Even when you’re not watching, it continues to flow onwards.
But no one knows where its destination might be.
The Thirteenth of October A
It was the last day of midterm exams.
The bell rang, announcing the conclusion of the final test.
In that instant, countless sighs echoed from classrooms throughout the school.
“How did you solve that last problem-” “I’m pretty sure I saw Aizawa-san sleeping during the second half.” “Seriously?” “It’s finally over…”
As the exam proctor dismissed the class, you could feel the tension in the atmosphere dissipate at once.
Tests were finally over. Now students could enjoy their freedom. Devote themselves to club activities. Use their smartphones.
The restless, giddy mood was shared by top students and bottom students alike. For bottom students, this was their only chance to stretch their wings before judgment dragged them to the ground.
“How’d it go? …though I guess there’s no point in asking you, ’cause your answer is always the same, right Ayaka?”
As I began to pack my things, a girl who already had her backpack slung over her shoulder approached my desk. Her beautiful smile often made me wonder if she’d been born so that people would love her. Her name was Inaba Michiru.
“What about you, Michiru? Did it go okay…?”
“No worries! I didn’t leave a single question blank!”
Confidence shone on Michiru’s face, as if declaring you can count on me! …All I felt was a disturbing premonition though. Low marks would be troubling. Our time together would decrease, and there would be less chances for us to go places… Woah, woah- what am I saying…
For the time being, I shelved any thoughts about the test. The listless atmosphere that still hung in the classroom affected even me, and I found myself caught up in the moment, forgetting all my worries. At any rate, school had ended before noon today. Which meant I could invite Michiru to lunch…
Fast food? Cafe? Perhaps we could stretch our legs and head for the shopping center’s food court? A shopping date… no, no, this wasn’t anything like that. This was just a shopping trip between best friends. Or I could make her something myself. We could shop for ingredients, then bring them back to my home where I’d cook for her.
What would Michiru think about that? Would she be happy? Or would I be causing her trouble?
“Hey, want to each lunch together?”
“Ah, sure. Sounds good.”
After my anxious fretting, I hesitantly brought up the topic, only for Michiru to answer so nonchalantly that it felt almost anticlimactic. Though that was just like her.
“We can eat out, or I can make whatever you want to eat if you want to come over to my place.”
“Really? Your food is so good!” Michiru exclaimed delightedly, as if I’d already cooked the meal. And on top that, she steadily moved closer and closer to me, and she smelled so nice… that’s not what I meant to say!
“H-hey!”
“Ehehe. Tests are finally over! It’s the best feeling in the world!”
Her enthusiasm never dwindled as she wrapped me in a hug. Her body, pressed tightly against mine, was so relentless that I imagined I could taste her sweetness on the tip of my tongue. Perhaps the end of tests had caused her to loose all restraints, but she was unusually aggressive. …I felt numerous looks in our direction, but it was a sort of ah, those two are at it again feeling…
“Let go,” I said as I grasped her right hand tightly. “…T-they’re staring.”
“Hm? Who?”
“Everyone. It’s embarrassing…”
“…Alright, alright. If you say so.”
Why did that feel like I was asking a favor…?
Michiru reluctantly moved away. But only about thirty centimeters away. Instead of letting go completely, her right hand sought my left hand. Well, if it was only this much, I could indulge her.
“Let’s stop by the supermarket on the way and-“
We could have lunch together, then afterwards, I could spend the entire afternoon alone with Michiru. Holding back my eagerness, I stared to talk about our shopping plans.
“Inaba!”
Someone called Michiru’s name. Feeling as though I were being provoked, I reflexively let go of Michiru’s hand.
I turned back towards the classroom where the voice had come from, catching sight of three girls. One of them was waving in our direction.
“Aizawa, can you also come here for a sec?” the waving girl said loudly.
She was Fukayasu-san. The other two were Miki-san and Sasaki-san. Our class’s social groups mostly centered around these three.
Michiru and I exchanged brief glances before moving to join them.
In the past, I would’ve let Michiru go by herself, opting to avoid participating in their talk. Now was different. I’d made the decision to change, little by little. To learn to socialize, a skill that came naturally to other girls of my age. To move closer to normalcy. Because now, it was something I needed to do.
“I was saying we should eat at a family restaurant, but these two don’t wanna listen.” Saying that, Fukayasu-san hmphed at Miki-san and Sasaki-san.
