Chapter 136: Revelations: Recovering One

Fade in to Church entering the giant hole Grif and the jeep blew in canyon wall.

Church: Whoa. Guess they came this way. Hm h-hm hm hm hm hmm.

Back to Simmons and Doc

Simmons: Okay, now's our chance Doc, hit him with an overcharge. It should overload at least one of his systems.

Doc: Um, you do it.

Simmons: What- me? I don't even know how to fire that thing.

Doc: Just pull the trigger and let go, it's super easy.

Simmons: No no no, you're trained with it, you should do it. Go.

Doc: What if I miss? What if it doesn't do anything but make him mad? I already made it mad once and that didn't really work out very well.

Simmons: Whuga-what- well then just, we'll improvise.

Doc: Yeah I don't feel entirely comfortable with that answer.

The fusion coils blow up in the distance

Doc: What the heck was that?

Simmons: Uh oh, I have a bad feeling that someone just caused him trouble.

Doc: Yeuu!

Simmons: Oh no, improvise, improvise!

As the Meta charges towards them, Doc raises his scanner and pulls the trigger. 

Suddenly a blast of green energy shoots out from the scanner and hits the Meta square on the chest, sending him and his brute shot flying backwards against the wall. 

With an angry growl, the Meta gets to his feet, his armor sparking with green electricity, and charges at Doc again.

Doc: Uh- whng-

The Meta slows down almost to nothing

Doc: Am I dead? Am I dead?

Simmons: Doc, you did it!

Doc: He's frozen.

Simmons: No, it looks like you overloaded his time distortion unit. You must have caused some kind of inversion. Instead of making everything else slow, it made him slow.

Doc: Huh huh, yeah! Score one for the pacifist. How you like me now, Meta?

Simmons: Um, Doc? I wouldn't get too close to him if I were you.

Doc: Why, what's he gonna do? Beat me up over the course of the next two weeks?

Simmons: Well, technically he's not actually moving slower, he's moving at the same speed just over a longer period of time.

Doc: Huh?

Simmons: It's relativistic. His fist still travels at the same velocity, we just view it from a faster timeframe. Therefore, it looks slowed down, but theoretically, it should still carry the same force.

Doc: ... Nah, see? It's moving slower.

The Meta's fist finally connects with Doc's head, making a tiny "dink" noise, sending Doc flying into the wall.

Doc: Waahuaa! Ow!

Simmons: See? That's what you get for arguing with science. Stupid bitch.

Ash runs up the ramp.

"Guys, I'm here-" Ash notices Doc. "What happened to him?"

"He argued with science." Simmons explains.

"Heh, don't argue with science. Stupid Bitch." Ash turns to Simmons. "Help him."

"Fine."

Simmons walks over to Doc.

Doc: Simmons, get me outta this wall.

Simmons: Hmm, how do I do this...

Simmons tries various postures to get Doc free

Simmons: The fuck- uhh, Jesus.

Doc: You're not pulling from my center.

Simmons: Dheuh- from the center, what the fuck is the center?

Doc: Get down and pull from the groin.

Simmons: Euh-deu-kei- tsei- eih- eih- eih- eih-

Doc: Let go- stop rubbing at my head. Hey-

Simmons: Eah-

Doc: It feels like you're saving your strength. Don't save your strength. Hurry Simmons! I think that big guy's speeding back up!

Simmons: Oh shit. Um-

Sarge: Simmons, Ash, where are you? Come out here!

Simmons: I'm here, hold on just a second! 

"Be right there!" Ash yells.

"Doc, it looks like I can't get you out." Simmons says.

Doc: Yes you can! You're, you can, you haven't really tried yet!

Simmons: I know, you're right, I should think about the mission.

Doc: What? No! Not unless this is rescue mission. I'm part of the mission.

Simmons: It's a noble sacrifice you're making here.

Doc: No no, I'm not sacrificing. I'm not noble. At all, listen to me, you don't wanna go I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go!

Simmons: I'll always remember you, bye!

Doc: Start by remembering me right now! Simmons! Ash, Help me!"

"Uh, sorry, I don't want to." Ash says. 

The Meta growls

"Let's go!" Ash yells as the Meta begins to Fire and him and Simmons.

Simmons screams as they run towards the edge of Blue Base. They jump for it.

Ash turns around mid-air and holds up both hands and gives the Meta the double bird.  "Fuck you, Bitch!"

Just as the Warthog drives past, Simmons grabs onto the barrel of the turret but his momentum sends it spiraling around several times before ending up pointing back towards the base.

Ash grabs the roof of the Warthog and holds on.

Simmons: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah- Whuh? Aahhhhhhhh!

Sarge: Simmons, stop showing off and get in already!

Simmons: This isn't on purpose!

On the Base's upper level, the Meta fires more grenades at the retreating Reds. As the jeep hits a bump, Simmons loses his grip on the turret and ends up hanging from its back bumper, scraping along the ground.

Simmons: No, wait wait wait! Guys, guys, just slow down a little, why don't you-

Simmons gurgles underwater as they drive through the creek

Sarge: What did he say?

"I don't know!" Ash yells. "But this is quite fun!"

The Meta runs into the grav-lift and is catapulted into the valley.

Sarge: Grif, incoming.

Grif: Don't worry, we'll just do what we did last time.

As the Meta nears the ground, he performs a half-twist somersault and lands right on the Warthog's front, crushing the bonnet, catapulting Sarge, Ash, and Grif out of their seats and sending the jeep flipping up into the air. 

Then, just before the jeep hits the ground, the Meta raises his brute shot and fires, sending it barreling towards the other Reds.

Simmons: I'm scared to hold on, but I'm scared to let go!

Grif: Look out!

