Chapter 218: Training Daze

Fade into a static screen, which soon clears up. Jensen, Axel,  Palomo, and Bitters are seen through Smith's HUD.

Jensen: Eureka!

Palomo: Is it working? (yells) Hello! Can you hear me?!

Bitters: Yes! Jesus! What's the point of this again?

"Hello, people of... people?" Axel says.

"This is going to make you all better fighters." Tucker says. "Tell 'em, Simmons."

"Jensen and I have installed capture software into all of our helmets, allowing us to transmit what we are seeing on the battlefield to a local server." Simmons explains.

"Wait, do they only record on the battlefield, or are they recording all the time?" Palomo asks.

"All the time, duh."

"Uhh, I don't know how I feel about that."

"Dude, it's fine." Tucker says.

"But what if it records me doing something embarrassing?" Palomo asks. "Like looking at Jensen's butt or something?"

"Excuse me!?" Jensen yells.

"I think you have a very nice butt, Jensen." Axel says.

"What?!" Jensen yells again.

"Just don't look at Jensen's butt, Palomo." Simmons says.

Ash walks over with Xi on his shoulder. "What are we talking about."

"Jensen's butt." Axel says.

".....What?"

"Yeah... I'm gonna go." Xi says and she disappears. 

"Well now I'm way more aware of her butt than usual and it's throwing me off." Palomo says.

"We've got another Tucker." Ash sighs,

"Palomo!" Tucker yells.

"You know what?" Palomo says and he looks up. "I'm just going to look at the ceiling."

"I still don't see how this is supposed to make us any better." Bitter's asks Tucker.

"It's like this: sometimes you're with a lady, right?" Tucker starts. "And she wants to spice things up, So, you're like 'boom' - video camera."

"What the hell?" Ash questions.

Tucker continues. "And she's into it and then you're like 'ahh yeah', but what's even better is that later you can go back and look at those tapes and figure out what was really working, and what you can do better."

Ash turns to Axel. "Stay away from Tucker, Axel."

"You got it, sir!" Axel says.

"So... it's like football coaches reviewing clips of past games?" Smith asks.

"...Sure, I mean if you're into football coaches and that works better for you, I guess." Tucker says. "No judgments."

Caboose and Grif approach the group.

"All right, we're good to go." Grif informs the group.

"You set up the training weapons?" Simmons asks.

"I told someone else to set up the training weapons." 

"You make a great manager."

"I've said it for years." Grif says.

"Sorry, I meant terrible." Simmons corrects himself. "You'd make a terrible manager."

"Whatever. You say tomato, I order a subordinate to say to-mah-to."

"Okay, so our mission today will be to disarm and apprehend an enemy soldier." Tucker explains.

"Take out one guy?" Smith asks. "That's do-able."

"I can do it." Axel says. "I think at least. I still have yet to hit a target at the gun range."

"The soldier is Felix." Tucker says.

Felix is a little ways from the group, sharpening his knife.

"Uh, what?" Felix asks.

"If we can take out the best fighter in the New Republic, I say we stand a pretty good chance against any of those Feds." Tucker explains. 

Felix walks over. "Yeah, I don't agree to this."

"You don't have to. Just do what you normally do, but know that you'll have a giant bulls-eye painted across your back."

"Alright, fine. Bring it on tough guy."

"I will. And when we capture you, you're gonna tell Kimball that we're approved for the mission." Tucker says.

"Fine!" Felix agrees.

"Good!"

"Great!"

The two stare at each other.

"So... are you just going to stand there, or what?" Tucker asks.

"No, I was sticking my tongue out at you!" Felix says. "But, I-I guess, I'm wearing a helmet. So... shut up." Felix walks away.

Tucker turns to the group. "We got this."

Cut to the interior of a building. The Reds, Blues, and recruits are seen inside, along with two Republic soldiers. A large television screen is seen behind the two rebels.

McCallister: Thanks for joining us everyone. Private Ghanoush and I were given the task of editing down all of the footage from your training session.

Ghanoush: We took what we believed to be the more... 'eye-opening' moments from today's events, in hopes that they might help you strategize in the future.

Simmons: Like a highlight reel?

McCallister: Like a reel.

Ghanoush: Why don't we get started?

A video of the group's training session begins on the screen. Smith, Axel, and Bitters are seen loading up their weapons through Palomo's helmet camera.

