That night, we were supposed to leave for Ataraxia. I took care of everything and then went to Mother's room.
Before I could knock on the door, a maid opened it. Perhaps she was going out.
"Gah! Your Highness!"
"Demetrius?" Mother muttered, surprised.
"May I come in, Mother?" I asked.
"Yes, of course."
"Mother, have you prepared everything you need?" I asked.
"Yes, I have. And why are you standing? Take a seat," she said.
"No need. I won't stay for long."
"Demetrius, you are my son. You weren't like this before. You would talk to me more and be friendly with me. Our relationship was not like mother and son's only, we were like friends. You would share everything with me," she said. "You were not like this even when you first brought Blue here. But right after you got married, you have become very cold. Have I done something wrong?"
'That is something I am worried about as well. But I think our worries are different in a way though the route is the same.'
Mother was not a good parent. She failed to perform her duties as a parent because she was so much in despair with the thought that she had to marry Father. She used to ignore both Evelyn and me when we were little. But then, some of my memories were hazy and I did not remember how she was with us then.
Because of my mother's behavior, my relationship with her was never close, at least, that was how it was supposed to be. But I clearly remembered talking to her in a very friendly way just a few months ago which was very out of my character and I would never do that.
Then, was someone controlling me back then too? Then why would they not be able to control my thoughts now?
"Mother, please drop that kind of topic," I said. There was no point in telling her or trying to make her understand. I did not really care what she thought. She failed as a mother and now, she was asking why I was not being friendly with her? What a joke!
"If I have done something wrong, you can tell me," she said and suddenly, tears started to fall from her eyes.
'Oh, really? What the hell?'
"Mother, I don't have much time. I just wanted to ask you if you have prepared everything," I said tiredly. "Now that my work here is done, I would like to go now."
As I turned back to leave, Mother suddenly grabbed my hand. She hugged me and started crying even more.
"Mother, I need to leave now," I said.
"Where will you go now? Can't you spend some time with your own mother? Just a bit?"
"Mother, I understand what you're saying. But don't cross a line that you had drawn in the first place," I said.
"What... what do you mean?"
"Do I really have to say it out loud? You have always distanced yourself from Evelyn and me since we were little. Now you are saying that you want me to spend time with you?"
"I know I was wrong to do so... But... but... you have been spending time with me before."
"That was all the time you came to me."
'And I have no idea why I behaved like that.'
"And now, even if I go to talk to you, you don't spend any time with me. I know I have done wrong. But can't you forgive your mother?"
"No, I am afraid I cannot," I said.
"Now all you do is spend time with your wife. It's not like I don't like Blue or wish any bad for her. But isn't it a little too much to spend this much time with your wife?"
"I don't care if it's too much or not. I will do what I want. My wife- I like to spend time with her. And what I do with my wife, how much time I spend with her- these all are my and my wife's business. It's better to stay out of it."
"If you show this much affection to your wife, what will others say? You're a king, Demetrius. I understand that you love your wife. But it's too much. You should..."
"I don't need to hear that from you," I said, cutting her off and then I looked at one of her maids. "Take Mother away. And Mother, please stay out of the things between my wife and me. My wife is sick now. She needs proper care and attention. Even if she was not sick, I would give her this much attention."
"Your father loved me too, a lot. But then, he was murdered!"
"So, you mean, just because I love my wife, I will be murdered?"
"I don't mean that..."
"Just quit it, really. It's too much," I said. "I will leave now. Please get ready and once again, make sure you got everything handled."
The death of Father was a surprise to us. At first, everyone thought he died normally. But we suspected something was wrong since he was not sick at all. After some investigations, it was found that he was actually killed, but it was thoughtfully planned that almost no one noticed it.
Father was found dead one morning. The doctors along with others assumed that he died in his sleep. He was not too old to die like that and that was also without having any kind of health problems.
But I suspected that his death was not normal. With further inspections, it was found out that he was killed by a poison that disappears after the person was dead. It would kill the person from within without showing any kind of symptoms which made it impossible to know whether the person was poisoned or not.
I left Mother's room. Perhaps I should not have gone to her myself. Every time, I went to her, I had this strange feeling of a part being missing from my life. It was very uncomfortable. But the most uncomfortable fact was that I did not even know which part was missing.
Because I did not know what was missing, I could not even try to remember. It was like nothing was missing, but if I thought about it for a while, it could be realized. And I was sure that something was very wrong.
"What's wrong? What are you thinking about?"
I looked at my side feeling the touch of a soft hand on my arm. I did not even realize that I had come to my wife's dress storing room. Perhaps I just followed the sweet scent of hers to relax my mind.
"It's nothing," I said, trying to smile a bit.
"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it," she said reassuringly. "I heard you went to meet Mother."
"Yes, I went to see if she had gotten everything ready," I said.
"I see...," she muttered. "I was just checking what the maids were doing. Sitting on the bed for too long hurts my back."
"Just don't move too much. This much is not too much I guess, but don't push yourself."
"I won't."
There was a pause. I wanted to talk to her, to tell her what was on my mind. But I just could not get started.
"Dem."
"Hm?"
"Can we take a little walk?" she asked.
I was taken aback by her sudden request. I gave a nod. She seemed to be thinking about something as well. At times like this, I always wanted to rip that necklace off so I could find out what was going on in her head.
The cold air fell against our skins. She shivered slightly and I quickly wrapped my coat around her.
There was a sweet scent in the air of the flowers and the fresh leaves. But the sweetest of them was her scent, that captivating one.
"Did it ever happen to you that you feel like missing a part of your memory but you don't even know what is it that you're missing?" I asked. Perhaps it was because the air was refreshing, or the atmosphere was calm, I regained the strength to talk to her.
Did she know how I was feeling that time? Was that why she wanted to take a walk in the garden?
"Not really," she said. "You used something to make me forget about the time when I helped you. But I don't feel anything like that. It's like that memory never existed. So, there is no odd feeling."
"I know what you're talking about," she added. "It's about Mother, isn't it? Like whenever you go to her, you feel like it was not like this before, right?"
"How do you know that?"
"I can see, Dem," she said calmly. "I was wondering about this before too.. Things are quite strange if I say correctly."