Chapter 272: Blue vs Blue

Open to Loco looking at a screen.

Loco: Working! It's working! It's alive! (Forced evil laughter)

Temple: For real?

Loco: Yes, the resonance cascade is going! the drill is drilling! And the door, the door will be opening too! Hooray!

Temple: Loco, you magnificent bastard! I love you right now!

Surge enters

Surge: Let's not pop the champagne just yet. The Reds and Blues are inside the facility. They have breached the outer defenses!

Temple: FUCK! Oh, well, whatever. Surge, hold them off. You just need to buy us time.

Surge: But I don't have the re-

Temple: But nothing, Grunt! A soldier follows orders, no matter what. You taught me that. So, make good on that, and buy us some motherfucking time.

Surge: Sir, yes, sir! (Leaves)

Loco: Ooh! They're here! Oh boy! I-I have to get something from the ship.

Temple: Woah, like hell! You need to stay here and watch these controls!

Loco: It runs itself! Plus, I'll be real quick!

Temple: Fine. But listen, Loco. The Reds and Blues are our mortal enemies. If you see them, you have to kill them. Got it?

Loco: OK. (Runs out)

Temple: And make it quick.

Cut the Blood Gulch Crew, Carolina, Jax and Dylan standing in an area of the base

"Listen up, mission's simple." Tucker states.  "Find that crazy machine and shut it the fuck down."

"Uhh, which way?" Simmons asks.

"No choice, we've got to split up. Reds, head thataways. The blues and me and Carolina will take the other door."

"That was a hell of a hike up here, Carolina, Ash. Are you two sure you don't need a minute?" Dylan asks.

"I'm right as rain." Ash says.

"Yes. I'm sure if I take it easy, I'll be fine." Carolina says. "You, on the other hand...?"

"Jax and I will stay here where it's safe for us." Dylan says. "It's better that way."

"Let the record state that we all know you're lying." Tucker says.

"Dully noted."

"Take Donut for protection, at least."

"I knew I wore my latex armor for a reason!" Donut says.

"Why does Dylan get both the human shields?" Grif asks.

"Reds! On me!" Sarge orders. "As far as days to die go, it's a little overcast. So let's check our corners, and make these bastards pay!"

"Blues! let's light the fires and kick the tires!" Tucker orders.

"Reds! Let's dance with these monkeys and give 'em what for!"

"Blues! Let's put the pedal to the metal and the rubber to the road!"

"Reds! Let's get jiggy with it! Na na na na nana na!"

"Does this sort of thing happen often?" Dylan asks Carolina.

"I think the record is two hours." Carolina informs. 

"Reds! let's shoot this monkey full of heroine and put it on Youtube!" Sarge says. "Actually, let's not do that, it sounds completely horrible."

ut to a trio of zealots. Two of whom are shot down

Sarge: Sneak attack! (Shoots the remaining blue zealot) Oo-rah! Ha ha!

Two zealots fire at Sarge, Ash, Grif and Simmons, but they both get shot

Sarge: Reds! Let's teach these midgets how to tango!

Cut to Tucker, Caboose and Carolina walking down a hallway, unaware of a pair of blue zealots coming up behind them

Caboose: Oh, look! A penny. (Crouches down)

Carolina turns and knocks the two zealots down with melee before collapsing

Tucker: Taking it easy, huh?

Carolina: Shut up! ...and help me up, please.

Cut to the Reds walking up a staircase and confronting Surge

Sarge and Surge: (At the same time) Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.

Grif: I can't believe I have to hear this shit in stereo now.

Simmons: Hey, um, Tucker already made that joke.

Grif: God damn it!

"They're so much alike." Ash says.

Sarge: Grif, Simmons, Ash, get on out of here.

Simmons: Uh, Sarge, if you'll allow me, I think that's stupid. We've got him outnumbered three to one. Let's just shoot him and move on.

Grif: It would be so easy.

Simmons: Just put a cap in his ass, and stroll.

Sarge: No! I must face my demons, mano a mano. Now go.

Grif: Hey, come on. We don't have time for this. (Leaves)

Simmons: Uh, try hard to win, sir. (Follows Grif)

"Um.... good luck, sir." Ash says and he follows Grif and Simmons.

Sarge: Well. Here we are.

Surge: Two men enter, one man leaves. Dun dun!

Sarge: Dun dun dun dun!

Surge: Dun dun dun dun!

Sarge: Dun dun dun dun dun dun!

Surge: Dun dun!

Sarge: Dun dun dun!

Surge: Dun dun! Dun!

Sarge: Surge, it doesn't have to be this way. We can walk on out of here together.

Surge: Unlike you, I would never betray my duty.

Sarge: My god, Man! Open your eyes! You enlisted in the army to help save the world, and here you are about to destroy it!

Surge: Am not!

Sarge: Are too!

Surge: Well, you're the one who betrayed orders! At least when I die, I'll die with honor.

Sarge: Honor, schmonor.

Surge: Audible gasp!

Sarge: There's more to life than blindly following orders like some automaton.

Surge: What, like friendship?

