Chapter 265: Blue vs. Red – Part 2

Open to the Mother of Invention in orbit of Armada 8. Cut to Carolina standing at attention behind the Directer on the bridge.

Director: At ease, Carolina. You've performed well recently.

Carolina: I can do better. Just give me another chance. I promise you won't have to call in Te-

Director: We don't always get what we want out of life. However, in this instance, I am prepared to oblige your request.

Carolina: Thank you, sir. Ready for mission briefing.

Director: You will lead a team of inexperienced soldiers in a game of-

Carolina: A game...!? Are you kidding...?

Director: This isn't about the game. It's about those you'll be working with. In war, one is not always so fortunate as to choose their allies. It will also act as a field test for several pieces of prototype technology. I will have Agent Minnesota supervise the battle.

Carolina: With all due respect, I doubt I'll ever be fighting a war alongside Red and Blue idiots, and I don't need a babysitter, sir.

Director: That is your final interruption! You will lead your team against another Agent's soldiers. It was also Agent Minnesota's request to supervise the game. The game, if you're curious, is my personal favorite: Capture the Flag.

Carolina: Who's the other Agent?

Cut to a pelican descending to the planets surface.

Four-Seven-Niner: (off screen) I'm counting on you, Carolina.

Cut to Carolina and Four-Seven-niner within the ship.

Carolina: That so?

Four-Seven-Niner: Oh, hell yeah! There's good action on this fight. heh Even good guy Wash put a bet down!

Carolina: What's my over-under?

Four-Seven-Niner: Five to one.

Carolina: Not too shabby.

Four-Seven-Niner: Ah. No, that's four to one against. No offense. That woman, is a killing ma-chine! Remember what she did to York, Wyoming and Maine. Don't worry though, I got your back.

Carolina: Thanks for the vote of confidence...

Four-Seven-Niner: What-can-I-say? Always a sucker for Blue team.

Over with Minnesota. 

Minne is walking along the top of the canyon. He grunts as he rolls his right shoulder. His Plasma Repeater is on his back.

"Still sore."

Minne stops and walks to the edge of canyon's edge and he kneels down and pulls out some binoculars. 

Cut to Carolina briefing Temple's Blues.

Carolina: You... what!?

Temple: We dug a hole, and then we put the flag in the hole. And then we covered the hole. That last part was my idea.

Carolina: (frustrated) What possessed you to do something so stupid?

Buckey: What's the big deal? We did good!

Carolina: We need both-flags-to-win-the-game, you moron! Where is it? Where did you bury it!?

Temple: Oh, we have no idea.

Carolina: What!?

Buckey: That's why we made a map.

Carolina: Where's... the map?

Temple: Oh, we have no idea.

Carolina: You lost the map...

Buckey: It's more like we forgot where we put the map.

Loco: It's okay! I made a new flag! This one's even better!

Cut to the "new flag" which is only a pair of blue underwear on a pole.

Loco: I like to make things...

Temple: Hey, speaking of forgetting... I don't remember ever calling Command for a Freelancer.

Minne's voice comes over comms. "Battle starts in Five."

Carolina: Stow it. We're going loud in five...

Carolina readies her rifle and walks away.

Buckey: (beat) What do you think she means by "loud"?

Cut to Carolina and the Blues in the middle of a firefight.

Temple: Well-done or medium?

Carolina: Stop yelling! And it's not a steak, you moron. It's a maneuver. You two-

Buckey: My name is-

Carolina: Don't fucking care! Tweedledee and Tweedledum, lay down suppressing fire!

Loco: I can't! I left the matches back at base!

Carolina returns fire.

Temple: Geez! Careful, you're gonna hit someone!

Carolina: Shut up! (looking off screen) You! Over there! Are you with us or them?

Cut to Doc standing on the sidelines.

Doc: Sorry, ma'm. I am neither Red nor Blue. I'm simply observing and administering First Aid to the nea-

Temple: (standing and looking up) INCOMING!

Everyone else pops up from their positions.

Carolina: What is it?

Temple: Kinda looks like a puma to me...

Cut to a warthog, driven by Lorenzo, launching into the air towards the Blue position. Carolina jumps onto Temple and Buckey's shoulders, launching herself into the air to meet it.

Temple & Buckey: OW! Hey!

