Chapter 269: Quicksave

Locus sets Carolina against a wall as Wash cracks his neck. Ash is sitting against a wall with some bandages around his stomach as he has a hand over them and the remains of Xi's A.I. chip in the other.  A blood trail leads to Ash.

Wash groans. "Yeah, that's the spot."

"Just give me one minute." Carolina says. "I'll be ready to fight-"

Locus cuts Carolina off. "Doubtful. Your life-support system is failing. You're starving and dehydrated. I'm surprised Ash is still alive with his condition."

"What can I say. I'm a very hard man to kill." Ash says.

"Just one minute." Carolina says.

"So." Wash starts. "Seems like you've been busy, big guy."

"What my delusional friend is trying to say is what the hell are you doing here?" Carolina asks.

"... Several months ago the Blues and Reds stole the power generator from a colony of refugees." Locus states.

"So, it's a charity case?"

"No. Without clean water and air, they perished." Locus explains. "Every man, woman and child."

"Fuck." Ash says.

"How did you find out about it?" Carolina asks. "Did you know them?"

"I tracked the Blues and Reds to this sector where I found your robot drifting towards a nearby black hole." Locus explains. 

"Well, as soon as this elevator stops I'll be ready to kick ass and take names." Wash weakly says.

"We're not in an elevator."

"Oh. Well, in that case, it's gonna be up to you Four to save the day."

Carolina turns to Wash.  "Four?"

"Yeah, you, Ash, Locus and Big Bird over there."

Wash, Ash and Carolina look to the left. No one's there.

"What up, Big B?" Wash asks.

"I thought I was the insane one?" Ash asks.

"The three of you are past the point of usefulness." Locus states.

"You've never needed our help mowing down soldiers before." Carolina states.

"I don't... do that anymore."

"Wash, is it possible to hallucinate with your ears?" Carolina asks.

"I don't know, officer." Wash starts. "I swear. I usually keep it in the glove box."

"What?" Ash asks then he has a coughing fit.

"I promised myself I would change." Locus states. "I'm not going back on that now."

"You really expect us to believe you can just change overnight?" Carolina asks. 

Given the things you three have done, I would hope so." 

"This is gonna suuuuuuuuck..." Delusional Wash says.

Cut to where Dylan and Jax have been imprisoned. Sarge enters.

Jax: Oh hey, you here to see the script?

Sarge: Quiet. You, guard, get on out of here.

Blue Guard: Sorry sir. I've been ordered to observe.

Dylan: Observe what?

Blue Guard: Temple's orders for the traitors to be put down. (laughs)

Jax: (panicked) Traitors? D-do-do you mean us?

Sarge: That's right.

Jax: Woah woah woah! You can't kill me, I haven't made my opus!

Sarge: I'm sorry, orders are orders.

Dylan: You can't be serious.

Sarge walks closer and readies his shotgun.

Sarge: How serious do I look?

Jax: Okay, I know it's a cheap story device, but we could really use a deus ex machina right about now. Or now... or now!

Sarge: (threatening) No one's coming... not today.

Sarge shoots.

Jax: (shouting) Oh god, you killed her! Oh, you shot her right in the face! I think! I don't know for sure 'cause I can't bear to open my eyes!

Dylan: It's alright, Jax. He did the right thing.

Sarge lowers his gun.

Sarge: Your best bet's gonna be to hide somewhere til the shooting dies down.

Dylan: We're coming with you.

Sarge: Oh, like hell. I ain't your damn bodyguard!

Dylan: We can handle ourselves.

Sarge: Oh, hogwash! You let those idiots capture you.

Dylan: Well, you worked for those idiots!

Sarge: Did I? Or perhaps I was just pretending all along. Maybe this whole time I was just acting so I could save the day at the last minute! Oh, yes, what a twist, I love this!

Jax: Yeeeah, I don't think anyone's gonna believe that.

Sarge: They will if you tell 'em.

Dylan: Are you asking for our help?

Sarge: I'm just gonna point out here that I did just save your life.

Jax: You saved us from you!

Sarge: Heh, let me phrase this for you another way.

Sarge gets on his knees and begs.

Sarge: Pretty please with a cherry on top! Tell the guys this was my plan all along! Oh, have mercy! Don't make me beg! You wouldn't like what it sounds like!

Dylan: Under one condition.

Cut to Sarge, Jax, and Dylan running through the base.

Jax: Seriously, is that like, Russian? Scandinavian? Pig Latin?

Sarge: My family history ain't part of the deal.

Jax: How do you even spell it? It sounded like 57 syllables.