Sarge: Like knowing right from wrong, and good from evil, and Red from Blue. That's what makes us. Without it, we ain't even soldiers. We're villains! Terroristas. Vampires...

Surge: I AIN'T NO VAMPIRE!

Surge fires his rail gun at Sarge, who ducks and shoots him with his shotgun. Surge staggers backwards towards the incinerator he's standing in front of, but Sarge grabs his chestplate before he falls in

Surge: Let me go. It's better I die in battle.

Sarge: No. That would be wrong, Surge, and a true soldier always knows the difference. That's what real honor, real patriotism, real duty, is all about- (Salutes, accidentally letting go of Surge, causing him to fall into the incinerator)

Surge: (Screams)

Sarge: Oh, whoops.

Cut to Tucker, Caboose and Carolina walking up to a door and opening it, revealing-

Doc: Oh, friends! Thank my stars!

Tucker: You?

Doc: We have to hurry! The Blues and Reds are up to some serious, really bad, not good at all mischief, and we've got to stop them!

Tucker: You've got some real nerve, Doc.

Doc: What? Guys, I found out about their plans and tried to talk them out of it. It didn't go... great, and then they locked me up, I swear!

Tucker: Bull-fucking-shit!

Doc: Scout's honor! Except I was never a scout because I'm afraid of badges. But I'm telling you, the Blues and Reds have broken bad, guys. I'm really worried about them.

Tucker: Do you believe a word this asshole is saying, Carolina? (Beat) Carolina? (Sees Carolina collapsing) Oh, shit!

Tucker and Doc walk up to her

Doc: Oh, jeez! What did Temple do to you? They told me you, Ash, and Wash were at the spa!

Tucker: Who would believe that?

Carolina: Tucker, you thought we were out getting food.

Tucker: I-- Okay, hearing that back now, it does sound kinda stupid.

Doc: You need medical attention, Carolina. The fact that you made it this far without collapsing is... not really human.

Tucker: What do you think you're doing?

Doc: Tucker, I am the only person within a thousand miles with any medical knowledge whatsoever. Now, it's not much, and I'd honestly feel much more comfortable if there was someone besides me who knew what they were doing... and it's been a while since I've actually practiced, and come to think of it, this is not really a medical device, it's actually an alien pistol--

Carolina: Okay, please stop talking. Tucker, it's fine. You go after Temple, I'll catch up when I can.

Tucker: [Sighs] ...Damn it!

Carolina: And Tucker- don't kill him unless you have to.

Tucker: No promises.

Tucker and Caboose walk off. Elsewhere, Simmons and Grif flee from oncoming fire.

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Grif: Agh! They're coming up behind us!

Simmons: I'll find cover.

Simmons runs outside onto a balcony and is tackled by Gene. The two scuffle until one of them holds the other at knifepoint, with the other struggling to fight back. Grif holds both at gunpoint, confused.

Grif: Agh! Simmons!

Gene: Just shoot him, Grif! Hurry!

Simmons: No, Grif, shoot him, he's Gene!

Gene: Grif, don't listen to him, I'm the real Simmons.

Simmons: He's lying, Grif, shoot him!

Grif: Agh, shit!

Gene: I can't hold it, Grif, shoot him!

Grif: Why are we here?

Simmons and Gene in unison: What?

Grif: I said, 'Why are we here?' Answer me, now!

Gene: Because we need to stop these evil fucks, that's why!

Simmons: No. We don't know why we're here. It's still... one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?

Grif shoots Gene, causing him to fall of the edge of the balcony. He holds on to the edge.

Gene: Ow! Aghhh!

Simmons: Thanks, Grif.

Grif: No problem, dude.

Gene: Help! I'm sorry I tried to kill you, it wasn't personal! Uuugh, help me up, Simmons! Help me up! We can work on inventory spreadsheets together! We'd quote Star Wars and solve quadratic equations!

Grif: What are you thinking?

Simmons: I mean, he is all the way over there... Ehh, maybe we can come back for him later.

Gene: What?! What are you talking about?

Simmons: I guess I'm just feeling kind of... lazy.

Grif: Nice.

Gene: Agh, fuck you, asshole! Fuck you, Simmons! I lied about Star Wars- I actually prefer the prequels! Hahaha! I'm gonna Darth Maul this and come back in a shitty video game!

Grif: Christ, he's annoying.

Simmons: Oh my God, right? It's not just me? Hey, where's Ash?

Grif and Simmons look around and Ash isn't there.

"I guess he went ahead." Grif says.

Over with Ash.

Ash is walking alongside a wall and he suddenly stumbles and leans against the wall.

"Shit!" Ash says with a few heavy breaths.

Ash puts a hand down to his stomach and raises his hand. Blood covers his prosthetic hand. Ash clenches his fist and slams it into the wall, denting it.

"Don't quit now." Ash mumbles. "You've got to avenge Xi." Ash starts to stumble down the hallway, using the wall for support. "You've got a wife and kids waiting for you."

Ash pushes off the wall and stumbles a bit, but he steadies himself.