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Sarge: Whoa

Grif and Sarge dive out of the way.

"Uh, oh." Ash says as the Warthog slams into him and he goes flying. "FUUUCK!"

Sarge stands up as a giant tire rolls over Grif.

Grif: Uh-huhh- ouh!

Sarge: That was the worst driving of all time.

Grif: Because that wasn't driving, that was flying and burning!

Sarge: Touche.

Simmons staggers around in the background, holding the bumper.

Simmons: Wuhu, wuh huh weeaha, wha- what happened, where am I?

Ash limps towards the group. "Pain, I'm in so much pain."

The Meta approaches the group.

"Get ready, men." Sarge orders. "Remember, he can't kill all of us."

Ash falls face first onto the ground. "Ow."

"Why can't he kill all of us?" Grif asks.

"Hmm." Sarge hums. "That is a good point."

Ash stands up and he staggers around a little.

"Wha--Okay--Here--Hey--Okay!" Simmons comes to his senses.

"Get ready." Sarge says.

Ash and Grif aim their guns at the Meta.

"This is not going to be good." Grif says.

"I think I might be blacking out." Ash says.

Epsilon floats over. "Hey guys, what's going on?"

"Man, your jeep got fucked up!" Epsilon says. He turns to the Meta. "Who's the big dude? 'Sup, Gigantor?" The Meta growls and swipes at Epsilon. "Whoa! You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"What're you doing here?" Grif asks Epsilon.

"Who cares, just lead him out of here!" Sarge orders.

The Meta keeps trying to grab Epsilon. "Hey ho-- where?"

"Anywhere that's not here."

Epsilon flies towards Blue base with the Meta following him. "Hey come one big boy, follow me! Look how shiny I am, woohoo!"

"Come on!" Sarge orders.

Simmons drops the bumper and grabs his gun. "What the fuck was that floating thing?"

The group starts to run towards the hole in the wall.

"We'll explain later. Run!" Grif yells.

Church arrives at blue base, has a vision

Church: Come on big boy, come this way. Wait a minute. I know this place. Hello? Somebody in there?

The Meta swings again

Church: Oh, shit, you scared the crap outta me.

Over with the Reds as they run through the hole in the wall.

"Quick!" Sarge yells. "Everyone, through the hole. Just sayin' that makes me miss Donut."

The group stops.

"What're we gonna do?" Grif asks. "We can't outrun him and our jeep is destroyed."

"We have to seal the opening." Sarge says.

"Do we have any grenades?" Simmons asks.

They look to Ash. 

"I... might have used all mine up.... In the desert."  Ash says.

"Darn it Ash!" Sarge says. "We need a plan of action."

Epsilon floats over to the group. "Hey I know he's a friend of yours, but I gotta tell you, that guy with the shiny head with a crack in it, is kind of an asshole."

"Well if you're here, then where's the--" Simmons starts. He sees the Meta on a hill, heading towards them. "Oh no, there's the Meta! Come on we have to hurry!"

"I have an idea." Grif says, and he walks over to Epsilon.  "Hey, you, dipshit!"

Epsilon turns to Grif. "You talkin' to me?"

Grif: Ah bullshit, now the Meta's coming up here and he's gonna kill all of us, starting with you.

Sarge: What are you doing?

Epsilon: I wasn't even looking for you guys, I was trying to find-

Sarge: Oh, I get it. *He walks over to Epsilon* Can it you overgrown ornament!

Epsilon: Oh, now you wanna start?

Grif: Hey, I'm not done with you yet ball bearing.

Epsilon: That's rude.

Sarge: Your mother takes it in the exhaust port!

Grif: Come on Simmons, Ash, help us.

Ash walks over. "I was the one that blew up your ammo supply, not Caboose."

"Wow." Epsilon says.

"I don't even know what you're doing." Simmons says.

Sarge: Your mother gets paddled like a pinball!

Epsilon: Hey, let's leave mothers outta this!

Grif: We're trying to increase the stress level.

Sarge: We need some insults!

Simmons: Um, okay. Grif, you're so fat you broke your arm and gravy came out. Ash, I think you're insane and you'll never find love. Sarge, I find a lot of your tactical decisions to be questionable if not downright mediocre. 

Ash sniffs.

Sarge: Not insults for us Simmons, for him!

Simmons: I don't understand the rules of your stupid game I just got here!

Epsilon: Ah, you guys are idiots.

Grif: This isn't working. We need something to make him mad. Really mad.

Simmons: Has he seen the last episode of The Sopranos yet?

"No!" Ash yells. "Don't spoil it for me!"

The Meta and Wash are getting close.

Epsilon turns to them. "Uh oh, look out! It's the big guy! And there's--"

"Get them, Meta!" Wash yells. "Get them!"

Epsilon: WASHINGTON!

Suddenly, Epsilon's eye glows bright red as a laser beam shoots out and blasts around the hole, causing the wall to collapse over it and blocking the way for Washington and the Meta.

Epsilon: What? No! Open it up! Open it up! I have to go back!

"Go back?" Sarge asks. "Son are you crazy? After what we just went through to get outta there?"

Epsilon turns to Sarge. "No, he'll find HER! Don't you understand? I can't let them, get to her..." He slows down. "First..." Epsilon shuts down and falls to the ground.

"Wow, I guess he ran out of juice." Grif says.

"He's had a hard day." Sarge says. "Let him sleep it off. Load him up, let's hit the road."

Simmons: So, what is this thing, like some kinda pet?

Grif: Yeah, I guess you could say that. Come on, I'll fill you in.

Outside, the Meta grunts

Washington: Don't worry, we'll find them again. We just need some leads. And I know exactly who to ask.

With Doc.

Doc: Hey guys? A little help here. Hello? Assholes.

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