Chapter 16: Chapter XVI

Afterwards

The Calypso family left a few hours after my confrontation. It doesn’t seem like the Duchess complained to my father. I’m far too tired to think about anything right now.  

 

Actually, no, I’m not! THE PAGE! Who in this damn manor found it?! Maybe they haven’t linked it to me just yet? Or they’re too dumb to have thought about it deeply and threw it away thinking it was gibberish? Oh, I can only hope!  Why does that notebook leave my mind.

 

Wait, I’m forgetting something... THE THELONIOUS MANOR! Why am I going there tomorrow?! Why can’t I at least have a 2-month break or something? I just met one of the male leads today. Why another one so soon. This world just really despises the villainess.

 

And what’s the matter with me? Why have I been so perplexed about my memories? My memories are my memories and Astelle’s memories are hers. They are two different things!

 

We’re not even of the same world. My memory is so blurry though... they’re more of a fog than Astelle’s memories now. Maybe I can only contain one person’s memories to function properly.  

 

I can’t abandon my memories though...they are mine. The only thing that is truly mine. This whole body, this room, this house, this family, everything... they are Astelle’s.  

 

Ugh! Whatever! Just try not to do anything stupid tomorrow! Avoid Alistair at all costs! He hates Astelle the most for some fucking reason.

 

And stop cursing, damn it!

I need to go for a walk. “My lady? Where are you going?” Eve asked. “A walk, alone.” I told her, she stays where she was and lets me go. Good. “Perhaps I should go make sure why I’m going tomorrow, and where’s Marianne, I’ll need a dress...” I mumbled to myself.  

 

“Astelle? Are you heading off to Father’s study?” A voice from behind asks out of nowhere. “Ah, yes,” it was Sirius. Geez, where do these people pop up from.

 

 

“Ah well, he’s actually in the library, I was just there,” he informed me and walks forward and pats my head and leaves the hallway. He likes doing that for some reason, but it’s nice I guess... it’s warm.

 

I finally reached the library but as soon as I reached out my hand for the door, it opened. “Astelle?” the duke asked. I had immediately stepped back as to not get hit. “Ah yes, Father it’s me,” I replied.  

 

He looked at me, “Ah, my dear why are you here? Its late, you should head to sleep if you want to wake up tomorrow for the knight’s ceremony,” he smiled in the way the Asterions do. A barely visible smile. Welp, wish I could smile too, because he gave the answer to which I didn’t need to ask.  

 

“Ah, yes of course, good night father,” I bowed slightly and took my leave. I walked back to my room, wondering what I should do. Alistair Thelonious was actually a character who hated Astelle. Xavier and Alistair despised her while, Elliot and the other male lead just wouldn’t give her the time of day. So, I’ll have to be careful. I saw the moon’s light fading over on the floor. A full moon, hm?

 

∂ø λø∪ τΓ∪Ιλ βεΙïενε ωε ∂εℑεΓ∇ε τø ΙÏ∇ε?

 

I fell to my knees and clutched my head, it hurts? What the hell was that? Who...? What were those words...?  

 

∂ø λø∪ ℑτïΙΙ ω∀ητ τø Ιï∇ε?

 

Agh! It’s like static in my head! I can’t focus at all and can’t let anyone see me like this! I rose to my feet and quickly looked around to see if anyone witnessed that. Once I made sure no one was near I ran straight to my room and fell in the bed.  

 

λø∪ ∀Γε τøø ∫∪ηηλ, ωε ⊂∀η ηε∇εΓ Ιï∇ε þε∀⊂ε∫∪ΙΙλ.

 

“Ugh this static is too unbearable,” I said out loud to myself. At least it’s not that loud that I can still hear my voice. What is this, anyway, it just keeps going and I can barely understand…

 

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This is weird, did the duchess curse me? No, that’s impossible, then what is this?

 

τμïℑ ïℑ λø∪Γ þ∪ηïℑμ∑εητ ∫øΓ εℑ⊂∀þïηφ ∂ε∀τμ.

 

Oh, shut it. I’m going to sleep, today was an emotional rollercoaster. Hm? It actually went down… Ugh, maybe I’m more tired than I thought…

 

It must’ve been today’s stress and tomorrow’s too… I sighed deeply; this really is too much. Maybe I should skip going… No, that’ll cause rumours and worry.

 

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I felt fatigue wash over me. My eyes drooped and finally shut closed. I fell into a deep sleep. It was bright, I was in a garden of some sorts, filled to brink with lavender, roses, daisies and other flowers that I can’t bother to name at the moment.

 

I walked through the scene, and suddenly I was on a street, with cars, and skyscrapers looming over me. This sight was one I knew well, from my memories.

 

Again, the scene changed to the Asterion manor, the hallway of the colours gold, purple and red. It seems there’s a pattern, but the first location was unfamiliar.

 

Back to the unknown garden, I immediately screamed, “Stop changing the scene, damn it! You’re gonna give me a headache!” 

 

I kept yelling at the top of my lungs, to give me peace in my own sleep.

“Goodness, do you ever shut up?” suddenly, there was a voice behind me.

 

I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice. There she stood, in all her glory, Astelle Asterion. Yeah, I saw that coming. “Yo, how are you?” I looked her in the eyes. Her right eye twitched, “Yes, I am well…How are you faring?” she played along.

 

“Hah! So, you know, I’m in hell, you know that YOU left to me,” I exaggerated the you, smiling spitefully. “Well, good thing I escaped and left it to you, hm?” she smirked. I slapped her on the face, felt the sting on my face. Her face turned at the action, and stayed that way.

 

“You! Idiot! You died! At the cause of food?! You are a noble! You were supposed to have good food, a comfortable bed, a happy life!” all my frustrations left me one by one as I shook her by the shoulders. 

 

She didn’t reply to my words, didn’t move at my ministrations. “I was already dead. I died at the age of 8, when that witch took my ability to feel,” she said soberly.  I felt a vein pop, “You didn’t die, you gave up, like a weakling, like an idiot, like a coward.” I practically spat those words at her. She didn’t look up at all.

 

“Why? Why did you choose to show me yourself now?” I asked her, finally letting her go. I sat down in the fields of flowers, waiting for her response. “Things have changed, from before…”

 

I raised an eyebrow, “Do you remember what happened to yourself? But you died before anything happened…?” I looked at her. She finally looked me in the eyes, that’s when I figured it out.

 

“52 times…? It wasn’t the food…was it?” I got up slowly. Holding her face, I forced her to look into my eyes. Her lips were quivering, her eyes shone with unshed tears. For the first time looking at Astelle, even while I was in her body, she looked 15. 

 

“I-I didn’t know how much more I could take it, I didn’t want to die again, I know I did horrible things, I was the villain, yes but!” she whimpered. I held her face to my chest, I embraced her as I would a child, because that’s what she is. She clutched her hands onto my back for support.

 

“I tried so many times, I did! I-I became friends with her, I made her become Empress, but I always ended with the same fate. I killed her too! I killed all of them! But I still died! I amended with all of them, became their friend again! 

I still ended up dead, waking up 5 years back in my old bed!” she sobbed, finally releasing all her pain. All those years’ worth of trauma finally escaping her.

 

I patted her head trying to comfort her, this 15-year-old, who had a fate worse than death.

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