The rituals that we needed to perform might freak her out if I told her. It was true that she needed to face them eventually tomorrow, but I did not want to scare her this time. I wanted her to face them bravely, just like I needed her to, the future queen needed to.
"Do you know what truly my family did to me?" she asked faintly.
"I do. I read your mind, Blue," I replied.
"You said you knew me for a long time. Did you see me in my world then?"
"Of course, I did. Or how do you think I chose you?"
"Then how come you didn't see what my father did, what Draven did, mother..."
"I watched you from afar while you were doing something."
She smiled. "I'm glad you didn't have to see me in that condition. That would be embarrassing. You know, I wish you could meet Max."
"Your brother?"
"Yeah," she replied, smiling slightly. "He is not like them. Well, he doesn't hurt me. He wraps my wounds, then we talk for hours, just small talks like how our lives would be if we were not in that family. Useless talking, you know."
"But you don't love him completely," I said.
"I don't," she replied without any hesitation. "He might care for me. But he is not worthy of my love. If he truly wanted to help me, he should have let me go to the police. Rather he let it stay that way. He might have stopped them, but he never took my side in front of them. I don't need someone like that. It's true that I need someone in my life, but that person has to be brave enough to take my side when everyone is against me."
"And you were the first person to do so."
"Why don't you just tell me so? Why do you keep it in your mind?" I asked. I would like to hear how she would tell me that. I would like to hear about us from her. But she never truly said it. She always kept these thoughts to herself as if she was scared of uttering them.
"I don't know. I just can't," she replied.
Honesty- didn't it make me want her since the beginning? She might lie sometimes, but serious matters never got her lies. She was truthful about particular things and of course, my attraction towards her increased at this trait of hers. Her boldness when necessary surprised me every time. Truly saying, whatever she did was out of the ordinary and unexpected. Sometimes I wondered if there would be a time when I would not be surprised by her behavior anymore.
"Ugh_ it's a good place to take a nap. I feel relaxed."
"Then come here. You can use my shoulder," I said.
"No... no need. I was just... You don't need to bother yourself," she said quickly.
"Come here, my bride. If I can't bother myself for you, then who will I bother myself for? Come now."
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and she rested her head against my shoulder. She felt so tiny beside me. She felt fragile. I wondered if she would be able to handle a monster like me. Would she break apart? No, I would not let her. She needed to stay beside me and I was going to make sure that happened.
"You can sleep if you want to," I said.
"No, I will just stay like this for a while. And besides, I'm not so... sleepy," she said, fighting a yawn.
I chuckled. She was definitely going to fall asleep in a while. "You have to stay in my room with me after our marriage," I said.
"You mean we have to stay together starting tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yes. It's not like we have to, but do you want to stay without me in a different room? Because I don't want to. Nor do I have any intention to do so. Do you want to live apart from me?"
"No, it's not like that. I just..."
"You were worried because we don't know each other?"
"I would not say I'm worried. It's more like I'm a bit..."
"Shy?"
She nodded. I could help but laugh at her adorable expression. "After some time with me, you will not be shy anymore, my bride."
"At all?"
"At all," I confirmed. "You won't be shy about anything. Not a single part of you will be hidden from me. I will see every part of your body, your soul, just like the way you will too. But I guess, it will take more time for you to see me than me to see you."
"What do you mean? Can't we see each other at the same time?" she asked.
"Oh my bride, you can see my body just the moment I see yours. But my soul- I'm afraid it's far too deep and tied tightly."
"Can't I loosen it?"
"That depends on you."
"How?"
"That's something you have to figure out," I said, smiling at her.
"You're mysterious," she mumbled. "I can't figure you out, yet sometimes, I think I've found the key to your lock. But I keep losing it before I can open the lock. But_ someday, maybe I will find the key again and will be able to open the lock."
"I'll be waiting," I said and kissed the side of her head. The sweet scent of her hair filled my nostrils.
'Do you know why I want you to open the lock to my soul? Do you know why I want you to know me from within? Because I don't even know what I am. To me, I'm like a shell full of rage, cruelty, mercilessness, yet when I met you, I found something else inside me, almost like a glimpse of ray after the stormy night. But I don't know what that thing is. I want you to know what it is. I want you to tell me what you see in me because I want to know what I am. I don't want to be known as the merciless king, especially not to you.'1
We were quiet for a long time, enjoying the air, at least I thought she was. I was more focused on thinking... Not just a single thought, rather everything was flooding inside my head.
Her breathing felt steady and she was not thinking about anything as well. I looked down on her face and met with her sleeping face, as peaceful as always- her pale face shining in the moonlight reminding me of the first time I met her.
She asked me several times about it, but I did not tell her. I did not think it would be a good idea to tell her, more importantly, I did not want to tell her so soon. For some reason, I wanted to treasure that memory in my heart and then tell her when I would feel like she was ready to hear it.
'Guess I have to pay the maids more for combing her hair like this,' I thought and chuckled to myself. To be honest, it did not matter if she combed her hair in this way or not. She always looked beautiful. I might not call her the most beautiful girl nor she was the ugliest. But she surely left an impression that made people want her and I was sure if she went somewhere, even if she was not the center of attention, she would catch the eyes of the predators with her binding aura.
The moon looked bright today. Tomorrow, she was going to be mine completely. It had been long since I had been waiting for that day and now just a few more hours. She was weak, a little human, but if I was right, she was not going to be like this forever. One day, she was going to be one of the strongest people and my precious queen. She was already precious to me, but one day, this precious girl would be able to protect herself as well. Until then, I needed to prepare her, be with her and teach her. When she would learn everything, we would stand side by side to face our enemies. It was not like I wanted her to do the things I did, rather I had already figured out that even if she might not seem like it, she was not someone who would stay still when everyone was working.
The prediction surprised me. How was I so sure? I did not know myself. It seemed like I knew what was going to happen. But how I knew had no answer. Perhaps it was for the best. Sometimes knowing the answer of how was not something necessary.