Chapter 137: Revelations: Fourth and Twenty

Fade in to Caboose standing on top of a tall rock, being harassed on by some aliens below. Tucker is standing off to the side

Caboose: Go away, bad aliens! Shoo aliens shoo! Rolled up newspaper!

Tucker: Maybe you should have thought about that before you lost their all-powerful Deity.

Caboose: I didn't lose him, he left. Or maybe he lost himself. Or maybe the Reds took him.

Caboose: I don't-

One of the aliens shoots Caboose

Caboose: Ow! Stop that!

Tucker: Well, until the Reds come back, they need somebody to blame. Better you than me man.

Caboose: Tucker, help me.

Tucker: Hyeah, dude, I dunno. I don't really wanna get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. And I should know, I used to date an Italian girl.

Caboose: But he's not really a god, it's all made up. You know that.

The aliens turn toward Tucker

Tucker: Whoa dude, I don't know shit. That sounds like straight up blasphemy. You guys gonna put up with this shit?

Alien: Blarg.

Tucker: H-I know dude, that's what I'm saying. Took the blarg right out of my mouth.

Caboose: Tucker... They're going to eat me...!

Tucker: Caboose shut the fuck up, they're not gonna eat you. They're just gonna persecute you and kill you, stop being such a baby.

Caboose: Look, the Reds, they're back. And they have your worshippy guy.

Tucker: What? Sarge...

Sarge: Hey Blue, we're back. Got Simmons too. Where's the water can? Oh also you got any more spare jeeps around here? I don't wanna get into it, but we've identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models. Oh uh, what're you guys doing? Killin' Caboose? That's cool.

Caboose: There he is! He is the one who took Church! Get him.

Alien: Rawr? Rawrar.

Sarge: Ruh-roh.

Cut to Grif, Ash, and Simmons with Church

"How's floaty McGee?" Grif asks.

"Eh, you know." Simmons starts. "Same old. Still not working."

"I'm fine with that." Ash says. "He's an asshole anyway."

"Is he dead?" Grif asks.

"How the fuck would I know?" Simmons starts. "And even if he was, would it make a difference with this guy?"

"Meh, probably not."

"And now he's got sand all in his ports. How am I supposed to fix him in an environment like this?"

"I like beaches, but not deserts." Ash says. "Too much sand."

"Yeah, why did we even come here, it's a fucking desert!" Simmons says.

"I don't know, this is where we were before we came to get you." Grif explains. "And where else can we go anyway? There's bad guys at our base, and Sarge never wants us to get far from the blues. I don't know if you've noticed this Simmons, but he's a little obsessed. He still wants to get 'em back in the database so we can kill 'em. How's that goin' by the way? Any progress?"

"Progress?" Simmons asks.

"It's your project."

"I was held captive!"

"That's not our fault." Ash says.

"If Sarge takes that as an excuse for not getting work done, let me know." Grif says. "I'll get captured all the time."

Sarge: Nope. They're right around this corner up here. Grif, Ash, and Simmons, right up here, where we're walking.

Grif: Uh oh, here he comes. You're about to get busted.

Sarge: And you'll see when we get around this corner up here, we don't have any kind of floating device. No balls or spheres or anything.

Simmons: Who's he talking to?

Sarge: You'll see, big group of aliens. We don't have anything like that at all.

Grif: What? Uh oh.

Epsilon begins to turn on

Epsilon: Whah? Where am I?

Grif: Sshhh, dude shut up. Be quiet.

Epsilon: No, what-

You are reading story The Weapons Guy at novel35.com

Grif: Shut your hole.

Epsilon: What's happening, how did I get here?

"What do we do?" Ash asks.

"I don't know!" Grif says.

"Wait! I have an Idea!" Ash says.

Epsilon: Don't do it you fucker-

Ash then punts Epsilon behind them.

Epsilon: -rrrrrrrrrrr!

"What the--? What are you doing?!" Simmons asks.

"It was the best idea at the time!" Ash says. "Now shut up and be cool."

"Be cool?" 

"Whoa!" Simmons shouts in surprise. "I mean, what's the 411 daddios? Me and my homies were just, hangin' all up in here. Deserts-ville. 'S'all good. You know what I'm sayin', scrillas?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Ash asks.

"You told me to be cool?" Simmons says.

"Still, what the hell!"

"As you can see, we don't have your stupid rolley bologna!" Sarge says. "It's just this yellow guy, Insane in the membrane, and MC Fonzarillo over here."

"Whatevs ya'll, you don't know me." Simmons says.

"Ah ha ha, I gotcha." Tucker says. "See, I knew they would have it."

"Uhhh... I don't see him." Caboose states. Oh my god, he's invisible!"

"Alright reds, what did you do with--" Tucker starts.

"Book it!" Sarge yells. "Quadruple-time!"

Tucker: It. Dammit! I should have seen that coming. Well Caboose, I guess we're on our-

Tucker turns to see Caboose fleeing.

Tucker: Own. Dammit.

Caboose: Revenge!

The aliens turn to Tucker, accusingly

Tucker: Alright, I'll just go get up on top of the pillar.

Over with the Reds.

"Uh oh." Grif says.

"Grif, what are you stopping for?" Sarge asks. "Ah nuts."

"What?" Simmons asks. "There he is!"

"Man, I have a good kick." Ash says.

"Oh no!" Caboose says. "He landed in the middle of the," Caboose turns to look at Simmons, remembering Simmons does not know about the minefield.  "-uh-of of the there. The, the over there."

"So, let's get him." Simmons says.

Grif looks at Simmons. "Yeah, tell you what Simmons, why don't you go and get him."

"We'll secure the area here while you retrieve!" Sarge says.

Simmons sighs. "Okay, I don't have time for this."

Simmons runs into the minefield and sets one off

Simmons: Ow! *He walks back to the group* You knew, didn't you.

Caboose: Yeah, kinda.

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07-16-2022

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