Chương 70: The Pain Song

RIIIIIIINNNG~

I wake up to the 6 a.m. alarm, yawning.

Life at the Triads isn’t that bad… There is a canteen with chefs making great food, and we can do whatever we want, but this…

This alarm is driving me crazy.

Not because it’s ringing every single morning at 6 a.m., but because after ringing twice, it starts playing songs that are probably straight out of 1930s Chinese opera from the speakers extremely loudly.

“QÍNG SĪ HUĪ JIÀN~ DUÀN LE JIŪ…”

See, exactly like this…

I look at the other side of my bed, and sigh wondering how that girl can sleep in such conditions.

Boobies seems totally unfazed by the deafeningly loud singing, and didn’t even notice it the first day we slept here…

It went a bit like

“Good morning, Boginya~ how did you sleep?”

“Terribly… Did you not hear the imam doing the call to prayer super early this morning?”

“What are you talking about? There is no mosque in the vicinity…”

I was extremely disappointed by this lack of sense of humour that day, and I’ve been trying to find a way to explain the joke since then, but since she doesn’t hear the proto-C-pop that’s playing every morning, there is nothing I can do about it except wake up in frustration!

Of course, I could also wake her up when the jingle is playing, but the last time I tried, she almost killed me by pressing my face against her breasts so hard I almost suffocated! Well, it wasn’t that bad, in retrospect…

And no, I can’t record it, my cellphone is a dinosaur!

Not the cool dinosaur like in Mecha Dinosaur Impact, though, just a stupid, useless dinosaur that I can’t even watch anime or read manga on, a terribly useless dinosaur…

At least one other person isn’t unfazed by this noise, and it’s my dear Abhobho…!

But as I soundlessly walk out of the bedroom, I find him, still lying on his sofa bed, his tiger duvet covering everything around his face like a hijab.

I could have a round two of my Muslim pun, but I need to find a way to take a picture of him.

I tiptoe my way back to the bedroom and sneak over to Boobies’ side, so I can steal her phone without waking her up.

If I recall correctly, this is how I open the camera…

I sneak back to the sofa bed and snap three pictures of Abhi, but for some reason, they are extremely blurry…

I try to take a better one while paying attention to the focus, but he suddenly wakes up and screams: “AAAAaaaah!! What the fuck are you doing?!”

I jump and throw the phone into the air. “Nothing, haha, nice weather, isn’t it?”

“I just woke up, dumbass, how would I know how the weather is?!” Abhi rubs his eyes, losing his perfectly hilarious position. “Also it’s always rainy in this season…”

“You’re right! Good morning, Abhibooo!” I exclaim, patting his head. “How come the call to arms didn’t wake you up today?”

“I don’t know…” Abhi yawns. “I may have gotten used to it.”

“Ah yes, this is the proof that you are young, I heard that kids get used to things faster. It is due to your plastic brain, by the way!”

“It’s the plasticity of brain…”

“See, I was right. Here, coffee!” I hand him the mug of coffee I was preparing since the moment he opened his eyes, in the hope that it will divert his mind so he won’t ask me about what I was doing… But he sees through me!

“What were you doing earlier, when I was sleeping?” He asks while sipping softly.

What a fearful boy! Truly not one to be underestimated!

“Nothing, I told you. I was just surprised you weren’t awake, so I wanted to make sure of it by getting closer.”

“What were you doing with Schwa’s phone?”

“W-what phone?”

“The one you threw there.” He says, pointing at the phone that I indeed threw a moment ago.

“It was an optical illusion; this is but a figment of your plastic brain.”

“That is not how it works…” He slowly stands up.

“Where are you going? Your coffee is going to get cold!”

“I just want to see something on that phone, it’s not yours, so it shouldn’t matter to you, right?”

“No, no, you don’t get it, little boy. This isn’t my phone, but it isn’t your phone either. You cannot touch other people’s belongings!”

“Why did you touch it then?”

“Do as I say, not as I do…”

Abhi squats on the couch, ready to jump to the side, but I catch him midair and the transformed energy makes me turn in a circle.

“Let me go! Let me go!” He starts wiggling.

“Good boys should stay quiet. Just stay seated and drink your coffee! Boobies is still sleeping!”

“If the stupid songs don’t wake her up, there is no way I would!” He screams.

But some steps sound from the bedroom, and slowly, opening the door, Boobies walks up with her usual bed face. “A-Aaaa.” She yawns. “Abhi, are you okay?”

“Wooow,” I whistle, “so 300 decibels of Chinese rambling don’t wake her up, but simply hearing Abhob’s voice does! Very impressive! Very cute!” I put Abhi on the ground. “Is this what they call the super powerful maternal instinct??” I take advantage of the fact that she’s still half asleep to tease her, since I know this is an embarrassing topic for her.

“Naturally…” She yawns again, not catching up on my teasing, and heads for the bathroom.

Abhi, though, didn’t miss his chance to pick up the phone and exclaims: “Whaaat? Did you take a picture of me while I was sleeping?!”

“No! But how do you know that?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“Liar! When you scroll like this, you can see the apps in order of utilization! The camera is the last used app!”

“I see, I see. Thanks for the help!”

“That’s not the topic! Look, you tried to take pictures of me! Though I have no clue what I’m looking at.”

“See, you can’t prove what you just said. You can’t even tell what’s on the picture. It could be my poop, for all you know!”