"You can do this." Ash says to himself and he walks around a corner only to get a large knife to the gut and punched to the floor.

Ash lands on the ground and lets out a pained groan. He tries to get up but a knife is thrown into his right hands and a crimson foot is stomped onto his left prosthetic.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Zsh says. "The great Agent Minnesota taken down by a lowly sim trooper."

"Fuck you." Ash says.

Zsh chuckles and stops other foot on Ash's stomach and twists his foot.

Ash tries to hold back his screams.

"Come on, let it out." Zsh says. "Let me hear your screams." Zsh stomps on Ash's stomach again. "COME ON! Scream for me!"

"Little bitch." Ash insults Zsh.

"Tch! You're nothing without your little A.I. aren't you." 

"Shut up."

"She was dying anyway, so Temple did her a favor."

"FUCK YOU!" Ash yells.

Zsh chuckles. "You know, maybe if I bring Temple your head, I'll finally get the recognition I deserve!" Zsh aims his mauler at Ash's head. "You know, I built our Warthog, I built Lorenzo! I'm the one that made sure we had ammo. But guess what, no one ever thanked me or gave me what I deserve! Then when Biff, died. Oohoh Biff, he got what he deserved. Tried leaving us before the war ended. What a coward. But the focus was on him, and not me!"

Ash starts to move his right hand up the knife blade slowly.

Zsh continues his monologue.  "Temple then only focus on you fucking freelancers. Even after I built him that lair! Even after I built Surge that rail gun. Still I never got the recognition! Then he found the last three freelancers and that's all he talked about. Carolina this, Minnesota that, Washington this. Fuck all of that!"

Ash mumbles something.

"What?" Zsh asks.

Ash mumbles something again.

"Speak louder for fuck sakes!" Zsh yells.

"Boo fucking hoo!" Ash yells and he rips the knife out of the ground and stabs it into Zsh, stomach.

Zsh yells in pain and stumbles back and Ash jumps up and lifts up his robotic right leg and kicks Zsh across the room.

Ash grabs the knife handle and rips it out of his hand and throws it up in the air and catches it.

"You little shit!" Zsh yells and he aims up his Mauler only for a knife to get thrown into his hand and he screams and drops his gun. "FUCK!" Zsh falls to he knees.

Ash walks over to Zsh.

Drip

"You talk too much." Ash says.

"And you just won't die!" Zsh yells.

Ash reaches the mauler on the floor and he bends down and picks it up. "Nice gun." Ash says as he studies the weapon. 

Zsg tries to get up but Ash kicks him to the ground with his robotic leg. A few of Zsh rips crack. 

Ash stands over Zsh and aims the mauler at his head.

"What are you gonna do?" Zsh asks. "Kill me-"

BANG

"Yes." Ash says.

Ash steps away from Zsh body and he throws the mauler to the side.

Ash walks over to his Plasma Repeater and he picks it up. 

"I wonder how the others are doing?" Ash asks.

Drip

Tucker and Caboose battle Buckey in a hallway.

Bucky: Aghh! Suck it, you stupid bastards! When I kill you, I'm gonna defile your corpses. Boom chicka wah wah- [Gun clicks empty] Fuck. *He throws the weapon to the side.*

Buckey pulls out Tucker's sword and attempts to use Tucker's sword.

Bucky: Come on. Come on! Fuck... Fuck!

Tucker stands up and walks over to Bucky.

Tucker: What's the matter, Bucky? Can't get it up?

Tucker knocks Bucky out and he activates his sword.

Tucker: Ohhh, so tight.

Over with Temple.

Temple is in front of the device.

Tucker and Caboose walks up behind Temple

Tucker: Game over, Temple.

Temple: Hardly, more like game on- and just in time for the fireworks, no less.

Tucker: Turn that thing the fuck off!

Temple: Impossible, plus, aren't you curious about what happens next? According to Loco, we're almost to the awesome part. I, for one, am quite curious about this "door" he keeps going on about.

Tucker: What happens next is you're going to destroy the fucking planet if you don't turn off that machine!

Temple: No need to be dramatic--

Dylan, Jax, and Donut walk in.

Dylan: It's true. Loco's machine is a doomsday device. You'll destroy the UNSC, but you'll wipe out the entire planet in the process.

Temple: Bullshit, you all just want to help the UNSC in exchange for more medals or favors. Well, fuck you. And anyway, it's too late; no off switch, you see? You can't stop it and neither can I.

Sarge walks in.

Sarge: Hands up, dirtbag.

Temple: Sir, yes, sir!

Temple: It's toasty in here, isn't it? Why don't we all just fucking chill...

Beep!

Tucker: God damn it... I can't move...!

Sarge: Son of a... I'm stiff as a statue...!

Donut: I'm stiff too. And my armor is locked...!

Caboose: What's wrong with them?

Temple: Oh, that's right. You're a special case, aren't you, Caboose? Courtesy of that old helmet of yours. How about this- you don't fucking move, and I don't fucking pop your friends like pimples with this remote?

Tucker: He's bluffing...!

Temple: Try me. OK, Shelly, play 'Monologue Mix.'