The Weapons Guy

Chapter 282: Recovery


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The scene opens on a beautiful Chorus landscape, a blue-green lake backed by rocky green hills and several alien towers in the distance against white clouds on a blue sky. Carolina and Washington are standing side by side, overlooking the lake.

WASH: Have I ever told you about my cat, Loki?

CAROLINA: [Amused.] Nope.

WASH: Had him back when I was a kid. Loki was always getting into trouble. One time, he got stuck up in a tree in our backyard. My mom's about to call the fire department when Dad stops her. Says he'll handle it. So he sends her inside and gets out his chainsaw.

CAROLINA: Oh no.

WASH: Oh yeah. Dad was never much of a cat person. So, he starts to cut the tree down, but it falls the wrong way: right into the power lines.

CAROLINA: Oh noooooo.

WASH: Yeah. Poor Loki was electrocuted, falls thirty feet out of this tree! Lands on his feet, walks away like nothing happened.

CAROLINA: Impressive.

WASH: This other time, we found Loki in the dryer, after my ma had finished a load of laundry. Another time, we find him in the engine of Dad's truck. You get the idea. That cat lived to be twenty-five years old. Nine lives, you know.

CAROLINA: Sounds like your spirit animal.

WASH: Huh.

[Brief pause, presumably as Washington thinks about it.]

CAROLINA: How's the head?

WASH: Better. You were right about the fresh air. Dr. Grey tell you about this place?

CAROLINA: There's a training course nearby. It's where I like to keep in shape.

WASH: Show me.

Cut to Wash and Carolina walking up to the nearby training course, with several different obstacles. Front and center is a set of wooden monkey bars and a wooden climbing wall.

WASH: Ahh, I haven't seen one of these since Basic! You wanna race?

CAROLINA: Come on, Wash! You're on the mend. You are not in any condition to compete.

WASH: I'm fine, Carolina, trust me. [Smugly.] You're just scared you'll lose one of these days.

CAROLINA: Hah, you didn't stand a chance before. [Teasingly.] Before you got... old.

Wash runs up to the bars, drops his rifle and leaps up to grab ahold and begin crossing.

WASH: Huh—uh--oh yeah. There we go. If you're gonna give me a head start, you'll regret it!

Carolina walks casually across the top of the bars.

CAROLINA: Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Wash. Today is not the day that you beat me.

WASH: That's cheating!

Carolina leaps off the last bar, doing a flip in the air and landing on one knee. Wash takes advantage by springing off her shoulders and onto the wall obstacle.

WASH: Yeh—agh!

Wash gets one hand over the top, but Carolina is already there. She kneels and extends a hand.

CAROLINA: [Teasingly.] No shame in asking for help.

WASH: [Pulling himself up.] Shove it!

Both Wash and Carolina leap down from the wall (Carolina cartwheeling with her hands behind her back like a kung-fu grandmaster), landing and rolling to their feet and running for the next obstacle, and inclined balance beam. They are neck in neck, but just as Wash reaches the top of the incline, his beam snaps, and he falls.

WASH: Wah!

CAROLINA: Wash! [She rushes to his side.] You okay there?

WASH: [Looking up, confused.] What happened?

CAROLINA: Your bar snapped. You... took a tumble.

WASH: I know that. The hell are we even doing out here? [Sits up.] I'm... not in any condition to race, Carolina.

CAROLINA: [Softly.] I know.

WASH: Next time you're feeling competitive, find someone else to challenge. You can't rush me like this.

CAROLINA: Wash--

WASH: Whatever. Let’s head back. Cut to Dr. Grey and Carolina inside a medical facility.

DR. GREY: Physically speaking, Agent Washington's recovery has been remarkable.

CAROLINA: I'm not concerned about his body. He's... still suffering from these... lapses.

DR. GREY: Mmm. Not uncommon for someone with an injury like his. How frequent are the episodes?

CAROLINA: Hard to say.

A high-pitched drill sound fires up.

CAROLINA: ...You know, if this isn't a good time, I can always come back.

