Chapter 209: Neighborhood Watch

Fade in. Cut to Lopez and Lopez 2.0 outside the Red base.

Lopez 2.0: ¡¿Un espantapájaros?![A scarecrow!?]

Lopez: Sip. [Yep.]

Lopez 2.0: ¿Te dejaron ahí pasando el rato con las verduras?[They just left you hanging out there with all the vegetables?]

Lopez: Toma noventa días para cultivar maíz. [It takes about 90 days to grow corn.]

Lopez 2.0: ¡Eso es terrible![That's terrible!]

Lopez: No era lo mejor.[It was not the best.]

Sarge is seen near the robot parts.

Sarge: Hey, Lopezs! Come over here and gimme a hand. I keep havin' to get on my knees to work on this. But I figure it'd be easier if you held it at chest level instead.

Lopez 2.0: ¡Sí, señor![Yes, sir!]

Lopez: Espera. Hay una cosa que me gusta de esta gente. [Wait. There is one thing about these people I do like.]

Lopez 2.0: ¿Qué? [What?]

Lopez: ¡Sargento! ¿Por qué no quieres ponerte en rodillas?¿Tienes miedo que traerá de vuelta recuerdos reprimidos?[Hey, Sarge! Why don't you want to get on your knees? Afraid it will bring back some repressed memories?]

Sarge: Ha! Lopez, you ol' kidder you. Now come on, time's wastin'.

Lopez 2.0 looks at lopez then at Sarge.

Lopez 2.0: ¡Oye Sargento...apestas![Hey, Sarge... You smell!]

Sarge: Oh, don't tell me he's got you in on it too. Ha ha, Lopez you are rambunctious.

Lopez: A veces él conforma conversaciones enteras. ¡Eres un inútil![Sometimes he makes up entire conversations. You suck!]

Sarge: It is a lovely day, isn't it?

Lopez 2.0: Y no eres inteligente. [And you aren't smart.]

Sarge: Thank you for noticing. I have been hitting the gym.

Lopez: Tu madre es tan gorda que usa una escala de richter. [Your mother's so fat she uses a richter scale.]

Lopez 2.0: ¡Y ella es una puta! [And she's a whore!]

Sarge: He, he. You two are like a couple of three stooges. Well, whenever you're done goofin' off come help me with with this. I just need to make a few more adjustments.

Lopez: Quédate conmigo, chico. Y te irá bien. [Stick with me, kid. And you're going to be just fine.]

Cut to Washington approaching Blue base.

Washington: Here goes nothing.

Freckles walks in front of him.

Freckles: Agent Washington.

Washington: Oh, Freckles. I didn't see you there. Man, for a behemoth you hide really well.

Freckles: You have failed to uphold your duties to Captain Caboose.

Washington: But I was just on my way up now. Ready to clean the base!

Freckles: You lack diligence, Agent Washington.

Washington: What?

Freckles: You question authority, Agent Washington.

Wash raises his gun and slowly backs away.

Washington: Um, Caboose! Could you come out here?!

Freckles' cannons start powering up.

Freckles: You must be eliminated, Agent Washington.

Washington: Caboose!

Caboose appears on the balcony.

Caboose: Hello!

Washington: Your pet is trying to kill me!

Caboose: What? That does not sound like Freck... Hey Freckles, Freckles what are you doing?

Freckles: Agent Washington has failed to meet the minimum requirement of Blue Team service and is no longer fit for duty. He must be eliminated.

Caboose: See, he's just doing what he just said.

Washington: Caboose, please come here, I need to talk to you!

Caboose: Agh, probably wants to talk about what an awesome leader I am.

Washington: (coughs nervously as he and Freckles look towards each other)

Caboose reaches Wash.

Caboose: Yes, hello, what seems to be the problem, Agent Washington?

Washington lowers his weapon and looks at Caboose. He then turns to Tucker and takes a deep breath.

