Chapter 216: Something Else Entirely

Fade in to the New Republic headquarters, where a Republic soldier is seen working on a warthog. Cut to Grif speaking to a crowd of Republic soldiers.

NEW REPUBLIC HEADQUARTERS HQ

Grif: Boom! Huge explosion, you wouldn't believe it! He just shook it off though like it was nothing and he comes right at us!

Crowd: Ooooohh!

Grif: He cuts our rocket launcher in half, so Tucker goes in for a stab and it doesn't work, Ash goes in for a punch, but nothing's working.That's when I knew what to do.

Crowd: Ahh!

Grif: I throw myself on top of him, taking him completely by surprise, but he has the strength of ten men!

Close up on Grif.

Grif: No, ten bears!

Crowd: Ohh! That's pretty cool... Bears are strong...

Grif: This guy's invincible. It looked like nothing was gonna stop him.

Republic Soldier 1: What did you do?

Grif: Huh? Oh, uhh we tied a car to him and threw it off a cliff.

Republic Soldier 2: ...That is the most metal thing I've ever heard.

Grif: So the moral of the story is, you never know when random, seemingly unimportant, stuff will turn out to be very important. Which is why you shouldn't question me when I tell you to build me something like a hammock, or...a human slingshot.

Simmons approaches Grif.

Simmons: Grif, what are you doing?

Grif: Just tellin' these guys how we took down the Meta.

Simmons: Why?

Simmons' Lieutenant: (to Simmons) Is it true Simmons? Did he really growl like some sort of...monster?

(I found this)

Jensen: And did he really have the strength of ten bears?

Simmons: Uh...I uh- um...more like, uh, you know, twenty bears.

Jensen: Wow!

Simmons' Lieutenant: So hot!

Grif: That is why.

Simmons: (sighs) You're spending way too much time with Tucker.

"Ash is so cool." Axel says.

An intercom activates. Kimball speaks.

Kimball: (over intercom) Grif, Simmons, Ash, and Caboose, report to my office immediately.

The intercom deactivates.

Grif: Well guys, it looks like that's it for today. Run along.

Cut to a view of the crowd. Caboose is suddenly seen among them.

Crowd: Awwwww.

Caboose: I like the part with the bears.

Cut to Kimball's office where Tucker is seen inside, looking at the ground. Caboose, Grif, Ash, and Simmons run towards him.

"Tucker!" Caboose says with excitement.

"If you hug me, I will shoot you." Tucker says.

"Ah it's okay Tucker, I know you're more into groping." Caboose says. "Come on, let's grope."

"What the hell?" Ash questions.

"When did you get back?" Grif asks Tucker.

"A little while ago." Tucker replies.

"What happened?" Simmons asks.

Felix walks over.

"Oh, I'll tell you what happened." Felix says. "Captain Tucker here, decided to disobey orders- and took it upon himself to recover a hard-drive full of federal army secrets."

"That's great!" Ash says.

Felix walks over to Tucker. "A decision that only cost him the lives- of two of his men."

"That's not great!" Ash says.

There is a silent pause.

Xi appears on Ash's shoulder.

"That's a pretty damn good trade, if I do say so myself!" Felix says.

"What?" Tucker is confused.

Ash and Xi look to each other then back to Felix.

"Hah, man you should've seen this guy!" Felix starts and he raises his DMR. "He was all, (in deep voice) "I don't play by the rules!" (regular voice) Fucking James Bond and shit all over the place! It was crazy!" He lowers his DMR.

"Wait, I thought you were pissed?" Tucker asks.

"Oh-oh, do not get me wrong- I wanted to beat your worthless skull into the ground until it was paste. But look where we are now. You took a risk, and it payed off."

"Payed off?" Tucker asks.

"But two people are dead." Ash says. "That doesn't seem like it payed off."

"And two more will probably die tomorrow." Felix states. "Seriously, what don't you people get about that?"

Tucker and Ash looks to each other.

"That's enough." Kimball says as she walks down the ramp. "Felix."

Felix clears his throat as Kimball walks down the ramp, passing Felix and the others.

"Just sayin'." Felix says.

"Tucker." Kimball starts. "Your choice cost two men their lives. But, it also granted us access to valuable information. Whether or not this was the right thing to do, is a conclusion you'll have to come to on your own. I'll leave it at that. Right now, the seven of us need to have a talk."

"Could it not be as depressing as the talk we're having right now?" Grif asks

"I know where your friends are."

"YES!" Ash yells.

"You do?" Simmons asks.

"Perfect!" Xi is excited.

"Whoah." Grif is surprised.

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"Yay! I have friends!" Caboose says.

"Whoah, when did this happen?" Felix asks.

"I kept digging through the files Tucker brought back." Kimball starts. "There wasn't much to go off of, but eventually I found them. And, from the looks of it, they've been moved around a bit."

"Finally! We can rescue Sarge and everything will go back to normal!" Simmons turns to Ash and Grif. "Isn't that great, Grif? Ash?"

"'Great' is a strong word, Simmons." Grif says. "I'd have gone with 'Tolerable'."

"I'm very happy." Ash says.