Fukayasu-san’s language was somewhat crude- er, rather, un-ladylike.
“I think Dottor would be nice though.” Miki-san offered a counter-proposal, though her words didn’t have much force behind them. (T/N: Based on Doutor, an actual coffee shop)
“Dottor’s much too far, isn’t it?” Fukayasu-san’s response was swift and decisive.
“I know we haven’t made afternoon plans yet, but I want to check out that area later,” Sasaki-san said happily, seemingly unaware of the conversation flow.
A friend of a friend was a candidate for a new friend. And so, I had no intention of turning them down. I was genuinely happy that I’d been invited, and I’d still be together with Michiru. And yet, I also felt disappointment. I didn’t understand why. Today should’ve been a day with just Michiru and me- just the two of us. Ultimately, the source of my frustration had to lie with that feeling.
“Aizawa, decide for us. Whose idea is better?”
“Me?”
“Yeah. You be the judge.”
Fukayasu-san’s eyes glittered. Ah, so something like this, huh. They were giving me a role to play. Fukayasu-san’s blunt manner was intimidating at first, but at the same time, she’d seamlessly created a place for me in her circle of friends. She was an unmistakably caring person.
I discreetly inspected the group. First, Miki-san. She was looking down at her nails uninterestedly, then for a brief second, glanced up at me. If I only cared about relationships, I should probably pick Miki-san. I doubt Fukayasu-san would get angry if I did, and conversely, I don’t think Miki-san would find it amusing if I took Fukayasu-san’s opinion seriously.
Ah, but today really was supposed to be with Michiru… as I fumbled through my thoughts, I stole a quick peek at Michiru, who was smiling ambiguously at me.
Either one is fine, Ayaka. Pick whichever one you like more– she seemed to be saying.
Noticing my indecision, Miki-san and Sasaki-san took pity on me and butted in teasingly.
“If you don’t know who to pick, just pick me!”
“Don’t let them pressure you.”
If I refused, I’d destroy the entire mood of the conversation. I felt like I was finally beginning to develop friendships with them, and they’d gone out of their way to invite me, so I couldn’t just refuse. If I refused today, they might never invite me again.
In reality, I spent no more than ten seconds fretting and deliberating. Suddenly. Fukayasu-san spoke.
“Ah, Aizawa, you don’t have to come with us.”
“Eh…”
As if she were proclaiming that my time had run out.
Miki-san and Sasaki-san stiffened.
Why did she say that? Was I being excluded? What did I do? Was it because I couldn’t decide fast enough?
Question marks filled my head.
“Inaba too.”
But no one had anticipated Fukayasu-san’s intentions. She hadn’t meant to be malicious, or bully me, or exclude me.
“You two have other plans, right?”
“W-why do you say that?” Having been completely seen through, Michiru replied with wide eyes.
“Well, ’cause it’s the last day of tests. There’s probably a million things you guys were planning on doing. I just wanted you to choose whose lunch idea is better.”
Why did I have to decide other peoples’ lunch plans though.
“Why not just flip a coin?”
“You mean, drop it onto the ground, and then whichever direction it rolls to, we eat at the restaurant there?”
“I guess that’s fine too. I was thinking something like, if it lands heads you eat at one place, and tails the other.”
“What a stylish method! I should’ve used that method on the test too!” At Fukayasu-san’s joking manner, Miki-san and Sasaki-san loosened up and laughed along.
“Then, see you next week,” Fukayasu-san said, waving.
“Yeah. Bye, Natsume-chan,” Michiru replied.
Carrying our backpacks, the two of us left the classroom into an empty hallway.
...? Was Fukayasu-san being considerate of us?
Regardless, weren’t her powers of observation a little too good? I was sure I hadn’t let my emotions show so blatantly. As we walked, I took out a hand mirror, and from my memory, replicated the expression I’d worn back then. It wasn’t as if I want to be alone together with Michiru was plainly written over my face. It was a boring expression that I’d long since grown accustomed to seeing.
“Ayaka? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…”
“Hm, a mirror? Don’t worry, you look cute as usual.”
“…”
I didn’t. I definitely didn’t, but for some reason, I help but feel overjoyed.
I watched helplessly as a tiny smile began forming across my cheeks.
Recently, some mechanism in my brain had gone haywire. Maybe it was because I was trying to change myself in vain.