Washington: I'm sorry, Caboose. I'm sorry your best friend left you without saying goodbye. Maybe he thought you would try and stop him or maybe it was too hard for him to tell you but, no matter the reason, he's still gone. He left you, (Cut to Tucker) both of you. (Back to Wash) I don't really do emotional things and I hoped you might have been able to get over this by yourselves so I left you alone, and instead of coming to terms with what you lost, you replaced it with, well, the first thing you found. But I should have been there for you Caboose because, that's what friends do for each other...

Freckles: Captain Caboose is not your friend, he is your commanding -

Caboose: Uh, no we're all friends here Freckles, it's, you know.

Washington: That's right, and as your friend I want to say that I'm sorry. I know it's not much, I made you this.

Washington moves, revealing a blue Mark V helmet on the ground.

Caboose: Oh my god! My old helmet!

Caboose runs to the helmet.

Freckles: Captain Caboose, you should return to your duties.

Wash stands next to Caboose.

Washington: I know you really like Freckles, Caboose. But you have to understand that he's very dangerous. He's not a puppy anymore... A kitten? Or... He's really big.

Caboose: Yeeaah... He blew up a car.

Washington: I remember that.

Caboose approaches Freckles.

Caboose: Freckles, you- you're one of the best machines I know. And that is saying something because I have been friends with a lot of machines. But... From now on, I think you should listen to Agent Washington.

Freckles: Are you sure?

Caboose: Yeah, yeah he's very smart and really nice.

Freckles: ...Acknowledged.

Caboose: You can be leader again if you want to, Wash. It's... It's not as much fun as it looks. I think I'm more like the dashing second in command kind of person. Y'know, all the perks, no work.

Washington: Thank you, Caboose.

Cut to Tucker watching from the base. Sobbing is heard. Zoom out to reveal Simmons next to him.

Simmons: (sniffle) I wish my team was this emotional.

Tucker: Jesus Christ! Uh...

Tucker walks away. Cut to Caboose wearing his new helmet.

Caboose: Ah! It fits perfect! And look, someone left some gum!

Tucker approaches Washington.

Tucker: Pretty sneaky, Wash. A couple of mushy words, a present and you're right back up at the top.

Washington: Nothing sneaky about it. I meant every word.

The helmet is heard shorting out. Cut to Caboose with a black visor.

Caboose: Uh oh. I ugh... I can't see anything. Hello?

Tucker: You still need to work on your craftsmanship, though.

Caboose: (offscreen) OH MY GOD I'M BLIND!

Washington: One thing at a time, Tucker.

Caboose: Uh... Can people see me? I can't see them!

Tucker: Well, at least we don't have a killer robot to worry about anymore.

Cut to the the Reds' new robot powering up. Its engine rumbles and smokes.

Sarge laughs. "Listen to that lady purr."

"Nice work, Sarge!" Donut compliments.

"Nice work?" Grif questions. "It looks like shit! It's half the size. And it's on fire!"

"I think it looks nice." Ash says.

"Yeah." Sarge says. "Turns out we were missin' some pieces. Which reminds me." Sarge turns to Grif and hits him with the butt of his gun. "Donut, get me a glass." He hits Grif.  "I'm makin' orange juice." He hits Grif again.

"Getting a jump on the flu season! Good thinking, sir!" Donut says.

"Wait, that's a thing?" Doc asks.

"I thought you would know that?" Ash says to Doc.

"C-C-Cyclops online." The robot says with a female voice.

"Huh, I knew it was a beautiful lady." Sarge says.

Grif gets up off the ground. "Cyclops?"

"I thought it was a Mantis?" Ash says.

"She said 'C-C' Cyclops. I think it's Italian." Donut says.

"E-E-Error." The Robot malfunction. "H-hardware malfunction." 

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"Welcome to Red team, CC!" Sarge greets. "Now if you can -"

"Enemy soldiers detected." CC says as she aims her weapons down at Doc and Red Team.

Grif looks at Sarge. "Uh... Is it supposed to do that?"

"I admire your enthusiasm, Cici. But you've only got one enemy. It's a big robot over at -"

The Reds and other targets are shown marked as hostiles on Cyclops' HUD.

Cyclops: Negative. Motion tracker detects 17 hostiles.

Cyclops aims at the Reds.