"Don't celebrate just yet..." Kimball tells the group. "As I said, they've been moving around fairly regularly,  and from the looks of things, it isn't going to stop. Right now they're held up at a compound just north of a nearby mountain range. But in about a week, it sounds like they'll be transferred to the capital. A place that is very, very, out of our reach."

"So, then we go get them now?" Simmons asks. "Is that- that's a thing we can do, right?"

"The compound she's talking about, is twice the size of the one Tucker and I raided."  Felix explains. "Breaking in, would be suicide, breaking someone out, would be... Like suicide, and a bunch of puppies dying."

"That's a really bad analogy." Xi says.

"How do you know?" Tucker asks Felix.

"Because I've tried!" Felix states. "And, uh, spoiler alert; It didn't go well."

"Were the puppies okay?" Caboose asks.

"Kimball, please talk some sense into these guys." Felix asks her.

"Yes, I'm sorry, can we get back to the puppies?" Caboose asks.

"When I first heard about you five, I envisioned, strong, daring, respectable soldiers." Kimball says.

"What gave you that idea?" Ash asks.

"Buuut?" Grif asks.

"But, now that I've comes to know you, I've found that you're something else entirely.  It turns out, you're all a bunch of-" Kimball starts.

"Cowards." Simmons says.

"Losers." Tucker says.

"Idiots?" Grif asks.

"Insane people?" Ash asks.

"Weird people." Xi says.

"Space men." Caboose says.

"Misfits." Kimball finishes. "You're oddballs that don't exactly fit in, which is why my men all look up to you, and why morale has been at an all time high. Because they can relate to you. Because together, we're an army of underdogs, and outcasts. But, as of right now, I cannot authorize a rescue mission of this scale.

The Reds and Blues, looking downwards in disappointment.

Kimball continues. "Interestingly enough, you work well when you fight together, but, individually you haven't shown what it takes to lead others. Which is why I'm giving you five days. Five days to assemble a smaller team, one comprised of the best of each of your platoons. And if you can convince me that you're ready by the end of those five days, then you will have my support."

"Five days?" Tucker asks.

"That's not really a lot of time..." Grif says.

"Are we talking about five business days or five regulate days?" Ash asks.

"Regular days." Xi says to Ash.

"Well, it's all you've got." Kimball says.

Felix speaks up. "Yeah, um, if this is really happening, I'd like to be payed in advance."

.

.

"Five days." Grif says. "Five fucking days. My naps take longer than five days."

"Yeah, and president's day is on Monday, so we can't expect people to come in on a holiday, because that would be time and a half, and- Oh my god, that would be five and a half days!" Caboose says.

"Take my advice, gentlemen." Felix starts. "Live to fight another day."

"I think I liked you better when you thought we were super soldiers." Grif says.

"Technically I am." Ash says.

"Shut up." Grif says. "You couldn't figure out how to work a cell phone."

"How does that relate to me being a super soldier?" Ash asks.

"Hey, what's up with that?" Tucker motions to the weapon Felix is holding.

"This is a plasma rifle." Felix states. "Part of my cut from the hit and run."

"Your cut?" Simmons asks.

"You think these guys have any money lying around? Yeah right. They pay me in old, alien tech. Kinda like Ash's weapon. The whole reason Chorus was chosen for colonization, was because it showed promising signs of extraterrestrial artifacts. Turns out the UNSC was right. Too bad they abandoned the place. But hey, their loss is my very shiny, very valuable gain."

"Wait," Tucker starts. "Why steal weapons and ammo, when we could just use this space laser shit?"

"Because they don't work, genius." Felix says. "They're busted. I'm surprised that Ash's works. But I'm willing to bet that someone out there, would be happy to pay a very large sum of money for these babies."

"Uh, yeah wait, I'm sorry, uh I'm confused." Caboose says. "Are they- are they babies, or are they lasers? Or... Laser babies.

"While we're talking business, if you guys are serious about rescuing your friends by the end of the week, I could always be 'persuaded' to increase my level of assistance. For a one-time fee of course." Felix says.

"I forgot my check book at the base." Ash says.

"Dude, who uses checks any more?" Grif asks.

"Um, I do since I could get my debit card in the mail before we crash on this planet."

"I'm talking about something along the lines of an alien energy sword?" Felix says. "Hmm? Any takers? Tucker?"

"Hmm, I don't think so." Tucker says. "If you like the New Republic so much, how come you still charge them for you help?"

"Because when I retire, I want a television the size of a billboard." Felix explains. 

"Well, that's gonna be bad for your eyes..." Caboose says.

"I'm just saying, you could always help us out - for free." Tucker says. "You know, mix it up a little."

"Ah, hm, okay." Felix starts. "So, you want me to help you rescue your friends, because... What? It's the right thing to do?"

"Yeah." Tucker starts. "It's called: 'not being a dick'."

"Hmpf. You know, if I recall... The first time these people ever asked you for help, you turned them down."

"We did didn't we." Ash says.

Felix continues. "Figured this whole 'civil war' thing wasn't your problem. Heh. In fact, I bet, if your friends had never been captured, you'd still refuse to lend them a hand. Even if it was the, 'right thing to do'."

Everyone is silent.

Felix continues. "Everyone, has their price. I learned that a long time ago...  And you're no exception."

Felix walks away.

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07-21-2022

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