the others, and as the story goes, new people would have been summoned.
• Each Summoned Hero or Demonic Champion receives a Soul Crystal, which transforms into a weapon that reflects something deep within their soul. 
  • For example, one of the character's name is Lori, and she lives in a dojo, where she practices with spears. Her Soul Weapon is a spear.
    • She has a sister Ann, who uses a katana, so her weapon is a katana.
  • The main character's soul weapon is a gun because he just likes them.
    • Having a gun isn't a crazy advantage because they exist in this world as treasures you can get from conquering a dungeon. Or you can get a gunsmith to make you one if you bring the material. And they don't use bullets, but they use a lot of MP.
  • A Soul Weapon has their own weapon tree, and it can change into something else within that same category as long as the person has the necessary stats.
• The gimmick to this story is that everyone's soul has a potential that ranges from 1-Star to 5-Star. The more stars you have, the more stats you get from leveling up.
  • Two of the characters turn out to have a 6-Star soul, which used to be something of a legend.
  • The main character has a 0-Star soul, meaning that he will never receive any stats from leveling up, which means he won't ever be able to use the stronger forms of his Soul Weapon. He's pretty much as strong as he will ever get from the get-go. Even if he does have a gun, it'll get to the point where his bullets will do nothing, he won't have any abilities or skills, and he'll still have the same stats.
• Then some stuff happens, and since it is a revenge-isekai, the main character is screwed over by the Goddess and his class, and he swears he'll get his revenge. Some more stuff happens, and he gets access to the True Demon Lord Training System, which allows him to acquire stat points and unique abilities by filling out the system, which is separated into systems.
  • There is a section that provides stats and unique abilities for selling and buy items, and making profits. - The Merchant System
  • There is a section that provides boons and assistance by starting a small village and working up until you have an entire country - The Ruler System
  • There's a section that keeps tracks of his crimes, like murder and theft- The Criminal System.
  • There's a section that keeps track of people's faith in him - The Religion System.
  • There's a section that focuses on slavery. Such skills include make those under Tyranny Control (Introduced in Chapter Two) stronger and faster. Can eventually allow the Beastfolk under Tyranny Control's command to evolve, so from an Ogre to an Oni, or from an Elf to a High Elf -- The Slavery System.
  • And so on, and so on. There's a bunch of different systems that range from cooking, combat, sex, conquering dungeons, rising through the ranks of the guild, fishing, taming, hunting,
    • It's all about progression. For example, if the MC takes up crafting, he can work to complete The Crafting System(which includes blacksmithing, enchanting, sewing, etc) which will improve the quality of his items, which he can sell to advance in The Merchant System, which provides him boons in regard to bartering.. The money he gets from there can be spent on either more materials, or he can go to a brothel and advance the The Sex System. Or like I said above, he could grab some food and start cooking, or start to save up money for a dungeon expedition, which can grant loot.
      • It all works in a circle, and every little thing the MC does will help them in the long run.
    • But still, it's not immediately overpowered because even if there are a lot of systems, he won't get stat points from all of them. Some are just gate ways to other challenges. And the stat gains he does get from them are often miniscule if they're not in a combat-related System. And for some, he might just get a few coins (Gold, Silver, Copper - Currency system)
      • So completing something in the Dungeon Explorer System will grant 20 or so points to each stat. Doing something in cooking might add a few points to 1 or 2 points to STR.
        • A 6-Star Hero starts off with 300 in each stat. A 0-Star Hero has 10.
        • A 6-Star Hero gets an average of 60 stats per level, a 5-Star gets an average of 50, and so on.
  • Oh, the TDLTS, hereby referred to as Tilde to keep it short, comes out in the form of a fairy that is so very weak. Her only purpose is to help the MC track and complete the training system, but if she can fight, if she wants to. It probably won't make much of a difference...
    • I plan to make her rude and eccentric, with a bit of a snarky attitude combined with the fierceness of a lion.
  • Some of the useful abilities
    • Ability to acquire a mini-map in the top right of the MC's vision
    • Ability to barter better, getting more money from selling an item and spending less when buying.
    • Ability to use no items when crafting.
    • Ability to craft gear at the highest level.
      • Right now, it's Common, Uncommon, Rare, Epic, Legendary, and Divine class items.
    • Ability to enchant items
      • Common, Uncommon, Rare, Epic, Legendary, and Divine level enchantments.
    • Ability to scan his surroundings
    • Ability to analyze a person and see everything about them, like their name, level, HP number, MP number, skills, and abilities.
      • Starting off, he will only see name, level, class, and HP and MP bar(but without numbers)
    • Ability to gain Skill Points, which can be used to enhance an ability beyond its limit.
• I do plan on changing PoVs a good bit to explain what class 2-F is doing, and what troubles or problems they're causing or solving.
• Since the MC will be fairly weak for a while, the focus is on teamwork. For example, MC can only shoot a few bullets before running out of MP. If he misses, then he's screwed because he has to wait for his MP to refill. So he needs someone to take the brunt of the fight while he attacks and supports from the rear using his various guns and skills, which will eventually heal, buff, and debuff enemies. If it comes to it, he might have to switch weapons with his party members in order to effectively attack.
  • Unlike The Story of a Girl & a Goddess Whose Souls Became Interconnected, it will take quite a while for any OP-ness to show up for the MC. He'll have valuable resources that no one else has, but he's still weak. Just because he can change classes without going to a Class Changer doesn't mean he can defeat boss-level enemies with a single shot.

