Chapter 116: Recreation: Visiting Hours

Fade in to Sarge running towards the Blue Base, followed by Grif, Ash and Simmons.

Sarge: Come on, men! Lopez said Donut went this way!

Grif: Are you sure that's what he said? I don't think pendejo was Spanish for “that way.”

Cuts to Caboose inside the Blue Base, speaking to Donut.

Caboose: Muffin Man!

Donut: Caboose...! I have a message for Church! Wh... where is he?

Caboose: Hey, are you okay?

Donut: Just a little weak. Where's Church?

Caboose: Church? Oh, um. He's not here right now.

Donut: Where is he?

Caboose: Uh, he's um, he... that's kind of, uh, um... [quickly] it turns out he's really a computer program based on some guy who ran the Freelancer project and he went with Agent Washington, he's a Freelancer who destroyed all the AIs that were left.

Donut doesn’t respond.

Caboose: Well, almost all.

Donut: ... How long was I asleep?

Caboose: Not that long.

Donut: (almost out of breath) Listen... I don't know how long... I can stay awake. I need to give someone, on Blue Team, a message. ... I promised.

Caboose: I know people on the Blue Team. People on the inside. You can give it to me.

Donut: Tuck—

Caboose: Tuck! You want me to tuck? What do you want me to tuck? Wait, my mother told me to never tuck anything of anyone else's.

Donut: (faintly) Tucker...

Caboose: Tucker?

Donut: He needs... help. Find him... (slouches over) It's in... the sand... (collapses)

Caboose: It's in this and... this and what? (crouches) Donut, this and what!? What is “this?” What, what, your pocket? Is Tucker in your pocket? ... I remember him being a lot bigger. Tucker! Are you in there!?

Sarge: (from outside) Hey! Anybody here? Blue? Where are ya?

Caboose: Tucker! Is that you? Why did you shrink? And why are you talking like a pirate?

Sarge: Hello??

Caboose: Hello! Yes, I hear you!

Sarge: Then get outside! I need to talk to you!

Caboose: (rises) Out? ...ohhh, oh, I see, I thought—hah... man, sometimes I am so dumb. (crouches again) Hold on, Pocket Tucker! Someone outside wants to talk to me! (rises again) Donut, you can rest here as long as you want. You must be tired from all of “this and.” And other stuff. (leaves)

Donut: (groaning) No... It's not pink... it's lightish red... hey, Sarge... I should totally get a jetpack... or a motorcycle...

Scene changes; Caboose is outside with the other Reds.

"Hey, Guys!" Caboose greets Red team. "Great to see you. Wait...Unless you're here to blow me up. Then... not so great."

"Not today." Ash says.

"We're looking for something we've, uh..." Sarge starts. "uh...lost."

"Is it the keys to your base?" Caboose asks. "I do that a lot. But it's really easy to break in, because... there are no doors.

Sarge: No, we’re looking for something else. I'm not gonna tell you what it is and give you some kind of advantage.

Caboose: Can you describe it.

Grif: Yeah, it's pink...

Simmons: It's annoying...

"It smells like baby oil." Ash adds.

Sarge: And it's kind of a spring in its step.

Caboose: Ohh. You mean Donut.

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Sarge: Ah, yes! Where is he?

Caboose: He's in my base. He'll be staying with me for a little while.

Sarge: You've captured him? Diabolical... What are you doing with him!?

Caboose: Don't worry. He's resting. Comfortably.

Grif: Ooh, that sounds ominous. Don't back down now, sir.

Sarge: Give him back!

Caboose: See, there's something he needed to tell me. I'll send him home after that.

Sarge: Squeezing him for information, eh?

Simmons: Sarge, I don't think that he's—

Caboose: Hey. No one is squeezing anybody. I was just working with my tools and he—

Sarge: Torture!? You ungodly fiend! He won't give you any info! He'll die before he reveals anything! Hear that, Donut? You'll die before you talk! We all know that, keep up the good work!

Caboose: Actually, he already told me the beginning part.

Sarge: He told you about our secret new vehicle!? Damn it, Donut, you idiot!

Simmons: Sarge!

Caboose: He told me about “this and.”

Sarge: He told you about that and our new hologram chamber!? Donut, put a lid on it!

Simmons: Sarge!! (sighs) I'm gonna go sleep under a tree. Come wake me up when the brain summit is over. (leaves)

Grif: Are you kidding? I hope this lasts forever. Psst, hey Sarge. Maybe there's a ransom.

"Yeah, I'm enjoying this." Ash says.

Sarge: Good thinking. What is it you want, Blue?

Caboose: What do I want? ...Do you have any cookies?

Sarge: What are your demands? You have to give us your demands.

Caboose: I demand cookies!

Sarge: You're just toying with us! Your depravity knows no bounds!

Grif: Yeah!

Caboose: Well, at least I don't go around... knocking on people's non-doors... and promising them cookies... (heads inside) and then NOT. GIVING. THEM. COOKIES! (pops back out after a moment) I’M! LEAVING! (returns inside)

Sarge: Wait!—

Grif: Hmm. Looks like negotiations have broken down. Should we call in a nuke strike?

Sarge: Negative. We’ve got a man in there! Well, you know... Donut.

"I mean, I don't see the problem." Ash says. 

Donut: (from inside) Ow! That hurt!

Sarge: Ow, listen to that! He's killing him in there!!

Inside the base, Caboose is backing off away from Donut, who is still lying on the ground.

Caboose: Oops! Sorry, Donut! Didn't mean to step on your hand like that. Are you okay?

Donut: Wh- what happened? Who was that?

Caboose: Oh, that was your team, they're playing some kind of prank. ... Offering snacks and then not giving snacks...!

Donut: I hate when they do that. Who was it?

Caboose: Uh, it was Red Sergeant and Grif. They were working together while Simmons was laying under a tree, being lazy.

Donut: What the...? How long was I asleep this time??

(After a few seconds…)

Sarge: Donut! Just don't tell ‘em we have Lopez back!

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07-14-2022

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