“Poop doesn’t look like this!”

“Mine does, stop being so judgmental, jeez…”

“I’m done talking with you.” He jumps back on the couch and starts sipping again. “OUCH, I burned my tongue!”

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Boobies appears from the corner of the room that leads to the bathroom and walks up to Abhi in one instant. “Show me your mouth.” She says.

“I’m fine, I’m fine!”

“No, you’re not. You didn’t brush your teeth.”

I smile awkwardly… It’s partially my fault for giving him his coffee right away… “Hmm, Mommy… I think this one is on me…”

Boobies looks at me with an exasperated gaze and points to the bathroom. “You go brush your teeth too. And stop calling me ‘Mommy’ or I’ll throw you out the window.”

She’s so cold when she doesn’t have her whole night of sleep! Ahhh, poor me~!

I grab Abhi’s hand and slowly walk with him to the bathroom where we wash our faces and brush our teeth in silence.

By the time we’re done, Boobies has finished dressing up and points to the ground. “Should we have breakfast?”

“I’m not hungry when I wake up.” I shrug.

“Sorry, it was not a question, we are going to have breakfast.”

“Okayyy…” I slowly raise my thumb as a way to show my motivation.

I put my hat on and ask Abhi if he’s going downstairs in pajamas again.

“Of course, why would I need to dress up if we’re not leaving the building?”

Well, I guess that does make sense.

“Boobies, what would you think if I went downstairs in pajamas too?”

Boobies’s half made-up face appears from behind the bathroom’s door with an expression as if she’s worried for my plastic brain. “Are you 8 years old?”

“Well, technically…”

“No, you’re not. I’m almost ready, let’s go.”

We get out of our room, and I must say… This place is exactly like a hotel… Or more like a gigantic dormitory.

A group of four young Chinese boys, whom Xiao Shui is part of, sleeps in the room next door. They wave at us when our eyes meet.

“Good morning! Are you going to eat?”

“Yeah.” I wave back.

“We already ate, qing xiang, qing xiang!”

“You girls are lucky to be able to wake up later, if we aren’t woken up during the Tong Ge, we aren’t allowed to eat, and will be punished for the whole day!”

“Well, we’re not really a part of your group. Thank you for your hospitality, though.” Boobies responds professionally.

“Of course, of course!” The boys laugh before getting back to their banter, until an older boy yells at them for joking around.

We walk down the staircase, not getting attention from anybody anymore.

The first few days we came in, we were the main topic of every conversation in the building, but after a whole week had passed, everybody got used to it.

They do greet us and mention the fact we have it good compared to them often, though, but I wouldn’t dare to mention that they have it good too, in such an unrigid environment.

Boobies never complained about it. In fact, I get the feeling she enjoys this place.

She notices I’m looking at her and tilts her head, confused. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I was just enjoying your pretty face.” I laugh. “But actually, it seemed to me that you don’t hate this place, do you?”

Boobies cracks up for the first time today and looks around before responding. “Of course, it’s not as great as having your own home, but it’s a fun place, quite entertaining, and it reminds me of somewhere else too.”

“Oh?” Now I’m curious, but it doesn’t seem to be a good time to ask for more details, since we arrived at the canteen.

The chef laughs happily when he sees us and exclaims in Mandarin: “Finally, the pretty girls are here! I was sick of seeing all those stupid boys’ faces! What are you going to eat?”

“One fried egg with toast for the little brother, muesli and yoghurt for the big sis and an apple juice for me.” I respond, knowing the other two’s orders by now.

This is the perfect time to eat at the canteen since everybody has already finished eating and are ready to go for their missions. Only a handful of people, like the big shots, are staying here.

For instance, one of them, an old man with tiny glasses, who is still reading physical newspapers in this day and age is sipping tea in the back.

TIAN HUO mentioned earlier that this is the Master of Finance, who ordered him and TIAN SHUI to stay at our place last time.

TIAN HUO coincidentally appears in my line of sight and approaches our table.

“Morning.” He bows. “Do you have any plans for today?”

I look at Boobies who shakes her head left to right. “No, we don’t.” I respond.

“In that case, would you mind helping us with something? We’re running out of hands and I know you’re trustworthy.”

“Are you sure about that last part…? We’re the reason why Blue Force… I mean TIAN SHUI is…”

“No.” He shakes his head. “That was due to my lack of judgement.”

“The lack of judgement was trusting us…” I continue, but TIAN HUO cuts me.

“Are you willing to help or not?”

“Sure, we owe you this.” Boobies answers.

“Hao. Let’s meet upstairs when you’re done, then.” He concludes before walking out.

“It’s probably something annoying.” Abhi comments.

“Sure, but we’re guests here, and I don’t plan to pay for all this food we eat, so this is a good compromise.” Boobies sighs, before being interrupted by the ringing of a phone. “Isn’t that my phone?”

Abhi takes it out of his pocket, sweating.

“Why did you have my phone?!” She exclaims while I burst out laughing.

“This stupid … idiot… It’s all her fault!” Abhi tries to come up with an excuse, but Boobies doesn’t really care about his reasons and her expression changes drastically when she reads the message she had received.

“Dear ARTEMIS,

You have been bestowed an appointment with the Banta, today, at 4 p.m. on the topic: ‘TIBAN’

We ask you kindly to cancel any plans you may have had in order to not be late for it.

We thank you for your cooperation.

- The agency.”

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