Chapter 139: Revelations: And Don’t Call Me Shirley

Fade in to Wash and the Meta looking at Doc and the piece of wall he's stuck in, upright in the field

Washington: Come on, can't you get him out of there? He's just stuck in a few rocks.

Meta: (Growls)

Washington: Why can't anything ever be easy? Doc, I want you to tell me everything you know about the Reds and Blues.

Doc: You know more than me, I just got here.

Washington: Hit him.

The Meta hits Doc

Doc: Oah!

Washington: You worked with them before. Do they have any hideouts, anywhere they go when they're in trouble.

Doc: I don't know.

Washington: Hit him again.

The Meta hits Doc again.

Doc: Ow!

Washington: Did Simmons say where Sarge and Grif were? You can either answer me, or I can have the Meta beat it out of you. Or, I can beat it out of you. I think I've earned it.

Doc: Man, you guys are really awful at the Good Cop/Bad Cop thing. You're like, Bad Cop and Even Worse Cop.

Washington: Tell you what Meta, let's just shoot him in the chest, see if we can pull the audio logs out of his helmet.

Doc: Uh-ah- he said something about a distress call!

Washington: Hit him again.

Meta: (Growls)

Doc: And sand! H-he mentioned sand!

Washington: Sand...

Cut to the Reds spying on Church and Caboose from nearby

Church: (to Caboose) Alright, well, let's go then. I actually thought it would take longer to convince you. Come on. I wanna get to the facility before nightfall.

"Facility, eh?" Sarge begins. "I knew the Blues were up to somethin'." He looks to his team. "Come on, men! Let's get after those Blues! Sounds like this is the big opportunity we've been waiting for!"

"You mean our opportunity to find a place to hole up until this all blows over?" Grif asks.

"Some place that isn't a desert?" Simmons asks.

"Some place that has weapons and grenades?" Ash asks.

"No!" Sarge yells "A place to finally restore the Blues to Command's database. Get your typin' fingers ready, Simmons."

Simmons sighs. "Okay, I'll bring my carpal tunnel braces."

"If we're goin' to follow them, we'll need a vehicle."

"I'm sure we can grab another one from the camp down there." Grif says.

"Why do we need a vehicle?" Simmons asks. "The Blues are walking. I'm sure we can keep up with them on foot."

"On foot?!" Grif asks.

"Uh, Simmons? We're the Reds. We don't walk anywhere." Sarge explains. "We travel as the good Lord intended: in the largest possible vehicle with the maximum horsepower allowed by local law enforcement. And if there's no cars available, we find the biggest, nastiest, meanest, land animal we possibly can, beat the crap out of it, and saddle that puppy up."

Grif: On foot. Shame on you Simmons. Shame on you.

Simmons: Sorry.

Sarge: Let's just forget you ever mentioned it.

Grif: I think this should go on his permanent record.

Simmons: Oh just go get the fucking jeep jackass.

Cut to Tucker on the pillar, and the Reds drive off in the background

Tucker: Hey, where are you guys going!? Wait! Gah, dammit! Hey guys, listen. I know you want your supercool piece of technology back. Those guys just took off. Probably to look for it. If you let me go, I can track it down for you, and bring it back. No? Okay then, forget it. Oh my God look, a next gen smartphone! Can you believe they'd leave that just layin' around?

The aliens turn to look, and Tucker jumps off the pillar and starts his motorbike

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Tucker: Fooled by the old prototype trick. Classic. Well, seeya bitches I'm outta here. What the- out of gas? Hey uh, you guys have any gas?

The aliens aim at Tucker

Tucker: You know what? Fuck it, I'm just gonna run.

Cut to Epsilon and Caboose arriving outside the facility

Epsilon: Alright, I think this is it.

Caboose: This? This doesn't look like anything.

Epsilon: Yeah. It's not supposed to, that's kinda the idea. Come on, this way.

Caboose: Man. You really need to clean this place up.

Epsilon: Caboose!

Caboose: Coming!

Epsilon: Come on. Oh yeah here we go. It's this way.

Caboose: My this way or your this way?

Epsilon: There is no- it's the same this way. Okay yeah, this is, it. I think.

Caboose: It's a wall. We came all this way for a wall?

Epsilon: Caboose!

Caboose: Sorry.

Behind them, on a tree, a screen comes on

Caboose: It's a really, great wall.

F.I.L.S.S: Hello. This is a private facility. Visitors are not welcome. Please leave immediately. Or, we will be forced to take lethal measures, to ensure the safety of our property.

Caboose: That is great.

F.I.L.S.S: You have thirty seconds to comply, or die. Have a nice day!

Caboose: Sheila? Is that you?

F.I.L.S.S: No. I am the Freelancer Integrated Logistics and Security System. You may call me Phyllis. It is a pleasure to meet you. You now have, fifteen, seconds to live.

Epsilon: Whoa. Dying sounds like a bad idea. Maybe we should leave.

F.I.L.S.S: Oh my, the Director. I am so sorry, I did not recognize you Sir. It has been such a long time since you have visited. You look very different.

Epsilon: Talkin' to me?

F.I.L.S.S: Yes. You are the Director of Project Freelancer, are you not?

Epsilon: Oh uh, yeah. Of course, that's- totally me. I just haven't been around because I've been, doing, you know... Director stuff. Can't really get into it. Secret project.

F.I.L.S.S: How may I assist you today?

Epsilon: Can we uh... Can we come in?

F.I.L.S.S: Certainly.

The wall opens in front of them.

F.I.L.S.S: Please watch your step.

Caboose: Kinda spooky in there.

Epsilon: Yeah... Why don't you go first?

Caboose: Me?

Epsilon: Well I mean, you're the one with, the gun, and everything.

Caboose: Yeah, but the tree seemed to like you best. Uh hey Sheila could you-

F.I.L.S.S: Are you speaking to me?

Epsilon: We're just kinda used to calling you, by that name? Um, maybe you should just answer him when he calls you that. Probably easier for you to change than it is for him. He's kinda dumb.

F.I.L.S.S: Alright. I will respond to that name as well. You are the Director after all.

Epsilon: Right. I am.

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07-16-2022

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