"Hey guys!" Palomo greets. "Welcome to my helmet cam! Uhh... today, we're gonna be trying to take down Felix! Soooo, let's see how it goes. Could be bad. Could be good. Could be in the middle."

Smith: Who are you talking to?

Palomo: Uh, the audience.

Cut to Bitters's helmet cam.

Bitters: What audience? We're recording this for ourselves. You're the audience!

"Wow, you're so smart, Bitters." Axel says.

Cut to Palomo's helmet cam. Caboose is seen in the background staring at a tank.

Palomo: Oh yeah. Hi me! (Cut to Palomo in the present time) Hi Palomo!

"Can we spill this part?" Tucker asks.

McCallister: Sure! (quietly) Not like we worked hard on this or anything.

Tucker: Huh?

McCallister: Huh?!

Cut to the video footage, through Tucker's helmet cam. Felix is seen walking up to two rebels. The Reds, Blues, and recruits are seen crouched down behind several rocks. The camera cuts back and forth from the soldiers' helmet cams.

"Okay." Tucker starts. "Felix is right over there."

Grif turns around and looks to Bitters. "Bitters. Hand me a flashbang."

Bitters: Ohhh right, um... about that.

Cut to Felix walking away.

Tucker: (voice only) Hurry up, he's getting away!

Bitters: I don't have any.

Grif: I told you to grab them!

Bitters: Yeah, I wasn't really listening.

Grif: What?!

Simmons: World's. Worst. Manager.

Grif: Let's not argue semantics Simmons!

Bitters: That's not what that word means.

Tucker: Does anybody have a fucking grenade?!

A metal thud is heard and Ash looks down to see a flashbang.

"Opps, I think I dropped mine." Axel says. 

The grenade explodes, causing static to emerge from the soldiers' helmet cams.

All: (yelling indistinctly)

Cut back to the present time. Ganoosh and the Green Republic Soldier laugh at the footage.

McCallister: (laughing) Fucking idiot.

Ghanoush: (laughing) I could watch this for hours!

Grif: Jesus Christ, how long is this video?!

Ghanoush: Hours! I just fucking said it! Pay attention!

Simmons: Does it get any better?

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McCallister: Define 'better'?

Tucker: Ugh, come on, lets go.

Tucker walks away.

"Aww, but I was enjoying this!" Ash says.

Grif: Go where?

Tucker stops.

Tucker: To try this again.

Tucker leaves the room.

Ghanoush: This is gonna be good.

McCallister: I'll make some popcorn.

Cut to the Reds, Blues, and recruits running across a hill. Caboose and Ash sprint ahead of everyone while Grif lags behind. Cut to Felix talking to the Rebel Medic.

Felix: What if I am too good looking? I mean i-it's possible—it’s a scientific—

Tucker is heard yelling and charges up behind Felix, but the latter activates his hardlight shield and knocks Tucker down.

Tucker: AAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!! (is knocked down; coughs) Oooh! (weakly) No... fair...

Cut to Ash sneaking along the side of a barrier and he peeks over to see Felix a distance away. Ash turns around and looks at Axel.

"Okay, our plan is to sneak all the way over there and take him by surprise." Ash says.

Axel is looking past Ash.

"What?" Ash asks.

Move to Axel's helmet cam and Felix is standing behind Ash.

"Is there something behind me?" Ash asks.

"Uhhhhh...."

Move to Ash's helmet cam.

Ash turns around and sees Felix's legs.

"My eyes are up here sweetheart." Felix says.

Ash looks up to Felix and he punches Ash in the face.

Cut to Simmons spying on Felix from atop a hill. He turns to Smith, Palomo, and Grif.

Simmons: He's holding a training gun, right?

Smith stands up to see, but is shot at.

Smith: AHH! (weakly) Yes sir.

Palomo: Well that's good to know.

Cut to McCallister and Ghanoush laughing at the footage.

Ghanoush: (laughs) What a dope!

Caboose: (dry laughter) Yeah, I don't get it.

Tucker: Grrrr.

Cut to the camera panning across the group doing push-ups. 

"Thirty three! Thirty three! Thirty three! Thirty three!" Caboose says over and over.

"Thirty three.... Thirty four... Thirty five... Thirty six..." Everyone else is counting normally.

"Thirty seven.... What's after Thirty seven?" Axel asks.

Then there's Ash. "Two hundred and sixty seven, Two hundred and sixty eight, Two hundred and sixty nine..."

