Chapter 72: If It’s You

(From Demetrius's Perspective)

"We... We need to talk!"

It was the first thing I heard after I woke up. It was clear my little wife did not sleep much and she was restless because something was in her mind. Now that she was wearing the necklace I gave her, I could not even read her mind. I thought it was for the best that I did not get into her head and give her the privacy she needed. But at a time like this, I wished I could read her mind. 

"Did you even sleep?" I asked. 

"Yup, I slept enough. Why are you asking? Do I look bad?"

'How can you look bad? You're always cute and pretty.'

"No, you just look... restless."

"Well, I had this question for you since yesterday morning, but I couldn't ask you that even though we were together for quite a while," she said.

"What question?"

"Later- We can talk later. It's not just a question. So we need to talk about this in our free time," she said. "When are you going to be free? You can't have lunch with me, right?"

"Yeah, I have work. If you want to, I can postpone..."

"No, no need. Work is more important," she cut me off. She always cut me off when it came to postponing my work for her. According to her, I should not put off my work for her. But it did not matter to me. Work was just work, but she was my wife. How could work be bigger than her? And it was not like the world would end if I put off the work for a while. But of course, my wife would not listen to any of this. It might not be obvious, but she was quite stubborn about matters like this. "What about this afternoon?"

"You have an invitation from Aunt," I said.

"Oh, I forgot," she mumbled. "Then what about tonight?"

"... Not possible," I said.

"Why? We can talk during dinner or then after dinner," she said.

"Tonight is the full moon. Do you expect me to have a casual talk with you on a full moon?" I asked.

She turned completely red in a matter of seconds. "... Oh, that's right...," she mumbled, looking down. She was not even meeting my eyes. 

"Are you being shy, my wife?" I teased.

"It's not that..."

"But you're all red. What's there to be shy about? We did it a lot, didn't we? And we're married. So there is nothing to be ashamed of," I said. She looked so red that it seemed like she would burst at any moment. "And besides, I know every part of your body. Like the mole on your right thigh..."

"My god, stop it!" she said and hid her face with her hands. "You're being... shameless."

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I chuckled. It was so amusing to tease her. Looking at her flustered face always made me want to tease her more and more, especially since her reactions were cute. 

But even though I teased her about tonight, I was still worried. I had never been in the heat before. Werewolves started to feel the effect of a full moon one month after the marking. And it had been one month since our marriage. Because of that, it would be the first time I would feel the effects of a full moon. 

On a full moon, werewolves become almost crazy to mate. And only mated werewolves could feel it. Male and female werewolves were a good combination for mating during the heat. But as my wife was a human, she was not strong enough. And as I was the Alpha, I was the strongest among werewolves. It meant I was much stronger than normal werewolves. I had never hated my strength, but it was the first time I wished I was rather a human or at least, a normal werewolf. Then it would not be much of a problem. But because of my strength, I was afraid that I might end up hurting her. She was so fragile that it was too hard to even think about it. 

I was still thinking about going somewhere isolated. I did not want to hurt her. Even though I told her I would not, it was hard for me to accept this.

'Why do werewolves have to be so fucking horny on a full moon? Why do I have to be the same? If being an Alpha gave me the opportunity to choose my own mate, then why can't I choose not to be so damn horny on a full moon? Why do I have to be a werewolf in the first place? Why couldn't I just be a human? Even if I was a werewolf, why couldn't I be a normal werewolf? Why did Evelyn have to give up the right to the throne? I didn't want to be a king. If she was the Alpha, then I didn't have to go through all this. Because of our Alpha blood, both of us could choose our own mates. Then if she was the Alpha, I could just go and live a free life with my beautiful wife. It's all because of being a werewolf. I hate this.'

"You look pissed. Did... did I do something wrong?" she asked, snapping me out of my cursing inside my head. 

"No, it's not you. It's never you. I was just thinking about some trashy things that can't be avoided," I said. "So what're you doing today? I'm busy, or I would take you on a date. So how about we set a date? I mean, I won't be busy all the time, right? And we need to go on dates as much as possible. I can't keep you inside all the time. And your blade is almost done. I gave them a design. The design is a surprise, but I hope you'll like it."

"... Something is bothering you, right? You're talking more than usual," she said. "I think I know what is bothering you. It's about the full moon, isn't it?"

Was it her or me who could read minds? It seemed like with each passing day, she could read my mind better than ever. It was true that I wanted her to understand me, but at this rate, it was getting a bit scary. And moreover, her assumptions were scarily on point. 

"Perhaps you're thinking that it's a bad thing that you're an Alpha and that you're more powerful. Then you're afraid of hurting me and thinking that I might get hurt when you're going to be like that, you know what I mean."

'There is no doubt she can read my mind.'

"Ain't I right?"

"Yeah, you're right," I said. "Yes, I'm afraid of hurting you. No, I'm more afraid of breaking you apart. Look at you- you're so tiny compared to me and your skin is so soft and your bones are surely fragile... What am I going to do with you? No, I know what to do with you, but I don't know what to do with me and my fucking... I don't want to hurt you. You're so delicate..."

She hugged me all of a sudden. "Thanks for caring about me like this. Ugh, I've become so emotional lately. I don't know exactly how, um, difficult the situation can get tonight, but we can go through it, you know. I mean, we have to. I can't let you get hurt. It will be painful if we don't do it. We can just think of it like any other night, you know. I mean, we do it every night, right? So we will do it tonight too just like that."

"I won't be able to control myself."

"Do you even control yourself?"

"... I hold back a lot," I said. It was true. As she had a fragile body, I could not just go around and satisfy my desires though I had my suspicions that as it was her, no matter how many times I did it, I would never be able to satisfy myself. 

"You expect me to believe that when you keep doing that until dawn or until I'm too exhausted or almost unconscious?"

"I want to do it more. I hold back, even during daytime as well so you can rest. But I'm not sure about this time. I heard werewolves lose control fully..."

"So you won't even know what you're doing?"

"Kind of like that. It's pretty messed up. No matter how I look at it, it's not a good thing at all."

"Hey, cheer up. We will be fine. Even if you lose control, it's you, right? No matter what happens, it's always going to be you. So even if you become scary, it's still you. If it's you, then I don't have any problem," she smiled.. I did not know until now, but this smile had become a must in my life now.

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