Chapter 119: Please Listen To Me

(From Demetrius's Perspective)

In my life, I did not find any meaning in anything. I did not want anything. I became a king because I was supposed to. And I worked as a perfect king to support my kingdom because I was bored and there was nothing else to do.

Then I found her. And I found a meaning to call my life 'life'. Since then, I wanted only one thing in my life and that was her. I wanted her all to myself, and I wanted to keep her somewhere where others could see her, but they could never touch her. Her love, her heart, her body, her everything- I craved them all. I liked it when she called my name, when she smiled sweetly at me, even when she did not do anything. I loved her and I wanted her and her only. 

What more did I ask for? For once I asked for something and still, there were obstacles. Why would she have to suffer for carrying my child? I did not want a child in the first place, but I would have accepted if she would just give birth to it and then be okay and stay with me just like before. But what could I do more now? What would I do if she had to die? There was no meaning in the world without her. 

She would not even let me kill it, the thing that was threatening her life. How could she do that to me? Did she not know what she was to me? Did she truly have no idea that there was no meaning of me living if she was not there?

"So, listen to me, I won't let you do anything to our child as long as I don't agree with it," she said firmly. 

"A child? I don't even want to call it a child! It's a monster- a monster that's killing you slowly!" I yelled.

"You're one too," she mumbled. 

I looked into her blue watery eyes. Tears were at the verge to fall from them. She looked so helpless and frail that I was afraid that if I held her tightly, she would break apart. 

I did not care if she called me a monster though a faint part of my heart wished she did not. But...

"I am killing you?" 

"... E-Everything hurts... I don't know what to do at all! I... It's suffocating! I thought I would be okay even if you're... like this...! But it hurts! And now... now I'm scared!" she cried. 

I had never seen her like this. And I never thought I would see her like that. It hurt more than I thought. My heart felt heavy. I wanted her, but did I want to see her like this? 

Would it be okay if I could let her go? If I let her leave me, would she be alright? Perhaps I knew the answer.

But I was not ready to let her leave, I would never be.

'I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't let you leave at all. I can't live without you, nor I want you to live a life where I'm missing.'

'I'm right here, please be happy with me. I will give you everything, but I can't give you your freedom. Try to be happy, please... I will give you anything in this world, just be happy... with me...'

'Does it hurt you to be with me? I want to know, yet I can't ask you. I'm afraid that you won't say that you love me again.'

"I always believed that I deserved it all. But then you came and told me that you will give me happiness. And I don't deserve to have this fate, this sadness. Yet, now, I think I really do deserve it," she sobbed. "I... But I don't want to leave you... I want to be with you until the day I die... For the first time, I loved someone and someone truly loved me, so... please let me savor it until the end and let me be happy."

"You love me, but... taste the words before you say them," she added. "And listen to what I have to say... Please..."

I hugged her tightly. Even though I knew she would break if I hugged her too tightly, yet I did so. I did not want her to hurt and I did not want her to leave me. What did I have to do then? Perhaps I needed to listen to her. If so, then I would surely find the best doctor in the world and not let her die. She did not have the right to leave me just when she captured my heart. 

"I can't... I want to live, but I can't let it die," she cried hugging me back tightly. "It's... it's our child... I can't kill it..."

"It's okay. I understand," I said and rubbed her slender back soothingly. 

"You... you do?"

"Yes," I said. "I won't kill it. I will do as you say, so please don't cry anymore. I will find the best doctor and find a cure to save the child while also ensuring your safety."

"You will?" she asked in a teary voice. 

"Yes, of course. Didn't I say that I will do anything for my wife?" I said. "I love you after all."

'And to keep you with me, I know I need to listen to you.'

"I-I love you," she said. 

"I know," I said. 'And I love you so much that now it hurts.'

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I pulled back and picked her up in my arms, wrapping her in the blanket. She did not ask anything, but rested her head against my chest. I could feel her warm breathing on me. It felt good and soothing. I wondered if she could hear my heartbeat that was perhaps louder than the wind tonight. 

I went out of our room with her in my arms. She was still in her nightwear, so I was glad that I wrapped her in the blanket. I did not want even the night air to touch her delicate skin.

"I heard Blue is not okay. I've come to meet her."

"Go away, Mother," I said sternly. 

She nodded and backed away quickly. I was glad that she knew when to back off. My wife held the front of my shirt in her grasp and pressed her lips against my chest. 

I climbed up the stairs and reached the roof. I opened the door with one hand while holding her with another. As soon as I opened the door, the cold wind fell on my skin. I was not wearing anything over my shirt and the moment she noticed it, she pulled the front of my shirt as if to attract my attention.

I sat at one side with her still in my arms. She pulled her face up and looked at me with her blue eyes wide. She mumbled something, but I could not understand.

"Yes?"

"The... blanket... Let's wrap... it around us," she said again. 

"But I don't need it," I said. 

She pouted and poked me on the chest in disagreement. I sighed and chuckled, wrapping it around the both of us. She snuggled closer to me and I locked both of my arms around her, pulling her as close as possible.

'Stay like this, stay where I can hold you like this always.'

She looked ahead of us at the bluish-black night sky. The stars were glistening in the sky. Was there were always these many stars in the sky? I had never known it. 

She smiled at the sky. It seemed she liked the beauty of the night sky. But I had no idea what was beautiful about it. Rather, I found the thing in my arms more beautiful and something worth looking at for eternity. 

"It's... beautiful," she said. "I-I always loved it."

"Yes, really beautiful," I said. 'But it's you.'

She was not crying anymore. There were still tear stains on her cheeks. Her lips looked redder than before, perhaps it was because she cried like that. And her nose was red. 

She leaned against my chest and played with the stars with her hands. I did not know what she was doing, but she seemed to be enjoying it. It did not matter what she was doing as long as she enjoyed it. When it came to her, everything was okay and adorable. 

"Dem..."

"Yes?"

"Look at that star... It's blinking!" she exclaimed brightly. "I wonder if it's Sirius..."

"Sirius?" 

"It's... the brightest star in the night sky and... about twice as massive as the sun," she said. 

'But I think your eyes are shining more than the star...'

[Sirius rises late in the dark, liquid sky

On summer nights, star of stars,

Orion's Dog they call it, brightest

Of all, but an evil portent, bringing heat

And fevers to suffering humanity.]

[I don't know what this is, but since it seems fun, I added it, lol.]

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