Chapter 17: Chapter XVII

True self

The true Astelle held on to me even after calming down, her sobs now turned into low sniffles. I didn’t say anything else to her, regretting that I immediately shouted at her while not even listening to her story. ‘Ah, I feel shitty for doing that to her,’ I thought to myself, patting her head.

 

“There’s no need to feel that way,” she mumbled loud enough for me to hear.

‘Did I say that out loud…?’ I questioned to myself, but also testing something. “It is as you think, I can hear your thoughts, we are technically in the same head, and no, you are not just dreaming this conversation,” she cleared any doubts with the signature way of Astelle.

 

“Amazing, you truly are too mature for your age, my lady,” I joked but then immediately remembered she lived through her own life 52 times…

 

“Could you be older than what I was?” I asked her, now shifting the both of us to the ground. She hummed, and I felt her smile. That’s weird, isn’t it? She was just crying about five minutes ago…

 

Is she playing with me? “Calculate it yourself, my lady,” she looked up at me with a playful glint. Ah… if I didn’t pity her, as well as myself, I would’ve told her to-

 

I sighed, “Give me a minute, I haven’t done arithmetic math in years,” she nodded with that mischievous look of hers, I would’ve slapped her if she didn’t look so damn cute.

 

Astelle looked at the lady that had long dark brown hair in a high ponytail, she wore a dark colour scheme of outfits she hadn’t see before except from the lady’s memories. “Was it called a hoodie…?” Astelle tried to recall. ‘Is it due to the hood hanging behind her? But where are the buttons and straps and why is it above the knees? Did the people in her world not have shame?

 

“260! Its 260, 52 times 5 is 260! Wait… oh…” she looked ecstatic to have finally calculated the number, but as soon as she shouted it loud, she sadly looked at Astelle who smiled sympathetically and nodded. 

 

The lady coughed and apologised. Astelle shook her head, “Its fine, do not fret over it, ah… I don’t seem to know your name,” Astelle said to the lady in black. “Ah, really? Thought you knew everything about me,” she spoke sarcastically. “Oh no, I don’t, I only know what you know about yourself,”

 

“Funny to say, I can’t remember my name, so I’ll have to take yours,” she smiled jokingly. “That’s fine, you are me now after all,” 

 

The other brunette just flinched at her, and sighed, ‘I was only joking,’ Astelle looked at her, “Really? But you seemed so serious…”

 

“I have got to show you how to take jokes,” the lady looked at her. “So why have you brought me here? I’m sure it wasn’t to comfort yourself, though do call for me if you feel like crying again, I’ll be here, I’m all have you left after all…” she spoke solemnly. 

 

“No, I cannot cry again.” Astelle said facing me. As I opened my mouth to question her.

 

Suddenly, the flowers around them glitched into the scenery of skyscrapers. Astelle gasped and the brunette jumped, “You are waking up! I wanted to warn you! Be careful of who you pick as a knight, make sure they don’t have an insignia of a B-!”  her voice faded away.

 

“A what?!” I shouted back at her! Then…

 

It all faded to black as the flowers beneath me faded, an endless abyss waiting for me.

 

I gasped as I jumped up from my bed. “My lady!” I heard a familiar voice, still feeling a bit disoriented. “Marianne,” I roached out, my throat was dry. “Water, bring water,” I continued, she immediately rushed to the jug of water that stayed in my room and poured water in the glass. I gulped it down like a fish that was out of sea for days. Why the hell was I so… I stopped my train of thought as I looked at Marianne’s face. She had her mouth covered and tears in her eyes.

What now? I looked at her expectingly, as to ask her why she was crying now? “I apologise, my lady, I know you despise me crying like this, but you… you were crying…” Marianne mumbled the last part, very low but still loud enough for me to hear. 

 

Huh? Me? Nonsense, I have nothing to cry over…EXCEPT THAT LOST PAGE! I suddenly remembered my panic of yesterday. Oh! I also have to go to the Thelonious Manor! How wonderful! 

 

I sighed out loud. “I just remembered something dreadful, do not worry. Get me prepared for the day, Its going to be very eventful.” I told the worried maid. She nodded, not pestering me further about the supposed dream.

 

What was that? How did we meet? I was so shocked that I didn’t even ask questions. It also seems my theory of us switching bodies is wrong. So, I’m dead, huh? I smiled to myself, for some reason that’s comforting. I guess I really don’t want to know my past life. As long as I remember the novel, I’m good.

 

Marianne got me ready for the day while I figured out what happened. Marianne grew worried about the lady she served for five years. ‘She’s acting so different these days…ever since Diane’s death. No, earlier than that she cursed for the first time…where did she hear all that, and she was confused… what is this feeling of…dread?’ Marianne thought to herself.

 

‘Did she get a nightmare like now back then? But my lady never showed her emotions even when she would enter her mother’s favourite spot, I can imagine how much sadness she must feel walking through her mother’s spot but even then…’ Marianne combed Astelle’s hair, growing nervous.

 

Astelle flinched as Marianne pulled a little harder and looked at her face in the mirror. ‘Shit.’ I thought to myself. Marianne looked confused. I know what that means, she’s doubting me right now.’

 

I don’t even remember crying but I had tears… in my eyes…

That’s what she meant. Astelle did tell me she can’t cry again, because this is still her body. If she cries, it’ll affect me. How will I be able to talk to her again? Agh! Focus. Aha!

 

“Marianne.” I said harshly. She flinched, “Yes, my lady?” Marianne spoke nervously. “Who do you think you serve?” I got up as she finished my hair and turned around to face her. She looked confused, “You, of course, my lady,” she said confidently. I hummed, “I was so sure you served the duchess of Calypso, since you seemed to obey her more than me,”

 

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“S-she had ordered me to never be in the house at the same time as her…” Marianne stuttered out. “Did you ever ask me? Your lady, or so you call me,” I spoke out relentlessly.