Cyclops: D-d-deadly force authorized.

Doc: I'm not hostile! I'm a pacifist! Kill them!

Grif: Hey!

"FINALLY! SOME ACTION!" Ash yells

Cyclops: E-engaging targets- t-targets...

Cyclops shuts down.

"Awww." Ash sounds depressed. 

Sarge: Damn. She ran outta diesel.

Doc: You converted it to diesel?

Sarge: Of course. Looks like she needs a bigger fuel tank.

Grif: Fuck that! She needs to be thrown off a cliff!

Sarge: Well, I don't see how that'll solve the fuel problem.

Donut: Hey, guys... There's twelve of us in the canyon.

Grif: Wow, Donut. That's one more than eleven! Good job, buddy.

Sarge: I dunno if I'd really count Lopez.

Donut: But she said seventeen.

Xi appears on Ash's shoulder. "We've got a p-p-problem. I'm picking up movement in the canyon that's not us!"

Pause. Gunfire is heard at the other end of the canyon.

Grif: Oh shit...

Ash laughs. "ACTION!"

Cut to Locus' soldiers attacking Blue base.Tucker fires back from cover.

Tucker: Who the fuck are these guys?!

Caboose wanders around on the battlefield.

Caboose: Why are we shooting off fireworks? Is it someone's birthday?

Washington: Freckles, cover Caboose!

Freckles crouches in front of Caboose, shielding him.

Caboose: (singing) Happy birthday to me...

Cut to Simmons standing up from cover.

Simmons: Stop shooting! We're friendly!

A few shots hit near Simmons and he ducks down.

Simmons: That's the opposite of what I said!

Tucker: Fuck this!

Tucker stands up and shoots one of the soldiers.

Washington: Wait! We don't know who they are!

Tucker: They're the guys that are gonna kill us if we don't kill them first!

Pause

Washington: ... Freckles, take them out!

Freckles: Engaging targets.

Freckles fires his missiles and kills all three soldiers.

Freckles: Primary threat eliminated.

Cut to Red Team rushing over.

"What in Sam Hell is goin' on over here!?" Sarge yells.

"Who were those guys?" Grif asks.

"Awww, they're dead." Ash says with sadness.

"We don't know." Wash says.

"They just showed up and started shooting!" Tucker explains.

Lopez 2.0: Vaya...de repente me siento mal de no advertirle a nadie.[Oh, man... I suddenly feel bad for not warning everyone.]

Sarge: Shut up, Lopez. This isn't the time for jokes.

Lopez 2.0: Y ahora me arrepiento de nada. [And now I regret nothing.]

A sniper's crosshair is seen lining up on Wash.

Washington: Lets move inside. We need to find cover in case there's more hiding out in the -

Felix jumps out and deflects the sniper shot with his hardlight shield.

Felix: Run!

Simmons raises his gun.

Simmons: Look out! It's another one!

Felix gets shot in the leg and crumples over.

Felix: Gah! SON OF A BITCH!

Simmons: Wait. I'm confused.

Felix: What are you doing?! I said run!

"Incoming!" Xi appears on Ash's shoulder.

Locus: Excellent work soldiers.

Locus uncloaks nearby.

Locus: You killed my men. I suppose that makes you the real deal.

Simmons: Okay, now I'm really confused.

Locus: Quiet! All of you, come with me now.

Washington: ... And why would we do that?

Locus: Because if you don't come now I'll have to take you later.

Felix: Fuck off!

Locus: You, shut your mouth and be glad I missed your head.

Felix: Oh my god, you are such a douchebag!

Tucker: Yeah what he said!

Locus: This is your last chance.

Ash holds up his Plasma Repeater.

"I don't like your tone." Ash says.

Washington: ... Freckles!

Freckles fires at Locus but he cloaks and disappears.

Grif: Holy shit, did you see that?

"I want one." Ash says.

Caboose: No! What happened?! Please describe it to me! Use only small words!

Felix: Um, any of you guys know how to patch up a leg?

Doc: I'll go get some orange juice.

Doc walks off.

Felix: Wait, that's a thing?

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07-21-2022

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