Chapter 189: 188

Kai was laid on his bed, his eyes closed while his breathing escaped from his half opened lips steadily. He could hear his heartbeat, the steady thump and the echo of the beat throughout his whole body. He was done today, he had trained Ash and John, he had made sure to bother his mother, he had spent time with Lun but everything had to come to an end at some point. 

He had to be alone, closed in the tall walls of his room. His balcony door was open, he barely closed them anymore. He loved to see the curtains dance, for his eyes to follow the full moon or to notice the twinkling stars. The night sky was the only reminder that he was living under the same sky with him, the moment the red sun disappeared, the ruler of his cruel world BloodBound returned into being just like any other place, a village, stuck in time under the midnight sky. 

He raised his arm, his palm opened, his fingers expanding. He hid everything from his vision, his pale hand the only thing in sight as tears filled his eyes. He hated being alone, he hated the silence that surrounded him and the way his thoughts would roar, trapped in his head. 

They screamed and scratched the walls of his mind, calling him, trying to spread throughout his body like a poison, eating him alive. Oh the agonizing pain, the numbness of the brain. They whispered, they hissed, they wrapped around his neck like snakes. They existed, they always did and Kai, well he felt like he was losing his mind. 

The young prince sat up, closing his ears, the tears flowing from the blue eyes, his white red by now as he screamed. No sound came out though, no breath to take and his eyes widened. He cried, whined and wailed as every thought seemed to him like a tidal wave. He was fine, he had been fine, smiling, talking, breathing, functioning so why now, why when he was all alone his thoughts were ready to battle him. 

His heart was a battlefield. His mind someone's war camp. As he breathed in he felt the roarings of war, the running footsteps and the clash of imaginary swords. He was going to drive himself mad. He was going to lose it. 

Kai stood up, rushing outside, hoping to find someone, anyone, even his mother would do. Just someone to look at him, talk to him, force him not to be alone. He left his quarters, noticing how the palace had fallen silent, only his stumbling footsteps. There was no one, just soulless pictures hanging on the walls, people he didn't know, men and women he didn't remember staring at him with their painted eyes as he supported himself on the wall, feeling the cold tapestry. 

Judging him, the pictures were judging him. The disgrace of the Avgers, the black sheep of the family. He was all that, the fake rebel, the pretentious prince. A lovestruck fool that would soon lose his mind. This was happening because he had met Philip again, he was acting exactly the same as when he had first left BloodBound. Guilty, ashamed and in the brim of madness. 

His legs couldn't keep him any longer, his body sweaty while everything around him spinned. He hated being alone, he hated his existence, he hated breathing, he hated himself. 

He heard footsteps, a familiar figure appearing, elegant and beautiful. His sister, Nelia. The girl stopped, staring at him with wide green eyes before she appeared right before him, crouching and looking into his glossy eyes.

"Kai…" she called out his name sweetly, worried all over her youthful face. "What is it? What is going on?" she asked while she heard her brother cry. He grabbed her bare arms, clenching them as he raised his head. He started talking, making no sense.

"I tried, I tried so hard. I can't…I feel like I will lose my mind, I feel like it's all my fault even though I know it isn't. I am tired, I am exhausted and I just can't stop hating myself!" he shouted. "Every day, every night when I am by myself I can hear them. My thoughts are calling, telling me to be ashamed of myself. I just…I can't get it out of my head.  I will lose my mind, I…" 

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"Kai…Kai!" Nelia exclaimed, stopping his breakdown. "Look at me, please, try to breathe. What happened?" she asked and watched how her brother stopped talking, his eyes void of any emotion as he stood there, frozen, lost in his own mind. "Kai!" she called him again shaking him but again she received no answer. 

The young prince breathed in, turning his head and blinked, as if he had just been woken up from a dream. He looked at his sister, tilting his head to the side and a small smile formed on his lips, Nelia's hair at the back of her neck rising at the sudden change. 

"I am fine." he answered as he stood up, fixing his disheveled hair by pushing them back. 

"What do you mean you're fine? You were having some kind of panic attack and you're fine? What happened?" she repeated the same question. 

He had worried her and for that Kai felt bad, he couldn't explain what happened, he couldn't tell her the truth. 

"I…I guess I have a lot on my mind with training the kids and thinking about when mum will punish me for what I did at the ball…it's hectic." he said.

"That's…that doesn't make sense with what you said before. You can talk to me, it's alright." she told him, caressing her cheek and her younger brother smiled.

"Really Nelia, I am…"

"Hey!" A cheerful voice interrupted him and Kai spotted his best friend. "Kai we need to talk. Sorry to interrupt." he told him and looked at him with a bright smile. The blond prince exhaled, feeling as if he was just saved. 

"Yeah. Sorry Nelia, I had this thing with Lun…I need to go." he told her, running away.

"Okay" the girl mumbled, looking at her brother walk away and converse with Lun as if nothing had happened.

Was he really alright?

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