DR. GREY: Nonsense! It's just an autopsy.

The camera zooms out to reveal a pair of bare legs visible on the table in front of Dr. Grey, the rest of the body obscured by a tray of medical instruments in the foreground.

DR. GREY: I didn't figure you for the squeamish type! Please! Continue.

Drilling sounds continue.

CAROLINA: Wash is perfectly normal one minute, then... seemingly at random, he... you know. There has to be something else we can try.

DR. GREY: Hold this, please. [Squelching noise.] You know, the brain is an organ. Like any other part of the body, it will repair itself! To a point. What that point is, only time will tell.

CAROLINA: Wait and see. That's not very comforting.

DR. GREY: Really! As it happens, I'm not especially known for my bedside manner. You, on the other hand, have made a wonderful nurse! Agent Washington is a lucky man.

CAROLINA: No. A lucky man would’ve had a better partner. Someone keeping an eye out for him.

DR. GREY: Pfff, phooey! He's a soldier. He shoots, he gets shot. That's the whole design! You can set that down anywhere. [More squelching noises.] I... take it you still haven't told him.

CAROLINA: No. Not yet. I believe it will slow the recovery.

DR. GREY: For my patients, I prefer to lay everything out on the table.

CAROLINA: [Glancing at the table in front of Dr. Grey.] I can see that..

CAROLINA: Washington was the strongest Freelancer. Spiritually. Every time he was hurt, he would just bounce right back up. If we tell him he's a... broken man... [Adamantly.] It's better this way. I think. Oh... [Upset.] I don't know!

DR. GREY: Quite the paradox you've found yourself in! I'm not envious.

CAROLINA: Thanks.

DR. GREY: Dare I ask... have you heard any word from our wayward sheep?

CAROLINA: I'm sure the Reds and Blues can handle themselves. Wherever they are.

"Oh, how's my dear Ash?" Dr. Grey asks.

"He's fine, even after his injury." Carolina states. 

Dylan goes silent for a few seconds. "Injury? He was injured? And he didn't call me?"

"Uh, oh." Carolina mumbles. 

Dylan gets real close to Carolina. "Who injured him?! I wanted to have a nice chat and maybe rearrange all his limbs."

Carolina takes a step back. "He's been dealt with by the UNSC authorities." 

"Oh, he's so lucky." Dr. Grey begins to walk away. "After all this is done, me and Ash are going to have a nice chat."

Cut to the ancient Italian countryside. Grif and Huggins are in a meadow full of blue flowers. On the grass is what appears to be an attempt at a tipi, built out of sticks.

HUGGINS: It's way better than the last one!

GRIF: Shut up. Go away. Leave me alone.

Grif walks away. Huggins follows.

HUGGINS: Have you thought about what I said? About our team-up?

GRIF: Never gonna happen, spark plug! You work for the people or things that destroyed pizza! So congratulations, you've invented something worse than Nazis!

HUGGINS: Not true! That must’ve been you or your friends! Why would I mess with gross food? I'm made of light!

GRIF: And that's another thing! I'm not working with a talking lens flare! It's stupid! Really stupid.

HUGGINS: [Indignantly.] I'm not a lens flare! I'm a sentient light being. It's not that weird—heck, you're the one made of blood and bones and meat.

GRIF: Please stop talking about food.

Grif takes off again, with Huggins in pursuit.

HUGGINS: I understand you may have trust issues after your friend stabbed you in the back.

GRIF: Not my friend.

HUGGINS: It wasn't his fault, though.

GRIF: And how exactly is that?

HUGGINS: Well, to understand what really happened to Doc, I have to tell the story of the beginning of time. The oldest myths my species tell of a great war between gods and titans--

GRIF: Stop it. I am not sitting through fucking exposition.

HUGGINS: I’ll tell you what I saw. At night, when you were sleeping, Doc would become someone else. He would transform into this other Doc, with a weird voice and cheesy laugh.

GRIF: O’Malley!

HUGGINS: My species’ myths always warned that time travel warps weaker minds, drawing them in by offering them the ability to fix their mistakes. If you give in to it too deeply, you become a Shisno—an agent of Chrovos!

