Chapter 182: 181

"Why don't you want to listen to me?" Xan asked him, seemingly frustrated. Lun was holding onto his door, showing him the corridor as he insisted the prince stepped out. The white haired vampire sighed, rubbing his temples as he tried not to lose his composure. For Lun though it was a lot different. He had found him in one of the worst times, one of those moments when everything in his head became so vivid, every fear and anxious thought came to life. Xan was standing right in front of him, reminding him all of the things he could have but didn't. 
"Because I don't want to. Why is it so hard for you to understand?" Lun asked him, his dark eyes wide, his muscles tensed, his body stiff like a rock. He pushed the door, closing it loudly since Xan didn't seem to want to get out and walked away from him, getting deeper into his dark room. The prince followed him, standing close, not wanting to leave him alone. 
"Lun, I came here to warn you, not to fight with you. I…"
"I love you." Lun said, staring at him with an empty look and Xan gasped. 
Hearing the surprised sound, he scoffed, a bitter grin appearing on his face. Why did it sound so shocking to him? He already knew it, he had known ever since Lun was a child, it couldn't have been more obvious that he lived for him. "Why are you acting so surprised? I've told you many times, I've tried to approach you, make you like me, not even love me. Gods, I am pitiful. I have been trying and trying but you can't seem to want to look past my family. I can't be around you any longer. It hurts me, it reminds me that I can't be what you want. I hate this place!" Lun exclaimed, his voice loud making Xan flinch. "I hate it from the bottom of my heart because here I get to be reminded every single fucking day that I will never be good enough for you, I will never be the one that would be accepted by your family or by you even. I really wished for Kai to stay in the human world so I could find an excuse to stay there too, learn to be away from you. Every time I see your face Xan I am reminded that I am nothing more than trash, well, you make sure I won't forget it either. I feel like an idiot. Falling for you, falling for what? Your anger? Your fucking superiority complex? Your horrible comments? You will make me go insane in the end! Centuries, freaking centuries I…" he continued, a long and hurried monolog where he took out everything he had ever thought, exposing himself in the most raw and surprising way. 
Lun was the kind of vampire who loved life, cherished the eternity and learned to thrive in it. Same as his best friend many times he had been described as emotionless, as a man who only knew how to smile while he killed. That's what everyone saw, that's what Xan saw most of the time but Lun had shown him so much more, not just now but during his whole life, every little piece of him he had exposed. "Whatever…I…I can't do this any longer. I…"
"Lun." Xan called out, his voice soft, as if he pitied him. Xan felt his chest tighten, guilt spreading like a strong poison on his body while he looked at Lun's miserable face. 
What did he feel? How did he feel? He never allowed himself to wonder, he never even had the guts to truly sit down and think about it because he was well aware, him and Lun were simply impossible. He was the next king of the Avger monarchy, he would wear the crown, he would have to marry another pureblood lady and preserve the bloodline. Lun was…wrong, in so many twisted ways. His family, his gender, his job, every little thing about him was…wrong but still the white haired prince just couldn't push him away. 
"Stop calling my name, I am begging you." Lun said. 
"Why?" the prince asked, knowing that he was pushing him. The vampire stood at the edge of a cliff, his immortality erased for a second and with every word he took a step closer to the end. Every word was a command, a sign to just perish into this bittersweet torture. 

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"Because I swear, I don't know what I am going to do if you call my name like that." he said, his jaw tensed, looking at him with a fire raging in his eyes. 
"Like what?" 
"Like you care." he explained and Xan's snowy eyelashes flattered, his icy orbs softening.
"Lun." he repeated, his tone warm. "Lun, Lun" he called his name again and again, every time making his heart race more and more. The tall vampire took a few steps towards him, exhaling loudly as he grabbed his neck. He flashed pushing the prince into the wall, a cough escaping his pink lips while Lun's long fingers wrapped around his neck. He felt the air slowly stopping but he didn't resist, he just heard Lun's ratched breathing, his eyes stuck on his handsome face. "Will you kill me?" he asked him and his face moved closer, his lips touching the lobe of his ear as he whispered.
"I wish I fucking could." he said before he looked at Xan. The prince grinned, feeling his grip loosen. 
"Okay." Xan said, as if nothing had happened and Lun let go of him. He didn't let him get away though, he grabbed his shirt and with a very swift and fast move the prince brought him closer again. "If you can't finish things then don't start them" Xan said.
"You asshole." Lun groaned and cupped his face, bringing their lips together with force. Xan's eyes widened as he stood there surprised for a second before Lun wrapped his arms around him. 
It tasted sweet, his kiss. It was unexpected, Xan thought before he lost his mind completely. The heavy eyelids closed, while his body loosened up, almost melting in between Lun's strong arms. He felt his tongue caress his bottom lip and opened his mouth, letting Lun do whatever he wanted to with him. A sudden moan escaped his lips but the only thing he could hear was his heart resonating in the walls of his body. This kiss, this moment, it meant something but Xan was too lost to think any longer. 
All he knew was that he would want to kiss him again and again.

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