Chapter 122: Recreation: My House, From Here

Sarge: Aw, dammit Grif! Look at what you did now! You busted up a brand new jeep.

Grif: Me? You were the idiots that started setting off mines.

Sarge: Well, I managed to get out there and not get hit by anything!

Grif: Because you jumped on the roof of the car! That's cheating.

Sarge: No, it's called strategy!

Grif: Well, your “strategy” broke the jeep. So don't go blaming me. And the blue guy's dead too—how are we gonna explain that?

"Where's Ash?" Sarge asks.

"GIBBY!" Ash crashes into the ground next to them and he stands up. "Let's do that again!"

The intercom announcer, C.T., runs out to see them.

C.T.: What the hell! What were you thinking?

The Reds ignore him. 

"We don't need to explain why he died, Grif." Sarge explains. "We're Reds! Killing Blues is our business... and today, business is good!"

"But we didn't even kill him!" Grif says. "He stepped on a mine and blew up."

"What a beautiful way to go." Ash says.

Grif continues. "And he's the reason that we're on this stupid mission. So now what."

"Hrm, I see your point." Sarge says. "So I think we should have a moment of silence in honor of the dead Blue guy! Bow your head."

C.T.: Hey, are you listening to me?

Grif: Do you mind? We’re having a moment of silence. Show some respect.

"What a jerk." Ash says.

C.T.: What?

A requiem plays in the background.

Sarge: Dear Lord, we thank you for taking another Blue back to Heaven today. Or rather not Heaven, but whatever fiery pit you send Blues to so they can suffer in eternity. You should’ve taken Grif. ...But you didn't. Again. Not sure why, it would’ve been easy! Those mine things are everywhere! But I guess you know what you're doing.

Caboose is heard screaming from above. The camera zooms out enough to catch Caboose falling from the sky and crashing nearby the Elephant. He rises, as if nothing happened.

"Wow." Caboose says. "Now that was a big explosion."

"Blue guy's back!" Grif informs. 

"I was really high!"

"Did anyone get a picture?" Caboose asks.

"...And now you brought him back! And Grif's still here!" Sarge complains.

"It's a sad day." Ash adds.

Sarge continues. "I hate to criticize but you could've just had him land on Grif and squash him! It would've been easy! Just a note; you can take it or leave it, like I said it's not really in my place to criticize. (stops bowing head) Okay, the end, amen."

C.T.: ...What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Sarge: Whoa. Now who are you?

C.T.: Who am I? Who are you? I'm supposed to be here. You guys are accessing an area on lockdown.

Sarge: Lockdown?

C.T.: This is a restricted dig site, what are you doing here?

Caboose: Oh, uh, we were just looking for, uh...

Sarge: Oh, we’re just passing through on the way to meet up with the rest of our squad.

A Mongoose approaches the group.

C.T.: Oh, great. Stay here. Don't move. Don't touch anything. (runs off)

Grif: Why didn't you ask about Tucker?

Sarge: We don't know anything about these guys! What if they're the ones causing trouble for Tucker? We don't know if we can trust them yet.

Caboose: Oh right! Because normally you guys are the ones who cause trouble for Tucker.

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Sarge: Right. That's our job.

Cuts to Valhalla.

Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy. Listen Lopez, I'm not racist. I just didn't know you were standing there when I said that.

Lopez: ¿Cómo te hace eso no racista? [How does that make you not racist?]

Simmons: I had a lot of mechanical friends while growing up. Seriously, I am not a racist.

Lopez: Lo que sea. [Whatever.]

Simmons: In fact, I'm one-eighth cyborg.

Lopez: ¿De veras? [Really?]

Simmons: Yeah.

Lopez: ¿Por el lado de tu madre? [On your mother's side?]

Simmons: Yeah, you know, from my accident, when Sarge replaced all my organs.

Lopez: Ay, cierto. [Oh, right.]

Simmons: See? I'm down with the one-zero-one...zero-zero-one... thing.

Lopez: Nadie lo llama así ahora. [No one calls it that anymore]

Simmons: Look, I'm just saying I'm sorry. Now, can you help me with those explosives? Please?

Lopez: (grunts) Supongo... [I guess...]

Simmons: Okay... then we’re cool?

Lopez: Sí. Estamos bien. [Yeah. We’re cool.]

Simmons: Oh, that's a relief. I was getting worried there for a minute. I know how you Mexicans like to hold a grudge!

Silence.

Simmons: I'll just find another way to blow up the base.

Lopez: Buena suerte con eso. [Good luck with that.]

Cuts back to Sandtrap. The soldier from earlier is returning with a purple alien, Smith.

C.T.: Okay, now, we want the three of you to go-

Grif, Ash, Sarge: Whoa! (back down)

Caboose: Uh oh. (backs down)

C.T.: What the...? Oh, right! Sorry, I'm so used to working with aliens now that I forget that some people don't have any experience.

Sarge: Oh, we’ve got experience with these things. Some of us more than others.

C.T.: You guys fought aliens during a war?

Grif, Ash and Sarge look to Caboose, who looks down dejectedly, and then turn their attention back to C.T.

Grif: ...Yeah. Something like that. Let's just say we got a little closer to them than we thought physically possible.

C.T.: Well, don't worry about ol’ Smith here. He's really friendly.

Grif: ...Yeah, that doesn't really put us at ease.

Cuts to the UNSC Maximum Security Detention Facility. Washington is with a guard.

Guard: All right Washington. The man in charge has agreed to see you. You have five minutes. Do anything aggressive, and I'll shoot you. Do anything weird, and I'll shoot you. Do anything I don't like—

Washington: And you'll shoot me. I got it. I think I’ve identified the pattern.

Guard: Talk back again, and I'll shoot you. I don't know why he's even seeing you.

Washington: Because I know something he wants to know.

Guard: Well, good for you. You have five minutes.

Washington: Guess I should say thank you.

Guard: I guess you should get going. Your five minutes already started.

The door opens.

Chairman: (off screen) My dear Agent Washington. I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance, do come in. I feel that we have much to discuss.

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07-14-2022

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