Grif and Bitters are seen at the end relaxing while counting off.

Grif: (lazily) Thirty-six. Thirty-seven. Thirty-eight. Thirty-nine.

Bitters: (lazily) Thirty-six. Thirty-seven. Thirty-eight. Thirty-nine.

Cut to Felix walking alone. Tucker jumps up from behind a pile of crates and falls over a cliff.

Tucker: Surprise motherfucker! (Overshoots)AH HAAAAAA! (splashes into a lake)

Felix continues walking. Cut to Jensen, who spots Felix nearby on her helmet cam.

Jensen: Target sighted. Headed towards- (sneezes harshly all over her visor, covering it in snot) AHH-CHOOO!! Uh... anyone else have eyes on the target?

Smith: Negative.

Bitters: Uh, no.

Palomo: (staring directly at Jensen's butt) Yeah, I got nothin'.

Axel is looking behind everyone. "Nope."

Cut back to the bunker where Ghanoush, the McCallister, and several other rebels are seen laughing. Jensen turns to Palomo and he turns towards her. Palomo then turns away at the ceiling.

Palomo: Lookin' at the ceiling!

Felix is on the side of a cliff and Ash is sneaking up behind him.

When Ash gets close her pulls back his left robot arm and runs forward yelling.

"AAAAHHH!" Ash yells.

Felix ducks under Ash's fist and grabs it.

"Uh, oh." Ash says.

Felix throws Ash over his shoulder and down the cliff.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Ash yells and after a few seconds a loud thud is heard. "Ow."

Cut to Felix standing around idly. Tucker emerges behind him, holding a grenade in his hands.

Tucker: (from afar) Hey Felix! Catch!

Tucker unpins the grenade and tosses it at Felix. Felix, however, effortlessy catches it.

Felix: One Mississippi. Two Mississippi-

Tucker: (frantic) Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooo!!!!

Tucker runs away.

Felix: -Three Mississippi. Four Mississippi!

Felix throws the grenade at Tucker and it explodes. Felix then clenches his fist. Cut to Simmons, Ash, and Grif spying on Felix from inside a bunker. Simmons gestures multiple hand signals to Grif and Ash.

Grif: At what point did you think I knew what that meant?!

"None of those are standard military hand signs." Ash says.

Felix walks out of the room and spots Simmons, Ash, and Grif.

Grif: Ah shit.

Felix punches Grif in the face, causing his visor to static. 

We cut to Axel walking over to Felix.

"Hello, Mr. Felix!" Axel greets.

Ash is seen sneaking up behind Felix.

"Axel? What are you doing?" Felix asks.

"I'm here to distract you!" Axel yells. "I mean, here to distract you from me. From my self. From you. Um..... How's your day?"

Ash stands right behind Felix. Felix throws his fist up and hits Ash right in the visor.

"AW FUCK! MY NOSE!" Ash yells as he falls to the ground clutching his helmet.

"Sorry, Mr. Ash." Axel apologizes. 

Cut back to the bunker where numerous Republic soldiers are seen laughing at the footage.

Smith: (chuckles) Okay, that was actually kinda funny.

Ash is laughing his ass off.

Axel is chuckling out of confusion. "Why is everyone laughing?"

Tucker lowers his head in disappointment. The latter is then seen outside the bunker confronting Felix.

Tucker: Hey!

Felix: You know, I have to admit, I've never seen these guys laugh so much before.

Tucker: Why are you being so hard on us?!

Felix: Come again?

Tucker: All we need is a green light from you, and Kimball let's us save our friends. So why the hell can't you just lighten up for once?!

Felix: Because you will die! (brief pause) You know, for people who've done so much, you really are just a bunch of idiots, aren't you?

Tucker: (angrily) That's what we said from the start!

Felix: (angrily) So then why are you trying to still be something you're not?!

Kimball: (angrily) FELIX!

Felix: (to Tucker; quietly) ...Whether you go or not is ultimately up to her. But risking the lives of more people... that's on you.

Tucker: I thought you didn't care about losing people?

Felix: I don't. ...But you do.

Felix leaves. Kimball approaches Tucker.

Kimball: (to Tucker) ...We need to talk.

Tucker: (sighs) Can it not be as depressing as the talk we're having right now?

Kimball: Well I can't make any promises.

The camera slowly pans away from Tucker and Kimball. Fade to black.

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7-21-2022

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