Carolina grabs onto the hood of the warthog (which is playing Italian music), and climbs onto the roof above a surprised Lorenzo. She cartwheels onto the back, jumps and turns, and crouches in her typical (, physically impossible and rather show-off) fashion. Carolina grabs the robot by the shoulders.

Lorenzo: Mi dispiace... mi hanno fatto- [I'm sorry... they made me-]

Carolina flings Lorenzo out of his seat. He disappears into the sky complete with a Team Rocket-esque sound effect. The warthog lands behind the Blues with Carolina in the drivers seat.

Carolina: Let's try one-syllable orders this time.

Over with Minne. 

He lowers his binoculars. "Wow."

Cut to the group charging towards Red base with Carolina's warthog in the lead.

Blue Team: CHAAARGE!

Cut to the Red position where Cronut fires a rocket at the jeep. The Blues scatter.

Blue Team: RETREAT!!!

Carolina: Oh, forget 'em!

Carolina jumps into the air as the rocket hits the jeep and explodes. She somersaults onto Surge's shoulders, using him as a platform to roundhouse kick Gene, knocking the latter out of frame. As she comes to the ground, Surge tries to block her attacks with his shotgun. She disarms him before slamming the butt of the weapon into his face.

With Surge knocked out, Cronut readies his rocket launcher in the background. Carolina simply throws the shotgun behind herninto Cronut's face, who stumbles for a moment before collapsing.

Zsh aims his gun at Carolina as she runs towards him. Zsh pulls the trigger and the gun clicks.

"Damn!" Zsh shakes his gun around. "Who takes care of these weapons!"

Carolina kicks Zsh and he goes flying through the air and lands on the ground, his gun lands right on his face. Zsh groans in pain.

 Carolina then slowly approaches Biff, who is struggling to reload his weapon.

Biff: Oh, no, fuck this!

Biff wildly shoots at Carolina, who effortlessly dodges before bouncing off a large rock and drop-punching a terrified Biff in the face. Cronut recovers and managers to fire a rocket at the Freelancer. Carolina catches the rocket mid- air, uses it as lift over the Red base and finally throws it back at Cronut , who is incapacitated by the explosion.

Carolina stands on top of the base, and after a few seconds Tex suddenly appears behind her. Carolina dodges her rival's sucker-punch before kicking her a short distance away.

Carolina: Well... if it isn't the great state herself. I was wondering where you were hiding.

Tex, having landed in a crouching position, gets up and silently cracks her knuckles and neck.

Carolina: (limbering up) Hand over the flag, and I promise not to do any permanent damage.

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Tex: (voice filter) Shut up and fight.

Carolina: (tauntingly) Nice voice box, Optimus. You get that in a crackerjack box?

The two enter into a typically choreographed fist fight. Cut to the Reds watching from below.

Biff: Holy mother of awesome... look at them.

The Blues run over and join them.

Buckey: Yo, Reds! Are we still fighting or...? Oh, holy shit...

Surge: Alright, men. New plan: let those two pummel each other to death.

Temple: The only thing that would make this better is some music.

Biff: Oh, I got it. I just upgraded the base's sound system. Okay, Shelly, play "action mix".

Temple looks up to the top of the canyon and sees Minnesota. "Huh?"

Cut to the fight as slow, dramatic music plays over it.

Buckey: Too slow. Okay, Shelly, play something faster!

The fight continues as faster, Jeff Williams sounding action music plays.

Biff: Yeah, uhh... Personally not my taste.

Loco: I think it's neat!

Surge: Let's try somethin' old school. Okay, Shelly, play some Springsteen!

Carolina starts taking a beating to the tune of a Bruce Springsteen song.

Carolina: (to Blues and Reds) Will you assholes knock it off!?

Loco: Okay, Shelly, shuffle!

A Harry Potter audiobook begins playing over the fight.

"Chapter 14
Harry and his friends walked through the crowded office of their headmaster. "But Professor," Harry said. "that leaves four more horcruxes left to find."
"Of course you're right, Harry." Dumbledore said with a gentle stroke of his bushy white beard. "But He-who-shall-not-be-named will not know we're coming."
The scar on Harry's head begin to throb, as if a hot iron was being pressed against his forehead. "It's HIM!" he said. "It's happening again!""

