Chapter 181: 180

Lun had been offered a room in the palace. His father had summoned him home but he was trying to avoid it with every possible way. Once he heard that the queen had told him to stay, the strict man left him alone and now the tall vampire was standing at the balcony of his room, looking at the churred land and the bloody rivers that kept flowing. 

The truth was he didn't want to return, deep inside he had hoped that Kai would choose to stay in the human world. He had been conflicted all this time, happy to have his only friend back but terrified with the fact that he would have to return to his duties. Lun sighed, his chest rising while his lungs were filled with hot air as many thoughts poisoned his mind. He wanted to smoke, his hands shaking while a frown appeared on his face, this land, this kingdom always made him feel anxious. 

He loved the chaos Kai was creating, he was aware it was the prince's way to forget and in a way it helped him too. He had something to occupy himself with but now that the young prince was dedicated to training Ash and John he had nothing to do but gaze at the endless red sky. He could feel the dry air on his pale skin and the room he lived in seemed almost like a deadend. His whole life did so. Sooner or later he would be summoned, he would have to kill other vampires, punish them, sell drugs to them. 

He had been asked by many people he knew, why don't you simply give up? It's easy, just say you quit. Lun would usually smile at that question discarding his thoughts. He never told anyone how stupid that question sounded to him because no one really seemed to understand. Give up on your life? On the privilege your family worked so hard to acquire? Give up on who you are and then what? What was in store for him if he stopped being the boss' son, the man everyone feared? He would be no one, nothing, a runaway. This emptiness scared him so he prefered others to think he liked what he did rather than the fact that he did it out of fear, out of fear of who he was to become if he left everything behind.

Maybe, maybe if he had Xan, he thought and a bitter smile grew on his face. It was ridiculous, relying his whole life, his salvation, on one man who clearly hated him. He was pitiful and once more he detested the place he was born. His mask had grown too tight around his face, the sensitive material was at the brim of breaking. All these times he had raised his voice, all these times he had told Xan he loved him, finding himself standing in front of a cement wall he hadn't been himself. 

But he wanted him. He wanted him more than anything else to the point his chest hurt every time he saw him. Every word, every sound that escaped from his mouth could either be gold or poison to him. His head dropped, his eyes watering as he thought of all of his failed tries. He kept trying and trying, giving and giving just so everyone could call him crazy, just so he could hear the sound of rejection over and over again. He was scared he was going to end up losing these feelings too, the only ones that kept him attached to a kinder side of himself. His life, it was filled with darkness, he was the one hiding in the corners while the light always bothered him. Having Xan was the only way, the only salvation but he, the crown prince did not even see him and for that he felt utterly pitiful. 

He closed his eyes, punching the railings on the balcony, the iron vibrating and making a very disturbing sound. 

"You are insane." he told himself, whispering but it was as if he was screaming in his mirror. Standing in front of his reflection, seeing someone who clung to a hopeless love. Lun had given everything to Xan, in the end there would be nothing left, no part of himself that hasn't been broken by him. It hurt, he thought and his palm rested on top of his cursed heart. 

He didn't want to be left with nothing, as selfish as it sounded he wanted to receive something back. This emptiness, this feeling of suffocation, being backed up in a corner, he hated it. This wasn't him, the person everyone viewed, the person he wanted to be.  This weakness and that soft spot he had for Xan, one day he was sure, it would destroy him. 

He turned his back on the depressing scene of BloodBound's mainland and decided he wanted some time to sleep, rest and get lost in dreams. In his head things never ended badly and now he had become addicted to thinking of scenarios that would at least make him smile for a while, until the hard reality crushed in and everything seemed ten times worse. Lun took a deep breath, stepping in when a knock was heard on his door, making him grimace. It was quite late for visitors, he thought and his immediate assumption was that Kai had come to find him. 

Lazily he opened the door, seeing not the prince he expected standing there, a strict expression on his face as their eyes met. How could he be so handsome? Lun wondered, his eyes fixed on his perfect face. This family was a moving crime, their personalities one worse than the other but their appearances would lure you in like a siren's voice. The original family, the first cursed. 

His hair was a bit damp and his white shirt was loosely hanging from the sides of the hem of his pants. He pushed the snow white strands back and raised his eyebrow, expecting to be let in.

"You can tell me from here, what do you want?" he asked him and the crown prince scoffed.

"This is my home, you know. Letting me or not is not your decision." 

"Okay then." Lun said and stepped to the side. "Come on in. Take that crucial step inside so we can see what will change." he told him, his words dripping with irony. 

"I am fine here." Xan said.

"At least you respect boundaries."

"I am not that shitty after all."

"Now you're cutting yourself too much slack." the brown haired vampire said and Xan sighed, seeming seriously concerned.

"Lun…"

"Why are you here your majesty? I think it was a mutual agreement that we won't bother with each other."

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"I need you to listen to me. For a second, can I come in?" he asked, his tone calm as his cold eyes met Lun's. He thought about it for a while, did he really want to retreat once more? Fall victim to those icy orbs and the way he seemed as if he was subtly pleading? His heart fluttered. 

"Get in." he told him, annoyance in his voice but not towards Xan, towards himself. 

"I need you to leave the palace." Xan immediately announced once Lun had closed the door and after a few seconds of awkward silence the tall werewolf began laughing.

"Is this what you wanted to tell me? You wanted to ask me to leave. You didn't have to come in to say that you could do it from outside."

"No,wait. You don't understand." 

"What? Enlighten me."

"Mother is angry." Xan stated.

"When is she not angry?"

"No you don't get it. She is angry with what happened at the ball a few days ago. The Duke and the Duchess are against the monarchy and Kai knew that. He caused an uproar and she…"

"Stop blaming your brother for what that perverted woman did and get to the chase." Lun cut him off.

"I think my mother is planning to hurt the boy, I am sure of it and I think she will try to do something to you too. To spite Kai. So I need you to leave, make sure you're safe."

"Why didn't you go to Kai with this? Ash is just a teen, would you let him get hurt?"

"No! That's not it, I just wanted to warn you." 

"Why? Why do you have this tendency to be nice to me and hate me the next? Do you enjoy hurting my feelings? Is this some kind of game to you?"

"Lun…"

"Tell me, if I am nothing more than a game, I want to know it, we can laugh together with how naive I am."

"I am like this to you because…" Xan mumbled, a sigh escaping his pink lips.

"Because?"

"Because I can still see the trapped child in you sometimes, the young man who dared to dream but at the same time I can't forgive you, I can't overlook the one you chose to become." he told him, looking at him straight in the eyes and Lun felt as if he would collapse.

"Get out."

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