"But why do you like to kill them?" she asked. "Do you like to hear their cries... their pleas... their last wishes...? Do you like to see them begging for forgiveness? Do you look twice at the person after you hit them? Do you ever try to think what they are thinking? Do you ever try to feel what they are feeling?"
"Guilty doesn't deserve to live," I said.
"What if you get the wrong person? Do you try to clarify if they are the culprit or not? I don't think so," she said. Her voice was shaking slightly, but she was trying hard not to look broken.
Her thoughts were going back and forth but always ended at the same place. There were voices in her mind- cries, pleas, screams... And right that moment, I knew what she had been through in her family. In her world, I could not read her mind as my mind reading did not work there. But after coming here, now I totally understood why she wanted to get away from her family that much. And I was going to make her family pay for what they had done.
I wrapped my arms around her. She was surprised but did not pull back, not because she was comfortable, but because she was afraid, afraid that I would punish her if she protested. I sighed. I did not want our relationship to be like this.
I might be frightening, but I did not want to be that way with her. It was hard to ignore the darker side of my personality, especially when most of the part was dark and scary. But with her, I tried to be gentle and calm.
I was wrong. I thought I succeeded in removing her fear of me. Now I understood that I needed to work harder to gain her trust fully and make her free with me.
"You don't need to think about anything else, my bride. If you want to help me, you need to work harder to be worthy of the work. You said you want to be a warrior queen, didn't you? Then first, you need to be a queen. Tomorrow we will marry and you will become the queen. And then, you can work to be a warrior queen and be side by side with me. You will fight, you will work just like me and show the world that being a human hasn't lessened your worth at all in a werewolf world," I said.
"But killing werewolves..."
"You don't need to worry about that, my bride. I'm telling you now and then again- don't worry about this."
"But do you..."
"Stop, Blue," I said, a little firmly this time, without letting her finish. I already knew what she was about to ask me by reading her thoughts. "I don't want to hear any more word about this. Do you understand?"
"Y-Yes," she mumbled.
"Good. Now let's go. We better not waste any more time," I said, pulling her back by the shoulders.
She was still afraid, the frightened look in her blue eyes created a deem effect, yet the beauty of them did not fade away.
"Shall we go now?" I asked.
She nodded and accepted my hand as I offered. She did not fully want to go with me, but she still did... because she was afraid that I would punish her.
Perhaps I should have told her that I would not harm her, perhaps I should have told her that if she was not comfortable, she did not need to go with me. But would I do that?
No.
I would not let her distance herself from me. I would make her want me the way I was and I would make her see the true world was not a fairy tale at all. In this world, sometimes the villains could become saviors.
I led her up the stairwell. The door of the roof was locked. Only the Royal family members could unlock it by the touch of their hand in their werewolf form.
I brought out my hand, no my claw. She flinched but did not try to pull her hand away that I was holding. I pressed my hand against the wood of the door and the door opened with a low creak.
"Not all the doors," I said. "And you don't need to go anywhere alone for the time being. When the time comes, I will arrange everything for you."
"Can you stop reading minds for a moment?"
"No. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't. The thoughts of people are like voices, almost silent like the breathing of air. You can't escape it," I said with a smile. "And truly saying, I don't want to escape either."
"Would you if you could? Would you escape this type of life if you could?" she asked, looking straight into my eyes.
I pushed the door open and helped her in. The roof was kind of big and properly decorated, but I had not been here for a very long time, probably twelve years. There was no need for me to come here, but now looking at her face as the chilly wind made the wisps of hair on her face fly, I found a new reason to come to the roof.
She was looking at the place attentively. There were different types of flowers- roses, orchids, daisies, peonies... The deep aroma of flowers flew in the air and the beauty of them could make any lady's heart flatter... but not hers.
She was looking at them, but her eyes did not flatter, rather it seemed like she was trying to see how the flowers truly looked.
"????????????????, ???? ???????????????????? ????????????????... ????????'???? ???????????????? ???????????????????????????????????? ???????? ???????????? ????????????????????????????????????," she was thinking as she curiously touched a black rose.
"Do you like it here?" I asked.
"It's relaxing... there is wind and a good scent. It makes me feel good," she said, "but if I had to choose between my room and this place, I would choose my room."
Just like me.
"Why? Any girl would want to spend time here with all the flowers around, a beautiful space, cushions, an umbrella..."
"Perhaps because I like to choose comfort over beauty," she replied simply. As I watched her gentle yet determined face, she sat on the swinging chair. She closed her eyes and let the air soothe her face.
I sat beside her, feeling the warmth of being with her. It was like she had an intoxicating vibe that always pulled me close to her.
"Can I talk to you about your family?" I asked.
She seemed to be uncomfortable for a moment, but then even quicker than a second, she looked at me with a straight face and nodded.
"Eh? Get out of my head! I forgot again!" she exclaimed, shaking her head furiously as if she was trying to shake me off her hair.
I laughed. "I already told you it's not up to me."
"Even if it was, you would still do it," she grumbled.
"Right."
"Alright, so what do you want to talk about my family?"
"I know they treated you wrong. Wrong is not enough to describe what you have been through. We can't go back to the past. If I could, I would save you from them. But now all we can do is, take advantage of the present, do something that would make them pay for what they have done. Tell me... tell me what do you want me to do to them," I said.
"If I tell you something, will you do it?" she asked.
"Anything you want."
"If I tell you to kill them, will you do it?"
"Do you want me to?" I asked.
"No," she mumbled. "I don't want them to die. I want to leave them be for some years and then, if I become someone better, I will go in front of them and show them that whatever they did to me, did not break me, rather made me stronger."
"Don't you think torturing them is a good option?"
"Yes. But I would rather want my revenge to be a bit different, with a hint of gentleness and a rush of pain that they will remember all their lives," she said with a smile. "Don't you think this is how I should do? Perhaps you don't. After all, we are different. But I would like to go my way and as you said, I can get what I want. Then can't I do this?"
Her smile seemed to be dead with no sign of warmth. My heart clenched in my chest. Never again- I did not want to see this smile again. I would not allow her to give me this kind of dead smile. Even someone like me who had played with blood all his life, to whom taking life was nothing more than work, got creeps seeing that smile on her face.