 

I’m sorry, Marianne but I have to speak like this to push away your thoughts, you cannot find out now. I’ll have to watch over my actions for now. “No, I apologise, my lady,” she faced down and shut her eyes.

 

I raised her head with a finger, and looked into her sapphire blue eyes. “I understand you fear her, but don’t forget who you work for, under my employment, no one except me can do anything to you, understood?” She nodded profusely and smiled. ‘What was I thinking, doubting my lady, she said she wanted to trust me! I’m sorry my lady! I trust you already!’ Marianne screamed to her head and hoped her lady could hear her.

 

There we go, got her. I smirked to myself as I saw her reassured face. There can be no cracks in the hourglass of my life. I can be the greater good or evil to let myself live more than I am supposed to. “My lady,” Marianne said to get my attention. I looked at her and she smiled, holding the door open for me. 

 

As we walked through the hallways to the main dining room for breakfast. It smelled like pancakes and syrup. Its probably just that, wasn’t sugar an expensive item in times like this? 

 

Damn these rich nobles, I thought as I ate said rare item. Forgive me poor people, I have betrayed you, but it’s so good.

 

The duke looked at his daughter, “Did you sleep well, Astelle?” I hummed, as I patted my mouth with the cloth given for that purpose. “Of course, father,” I looked into his spectacles. He hummed, “Then you are finally ready to choose a knight?” 

 

My eyes burst out slightly, shit, Astelle! She told me to be careful of choosing one, should I choose one or wait till the next knighting ceremony? 

 

But the next ceremony is going to be in a year and I’ll need protection from whatever is targeting me. “Yes, I am, I think it is time for me to pick a knight,” I told the duke, he seemed pleased. God, am I going to regret this?

 

“In half an hour, the carriages will be prepared, please make your way to the front of the mansion, then,” the duke informed me as he got up and made way to the entrance to leave. I wanted to say something but I didn’t know what.

 

At least I’ll get out of this house, this will be the first time I’ll see the outside of the world I’ve been reborn in. Hopefully, I don’t get attacked. I sighed as I also made my way to leave.

 

I entered my room and let Marianne choose my dress, suddenly I got an idea. “Marianne, set my hair in a braid, and choose a dress in which I can move easily.” I don’t know if this will work but it’s worth a try. Marianne looked confused but complied with my request. 

 

I was ready and looked good. I headed out and saw the duke and Sirius standing there for me, waiting. “You arrived, let’s go,” the duke announced. The carriage basically looked more royal than I ever would. With the polished gold colour and the red padding both inside and out. Sirius held his hand out for me and I grabbed it and he helped me inside. Thank God, I knew about this courtesy.

 

I sat by the window seat and could hear the light gallops of the horses, the chatter of the coachman and knights that rode by our side. Of course, the nobles were always surrounded by knights if not indoors.

 

The city looked pretty, the citizens carrying groceries, the children playing in the streets. It all looked so calm and peaceful. Then, I’m here fighting for my life.

 

I sighed but then I remembered who I was with. I slowly turned my head to see them both looking at me. That gave me a heart attack, I nodded to them and quickly but calmly turned back. 

 

“Why do you always watch out the window in a carriage, Astelle?” Sirius asked suddenly. Oh, thank God, I always do this? 

 

“It’s calming,” I replied without looking back. He hummed and then that was it. That was the whole conversation. When we finally reached the Thelonious household, I could barely hold in my jaw from opening very widely and unladylike because dear god!

 

How many people live in that?! The towered over us and was very wide. The colour scheme seemed to be green, brown and silver. These nobles are very obsessed with gold and silver, huh.

 

The duke and Sirius got out of the carriage and Sirius gave me his hand, once again, to help me out. As I got out, I saw a man around the age of my father. He was probably the duke of the Thelonious dukedom, beside him was a kind looking woman with a maroon red color, a color similar to a rose petal and striking blue eyes. She smiled and greeted me and I bowed to her. Another woman stood by her side, she looked identical to the kind looking woman except this one had forest green eyes like the duke but didn’t look as kind. 

 

She was basically glaring at me, “Stop that, Arabella, and greet her politely,” I heard the lady scold her. Why does this one hate me? This wasn’t funny anymore.

 

I sighed internally at her greeting that held no energy at all. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Lady Arabella.” I bowed to her, the same way she did. She fumed. “It has been so long since we’ve last met, Astelle,” The duchess smiled at me. I joined them on the walk that the duchess gestured me to join her on. 

 

Arabella looked as if she had better thing to do though. I nodded politely and kept up small talk with her. I noticed the second son, Alistair, the third male lead, was nowhere to be seen. “Ah, I apologise, dear, but both me and Arabella must leave to greet other guests, but you’re more than welcome to wander the gardens, you did enjoy that so as a child,” The duchess fretted. I thanked her and nodded, grateful for the chance to execute my plan.

 

This is exactly what I counted on. Arabella glared at me, with all her distrust on display. I just politely nodded and walked away. I pretended to walk to the location of the gardens, as I spotted the other guests wandering there. As soon as they were out of sight, I made way to the knight training grounds. 

 

This better not be a mistake. As I took a step forward, I felt the need to step backwards immediately. As I did so as quick as I could, a sword appeared out of nowhere, now held against my throat at a reasonable distance. 

 

“Long time no see, Astelle,” a male voice called out, the owner of the sword that was currently against my throat.

 

I sighed out loud, the sword flinching at my unexpected reaction, I literally said earlier today that I wished not to be attacked today!

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