GRIF: If you knew Doc was breaking bad, why the hell did you let me give him the time machine?!

HUGGINS: I couldn't say anything! It's against the rules! I'm going to be in boatloads of trouble for talking to you now, but you and me’ve got to work together to get back to the present.

GRIF: Still not happening.

HUGGINS: But Grif! More of your friends may be corrupted by Chrovos.

GRIF: If I had a time machine, I'd use it to go back to the beginning of this conversation. The part where I said, “Shut up. Go away. Leave me alone.”

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HUGGINS: We can't spend the rest of our lives in ancient Italy!

GRIF: Shut up. Go away. Leave me alone!

HUGGINS: I know where your sister is. Here, on Earth. In this time period!

GRIF: [Raising his rifle and firing on Huggins.] Shut up! Go away! Leave me alone!

HUGGINS: I'm made of light. Bullets can't hurt me, dumb-dumb.

GRIF: Fuck off, sparky! Leave me alone before I find a black hole and shove your ass inside.

Huggins flies away quickly, whimpering in distress.

Cut to a nighttime cityscape on Chorus. We hear a voicemail beep, and Dylan Andrews in a voiceover.

DYLAN: Hi Carolina, it's Dylan—uh, Dylan Andrews. Please give me a call back when you get this. Thanks! [BEEP.] Dylan again. This is not about a story—something else, ah-- [Nervous laughter.] Really important. I found the Reds and Blues! Call me back. Please! [BEEP.] Dylan here, call me! Soon as you get this, call me! Think I might be losing my mind! Call me call me call me! [BEEP.]

Cut to Carolina in an indoor setting, with a computer screen and a couch with a soda can sitting on the table beside it. Dylan Andrews’ name pops up on the screen.

DYLAN: Carolina, finally.

CAROLINA: [Tiredly.] Hi, Dylan. What's goin’ on? You found the guys?

DYLAN: You could say that... Hold on. I'm gonna send you something. You might want to sit down.

Dylan transmits an image of a gold-framed baroque painting of a King and two adoring women... except the central figure is Tucker, in full armor under robes and a gold crown.

CAROLINA: That's uh, interesting. Did you find this on the internet?

DYLAN: The Guggenheim, actually. This painting is apparently 2000 years old.

CAROLINA: Bullshit.

DYLAN: It's been carbon-dated. It's real. And apparently Tucker isn't alone. [Another image loads.] This one's Mayan.

CAROLINA: Lopez?

DYLAN: [A third image loads.] And this is Egyptian. The inscription is 5000 years old.

CAROLINA: Caboose? [Wearily.] Oh no.

Another image loads and it's a book with Ash on the front of it. The book is title "The Crimson Soldier of WW1." "This was written a few years after World War One." Dylan states.

"Ash?" Carolina questions. "You too?"

DYLAN: I’ve been thinking: "Dylan Andrews! You’ve lost your damn mind." And then I thought, Loco built a time machine. I saw it work! Right after that, the Reds and Blues went missing, and now they’re showing up in history books! Carolina--

CAROLINA: Please don’t say it.

DYLAN: I think the Reds and Blues--

CAROLINA: Don’t!

DYLAN: --are lost in time.

CAROLINA: Eugh.

DYLAN: The situation is very strange.

CAROLINA: Understatement of a lifetime. I was worried when they didn't show up on Chorus- obviously! but... it's not unlike them to get lost, just—oh god, not this kind of lost!

DYLAN: Normally, when confronted with something I don't understand, I consult the experts: scientists. But time travel isn't a science. I checked and proceeded to get laughed out of the building. But I do know one person who might help. Seems to know more about time travel than anyone living. Problem is, he's on location. You'll have to go in person.

CAROLINA: Me.

DYLAN: For the sake of my career, and sanity? I'm sitting this one out.

CAROLINA: Any chance it'll fix itself? The Reds and Blues might get un-lost in time... right?