Sarge: Well, you need a Mandarin keyboard to get it exactly right and the fifth letter is an emoji.

Dylan: (hushed) Everyone, be quiet. Someone's coming.

Locus suddenly appears behind them.

Locus: I'm not here to kill you.

Dylan and Jax jump back in surprise.

Dylan: Holy shit.

Jax: Ah, fuck! That is a terrible way to say hello!

Sarge: You? What in Sam Hell are you doing here?

Locus: Attempting a rescue.

Sarge: Same here. You remember the procedure for this?

Locus: For?

Sarge begins playing rock-paper-scissors, while Locus watches him.

Sarge: Come on, we aren't going anywhere before we find out who's leading the rescue mission.

Sarge continues as everyone watches him. Cut to Sarge, Dylan, Jax and Locus entering the prison cell-room.

Sarge: Hot damn, paper after rock. Brilliant move! I guess I should expect nothing less from a cunning, murderous bastard like yourself.

Locus: Please, stop talking.

Grif: See, I told you guys. Me and Locus are partners now.

Locus wields his energy sword.

Locus: Please, stop!

He opens Tucker's cell door.

Tucker: For the record, I hate this.

Grif: I dig this.

Cut to Locus being hugged by Caboose.

Locus: I hate this.

The Reds and Blues are given their weapons back.

Grif: Sarge.

Sarge: Grif. Glad you're um... Back.

Grif: I guess I should say the same to you?

Sarge: Well, contrary to what you may have heard, I was secretly a good guy all along. Now, no need to thank me everyone, please clap.

Tucker: Oh bull-fucking-shit. You just got done stabbing us in the back.

Sarge: Men, I... I... I order you all to forgive me!

Tucker: Not happening, dude.

Locus: We can deal with this later.

Tucker: No, we can't. This Judas ain't coming with us. He can stay in the empty cell while we escape.

Simmons: That's a little extreme, Tucker.

Tucker: Is it? Those fuckers lied to us about Church, imprisoned our friends, and Sarge was there serving them tea and biscuits.

Sarge: I didn't know about any of that! The clever devils blinded me. They, uh, no... No, I take that back. Men, the Blues and Reds didn't blind me. I blinded myself. I wanted an enemy so bad, I turned my friends into my enemies, and enemies into friends. My real enemy was within.

Caboose: Ah, yep, I know what that is. That's gas.

Sarge: I don't expect you all to forgive me immediately, but I hope I'll earn the privilege of your friendship over time. And I promise each and every one of you, it won't happen. Ever, ever again. Anytime soon. Probably.

Tucker: (shouting) Probably?!

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Locus: (insistent) I, for one, believed every word and found that very moving. Now, can we go please?

Cut to Locus, and the Reds and Blues entering another room where Dylan and Jax are watching over Carolina, Ash, and Washington. The Freelancers one laying on couches.

"Trouble while we were gone?" Locus asks Dylan.

"None." Dylan states. "It's been quiet. Too quiet.

"Oh, Jesus." Tucker starts. "What did they do to you?"

"We're fine. For the most part." Carolina states.

"That's what she said. Ooooohhhh!" Wash weakly says. "High five up to- up top."

Ash remains silent and Tucker turns to him.

"Ash?" Tucker questions. "Are you okay?"

Ash ignores him and rolls on the couch so his back is facing them.

"Xi, status report!" Sarge says. "Xi?"

"She... she didn't make it." Carolina states.

"Damn!" Tucker growls.

"That- That makes me sad." Caboose says.

"Will you guys be able to fight?" Tucker asks.

"Almost ready." Carolina states. "My strength's coming back to me."

"Lying isn't going to help." Locus says. "We need to move now. The longer we stay here, the higher the chances we're detected."

"Well, we didn't see anyone on the way here. This place suddenly feels like a ghost town." Tucker sates.

"They must have moved out and left a skeleton guard to watch the cells." 

"Oh, come on!" Caboose says. "We can handle one skeleton. The ghost town though, we're gonna need to call someone for that."

"Time's a-watin, gentlemen." Sarge says. "Let's get a move on."

Dylan: Not so fast. We still don't know enough about their machine.

Tucker: Fuck. That. It's time to get out of here, not play Nancy Drew.

Dylan: All of this has been building up to something big, and I don't think it's a press release. Jax and I are gonna find out what's really going on.

Grif: Count me in.

Tucker: Woah, did Grif, just volunteer?

Carolina: ...and I'm ear-hallucinating again, Wash.

Wash: (weakly) Uh-oh. Spaghetti-o's.