Carolina gets kicked into the base, but climbs back out in time to see Tex running for the Blue base. (There's a front door, Carolina...)

Cut to Tex grabbing the Blue "flag" as Carolina enters the room behind her.

Carolina: End of the line.

The two keep fighting, this time flag vs. stun baton. Biff and Temple arrive on the scene.

Biff: Alright, this is it. (holding out pinky finger). You ready?

Temple: I-I dunno if this is such a good idea, man...

Biff: C'mon, Mark, this is great. We'll get those Freelancer chicks to notice, they'll put in their report- It's the only way.

Temple: Dude, are you sure...? I-I'm a terrible shot.

Temple aims his magnum.

Biff: Come on, dude, hurry!

Temple aims for a moment but gives up.

Temple: I-I can't do it! Look, you're just gonna have to serve out your tour like the rest of us.

Biff lowers his pinky.

Biff: (sighs) Mark, you know how I said I saw Georgina while I was on shore leave?

Temple: Yeah.

Biff: Well she's expecting, man!

Temple: Expecting what?

Biff: Biff Junior!

Temple: Aw, are you serious?

The Freelancers' fight gradually move closer behind Biff as he talks.

Biff: Yeah dude, that's why I need to get out. I'm gonna be a father and maybe a husband if, thing go that way-

Biff screams as Carolina abruptly pulls him into the fight as a human shield.

Temple: Jesus! STOP IT!!

Temple tackles Carolina from behind as Tex beats Biff.

As Carolina wrestles him off, Tex seizes the chance to make off with the flag. Carolina throws Temple forward and pulls out a magnum.

Carolina: Get off my flag, bitch!

Carolina fires, but the shot bounces harmlessly off the back of Tex's helmet. Tex pauses and turns to face the other agent.

Tex: (voice filter) You want it so bad? You can have it.

Tex javelin-throws the flag pole at Carolina only to have the latter deflect it with her wrist.

Biff: (off screen) *grunts in pain*

Temple: (off screen) NO!

Cut to Biff impaled against the wall by the flagpole as Temple stares, horrified.

Temple: MEDIC!

Temple rushes to his friends aid, unsure of what to do.

Temple: (to Freelancers) Somebody help me!!!!

Carolina walks over and shoves him aside.

Carolina: This isn't about you.

Carolina grabs hold of the flag only to be punched across the room by Tex.

Tex: (voice filter) Game over.

Tex proceeds to yank the flag out of Biff's stomach, causing his blood to spray across Temple's visor and literally pour out of the open wound. Note: Youtube subtitles say: *parallels the first episode, huh?*

Minne's voice comes over comms. "Texas wins. Sorry Carolina."

Temple kneels by Biff.

Temple: Hold on buddy... They'll send help...

Biff: (head sinking into his chest)...Going... home...

With Minne. 

Minnesota stands up and puts his binoculars away and begins to walk away.

Over with the Blues and Reds.

Zoom out to show the other Blues and Reds gathered around the scene. Fade to scenes of Recovery agents investigating the canyon.

Counselor: (voice over) Red team wins. I am concerned, however...

Director: (voice over) Her aggression. Make a note of it.

Counselor: It's already done.

DIrector: Good. Send in the retrieval team and then pull the files on those simulation troopers.

Counselor: Sir?

Director: Before today, they were the only teams still locked in total stalemate. I want their team compositions noted should we need to recreate a similar scenario.

Counselor: Understood, sir.

Cut back to Temple in the present.

Temple: The time has come to kill the masters. The Freelancers to start, but that's not where this story ends.

Jax: Pretty good story, Temple. Now, tell me, how would you feel about some constructive feedback?

Dylan: Jax, shut up!!

Jax: I mean, I'm just gonna be honest with you. This whole "pregnant girlfriend / about to retire" thing is about as cliche as it gets. I mean, what if, instead, he's your twin broth-

Jax does his Wilhelm scream as Temple shoots him in the shin.

Temple: Years later... the orders stopped coming and we left our gulch looking for answers. We found them in an abandoned Freelancer outpost. We discovered records, showing that the very military we had enlisted in sold us like slaves to Project Freelancer. We were pawns in their game. But the thing that I love about chess, is that sometimes... pawns kill kings.

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08-01-2022

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