But here lies my problem. Right after I wrote the prologue for it, I started reading(I'm on Chapter 3 of it) a book called Failure Frame: I Became the Strongest and Annihilated Everything With Low-Level Spells. It's a revenge isekai, and our prologues are so very similar that it isn't even funny. 

I will put this in a spoiler box. The spoilers I will talk about mainly concern the first quarter of the book. But the spoilers are easily guessed from reading the back of the book and just having general knowledge about revenge-isekai stories.

 

You are reading story The Story of a Girl & a Goddess Whose Souls Became Interconnected at novel35.com

If you want to get a sneak peek of what I have, then the Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and part of Chapter 3 are below.

Keep in mind that very little editing has gone into these early chapters!!! I'm just looking for general thoughts about the plot and how it progresses. Editing will come later once I have the tone I want locked down.

(I know it seems like a lot of content, but I want to get a bit of feedback on my ability to write in first person. I'd like to get some comments before I devote a substantial amount of effort in this story. All I really have written down is an outline of the first 8 chapters. But don't worry. The Story of a Girl & a Goddess Whose Souls Became Interconnected will always be my main priority.)

If you want to read it, please visit this link.

On that story's page, you can find a feedback chapter with my thoughts.

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When's Book Four!?!?!?

Alright, I think a part of why Book Three might've been a bit rough to read was because of the uploading schedule. Once a week isn't the best because of how I write. And I think the same can be said if I upload two or three times a week, and that brings me to this.

I think part of my problem is that I'm taking the advice, 'show, don't tell' to heart. I very rarely 'tell' things, and I mainly focus on the 'showing.' That's why I'm over 700k words deep, and I'm only on Book Four. 'Showing' is also why Chapters 9 and 10 are the way they are, but I still think they're properly needed because I needed them to convey what I wanted to convey.

And that's why, for Book Four, I'm taking a different approach. 

I'm taking a hiatus until it is fully written and edited. Then once that is done, I will just have straight daily uploads, (weekdays, so not Saturday or Sunday) until it's done.

And I know I said this before, but this shouldn't be that long. There's going to be two stories going on at the same time. 

1. Momo taking care of Servi while she is mentally healing.
   1. This is gonna be the majority of the Book. It's just cute, fluffy, adorable,  slice of life stuff. You can expect Claire to show up quite a bit, but Dineria, Srassa, and the other characters from Book Two make an appearance.
2. Fisher really, truly coming to terms with just how close he was to dying to Sakdu, meaning that his family was basically breathing in the face of death. He... he doesn't take it very well. He doesn't take it very well at all because the entire thing was his fault, including Momo's kidnapping, because of what he had done in the past. 
   1. Chapters involving Fisher as the MC will be categorized as Interludes, and right now, they're about six or seven of them.
      1. But one of them is literally him talking to someone, and it won't be more than 2k words. I think the longest one right now is 6k words.
         1. Conversely, the last time I checked, the prologue was the longest overall at being over 28k words. And I swear I'm working on my chapter length.

At the same time, I swear I'm working on saying more without actually writing more. I think I can afford to 'tell' just a little bit more.

Some readers think Fisher got off way to easily just because he had a family to take care of, but that's not true. Servi just didn't kill him because she truly believed he regretted all he had done. He convinced her of that with his actions, words, and plans to build a orphanage. But just saying sorry isn't enough. Karma will eventually catch up to him, and this is Karma catching up.

I'll say this because I don't think it's a spoiler, but very rarely will anyone get off without a punishment. That includes the main characters and side characters. If it does seem that nothing bad will happen, it just means that it isn't the right time for punishment to occur. Every one will get their comeuppance, it will just take time.

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Conclusion!!!!

I was going to say I want to start uploads before Christmas stuff goes up, but there's a store near me that are already selling fake Christmas trees, so I can't do that. So, I want to start uploading before the year ends.

And since Book Five now a collection of side stories, I can probably knock those out pretty quickly.

Actually, I lied. The first Side Story of Book Five takes place probably 10 minutes after Book Four, but Book Four will just end on the perfect moment. And I didn't want to have two epilogues.

But everything after Book Five Chapter One (Prologue?) is all side stories that are all going to be fluffy.

Except one, of course, which brings me to something completely else that I want to do, which is Fanfiction Crossovers!!!

They'll be non-canon, of course, but what if I have a way ( I already do have a way that fits with the story, but because it's fanfiction, it's non-canon) to allow Servi, Momo, and Itarr to crossover into different worlds? The first one I have planned is a Goblin Slayer type thing. I have a decent way of going about that won't involve nerfing Servi to the ground, and I think I can tell a fun story. Book Five won't include it, but it'll lay down the foundation. That'll probably be its own story on scribblehub.

I also want to do one with Pokémon, but that involves a character that hasn't been introduced. Like, what if Servi, Momo, Itarr, the character that hasn't been introduced, and Feral were transported to the world of Pokémon? There won't be any killing of the Pokémon, so rest assured, you will not see a Pikachu sliced in half. Think of the Pokémon anime, and you're already there.

I have some other ideas that involve Danmachi (Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?) and Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody, but those are just in the bare concept stages, so I just have the basic idea and that's it.

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Conclusion, Part Two!!!!!

And here we have it! The end of this update post. I know Book Three has had some ups and downs, but I do hope you've enjoyed it. And I hope you're looking forward to some Rest and Relaxation in Book Four! We all know our Servi, Momo, and Itarr need it after what they've been through. I'll be working hard to get it written, edited, and scheduled for upload!!!!

 

 

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