Simmons: Count me in.

Tucker: How about the rest of us secure the exit?

Locus: A decent plan... Considering.

Cue footage of Dylan, Jax, Grif and Simmons walking.

Simmons: Oh, and that dude's pretty much the worst. He's a huge nerd and a huge suck-up...

Jax: And Gene sounds just like Simmons.

Simmons: What? Does not!

Jax: It's like, way more than coincidental.

Simmons: (groans) Oh, I'm gonna kill him.

Grif: Your clone or that camera guy?

Simmons: Yes.

Cut to where the Blues and Reds' machine should've been.

Dylan: It's gone. We're too late.

Grif: Alright. Let's get back to the gang.

Dylan: Not so fast, there's something I need to grab first. Fingers crossed.

Dylan runs over to the computer. The camera turns to Simmons and Grif.

Simmons: You seemed so serious when you left.

Grif: I was... a little heated.

Simmons: I thought you were gone for good.

Grif: Yeah, it was definitely the idea.

Simmons: What changed your mind?

Grif: I don't know.

Simmons: Okay.

Grif: Tucker, Caboose, Sarge... Fucking Donut. Simmons, I hate those guys. I mean hate, but holy hell, does shit get boring without 'em, and you know, I figured without me to beat up on, y'all were doomed to fall apart at the seams. I'm your hate glue.

Simmons: Well, I'm glad you're back.

Cue Jax slowly walking closer to them.

Both Simmons and Grif: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, good to see you. Yeah.

Simmons and Grif turn to Jax.

Grif: Uh, dude, what the fuck are you doing?

Jax: Don't mind me. I'm just getting in position for the kiss.

Cut to Dylan coming back to Simmons and Grif.

Dylan: What happened to him?

Jax is on the floor behind Simmons and Grif.

Grif: He slipped.

Cut to the outside of the base, where Red and Blue Grunts are patrolling and repairing a ship.

Locus: So much for an easy escape.

Caboose: (slowly raising his voice) Wait a second... These aren't skeletons!

Grif: It's cool, guys. Locus can just call his alien spaceship.

Locus: It's a crowded ship with two—we need the Pelican.

Sarge: I'll cover you all from here.

Locus: Your shotgun has an effective range of two meters. If anyone should provide cover, it's me.

Carolina: I thought you swore off killing.

Tucker and Caboose laugh.

Tucker: Good one.

Caboose: Haha! That is a very funny joke and no one needs to explain to me. Was I laughing too hard?

"He's being serious guys." Ash weakly says.

Locus: I did swear off killing. But you don't need your kneecaps to live.

Grif: What about your ship? It's got weapons, right?

Locus: Yes, they're very useful for splitting asteroids, less practical indoors. No, this will require some planning. If we play our cards right, we can escape without the need for violence.

Tucker: Fuck that. These sons of bitches are our enemies, and I, for one, am ready for some motherfucking revenge.

Tucker runs off to attack.

Carolina: Tucker, don't--

Tucker: Booyah!

Tucker begins shooting the Grunts. Locus runs out as well to cover him and fires.

Locus: Idiot!

Red Grunt: Gah! My kneecap!

Everyone begins firing.

Locus: We had the element of surprise. Now, we're just fish in a barrel.

Tucker: We're fish with guns! Let's use 'em!

"This is making me feel slightly better." Ash says as he guns down a blue soldier. 

Red Grunt: Gah! The infidels have escaped their confinement! Let them feel our ugly wrath!

Grif turns to Donut.

Grif: Donut, quit standing there! Make yourself useful!

He throws a grenade to Donut, who immediately throws it.

Grif: Ah, Donut, you're supposed to take the pin out first!

The grenade hits a Blue Grunt on the head. A Red Grunt begins firing from a mounted gun, causing the Reds and Blues to duck for cover

Simmons: Everyone, get cover!

Sarge: We're pinned! We might die! It's so exciting!

Tucker: Locus, shoot him already!

Cue footage of Locus aiming at the Red Grunt on the gun, but is unable to take a shot.

Locus: I have no shot. Repositioning.

Locus turns invisible and disappears.

Tucker: Everybody just chill out until--

Wash walks onto the screen, heading right into the middle of the firefight.

Tucker: Wash? Wash. Wash!

Tucker stands up and shouts, but Wash continues walking.

Tucker: (shouting) What the fuck are you doing? Wash, get down!

Wash stops and turns to face Tucker.

Wash: Oh, hey T--

Wash is suddenly shot in the throat, and the scene slows down and cuts to black.

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08-02-2022

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