DYLAN: Possibly, but that's leaving an awful lot to chance. I mean, Caboose with a time machine?

CAROLINA: I'll hop on the next ship out.

Carolina hurries out of the room.

Cut to Grif and Huggins.

GRIF: My sister's really here?

HUGGINS: Yeah! She's in a place called England. I found her while I was scouting around.

GRIF: And she's alone? Is she in trouble?

HUGGINS: Ah... not exactly. She came with your friend Tucker.

GRIF: Tucker too, huh? And they- they got one of these time guns?

HUGGINS: Uh huh! I can get us there! ...You changed your mind!

GRIF: If we work together—and I mean if—it's just to get to my friends. Okay?

HUGGINS: Okay!

GRIF: Just to be clear. I'm not doing this to help you. I'm doing this because I don't want to spend the rest of my life without seeing a flushing toilet.

HUGGINS: Too much information!

GRIF: I’ve also got some demands. Number one: no more exposition. I don't want to hear about your gods or your titans, or your wars or your quests, or anything!

HUGGINS: Got it. I can keep a lid on it. Honestly, I’ve been oversharing as it is. I have a problem with keeping secrets!

GRIF: Number two: no talking in general.

HUGGINS: I'd give you a thumbs up, but I ain’t got no thumbs!

GRIF: Which brings me to number three: can you put yourself on a dimmer or something?

HUGGINS: Done-zo! If you're finished, I have a demand of my own.

GRIF: [Irately.] What's that?

HUGGINS: Please don't joke about black holes. A black hole killed my parents. They are really scary.

GRIF: Deal.

HUGGINS: To England!

GRIF: Ugh. It's not far, is it?

HUGGINS: Italy to England? It's a hop, skip, and a jump! We'll be there in no time! Once, I had a top secret mission from the gods and traveled from the core planets to the outer rim and back again in a few seconds. That was a trip!

GRIF: You just broke all three rules, Huggins.

HUGGINS: Right. Technically, we hadn't started yet?

GRIF: [Sighs.] Sure.

HUGGINS: [Flares brightly.] Oooh, yes!

GRIF: Huggins!

HUGGINS: Sorry.

Somewhere Else.

In the middle of a forest on Heian, a pink portal opens up and Ash steps out. Ash looks around and he sets his portal gun on his back and grabs his Plasma Repeater.

Xi appears on his shoulder. "Th-Th-This is Heian." A screen appears in front of Xi and she reads it.  "Weeeeee are back a-a-a-a-a few weeks afte-afte-after C.T. died."

Ash looks around and hums. "Cal should be here soon. I don't know exactly when they arrive, all I know that it's soon."

Ash begins to walk through the forest.

Cut to the city on Chorus at night, outside a hotel. Carolina is standing by the street as Wash walks up.

WASH: Carolina! What brings you to my neck of the woods?

CAROLINA: Looking for you. I tried calling.

WASH: I’ve been out walking.

CAROLINA: It's awful late.

WASH: Couldn't sleep. What's up?

CAROLINA: So, I had some news about our multicolored friends...

WASH: They're in trouble and need our help. Thank god, I was starting to get bored. When do we lift off?

CAROLINA: I was going to hop on the next transport out. Dr. Grey said she'd keep you company while I'm gone. It should only be a few days.

WASH: Hey, if the gang's in trouble, I'm coming.

CAROLINA: You're on the mend, Wash.

WASH: I'm fine. More than anything, I need something to focus on. A problem to solve. All this sitting around is making me feel fuzzy-brained.

CAROLINA: We’re just going to talk to Dylan's expert. Nothing serious.

WASH: Sounds fun. Trust me, I'm fine. I know myself. I take a hit, I bounce back.

CAROLINA: I know you do.

WASH: That reminds me. I ever tell you about my cat, Loki?

There's a long pause.

CAROLINA: ... Nope.

WASH: Had him back when I was a kid. He was our family pet.

Cut to a Pelican breaking orbit from Chorus.

WASH: [In voiceover.] Loki was always getting into trouble...

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10-13-2022

2599 words.

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